V. The Divide
Remus' eyes were watering as he lifted the Sorting Hat from his head. His fellow Gryffindors cheered loudly for him, though perhaps Remus simply imagined the excess enthusiasm—he turned to the High Table for a moment, feeling eyes on the back of his head, and caught Professor Dumbledore nodding his approval.
Remus almost skipped on his way to join the Gryffindor table.
"What'd it say to you?" Lily was so eager to ask that she must not have realized this was a rather personal question. "I was surprised, myself—who would've thought I'd ever impress a hat with a sense of right and wrong?"
"It didn't say anything to me I didn't already know," Remus answered her, truthfully, and returned his attention to the line of first years, where Severus and James now stood without anyone to separate them.
The line of first years had dwindled significantly by the time the witch reached the last names beginning with 'P'. Immediately before James, a boy named Peter Pettigrew—who turned out to be the boy from the train earlier—was sorted into Gryffindor after another long stall. Lily and Remus shook Peter's hand as he joined their table, though it would be more accurate to say that Peter's entire arm quaked uncontrollably rather than shaking back. Then it was James' turn, and Lily let out a wail of disgust when the Sorting Hat put him into Gryffindor as well.
"Well done, mate," James said to Sirius, sliding past Lily like she didn't exist. Sirius still had a look on his face like non-existence would actually be preferable to his current circumstances. "Er... mate? You did want to be in Gryffindor, didn't you?"
"I do!" Sirius answered croakily. "I just... I didn't think it could really happen!"
"Me neither," Lily said under her breath, though Remus' snickers were cut short when he noticed "Snape, Severus" about to be sorted.
"Gryffindor, Gryffindor," Lily chanted, crossing her fingers.
"He's going to be in Slytherin," James said dully, and a mere second later the Sorting Hat shouted, "SLYTHERIN!"
"YOU JINXED HIM!" Lily roared.
"Lily," Remus said, placatingly, "I don't think you can just say something and it'll happen…"
He realized a moment too late that he'd just suggested there was no such thing as magic.
"He's waving his wand under the table then!" Lily ducked underneath to check but James had already put his hands up in the air.
"No magic," he said, grinning. "Just luck."
While it hadn't come as a surprise to anyone, Severus still seemed upset that he was the only one Sorted into Slytherin while Remus and Lily had both gone to Gryffindor. Remus watched with regret as Severus slumped off to his table.
Finally, a girl whose last name started with 'Y' was Sorted into Hufflepuff, and the witch took the stool and Sorting Hat away. Professor Dumbledore stood up to say a few short words of greeting, then clapped his hands and summoned a lavish feast onto each of the house tables. Remus, finally feeling hungry again, boldly tried a little of everything that his parents rarely—or never—let him have, meaning that he took extra helpings of chips in particular and bit into them dreamily.
"Ah, grease," James said, spearing a banger with his fork. "Nothing like it."
Sirius was eating with far less gusto than the others—Remus guessed that he was probably quite unimpressed such a banquets anyway, considering he was a Black. The older Gryffindors were now throwing Sirius even more sideways looks, perhaps thinking along these same lines.
"Good thing Mum isn't here, she'd never let me eat like this," said Lily, apparently quite thrilled to have gravy all over her mouth. "She's a neat freak."
"Is that just the way Muggles are?" asked Remus. His own mother was a very clean person herself.
"Oh no," Lily said with a giggle. "Just my mum. Petunia's like that... too..."
She trailed off, face falling. Remus frowned.
"Who's Petunia?"
"My older sister," Lily said softly, and she noticed that Remus was now looking all over for a girl who might be related to her. "No, she's a Muggle. You wouldn't recognize her even if she was here, she doesn't look a thing like me…"
"Is that who 'Tuney' is?" James asked around a mouthful of potatoes. "The girl who hates you right now?"
"We're not even talking to you, Potter," Lily snapped. "Why are you listening in on our conversation?"
"Because we Gryffindors have got to stick together, obviously! All for one and one for all and all of that other brave sounding stuff that's full of high adventure, you know…"
Sirius finally laughed again, though Lily continued to look deeply disgusted with them. Remus, however, thought it was too bad that Lily and her sister were evidently not on good terms—he would have welcomed a sibling to have grown up with, personally.
Supper disappeared eventually from everyone's plates, replaced with an assortment of puddings. Remus' mouth watered again—this gave him an even better opportunity to indulge in everything he wasn't supposed to.
"I bet Snivellus is going for the doughnuts over there," said Sirius, helping himself to a slice of pie. "He could hang one on his nose, I s'pect?"
"That's exactly how it gets so oily," James said sagely. Lily took the opportunity to hit Sirius some more but Remus whipped around instead, horrified that he'd already managed to forget about Severus entirely. However, it seemed that Severus was now in conversation with the prefect next to him and wasn't concerned with what went on at the Gryffindor table at all. Remus guiltily wondered if maybe Severus had been trying to catch either his or Lily's attention before, but had long since given up...
Finally, once the first years had requested their yearly demonstration of what made Nearly Headless Nick nearly headless, and all the Gryffindors in general must have gained at least five pounds, pudding disappeared from everyone's tables as well. The Great Hall fell silent as Professor Dumbledore rose to his feet to address the room once more.
Remus listened as best he could, taking in instructions that magic was not to be used to between classes, that entry to the Forbidden Forest was just as a forbidden as the name might have implied, and that Quidditch tryouts would be beginning within a few weeks (James was saying, "Damn, if only first years could play—"). He was feeling rather tired now, though, and the wolfish side of him wanted to go curl up and go to sleep, right then and there.
"The next matter of importance we must discuss," Dumbledore said, "it that a new tree has been planted on our grounds this year, appropriately called the Whomping Willow. While you will certainly not be required to go near the Willow at any time, please mind that you stay well outside its reach if you do choose to be in the surrounding area, as your safety cannot be otherwise guaranteed. Finally—"
The explanation had ended there. Remus glanced around, noticing that most students were doing the same, probably all thinking something very similar: why have they planted it then?
"Very well!" Dumbledore cried. "Off to bed now, all of you. Every one of us has an exciting day in store tomorrow, I'm sure…"
Benches groaned in protest as the student body rose collectively from their seats and followed the prefects in the direction of their dorms. Sirius and James were laughing again somewhere up ahead; Lily rolled her eyes dramatically. Remus was in the very back of the group, yawning widely.
"You there… first year."
Someone had tapped Remus on the shoulder—he stopped and turned around, robes whipping about his ankles. A crowd of Slytherins had caught up to them just as Gryffindor House had been about to exit the Great Hall.
"Hello," said the white-blond prefect gently. Most of the Slytherins paused behind him, though Remus noticed that Andromeda pressed onward, unaware of the prefect's actions.
"Hello," Remus answered, uncertainly. Severus was standing at the prefect's side, but he did not return Remus' attempt at a smile.
"So. Welcome to Hogwarts," the prefect went on, simpering, and seemed quite unbothered that he was causing confusion for everyone involved. "I'm sure this school will be quite to your liking. Seems we truly are taking in all sorts now..."
Remus felt the color draining from his face.
"Lucius," Andromeda called, backtracking a bit, "what are you doing?"
"Just saying hello to a first year," the prefect said quickly, and he and the other Slytherins began to move again. Severus wore an unreadable expression, and swept by Remus without speaking to him.
Remus tore his way up the stairs to find his fellow Gryffindors again. His mind didn't stop racing long after he'd caught up—how much did that prefect know? How could he have known? What had he told Severus…?
"Where were you?" Lily asked, spotting Remus.
"I'm—terrible with directions. Got lost," Remus lied. Remus felt sick with worry all over again as he fell into step with the rest of the group, but Lily reached out to take his hand despite not possibly understanding.
"Stick with me then," Lily told him, and Remus gave her hand a squeeze. He would have to hope against hope that the prefect knew less than he'd hinted...
Once in the common room, not a single first year was eager to stay up to take in their new surroundings. Instead they opted to head off immediately to their dormitories, yawning and dragging their feet—you might've thought the Sorting had been a physically exhausting process, such as requiring them all to run laps to determine their Houses. Lily went up to the girls' dormitory on the right, the boys went up to the dormitory on the left, and Remus found his bed among the others on the top floor. Seeing this handsome four poster made up with red and gold blankets for the first time made the experience feel oddly all the more real—perhaps Remus really belonged here after all, considering a place had been made for him all his own.
"Nice set up we have here," declared James, and swiftly captured all the boys within reach under his arms—this happened to be Sirius, Remus, and Peter Pettigrew. "Well! We Gryffindors are going to be best friends, I can just tell."
The uninvolved Gryffindors raised their eyebrows at one another, but otherwise chose not to comment as they unpacked their nightclothes.
"I'm all for it, so long as my mum doesn't murder me first," Sirius muttered.
"I'm tired," said Peter.
"We are never going to be friends," said Remus, bluntly.
"Such warm and fuzzy feelings from this one in particular," James teased, but he released him, and Remus made for his trunk. Hidden inside, right on top of his neatly folded pajamas, was a note written in an unfamiliar handwriting.
Mr. Lupin—
Madam Pomfrey and I request to see you in the Infirmary, first thing in the morning, to discuss an obvious matter. Have a pleasant evening.
Remus looked up from his trunk. James Potter was humming to himself as he removed his glasses, like some sort of eccentric who actually enjoyed making a fool of himself. Sirius Black was lying numbly on his bed—a bed that was mostly likely a fourth the size of what he was used to—and stared fixedly at the ceiling, perhaps considering how much time he had left.
Remus crumpled the letter in his fist. He hoped that these two idiots in particular never ever found out his secret.
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Character Notes: Remus Lupin
I wrote some commentary on my portrayals of TWSBB's characters in the past, so why not regather my thoughts and share them again?
Choosing Remus as the viewpoint character was one of the easiest decisions I had to make for this story. Pottermore describes the young Remus as the kind and quietly humorous sort, and the most conscientious of the Marauders—I didn't have this exact description in mind when first writing TWSBB in 2009, but these characteristics made him an easy fit for my natural style of writing. Remus has flaws too, of course: he likes to be liked, in Rowling's words, and has experienced so much prejudice and isolation in his life that he severely compromises his own desires and resorts to dishonesty for the sake of protecting his relationships with others. I also feel he has anxious tendencies, and frankly finds it easier to drift along in misery than risk greater suffering (his least Gryffindor-ish quality).
Let's talk about some common fandom interpretations of Remus and which ones I agree with. First, I do consider him an introvert, meaning that he is most happy with a small number of friends he can trust deeply (I don't think a desire to be generally liked by others conflicts with this). I also think he's quite intelligent, but more so in the sense that he is wise beyond his years—his consistently high marks in school were the result of both intellect and strong focus on his studies. He's much too happy to be allowed to learn magic to slack off!
What I don't agree with is the image of Remus being poor even in his younger days and wearing nothing but frumpy, worn-out clothes (particularly jumpers). I see no reason why his parents couldn't have provided for him in the past, and besides, it's hard for me to believe Remus wouldn't have tried to be even a LITTLE fashionable in his teenage years. I realize I have the benefit of Pottermore to tell me this now, but I think the old clothes only came along once Remus was living in poverty, refusing to rely on his father's support into adulthood.
Remus and his fondness for chocolate is a tired idea to me at this point, too. I realize that being a chocolate lover is an adorable trait, but really I think Remus carried chocolate with him during PoA for practical reasons (ie the Dementors). In this story, I ended up using Remus' relationship with sweets as a bit of a metaphor for his relationships with people, I guess: sure, having none at all would technically pose the least amount of risk, but he's missing out on life that way.
Finally, while bookish Remus is an extremely common depiction, my interpretation is a variation on this theme. I don't actually think he's the sort who would read a lot of sophisticated old books and artful poetry—he's just spent a lot of his life trying to live vicariously through books, so he favors contemporary novels that can provide entertainment over pure literary value. Now, eventually I reveal that Remus knows a fair amount of Latin (he is also somewhat familiar with Ancient Greek), but he didn't teach himself Latin just because he's a giant nerd. The truth is that Latin is the primary language of modern magic, and Remus became interested in the subject because he assumed he would never be allowed to study magic in a formal manner. Allow me to reiterate that he once had a LOT of time on his hands.
One last note: personally I wish Remus could have done a better job keeping in touch with Harry in the books, but I assumed from this that Remus knew providing for Harry either emotionally or financially would be all but impossible for him (and the last thing he wanted was to cause Harry disappointment). Remus in TWSBB seeks emotional connections more eagerly, but I'm certain that the trauma of losing each of his school friends in a single blow must have traumatized him. I can hardly blame him if this event left him feeling that he shouldn't risk growing close to people again like he once allowed himself to.