Walking around in public was an odd affair. Either people ignored me, shrieked and ran, or shook my hand. It was annoying, but I just went along with it. I studied the map of Diagon Ally, so that I knew what store carried what. I bought another journal, since my other one was almost full, and I bought a pensieve. I decided I will store all of my good memories of Harry and I together, and I will leave clues to myself in order to find where I hide it. I won't tell Harry where it is, but if my other self is intelligent in the least, he'll be able to figure it out, and he'll be able to know how much I care for Harry.

It has been a couple weeks since that night, and even though I come back each night, Harry seems to get more and more quiet. I didn't like that. It felt like he was purposefully pulling away from me. I didn't dare touch him at night anymore, and for the past 3 nights, he's taken to sleeping in his own room.

I walked around my… 'home', I suppose… in Spinner's End. It was small, and cozy, but not very homely. It wasn't cluttered overly much, but it clearly wasn't meant to host guests. I started going through everything I could lay my hands on, trying to spark some sense of a memory, but the longer I looked, the more I felt like I was snooping through someone else's belongings.

After a few hours, I found a picture in a small chest under the bed. I suppose the young man in the picture is a younger version of me. But the girl… I don't recognize her, but there's something familiar about her. I decide to put it in my bag. Perhaps Remus could tell me something. I'll need some answers from him, and probably some guidance. Since it was growing dark, I decided to head on home… Harry's home, that is.

When I arrive, I could hear voices coming from the kitchen. I know it's impolite for me to eaves drop, but I can't help it if they are being too loud. From the sounds, I suspect it's Harry's friends, Ron and Hermione.

"Harry, be reasonable. You've hardly left this place in months. We hardly see you anymore." Hermione, from the sound.

"I know. I know. I swear, once everything is sorted out, I promise we'll cause havoc like old times." I heard Harry respond.

"Your life doesn't have to revolve around taking care of Snape."

"I know it doesn't."

"Then why do you allow yourself to be cooped up? You should have started Auror training weeks ago!"

"I've told you before. I don't want to be an Auror anymore. I'm done with fighting. I enjoy being here. Doing simple things. Helping Severus with his potions. Cooking. Research. I don't need anything else."

"Merlin, Harry. You're starting to sound like a little ol' housewife! Perhaps we should get you a frilly apron!" Ronald laughed.

"You're not helping Ron!" Hermione chastised. "Harry, I know you want to lie low because of the media, and there is nothing wrong with a simple life. For crying out loud, you can sit on your rear end until the day you die. But I know you Harry. You won't be satisfied with the quiet life for long. For now, yes. But what about next year? You're going to get bored and restless."

There was no response to that, indicating she was right.

"I know… but right now…" His voice sounded shaky. "Right now… I have him. You don't know what it's like. Living a dream, waiting to wake up into the nightmare of a reality. I keep expecting him to look at me with hatred. Ridiculing me. Making me feeling like a stupid idiot just for being alive. For being the spitting image of James, and how dare I have my mothers eyes. He loved her you know? It was there in his memories. He loved my mother, and I never knew." He's full on crying now. My heart was aching, wanting to go to him, but I needed to listen. "He hated my father, loved my mother, and I'm just in between. But now, he sees me. He sees Harry. Not the tragic child, not the boy wonder, not a savior. He sees me. And I love him. I love him, but he could never love me if he regained his memories. Every day, I put myself at risk, thinking that it's the day when he will remember. Like living with a bomb that's ticking, but the counter screen is turned off. Every day… every time he comes back, I expect him to start shouting at me. I expect him to lash out at me. And every morning, when he leaves, it feels like it's the last I'll ever see of him. I just don't know what to do right now…" it was then that I heard the crying increase. I quickly and quietly slip away, back outside. I think about what I just heard.

Harry loves me… honestly loves me… but he is afraid. So afraid of what would happen. I needed answers. Now.

I found myself outside of the residence of Remus Lupin. Tentatively, I knock on the door. I didn't have to wait long. "Severus! Good to see you out and about. Please, come in, come in." He stood back to allow me entrance.

"Thank you. I apologize for the late visit."

"Not at all. I'm a night person, obviously. What can I do for you?"

"Well, to be perfectly frank, I need your council."

"Certainly. Would you care for a cup of tea?"

"Please."

Remus set about fixing tea while I sat at his counter. "So what sort of council did you have in mind?"

"It concerns Harry."

Remus stopped in his preparations for a moment before he spoke. "I see."

"He's afraid of what's going to happen if I get my memories back."

"I am aware. Harry's been sending me letters, explaining the situation."

"Then how much do you know?"

"More than his best friends, I might venture."

"Then what is your take on the situation?"

"Well, I honestly cannot say. I would first like to know your side of the situation before I pass judgment."

"First, please tell me about this." I pull out the photo.

Remus set down the hot cups, and reached over to take a look. "Ah! Yes. This is definitely Lily. I believe the two of you were good friends before…" He stopped himself.

"Before what? Don't skirt around the details, please." I nearly begged.

"She told me that the two of you had a falling out. You called her a mudblood, and she refused to talk to you until you apologized, though she says you never did. At least… not enough to fix the bond you two had. She was sad she lost her childhood friend, but she couldn't deny the fact that she fell in love with James Potter. The choice for her was difficult. But she knew that the two of you would never grow passed your differences."

I thought about this, and about what I heard from Harry earlier. I was now confused. Did I love Harry because of some residual feelings for his mother? I took the photo back and looked at her. She was beautiful, but… something was missing. Her eyes were bright and her smile was warm, but I didn't feel anything for the woman in the photo. "How bad was it? Harry said I was tormented. What happened?"

Remus took a sip of tea before answering. "Well… you were nearly killed for one. All because of a stupid prank that Sirrus started. I apologize for my role in it, even though I was not in my right mind. Sirrus meant to scare you, by telling you to meet him in the Shrieking shack. But that was the night of my transformation. James got you out just in time, but the damage was done. You hated everything and everyone, and I think that's what forced you to take the Dark Mark. You wanted them to be taught a lesson. But you soon were way over your head. I don't know all the details of why you became a spy for Dumbledore, but I know that Lily's death was a big part of that. I think you were also trying to make it up to her."

"Was I in love with her?"

"You loved her. That's obvious. But no, I don't think you were in love with her. Otherwise you would have fought harder to keep her away from James. You left her alone, mostly out of self-preservation rather than a selfless action."

I rubbed my face trying to clear my thoughts. "So now what? What am I to do?"

"Well, what would you ideally like to happen?"

I thought for a moment. "I want to be able to put Harry's fears to rest so that we can both move on with our lives the way we want."

"You mean you want to be able to be in a relationship with Harry." Remus smirked.

"Are you opposed to that?"

"Speaking as a Godfather, I'm a little concerned. Mainly about the age. However, speaking as someone Harry trusts, I'd be glad if I could see you both happy."

I smiled at that. "Then what should I do? I can't just wait around and see if my memories will return. What if they don't? What if there's nothing to fear, and Harry and I end up wasting so much time that the "flames of desire" fan out?"

"Ah, so you're afraid he'll wise up and leave you for someone else?"

"Yes. I can't deny it. He once said this to me, but I can't help but think it's true about him as well. That I only felt the way I feel because we've been cooped up together for months."

Remus thought about this. "Actually, that can't apply to him."

"Why not?"

"Because he's been in love with you for years. He'll never look at another the way he looks at you."

I was shocked to hear this. Harry loved me, despite the way I've treated him during the years I can't remember. "But why? From what I know, I was awful to him. Completely. Why would he love me?"

"Because, when he learned of your past through the pensieve you had, he started to think about how hard life must have been for you. He said it helped him bear the burden. He was devastated because of… well… you know. But he felt you had a lot in common. And you didn't treat him as though he was the savior, that he had all the answers. You were harsh, yes, but you were honest. You had to keep up the animosity to keep Harry protected against any other threats at the school. Harry tried so hard to understand what you were going through. During your years as a Death Eater, and the years you were a spy. You turned to Dumbledore when you discovered the Potters had been targeted, and you blamed yourself for Lily's death. But Harry has forgiven you of probably everything you've ever done. I've never seen such devotion to anyone."

My mind was whirling with the information he was just given. One thing was for certain. I want Harry in my life. My other self be damned. If Harry could forgive the monster I was… then surely we could make this work. With my mind made up, I went to stand. "Thank you for your honesty, and your council. I think I should go discuss some things with Harry."

Remus smiled and shook my hand. "I wish you both the best of luck."