DISCLAIMER – My apologies for taking so long in getting this chapter up. I've had it written for a while, but there were aspects to it that were either rough around the edges or just bugged me outright. I took a break, hoping to return with fresh eyes. Either way, here it is and, unless I get an epiphany, it's all I have to offer right now. The story theme is daunting in that I'm trying to keep the TMNT's in character as much as I can, Beth in character, Splinter wise (and where I'm writing this, it's an oxymoron at best!), and keep things progressing towards the kind of ending I want for the story.
As always, I own nothing but my own fat. Oh, and thanks to Pacphys for beta reading for me. You rock, girl:0)
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CHAPTER 18 – Memories.
"Hey, Donnie-boy, need some fresh air?" Mike asked as he ducked his head through the opened doorway of his brother's sub-car, turned bedroom.
"I'm not going to the store for you or with you, Mike. I told you when you took that beer, you better ask Raph first, but – did you?" Don said as he looked up from his book and waited. He was lounging up against his bedroom wall, with his legs sprawled along his bed and had several pillows piled up behind his carapace for support. He watched as his younger brother stared back at him, a still hopeful expression on his face. However, the longer Don stared and held to his position, the more that hopeful look on Mike's face began to melt away.
Finally, after a few minutes, Mike sighed and shrugged in defeat as he turned back to the living room. "Fine, I'll go by myself," he mumbled, trudging towards the ladder, adding as he walked, "Guess I'll use the safe route, the one that goes past Liberty Avenue,"
Yet, no sooner had the words left his mouth than Donatello emerged from his bedroom, wearing his trench coat and fedora hat. The orange-banded turtle glanced over at his brother, a knowing smile spreading across his face. Yes, he thought, it might have been a cruel trick to play, but Liberty Avenue was his trump card, the junkyard located there a certain leverage to get his brainiac brother to come along.
"You know, Mike," Don growled as he sidled up next to him, glaring at his youngest brother as he pulled his hat down tighter over his head, "you'd make a good conman."
"S'what I do best, Donnie-boy!" Mike crowed, nearly skipping to the ladder, now that he wasn't going topside alone.
As she watched the two, Beth couldn't help but chuckle at Mike.
When he heard her, Mike turned Beth's way with a widening grin, "Do I know my brother, or don't I?"
Sniggering, Mike then swiftly climbed the rungs, his coat bellowing around him as he did. He was followed closely by a grumbling Don, who continued to complain about 'manipulative siblings' and 'the next time I need to see that one coming'.
As the two turtles disappeared up through the hole in the ceiling and into the underbelly of New York City, Leonardo watched while he stood just inside his room. He kept back within the shadows there, the light turned out just before he slid open the door. He looked over at Beth and saw that she was watching as Mike and Don ascended through the lair's roof. Then, when they disappeared all together, Splinter said something to her, causing her to turn back around to face him. Leo didn't hear what it was his father had said, but he did hear Beth's response.
She laughed a little, commenting, "You're right. It seems that Don isn't the only one with a keen mind; if Mike knows what to say to get him to do things."
"My child," Splinter said, "Michelangelo often pretends to be ignorant of many things, but I sense he has more insight to his brothers than they themselves are aware of." The rat then chuckled, "I believe it is this which makes him easy to get along with…that is, unless he is bored. Then," Splinter sighed, "he can become quite annoying, I'm afraid." He laughed along with Beth, saying as an afterthought, "Still, he does offer his family many opportunities for amusement. Michelangelo is the one who can make any of us smile when he feels we need to."
Leo listened from where he stood, absorbing this new bit of information regarding Mike. He hadn't really had a chance to get to know any of his brothers well, other than what confrontations he had with Raph. Mike, though, had come across as a sort of clown to Leo, someone who always saw the bright side of things. Nevertheless, despite Leo's original impression that Mike might not have the intelligence of Don, based on Splinter's admission it seemed as if Michelangelo's quotient with understanding his family was equal to Don's genius regarding electronics.
Nevertheless, Leo hestiated coming out of his room. What Raphael had admitted to moments ago still piqued his anger – and his embarrassment. How could he face Beth, now that Raph divulged how Leo felt regarding her? Although he was certain she felt the same way, Splinter's words from earlier had affected him; what if his father was right and Beth wasn't able to return Leo's affection?
Still, he knew he couldn't stay in his room forever. Therefore, taking a deep breath, Leo came out of his subway car and headed deliberately towards the kitchen.
Noticing Leo's presence and a subtle bit of discord, Splinter asked, "My son, are you feeling all right?" The master could sense a disturbance in Leonardo's mood as the rat watched him from his chair. The turtle seemed a bit chagrined, yet determined, too, and maybe just a bit irritated as well.
"Yes, Sensei," Leo replied curtly, clipping his next words short in frustration, "I'm fine. Just…couldn't meditate any more," he grumbled. He went to the refrigerator and nearly yanked it opened, almost reminiscent with the way Raphael had done a while earlier. Taking out a container of orange juice and then closing the appliance, he next procured a glass from one of the cupboards. He promptly filled it with the chilled, golden liquid. As he watched the juice flow into the cup, he could only think about the impropriety of what Raph had done and what he had told Beth.
"What nerve!" he thought to himself, huffing a bit as he snorted.
Splinter watched as his son quickly gulped down the entire glass of juice, the effects of the citrus aftertaste causing the turtle to grimace slightly from the tart flavor.
"I sense a great agitation within you, Leonardo; might you want to talk about it?" the rat asked.
"We've already talked about it, Father." Leo snapped, setting his now-empty glass down hard onto the counter. He then turned towards his sensei, his face stern, yet he quickly noticed a swift look of rebuke cross the rat's face. However, it soon faded, almost as if Splinter had decided not to react, as he normally would have.
"Ah, yes…your…brother, Raphael." Splinter remarked as he came to a sudden understanding. He pointed to the couch to indicate for Leonardo to sit down.
Rolling his eyes and sighing, Leo stood there, not wanting to sit, but the more he looked over at his father and saw the compassionate expression on the rat's face, he finally relented.
"Fine, I'll sit, listen, and do whatever, but it won't make me like him or like the way he treats people."
"Leonardo, I cannot force you to like him," Splinter admitted as Leo walked over and gruffly sat down on the couch. The rat watched as Leo looked over at Beth, observing his son's expression as it softened considerably when the girl's eyes met his. "Yes, he does indeed like her," the ninja master mused sadly to himself, "Yet, I must get them to understand what exactly is going on with Raphael. Otherwise..."
Splinter suddenly cleared his throat, thereby grabbing both Beth and Leonardo's attention. He said, "I would like to tell you a story."
The rat waited for the two to look over at him, and once he had their attention, he began, "There was once a young man who lived all of his life hidden from the world. No one knew he existed." Splinter sighed and allowed his gaze to drift away from the two on the couch, settling on the far wall, "Although the world might have been ignorant of his existence, the young man was not ignorant of the world, and he wished with all of his being that he could be part of it. Sadly, though, he was too different to let the world discover him, as it would have brought him much harm and despair." Splinter looked back at the couple sitting on the sofa, continuing, "Nevertheless, an event brought him together with two from that world who befriended him. As a result, they allowed this young man to experience his first relationship outside of his limited existence. These two touched him deeply and in such a profound way that they allowed him to feel what the other world would call 'normal'."
Beth and Leonardo listened intently, their eyes and ears riveted to the aged ninja master, as he spoke to them.
Splinter's face saddened considerably, now, and as he lowered his face a little as he looked at his hands lying in his lap, he continued, "Unfortunately, one of them died a horrific death and the other one disappeared soon afterwards, leaving the young man friendless once again and…very sad." The rat turned liquid, brown eyes back towards the two on the couch, "You see, one became a close friend to him, a best friend. He and this young man spent many hours together. They had a lot in common. As for the other friend, before she died, this young man had fallen in love with her. However, she could not fulfill that love because she was so different from him and lived in the world where he could not. Sadly, this caused great distress and anger in the young man, and when she died, it left him scarred, lonely, and - hateful to those who caused her death. When his best friend disappeared soon after, he tried to find him, but without success. Sadly, as it turned out, the young man was, once again, alone, yet filled with more despair than he had been before he knew them."
Beth's eyes teared up, feeling the loneliness of the 'young man' through Splinter's story. The account had touched her heart and, for a moment, she forgot about Leonardo sitting next to her, even though he had taken her hand in his during Splinter's tale.
"W-what…happened to him?" she asked in concern.
Splinter smiled a little, sensing her worry and glad for it, as it was something he had hoped for, "He is venting some of that anger right now, child," he told her.
A puzzled expression came to Beth's face, her brow wrinkling in confusion, "H-how…would you know that?" She looked back over at Leo and saw that he, too, seemed to be wondering the same question, that is, if his own furrowed brow was any indication. Then, Beth eyes widened slightly and she looked back over at Splinter. With a startled expression, she asked, "Raphael?"
"Yes," Splinter answered simply, smiling and quite pleased with the girl's sudden realization.
Both Leonardo and Beth were stunned. At first, Beth had honestly thought that what Splinter was telling them was only a story, one to amuse and to entertain them. Yet, she instantly knew that in one brief moment, he had told them much about why Raphael was so angry. Chastised and feeling something other than resentment and fear, Beth now pondered the rat's words with more clarity than before.
After a long moment of contemplation, Leo finally admitted, his voice soft and contrite, "I – guess...he's entitled, then, to act the way he does?"
"Indeed he is!" Splinter responded eagerly. He smiled and nodded, "However, I am glad, Leonardo, that your intellect and compassion are not something your amnesia has taken from you." Sighing, the rat went on to state, "Losing these two friends has been very hard on your brother – as it has been for all of us. Even though everyone needs friendship to one degree or another, Raphael probably needs it most of all; maybe even more so than the rest of us."
Nevertheless, Beth sat there quietly, thinking to herself a great deal about the words she had said earlier to the red-banded turtle. Her comment to Raphael, "Why can't you be nice, too?" seemed to echo repeatedly in her mind and now appeared quite unfair. She realized that for him to be nice to strangers, especially humans and female ones at that, had brought Raph pain and sadness, much in the same way her trusting and helpful nature had brought her pain.
In that moment, Beth understood her antagonist a bit better, even sympathizing with him a little. She could finally relate to him, where before he seemed as alien in nature to her as the desert was to a rainforest. Now, they seemed to have something in common.
As a result, the story changed Beth's heart a little, allowing something other than dislike and revulsion to influence her in how she should react to Raphael. Although she still liked Leo, she did not see his brother as the boorish brute she had assumed him to be. In fact, as she thought about it, she realized that Raphael had been absolutely right...she didn't know him at all.
In any event, whatever it was that enabled him to do so, Leo sensed the sudden shift in the girl's mood and, in that moment, he turned to look at her. He swallowed deeply, his brow furrowing in worry. He noticed something in Beth's face that told him that Splinter's story had deeply affected her. Yes, he would have to say that he now felt more sympathy for his brother, and maybe he even understood him better. Yet, the expression in Beth's eyes and face told him that, whatever she was feeling, it did not bode well for his relationship with her.
Suddenly, Leo felt a rising panic well up within him, a desperation gripping his heart like a vice, as he envisioned Beth drawn towards Raphael's loneliness. He wondered that, if based on her sympathies and Splinter's story, if she might have become attracted to his brother. Despite the fact that Leo might have lost his advantage and justification to pound Raphael into being nicer towards Beth, his own interest and possessiveness for her only replaced that intent.
Now, instead of the motivation of knocking some sense into Raphael, Leonardo felt a need to protect that which his heart claimed as his. Regardless of Splinter's words from earlier, the turtle knew that his brother was a threat to him. In that moment, he decided that he would not tolerate losing Beth to someone who did not have the decency to speak respectfully to her, nevermind the reasons behind Raph's behavior.
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Raphael pushed away from the concrete wall of the tunnel, took one last longing look at the outside world…and then headed for home. Along the way, he came to a turn in the tunnel where it joined with another. He stopped.
One side led back to the lair, while the other led to an access hole that opened up just behind a familiar landmark – and one that he had not used in a very long time.
Raphael hesitated.
Then, almost as if he had come to a sudden decision, he took the tunnel less traveled, with his stride purposeful and determined. He strode deliberately, clenching and unclenching his fists in agitation as he walked, his eyes narrowing as he focused his mind on his destination. Soon arriving at the access shaft in question, he didn't even hesitate as he leaped up to grab the first rung. Effortlessly he pulled himself up to where his feet could find purchase, the water from the sewers dripping along the metal footholds. Then Raph quickly climbed the rest of the way to the heavy, metallic lid above. He then took his right sai from its sheath with his left hand, while holding onto the top rung with his right to steady himself. Expertly and with years of practice ease, Raph eased the tip of his weapon through the side hole of the sewer lid. Then, he suddenly stopped.
Emotions swam over him like a giant overwhelming wave, causing him to suck in his breath as he did. Swallowing deeply and pushing back the undulating feelings, he then narrowed his eyes as he stubbornly proceeded to lift the heavy, circular disk. Slowly it rose up from where it nested in the indention above him.
Almost immediately, the blinding light of day rushed in and caught him full in the face. Wincing instantly against its strength, he quickly recovered in order to assure that no one was standing outside to watch his ascent. Peering between the opening of the sewer and the lid, Raph confirmed that the byway was empty. Yet, for a moment, however, a distant memory rushed at him, one from the past that seemed so long ago, yet - in reality – it had only been seven years.
It had been dark, nighttime, in fact. Raph and his brothers were on their very first patrol and their excitement was intoxicating. They were all in a grand mood, happy to be outside the sewers and finally putting to test the years of training and wisdom that Splinter had taught them. They were confident in the ways of ninjitsu, with the foursome now enjoying the freedom to roam the city.
As luck would have it, they had come across a gang pilfering electronics from a news van. Unfortunately, a woman – a reporter from the channel 6 news station, had come upon the theft in progress. Unintentionally, she had complicated the turtles' interference, and yet she had set into motion a series of events that would ultimately change their lives forever.
As it was, Raph remembered all too well about how he had lost his sai after his and his brothers' first battle, about how the reporter – April - had taken it, not knowing to whom it belonged. He easily remembered peering out from beneath the manhole cover near the news station, much like he was doing now, and watching as the woman slipped the weapon into her purse. The police had been too busy with collecting her tied-up attackers to notice, but - Raph didn't miss a thing. Even now, he could clearly recall the feeling of failure and disappointment he felt at the time.
Determined to retrieve his precious weapon, though, and despite his sensei's advice to just let it go, Raphael had gone after her the next day. However, it hadn't quite turned out as he had hoped it would. Again, he found himself rescuing her after yet another attack, but this time by ninjas. He would learn later that the black-clad warriors worked for his sensei's hated enemy.
Nevertheless, with the girl now unconscious in his arms, he had no other choice but to take her to his clan's hidden lair to keep her safe from her attackers.
Raph chuckled as he remembered Leo's first words, "Are you CRAZY?" Shaking his head, the red-banded turtle recalled his own, "Yeah, Leo, I am."
Raph would later learn that the woman's name was April O'Neal, and his eventual friendship with her would bring into motion a relationship that had before only teased and tempted him.
As these memories came flooding back to Raphael full force, they caused the red-banded turtle to hesitate only slightly. He knew that they were merely recollections, visions from the past that did not have anything to do with the here and now. Raph knew this, but it still nagged at the back of his mind, the similarities with what he was currently doing and where he was standing quite evident.
He growled once at his hesitation and the rising strength of his emotions, and then focused on what he knew he had to do next.
Where the sewer access hole opened up, it backed up against a typical New York brownstone building. Situated in a blind alley, there was only a single viewpoint allowed, and it showed only the trash-strewed nature of the vacant and little-used passageway. Thankfully, for the moment, the alley was empty of any human interference.
Confident that he would emerge from the sewers unnoticed, Raph noiselessly eased the lid further off the opening and to one side. He quickly slipped out of the hole, replacing the lid, and then took advantage of the shadows nearby. The angle of the late afternoon sun had dipped far to the opposite side of the brick and mortar structure, the shadows now deeper than they would have been had he come earlier. Slipping into the darkened areas of the alley and ducking behind a garbage bin, Raph waited, holding his breath.
He knew that being out in the bright light of day was not a smart thing to do, regardless of the pre evening shadows. Then again, when did he ever do anything smart? He chuckled a bit and wondered what Mike would say. After all, he had forced his youngest brother out into the same forbidden light, all to replace a single bottle of pilfered beer. If Mike knew where Raph was, he knew what his youngest brother would say, "If you were already going out, why'd you force me to?"
Yeah, Raph was certain that Michelangelo would complain.
After a few moments and when Raph was convinced he was alone in the dead-end alley, he looked at the one door leading into the building behind him. The stoop rested approximately five feet up from the alley floor, accessed by way of wooden stairs that led to a small raised porch that was there. The boarded windows facing the alley were just as they were five years earlier, which was the last time he had found himself currently standing where he was.
This was April's place, her apartment; in fact, the entire building was hers. After the Second Time Around had burned down and after her insurance company had determined that those who invaded her home were responsible, she had used the resulting payoff to purchase another building – this building.
Much of what was in her father's second hand store had been destroyed in the resulting fire, yet there was still enough salvaged to start another, small business. With her career as a journalist and reporter reinstated again, she found that the pre-owned mercantile work offered her a nice weekend hobby. That was the only time it was ever opened, giving her friends free access during the week to lay about and just be somewhere other than down in the sewers.
Nevertheless, it had been nearly six years since any of them had visited, and that fact now weighed heavily against Raphael.
He swallowed, suddenly unsure whether, or not, to proceed. Just the same, he had come this far, so Raphael decided to go the distance and finish what he started.
Although he found the door locked, the ninja expertly compromised the resistance, soon easing the door open. Where it hadn't had much in the way of exercise, the door's hinges creaked audibly. Yet, soon they quieted as whatever rust had built up brushed away with the action between the pin and plate. As quickly as he could, Raph slipped inside, quietly closing the door behind him.
Turning around now, he stood completely still as he listened, smelling the interior, and waiting for his senses to tell him that all was well, that the store and the apartment above were empty. After a moment and finally convinced that he was the only one present, Raphael stepped carefully out of the entryway of the back room and into the storage area of the shop. Noting the still scattered, if dusty remnants of merchandise that the insurance company had left behind, he smiled, then, and shook his head.
When April had purchased the building, she had written up a will. Raph couldn't understand at the time why she had done this. It wasn't as if the insurance company would be able to locate her listed recipients. At the time, even Leo had questioned her sanity, wondering if she had even considered the many problems it might cause them.
Raphael remembered his brother's exact words, in fact. "Are you NUTS? How can we claim this place, April? I mean, the insurance company won't just hand this place over to us, no matter what the will states. We're not even considered human – citizens, for that matter."
Yet, she had persisted and insisted, telling all of them that in the end, if it ever came to pass the she did die before they did, they would have a place to go to other than the sewers. As it turned out, because the insurance people were unable to find the recipients stated in her will, namely her four turtle friends and their mentor, Splinter, the authorities had no other recourse but to keep the building in its present state and off limits to any buyers. The only thing they did was to clear out as much of the junk as they could.
As it turned out, it ended up being a brilliant move by their thoughtful friend. The property was still considered privately owned, although defunct from any potential buyers.
Just the same, however, April's demise had been so tragic and their loss so great, that none of Raph's brothers, or even himself, ever wanted to visit the building again. It reminded them all too much of the pain her passing had caused them. The memories were too sharp and clear – even now.
Sucking in a hesitant and shaky breath, Raphael knew that he had to make this sojourn. He had to be here, to think, to ponder, to…ask forgiveness. After all, if it were not for him, April might still be alive. Yet, despite his guilt, despite how it weighed against him, he had to do this. It was something that Don had suggested years earlier, and one that Raphael had rejected at the time. Yet, he knew that it now had to be done, if only so when he returned to the lair, he could get on with his life. Maybe then, and he knew that it was a slim chance at best; he might have a chance at another friendship…again.
At the very least, what baggage he had stubbornly held onto, today would be the day he would finally get rid of it.
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