After following the rather non-conspicuous trail of disorder down the corridors, Mal eventually reached the floor of the cargo bay and watched in wonder and confusion as Kaylee was frantically pacing the floor beneath the catwalk. Her face was a sea of turmoil torn between surges of anger and fear as she looked above to the catwalk where, on opposite sides of the platform, Jayne and Simon stood.

One shouting and the other pleading, while they blocked any escape off of the platform. All three, dressed in notably less attire than normal. Both Jayne and Simon were sporting boxers, although Simon was marginally more dressed in which he had a single sock partially pulled onto his left foot. Mal had always taken the Doctor as a briefs man but upon closer inspection determined that the teddy bear and hearts boxers he was wearing at the moment looked more like something of Kaylee's than his own, especially considering their size seemed a tad too small for the good Doctor. Although Kaylee had them both bested by wearing a complete set of socks as well as an oversized shirt pulled on hastily. Simon's shirt in fact, Mal noted, but his attention was held by River. Who, at that moment, was dancing along the railing of the catwalk like a circus high wire acrobat between Simon and Jayne with some hideous knitted…thing?...Teapot cozy?.. on her head as she sang some nursery rhyme involving an egg and horses and a king and a wall and…a Calahan full-bore auto locking rifle? Hmm, well that was one he never heard growing up.

"Simon you tell that moon brained sister of yours to get her scrawny lil' ass down here so I can kick it." Jayne growled.

"No River, don't worry, nobody is going to hurt you. We are not mad at you…

"You just speak for yourself Simon, she and I have to have a little girl chat about privacy after she gets down here and stops trying to give us all heart attacks and to break her dang neck." Kaylee shouted from below.

"Yeah Doc, and I have a lil' lesson about personal property she will be just aching to hear." The mercenary chuckled at his wittiness.

"Ok River, so we may be a little annoyed with you but if you would just get down…" Simon soothingly said only to end with a shout and a desperate lunge towards the railing as River pirouetted and dove over the edge, gracefully bounding down the stacks of supply boxes piled on the floor of the cargo bay. Upon finally reaching the floor, she bounced over to Mal and with great aplomb, took off the mystery knitted apparel and plunked it on the Captain's head.

"Morning." She beamed.

Simon finally released the breath he had been holding as he lay draped over the railing with his arms outstretched in a futile attempt to stop his sister's fall. Jayne was already shouting to Mal not the let the moonbrain get away as he descended the stairs and Simon was quickly in pursuit to reach his sister before the enraged mercenary could reach her first.

Mal cautiously took the mysterious knitted object off his head and was examining it just as Jayne and Simon reached him. Simon pulled River away from Jayne as Jayne snatched the object from Mal and began examining it himself for any possible damage sustained during the pursuit.

"Gorammit, look here, she's gone and ruined it I tell yah'. Stretched the whole thing out pulling it over her little pinhead. And look, nearly blew out the seam here. Now how is this supposed to do any good when it is saggin' all over the trigger? No good, that is what. No good. That little sister of yours Doc has some lessons to be learnin' about…"

"Now hold it right there Jayne" Mal said as he stepped in to prevent Jayne from taking on River and Simon in his blinded outrage over the indignity suffered by his knitted…thing.

"Ok, would somebody please tell me what in the goramm 'verse is going on and what is this thing you are so riled over Jayne?" Mal cried, snatching the knitted object from Jayne's hands.

"That." Jayne said seizing back his twice stolen goods, "Is a specially customized gun cover for Vera. Tailored exactly to fit a Callahan full-bore autolock with fully customized hair-trigger and double-cartridge thorough gauge. Hand knitted from a silkcotton blend designed to protect the finish and to maintain the polished of impeccably cleaned components from exposure to debris particles that muss up the workings. Not to mention incredibly stylish." Jayne glanced around with pride as he added with a flourish,

"My Mother made it"

The stunned silence of those gathered around the cargo bay was interrupted by River as she named the "Customized Knitted Gun Cover" for what it truly was…

"He means a gun cozy", she beamed.

"This ain't no crocheted gun cozy girl. This is…"

"Stop. Everyone. Just stop." Mal cried holding his head. A knitted gun cozy. No coffee, his ship in shambles and still no answers.

"Would someone, and I mean you River, start by explaining what happened this morning to lead to the dining area lookin' like it was hit by a bunch of goramm Reavers and you dancing around high above the cargo bay floor with Jayne's…gun cozy, and Simon, Kaylee and Jayne chasing you around with all of them closer to naked than not?"

'Aint a gun cozy" Jayne sulked, as River began to explain how it was simply the logical and natural progression of perfectly normal events which led to the morning occurring just the way it did.

Random author note: Alright, another screwy chapter added and I am working on one more as well. After that I may have to warn anyone who happens to care that updates will probably get a tad ...sporadic...at best...seeing as my life is once again being stolen my this semester. Meh, anyways hoping you continue to enjoy my chapters and I will see how enthusiastic I will be to write after my head has been reacquainted with a brick wall known as testing and papers. Later and enjoy. Oh yeah, I know this was rather screwy and bizarre, but was it TOO bizarre and unlikely?