DISCLAIMER – Nope, still claiming the story and Beth as mine.However,Leo, Don, Mike, Raph, and Splinter are still prisoners of Eastman and Laird – or, at least Laird, since he bought out Kevin years ago. Either way, the turtles are only on loan to me and free from any monetary restraints or income. Read and review, if you have the time. Be blessed.

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Chapter 16 – Progressive Recession

With her eyes closed and as she sat cross-legged on the couch, Beth breathed in…and then out, her intake and expelling of air slow and rhythmic. At first, it was difficult for her to relax enough to measure her breathing, but after twenty minutes of practice, it became easier to do. Surprisingly, she found the exercise relaxing and even rejuvenating. However, she still had so many fearful images, that if it had not been for Splinter's assistance, the girl would have certainly slipped once again into the abyss of her psychosis. She didn't know how the rat could tell, but every time she felt herself becoming emotionally detached, he would gently and softly speak to her, drawing Beth back to her meditative state once again. His astuteness was almost as if he had joined his consciousness with hers.

Just the same, the emotional clutter of her disorder clogged her mind like a backed-up drain. Although it did not overwhelm him, it did impress the ninja master. With persistence, though, and encouragement from Splinter, as her time within her meditative state lengthened, Beth's anxieties seemed to ebb slowly away.

"You are doing well, my child," Splinter said quietly, ending Beth's first session with those words alone.

As she opened her eyes, she found the Master looking at her with a pleased smile on his face. Leo sat next to her, also emerging from his own meditation. There was an obvious difference with him, as well, where before his frustration with Raphael had given him a tense expression. Now, his face showed peace and tranquility, and he seemed more serene that he had in the beginning. It gave Beth hope that maybe she, too, might acquire such a state of well-being.

Looking back at Splinter, Beth remarked, "I'm still having problems with certain images, though."

"In time, Miss Beth, you will gain control," he replied, "As you practice the breathing exercises and meditation, thereby becoming more familiar with it, you will be able to dismiss these images. Then, they will no longer have such a controlling influence on you."

Shaking her head, the girl responded as she looked at her hands in her lap, "I - I don't know if that's completely possible, considering all that happened to me." She looked back at the rat, "Even my therapists were unable to help me."

Splinter sighed, studying the girl as she sat on the couch. After a moment, he commented, "Not all therapists are right for all people, child. It may be that your doctor had another motive." The rat glanced over to one of the sub-car bedrooms, and then back to Beth once again, saying, "From what my son, Donatello, was able to glean from the Internet, there are many so-called psychiatrists who are only in their profession for the soul reason of making a living. So long as they have patients, they will have income. It is a very sad commentary for a profession whose original intention was to help people with their emotional struggles."

Beth shrugged as she commented, "That may be so, but I know my father hired only the best for me."

"I don't doubt that he did, Miss Beth. However, even the so-called 'best' have their limits," the rat remarked.

"Possibly…anyway, I think the meditation did help me to feel better, though, if only a little." Beth admitted as she smiled, "Some of the images that came to my mind would have normally been enough…to…well…cause me to lose touch."

"Hmm…yes, I did sense their influence," Splinter remarked thoughtfully. Studying the girl again, the rat took a measured breath and then slowly asked, "Would you be willing to share with me what happened to you?"

Beth's eyes instantly widened, followed by a vigorous shaking of her head as she stuttered out, "Oh, no – I – I – I just couldn't talk about it, M-Master Splinter! I'm – afraid of what it might do if – if I did."

"Child, do you not realize that its very control of you is due to your fear of addressing it? Its greatest power is convincing you that it needs to remain hidden and unchallenged." The rat said soothingly. He leaned forward as he added, "Evil prefers the darkness where the light of truth cannot penetrate. Once truth is revealed, once conquered, the shadows that you fear most will flee as a result."

However, despite the rat's wise words, Beth suddenly hunkered into the back of the couch. She wrapped her arms insecurely around herself, brought her legs up against her, and, as she did, she began to tremble. Moaning with a quivering voice, she breathlessly squeaked, "I - really don't think it'd be a good idea - for me to – to talk about it."

Leo reached over to gently touch her shoulder in support, but as he did, Beth startled and jumped in her seat, scooting away from him. Her breathing hitched as she then began to hyperventilate. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" she loudly exclaimed.

"Beth, it's…it's me, Leonardo. I won't…hurt you, really I won't," the turtle exclaimed softly. Yet, he could tell that in one instant, his friend had slipped from a sense of serenity to one of pure, horrified panic.

"Miss Beth!" the rat sharply said, "Look – at - me!"

Unaccustomed to hearing Splinter speak with such authority, Beth turned towards him, her eyes still wide and frightened. He leaned forward in her direction, catching her gaze with his own, and then said, enunciating each word precisely, "There is nothing here that will hurt you, no one in my family will cause you harm." He reached over with one paw, instructing, "Take my hand, child." Beth hesitated, prompting the rat to exclaim insistently, "Please take my hand, now!"

Beth unfolded one arm and tentatively placed her hand in his, still trembling as if caught in a gale-force storm. As his long, bony fingers curled around her hand, she felt his warmth – and his strength. Yet, something else came from him that permeated her being. A sense of calm and peace washed over her in that moment, strengthening her as it did. Almost like the sudden calm that follows a tumultuous oceanic storm, the raging seas of her inner turmoil eased considerably.

"Miss Beth, you must trust your ability to control these episodes. To believe otherwise, you are only lying to yourself," Splinter gently admonished. He saw a brief respite of her anguish, where her eyes calmed every so slightly. "I assure you," the rat encouraged in soft tones, "talking about your ordeal will not harm you, nor will you lose control. I will make sure of it."

Beth's eyes welled up with tears and her breathing hitched again, as she sputtered, "I'm – so tired of living like this, being afraid, or worrying about every little thing that might set me off again. I know you're trying to help, but this is all so new to me…I…I just don't know if it will work."

"A moment ago, you admitted to feeling different, even better," Leo said to her encouragingly. He felt so helpless, though, watching as his friend crumbled from within. He didn't know what to do for Beth, other than being there next to her in support.

"I know," she groaned, "It's just…talking about it almost…hurts, like it did when it first happened."

"How can it hurt child? Whatever happened to you is only a memory." Splinter said softly, as he gently massaged Beth's hand in his.

"But I remember it like…like it was yesterday. Everything he did to me, EVERYTHING he said; the way he smelled, the feel of his clothing, the feel of HIM against me, the weather, EVERYTHING! I haven't been able to forget one second of what he put me through." Beth buried her face into her knees, now, crying with wracking sobs. "I…I'm so afraid that one day, he'll get out of jail and…and come looking for me!"

Splinter nodded his head in understanding, but he smiled as well as he watched the girl cry. As Leo looked over at him, wondering why his father would have such an expression that seemed so opposite to the girl's own, the rat remarked, "And, contrary to your fears about having another episode, Miss Beth, you have told me much about what happened to you. Despite your lack of confidence in what I have been trying to teach you, it seems that you have also learned more than what you give yourself credit for." He watched as the girl looked up at him, surprise showing on her tear-stained face. "Yes, my child, you spoke clearly of your ordeal and, yet, here you are, as lucid and as coherent as Leonardo or I am." Releasing the girl's hand, Splinter added, "It seems, Miss Beth, as if your path to recovery has begun."

Beth sat there on the couch, for the moment stunned silent. It was the first time in years that she could verbally recall her past, cryptic as it was, and not launch herself into another of her debilitating catatonic episodes. "I – I don't feel that sense of detachment, like I usually do." She smiled then, a little relieved, but for the first time in a long while, quite pleased with herself.

"With practice, Miss Beth, you will be able to recall your event in its entirety and not have it control you." Splinter said calmly, "I promise you this." A sudden creak and squeak sounded out from Raphael's room, causing the rat to swivel his ears in that direction in curiosity. Had his more temperamental son been listening to the discussion?

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Raphael lay prone in his bed and on his back, his arms folded under his head. He stared up at the ceiling of his room, listening to the dialogue in the living area through his closed bedroom door. He had heard every word that Beth had shared, felt her anguish, and in that way, now understood the girl's problem. He was certain that Donnie and Mike had, too. Yet, it affected him more than he thought it should.

"She was raped?" he hissed in controlled anger. Knowing the way humans could abuse their own kind, Raphael growled under his breath, "Maybe even beaten and left fer dead?" Narrowing his eyes, the red-banded turtle felt a sudden rage roil up within him.

Flipping over onto his stomach and angrily punching his mattress with his fist, thereby causing the bedsprings to groan out, he seethed, "I'm such a jerk," he muttered, "Of course; she had to be traumatized to act the way she did; what an idiot I've been!" Resting his brow along the tops of his arms and fuming into his mattress, he recalled every word he had uttered to her. "Some leadah I am. No wonda th'girl's so insecure and afraid."

Now, resting his chin on his arms, Raphael stared at the door to his room, wondering if his brother would find some sort of recovery as well. "That kid's gotta get bettah. I can't continue ta be th' 'shining examp'l forevah'. I'm tired of failin'. God, Leo, what got into ya ta leave us like ya did?"

Sighing deeply, Raph turned back over onto his shell, restless and angry and – suddenly feeling quite guilty about how he had treated Beth. More than that, he kept thinking back to breakfast, about how the girl had tried to look at him without actually - looking at him. He smiled. He wondered if maybe the girl found his brashness more attractive than she was letting on. To himself, he said, "Sure, she might have been embarrassed, but she did seem mildly curious 'bout me!" He snickered. "An' the way she talked ta'me earlier, when she found out 'bout my break'n inta her place; that took moxie!"

Still restless, Raphael sat up in his bed and leaned against the wall, his arms behind his head for support. Crossing his ankles in front of him, he looked out across his room at nothing in particular, almost as if he was daydreaming. "Maybe she's interested in me. I mean, her own specie's already abused her an' all. It'd only be natr'al ta want sumth'n diff'rent." He then scrunched his face up and shook his head, "Naw, not me, not with Splinter Junior already at first base." Huffing, Raph grumbled as he looked back at his bedroom door, "Still, it's not like she would consider any of us, regardless of how she's been treated by her own." Sighing almost resolutely, he closed his eyes and said sadly, "We're prob'ly noth'n but freaks of nature ta her."

Finally, Raph yawned and realized that he was more tired than he had tried to act a while ago at breakfast. As he slipped back down to lie prone on his mattress and on his shell, he knew that he had only wanted to get away from the human, the girl that seemed to chaff at him more than he was willing to admit. It had been a very long time since anyone from topside had visited the lair. Ever since April had died, Raph attempted to forget what it was like to have a female voice echoing off the brick walls of his home. Now, to have another human – and a woman at that – residing in his lair, brought back unsettling and grievous memories that pained his heart.

Simply put, he missed April – terribly. His family knew that he had had a crush on the reporter; yet it tore at him over what he was with what he wanted. When she had died in what they learned later had been an ambush to exterminate his family, Raph grieved in the only way he knew how. He ran topside for days, sometimes weeks at a time, leaving his family to cope alone with their own tragic loss. Leo had learned, then, to let his brother go, to allow Raph to be himself, instead of hounding him on every ninjitsu principal the red-banded turtle abused. Yet, as it turned out, it seemed to help both of them to come back to their being brothers, once again.

Just the same, over the course of months and then years, it seemed that the pressure of leading had finally worn Leonardo down. It became so bad that over the past several months, he would leave the lair unannounced, causing his father to worry needlessly. Nevertheless, Raph thought it terribly, if not humorously, ironic; that his father's favorite son was beginning to behave almost as rebelliously as he did. Still, until Leonardo came back to his senses, it was necessary to choose a temporary leader. And, much to his dismay, Raph had been Splinter's obvious choice.

"Ta think that I wanted that posishun all these years, too." Raph chuckled, "Silly me!" As he thought about it, though, he knew he would now gladly hand the mantel of leadership back to Leo. "I've 'ad enough of bein' head of this family. I want my freedom back!"

Raph suddenly chuckled, "If Miss Beth does have any ideas about Leo, though, she better be glad his mem'ry's the way it is." Shaking his head, the turtle muttered, "If he ever does get himself back again, I don't think Mr. Perfect will be as cozy with 'er as he's been!" Grinning, Raph then mused to himself, "Then, again, it might mean she'd have to look elsewhere for friendship!"

Just before he closed his eyes to get his much-needed rest, however, Raphael strained to hear what else was going on in the living area. He quieted himself, listening to his father through the closed bedroom door, as Splinter spoke once again to the girl.

"And as you become stronger in mind, my child," the rat said, "you will also become stronger in spirit. Returning to your own world will then be easier for you."

"What – if she doesn't want to return, though?" Leonardo asked hesitantly, looking at the girl as his heart skipped a beat. The thought of Beth leaving the lair worried him a great deal. He liked Beth, and enjoyed her company. Leo couldn't say why, exactly, except that for some strange reason, she seemed to fill a void; a void he could not explain, other than it was deep inside of him. He knew instinctively that it was the main reason why he was in the alleyway in the first place, or, at the very least, what prompted him to leave the comfort and safety of his home. Had he been lonely? Had he realized his uniqueness would always insure such loneliness? Leonardo wondered if maybe his life as a mutant turtle offered nothing more than what lived with him in the abandoned subway station; a rat for a father and three others like himself for brothers. Existing underground and breathing stale air, living on what he learned were castoffs from grocery stores and dumpsters, seemed like a dismal existence. Maybe his other 'self' tired of such a life, desiring more, and, thereby, forcing him to rebel and go topside.

Whatever it was, Leo understood and knew that Beth could not leave. He would not let her leave, he needed her, wanted her, and in the end, he would have her.

As he pondered these thoughts and as his own anxiety increased, he heard his father reply to his question.

"Leonardo, my son, it is unfair to keep Beth down here among us, when she is a creature of topside. As soon as she has acquired some measure of control and improvement over her disorder, we can do nothing less than to return her to her apartment – and as soon as possible."

Nodding reluctantly, Leo reached over and took up Beth's hand, gently squeezing it. He looked over at her as she smiled at him, eagerly returning her expression with a smile of his own. Longing filled his eyes though, a longing that did not go unnoticed by his father. Splinter's face narrowed as he studied his son, recognizing all too easily the desire glazing over Leonardo's countenance. The rat knew, more now than before, that the sooner the girl returned to topside, the better. He knew that, so long as Beth remained in their lair, she would only hinder his son's recovery. There was something he sensed in his son that said as much.

Just the same, that was something the ninja master would not allow, not at any cost, not even to ensure their guest's recovery. His family came first, it always had, and most especially with his oldest son, Leonardo.

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