DISCLAIMER – Ah, last time I checked, Leo, Raph, Don, and Mike – as well as Splinter - still belong to Mirage Studios and anyone affiliated with that industry. As for this story, it's mine, all mine…except for the inspiration for writing it, which is Leo Oneal (Beth). By the way, has anyone heard from her recently? Maybe some of you MSN with her. I haven't been able to get any E-mails to her via her E-mail addy. She was moving and, well, I'm just concerned about her, since she does habitually cruise Fan Fiction on a daily basis.

Anyway, on with the chapter…..

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CHAPTER 17 – It's All About Control

As he sat in a lotus position on his bed, Leonardo attempted to meditate. He had been trying to empty his mind of distractions and had been doing so for quite a while, yet Beth's image kept invading what should have been a void in his consciousness.

"You need to relax and think of nothing, my son," was what his father had instructed him to do. "It will be difficult at first, but through much practice you will succeed."

Earlier, after Splinter had finished with Beth's first session, he had directed Leonardo to his room to meditate further. However, the turtle hadn't wanted to. Privately, he wanted to stay as close to Beth as he could. Consequently, he had been quite reluctant to obey his master, his refusal to cooperate almost resulting in a confrontation with him. Nevertheless, through gentle persuasion, the rat persisted, and Leo finally relented, albeit reluctantly. Leaving Beth on the couch to continue practicing what he had taught her, Splinter then followed his son into his room and, once Leo was on the bed and in the lotus position, the rat shared what he sensed from moments before.

"I can tell that Beth has affected you quite deeply, my son."

Leo looked away, blushing as if he had been caught doing something wrong. Nodding a little in admittance, he quietly replied, "Yes, Father…I – do like her." Leo then looked up into his master's face, receiving from him a kind but sad smile.

"Just as I thought," Splinter replied softly. As he sat down next to his son, the rat laid a gentle paw on Leo's arm and sighed, "Although I understand how you feel towards her, you must also understand that a union between the two of you is not possible."

"Why?" Leo asked turning to face his father in sudden surprise, his eyes filling with desperation. He could feel a tightness gripping his chest, as if a tremendous weight now rested against it. Just hearing his father's dismal words brought emotions so grievous to him, that Leonardo had all he could do to keep from leaping up off the bed in anger.

Although the rat easily sensed his son's rising ire, he also knew that he had to be truthful with him. "She is human; you are not," Splinter explained evenly, "Even if I should bless your relationship with Beth, where would she live? She is a creature of light, Leonardo, while you and your brothers, as well as myself, hide in the shadows underground. To expect her to live here with you would be unfair to her."

"But, I know that if she loves me as much as I do her, she'll want to stay with me." Leo rushed his words, confident in what he was feeling and hoping that his father would understand.

Splinter replied sadly, "Yes, that is a possibility, but you do not know for sure if Beth would or could return your feelings." He patted his son's shoulder as he said, "She has been terribly traumatized, Leonardo, and for someone so afflicted, recovery is often a very long road. Considering her experiences, Beth may not be capable of reflecting your love, not in the way that you would want." The rat sighed and then rose up to stand before his son. Now, his voice took on a more authoritative tone as he instructed, "Nevertheless, for now we must get her to a point where she can continue her recovery in her apartment. As for you, I want you to meditate on this, to seek out the wisdom of such a relationship." He reached over and cupped his son's chin with one paw, looking deeply into Leonardo's eyes as his tone softened, "I fear that if you do not, your heart will suffer greatly as a result."

It was then that Splinter gave Leo his last bit of instructions about clearing his mind of any distracting thoughts – including those regarding Beth.

Now, thirty minutes later, Leo was attempting once again to think of 'nothing'. As he sat there on his bed with his eyes closed and his breathing slow and even, he sighed in frustration. Suddenly, a random thought invaded his forced tranquility; he wished that his family had never found him. Leo knew that if they hadn't, he might have ended up living with Beth forever. Yet, he knew that such thoughts were defeating the purpose of his meditating and, more than anything, he wanted to prove to himself, as well as to his father, that his feelings for the girl were right.

On the other hand and while seated in the living room, Beth seemed to be having more success with her meditation. Splinter had returned to her after leaving Leonardo in his room, assisting her further in reaching a certain level of enlightenment. The 'enlightenment' wasn't a word-based experience, per se', as it was one filled with a floating sense of peace. With her eyes closed, there was a moment where she would have sworn she was physically hovering above the cushion. In that instant, it seemed as if all of her cares and fears had melted away, drifting far from her mind like a retreating cloud evaporating under a hot, summer sun. Amazing her even more, she was able to maintain her peaceful state when the image of the man who had raped and assaulted her came to mind. It was almost as if her subconscious was attempting to tease her into another episode. Just the same, she surprised herself when she successfully dismissed it without ending up in another state of panic.

Soon after, she heard a soft, fatherly voice encourage her, "Well done, child. You are learning that the mind is much more of a powerful ally than the enemy it has been for you."

With those words, Beth's second meditative session ended, and – as it did – at the same time Raphael's bedroom door suddenly opened. Soon, the red-banded turtle emerged into the living area. As he swaggered into the room, he stretched and yawned, obviously fresh from just waking up. Beth immediately took notice of him, though, as he did her, but only for a moment as he proceeded towards the kitchen. Now, she seemed caught between her relaxed state of being and the sudden jump in her emotions.

Reading her distress by her widening eyes, Splinter gently touched her hand, drawing her attention back towards him as he quietly warned, "Do not dismiss too soon the progress you have made, Miss Beth." He looked at her with compassion, "Remember what I have said about my son, he is more than what you have been allowed to see."

Nodding, Beth sighed and tried to reclaim the feeling she felt only a moment before when she emerged from her meditation. Although she tried not to stare at him, nevertheless, her peripheral vision followed Raphael as he strode purposefully into the kitchen. She watched as he yanked open the door of one of the appliances.

"Hey, Sensei," Raph called out as he stood before the now-opened refrigerator, peering inside as if looking for something, "did Mike or Don swipe my last bottle?"

"I would not know, Raphael," replied Splinter dispassionately, "Maybe you should ask them?"

"Yeah, maybe I should, eh?" Raph then closed the refrigerator door with a bang and walked out of the kitchen. As he made his way through the living area and towards Mike's bedroom, Raph glanced over at Beth and his father. He smiled at them, or – more to the point – at her, and then cocked his head as he remarked, "So, Splintah's been showin' ya the ropes, eh?" Raphael gave her a lop-sided grin and then nodded, "Yep, he's the master of that, all right." However, he suddenly sobered as he noticed his father's raised eyebrows. They seem to question Raphael's comment, which then prompted the turtle to say in defense, "An' I – ah - meant that in a good way, too, Sensei," slowing his march towards the bedrooms only slightly as if anticipating a reply.

"I'm sure you did, Raphael," Splinter muttered softly. He shook his head and waited, watching as his son continued towards his destination. Soon, Raph was rapping his knuckles against Mike's bedroom door.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, Mikey, you take my last bottle of beer?" Raph asked in annoyance.

"Ah, might have, why?" Mike replied warily.

"Then, that means only one thing, bro…" the red-banded turtle exclaimed threateningly, as he crossed his arms in front of him and leaned into the closed sub-car door. He looked down at his feet, smiling and waiting for his brother's response.

"An'…that is?" his brother asked speculatively.

Snickering and looking back up at the door, "Ya get to replace it. Before dinnertime. Like, in thirty minutes, cause if ya don't have it replaced by then, ya can pay me back in the dojo!" While Mike groaned and swore under his breath, Raph pushed away from the door and headed confidently for the sofa, chuckling lightly under his breath. He clasped his hands together and cracked his knuckles in anticipation.

"But it's still daylight out! I can't go out during the day, you know that!" Mike complained as he impatiently slid open his bedroom door, "Can't you wait until the sun is down, at least?" He leaned against the threshold, shaking his head in disbelief.

"You should'a thought about that when ya stole my beer!" Raph shot back as he plopped down on the opposite end of the couch from where Beth sat, his weight causing the sofa to shift slightly.

"I was thirsty, man!" Mike whined as he stood in his doorway.

"That's what water's for, bro. Next time, ask, 'kay?" Chuckling, he watched as Mike sighed deeply and went back inside his bedroom. Raph then leaned forward to snatch the remote from off the coffee table and, as he did, he noticed Beth watching him, "Hey, Mike, while yer out, grab one of those Polaroid cameras, too; I think Beth is gonna need it!" He stared back at the girl, a crooked smile plastered along his face as he absentmindedly switched the television on, "Mind a little T.V., Beth?" he asked her mischievously, his tone edgy and almost challenging.

Splinter still had his paw on Beth's hand and in that way felt her tense up. "Child, remember what you have learned. Do not let my son's words dictate to you how to respond."

Beth looked back at the rat, swallowing nervously, as she said in a near whisper, "I'm trying, but – he could be nicer."

"Yeah, I could," Raph suddenly boomed out, as he leaned back against the couch. His eyes were now on the television screen as it came to life, "but what would it accomplish, eh? I mean, we're freaks of nature and all that, so what would it gain me if I was ta be nice ta ya?" He looked back over at the girl, "Eh?" He then waited for her answer. He saw her expression of surprise and he knew what that meant. He had already decided he was nothing more than a freak to the girl – and there was his challenge. Despite his remorse for the words he had said earlier to her and his anger with how she became so afflicted, Raph was far too used to the idea of rejection. It was easier for him to react than to think.

In response, Beth could not help but to stare at him, completely stunned by his comments. "I…I don't know what you mean?"

"We're FREAKS!" Raph teased derisively as he leaned a little towards her and asked sarcastically, "You do know what a 'freak' is, right?" He chuckled, then, seemingly amused with the girl's rising irritation.

Thoroughly offended, yet mindful of what she was learning from Splinter about self-control, Beth gently shot back, "I know what nice is and – well – you're not it." She straightened in her seat as she continued to comment, her voice stronger, "Leo's nice, Splinter's nice and even Don and Mikey are nice. Why aren't you?"

Raph sat there, the television completely forgotten now, as he mulled over the girl's question. Her comment had struck hard and pointedly, and it hurt. Finally, with his eyes narrowing, he replied as he clipped his words, "Maybe, it's because I'm a FREAK, lady. Maybe…it's because I live in a sewer like a dumb animal. Maybe, it's because if I ever did show my ugly face to your friends up there, " he jerked his thumb skyward, "I'd end up thrown into a zoo, or worse!" He was seething, now, his anger and resentment slowly bubbling to the surface like a volatile volcano.

Beth shook her head, her anger replaced with defensiveness, "I…don't see you as freaks, not any more anyway."

As if suddenly proven right and with a triumphant smile growing along his muzzle, Raph snorted out a laugh and pointed at her, "So, you DO think of us as freaks!" Shaking his head, the turtle gloated, "I knew it; I was right all along!" He laughed again as he remarked, "So predictable." Raph slouched even more into the back cushions of the sofa, his attention fixed on the television screen once again. He watched as a car commercial play out. "Gotta get me one of them!" he muttered under his breath as he eyed the televised machinery, now completely ignoring the girl.

Defensively at first, Beth said, "Yes, in the beginning, I did see you as something different, but…certainly not as freaks. That word never entered my mind!" The girl then declared hotly as she rediscovered her ire, "Besides, how dare you even assume what I think or feel. You don't know me at all!"

Not missing a beat, Raph whipped his head back to glare at her, seething angrily as he shot back, "An' I might add that you don't know me eitha, sister!" He sat up straighter as he, once again, ignored the television, "You say I could be nicer? Well, if I was nicer, like Leo, what would you be thinking, eh?" He smirked, "You know that he likes you, don'cha? Yeah…" he saw the sudden surprised look on the girl's face, "Yeah, and…" Raph looked over at his brother's bedroom, "I'm pretty sure it's more than just 'liking you'; the way he moons after you, the way he looks at you." He turned back to challenge Beth, only his fathers' gaze caught his attention. Swallowing, Raphael knew that he, once again, had said too much. While his eyes remained fixed on his father's, a silent communication carried on between them. Finally, the turtle sighed and looked away. Working his jaw tensely, he swallowed, remembering all too well his train of thought from earlier when he was supposedly 'sleeping' in his bedroom. He sighed again. This time his whole countenance shifted considerably, and as a result, he dropped his gaze to his knees.

Beth didn't know what it was that had happened between Splinter and Raphael. It was the strangest thing. It was almost as if Splinter had yelled at him to shut up, yet she did not hear any words spoken between them. Nevertheless, just watching the sudden change in her antagonist's face was an amazing experience for her. Then, before she could even come to terms with it, Raphael made one last remark, although this time his voice had softened considerably and seemed less caustic.

"I'm…sorry, for going on like that. Guess…guess I have issues." He looked away and then suddenly stood up in a rush and walked towards the lair's exit. As he did, Raph announced loudly over his shoulder for all to hear, "I'm goin' fer a run. Back in thirty," and then the turtle quickly climbed up the ladder and through the opening above, leaving the lair so quickly, that Beth watched slack-jawed in surprise.

Finally, she exclaimed quietly in pure amazement, "Wow, he moves fast!" As she turned to look back at Splinter, she asked, "Is…that normal for them…for turtles?"

Splinter shrugged, allowing himself to ease into the backrest of his chair as if exhausted. He mumbled under his breath, "For mutant ones, it is."

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Raphael jogged at first, but as he continued to replay in his mind what he had just said to Beth, his jog turned in to an all-out run through the darkened sewers. He knew the tunnels as well as himself, needing very little light to find his way. Yet, even with the occasional ceiling light to break up the monotony of blackness, Raph still stuck to the shadows as much as he could, his instincts running stronger than his legs were carrying him.

He splashed through the murky waters of the underground sewer system, fuming as he ran. Raph cursed a long string of colorful metaphors that, had they gaseous consistency, would have most certainly poisoned the already pungent air that he breathed.

Nevertheless, by the end of mile five, Raph's verbal assault of himself did little to extend his stamina. Now, with his lungs complaining mightily between his race with himself and his frustrated ranting, he began to slow down.

By mile eight, he had slowed to a walk.

Finally, reaching a large opened access point that led outside to a shallow wash, he stopped. A cool breeze was blowing in from the mouth of the concrete opening, bringing with it a fresh bit of air laced with a mixture of saltwater and freshly cut grass. It swarmed around Raph's feet, working its way up and wrapping itself around him. Raph leaned against the cool, damp concrete tunnel wall and sighed deeply, still safely shrouded among the interior shadows as he savored the aroma. As he did, he stared longingly at the brighter exterior of the outside world. Almost despairingly, he again breathed in the sweet savor of fresh air. Where the buildings along the far horizon parted, Raphael caught a glimpse of bright, blue sky. He could also make out the distant sounds of people just beyond the culvert's rise, obviously enjoying a day in the park that ran alongside of the culvert. A bit of grass edged over the man-made lip of the wash, beckoning Raph to explore the temptations of the human world. Yet, he knew it would only bring disaster to him – and, more than likely, to the rest of his family.

Sighing forlornly, Raph kicked at a wayward aluminum can that had backwashed into the tunnel. He watched as the hallow container ricocheted off the opposing wall across from him and skittered noisily towards the outlet's opening. The soda can tipped end over end, its metallic clatter echoing within the vast, empty tunnel. Then, as it caught a nub in the uneven concrete flooring, its trajectory leveled out, allowing it to spin further away from him. As its momentum ceased and as the can came to rest just outside the tunnel mouth, Raphael walked as close to it as he could. He stuck to the shadows that were there, mindful that a simple glimpse of him would be cause for alarm. Yet, as he came to the metal grate that barred anyone outside from entering the sewers, he stood there and stared at the topside world. He suddenly and remorsefully regretted what he had said to Beth. Raph leaned against the metallic barrier and rested his head against its coolness. He groaned silently to himself, "God, my life sucks!"

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Leo sat bolt upright on his mattress, any chance of meditating squelched beyond recovery. He had heard every word that Raphael so rudely said to Beth and, now, Leonardo growled. It came as a low, threatening rumble that vibrated his plastron and carapace. Yet it was soft enough that only he could hear it. Nevertheless, it was becoming quite apparent to him that, regardless of what Mike, or Don or even Splinter had told him, that he had mended his ways with his hotheaded brother, he was not the Leo of old. He was different and there wasn't any way he would put up with Raph's arrogance anymore, especially concerning Beth.

What made it worse for Leo was the very comment that Raph had made concerning his veiled feelings towards Beth. It rankled at the blue-banded turtle, almost to the point of explosion. That his rude brother would even allude to having such indications for the girl piqued his irritation considerably. As he looked down at his injuries, though, Leonardo knew that if he did challenge Raphael to a fight, he would be at a cruel disadvantage. Flexing his arms, he winced slightly. It was obvious that he was still sore from whoever it was that had beaten him up. Where his cuts were just starting to mend, he didn't dare compound his problem by getting into another clash, at least, not for a while.

Then, as he heard Raph announce his run and then leave the lair, Leo began to plan. He would wait, he decided, until he had healed, or at least to a point where he would not have to worry about opening his cuts. Leo would then find an opportunity to knock some sense into Raphael and, by that measure alone, let him know what he could say, and what he could not say, to Beth.

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