Hello! I'm back. Well I'm really bad at keeping schedules so I will just update when I feel like it. I have also been reliably informed that this chapter is more pleasurable than the last one, so enjoy a break from the gloomy, murky water of grief.
I also apologize for my poor choice in picking a title. The title-which-must-not-be-named, ever, has been changed to something darker, but with less accidental innuendo.
I do not own the Harry Potter series and all rights belong to JK Rowling, her publishers, and Warner Bros Entertainment company.
Harry Potter was lying flat on his back staring at the ceiling of Sirius' old bedroom in Number 12 Grimmauld Place, an unopened letter clutched in his hand. It was crafted with emerald ink and heavy parchment and it bore the Hogwarts crest. When he had come back from lunch in the dining room, he had found it sitting on his bed, the emerald ink glistening in the dim light. Harry continued to stare at it, pondering whether or not to open it. There was an insistent tap-tapping noise coming from the locked wooden door, which he ignored, caught up in his own thoughts.
The enchanted, everlasting calendar on the wall, retrieved from number four Privet Drive along with all of his old school books, was his only contact with the outside world. The calendar, whose days had been marked off without any date circled, showed that today was Harry's birthday. It had been several months since he had had any contact with humans, save the Dursleys who had nearly jumped out of their skins when a shadow-eyed Harry had appeared in their front hallway, levitating a large stack of schoolbooks and wizarding equipment through the doorway before apparating out of sight.
Even though the grief was sometimes unbearable, the days were mostly filled with a quiet numbness. More importantly, the days had not been bogged down by anxiety at every noise, and worry about which names would show up in the obituary column of the Daily Prophet. All in all, Harry's summer had been painful, but silent. Harry basked in the quiet, and often shut himself inside Sirus' old room in Grimmauld Place. He had replaced the mattress and the blankets, and lying tucked in bed created the same warm, safe feeling that he had experienced while dead, in the white King's Cross Station.
Harry had also periodically yearned for the summers when he had been shut in his room, doing his homework in the dead of night, and secretly corresponding with his two best friends. Now that Hedwig was gone, he would have had no easy way of contacting them, even if he wanted to. After the battle, Ginny had suggested getting a new owl, but Harry had refused point-blank.
The tap-tapping persisted. Harry, annoyed, awoke from his stupor, dropped the unopened Hogwarts letter into the trash can, which appeared to be sleeping, and opened the door. Pigwidgeon bowled into him and starting flitting around him, clearly excited to have made a delivery deemed impossible. Indeed it should have been impossible, as Harry had very carefully removed and replaced the Fidelius charm, making himself the only secret-keeper. Even though almost anyone trying to contact Harry would have known where he was residing, they shouldn't have been able to get in.
Harry grabbed Pigwidgeon unceremoniously and tore the letters off of him. After being released, he flitted around the room. He had nowhere to go seeing as Harry kept the windows bolted and that Harry had immediately closed the door to the room after inviting in Pigwidgeon, as though more uninvited guests would try to force their way in.
He tore open the first envelope dated May 24th and three pieces of paper fell out. He grabbed one at random from the floor and read.
Harry,
I know you need time. We all do- but I can't just sit here and wait for you to come back. Harry, please talk to me. None of this was your fault. Plus, Mum is worried sick. She keeps trying to write but she says that none of the letters can find you. We all assumed you'd gone back to Grimmauld place, but we tried it and couldn't get in. After we went to check at Privet Drive, and they'd told us you'd taken all of your stuff and left, we tried to go back to Number 12, but we couldn't even see it anymore. Hermione says you've probably redone the Fidelius charm, but I hope this will find you anyway. Please respond. We have tons of news.
Annoyed, but with grudging love,
Ginny
Harry felt a pang in his chest. It was the first feeling besides guilt and grief that he had felt all summer. It wasn't strong, but he felt the feeling through the overwhelming numbness that he usually associated with dementors. He missed Ginny so much that it hurt. He tore open the second letter, hoping that it, too, would be from her. Instead he found Ron's untidy scrawl:
Harry,
I don't know what you think you are doing, or trying to accomplish, but you had better get back here this instant. Hermione and I are going to Australia to find her parents and we would really like you to come. It would be one last adventure. Plus, Mum and Ginny are going crazy. Stop feeling guilty and sorry for yourself, which won't help anyone.
Your best friend,
Ron
Despite what Ron's letter said, Harry was feeling guiltier and guiltier by the minute. He hadn't once considered the possibility that his friends would want to contact him. He opened the last letter to find Hermione's neat cursive which read:
Harry,
How dare you desert us!? I understand what you are going through because I am going through it too- we all are. Despite your protests, people understand you. You aren't alone in your mournful world, and this mournful world would be a lot easier to survive if you were in it. I know this won't reach you unless you change your mind about needing people, but Harry, we need you too. Ron is driving me insane, but we have tons of news. I'm going to find my parents, Ginny has been playing quidditch with George all summer in order to take her mind off of things, and Luna has come to stay with us for the time being while her dad deals with stuff at the ministry. She says we shouldn't be too harsh on you, and I'm really trying not to be, but Harry, you left us when we needed as many friends and family as possible. The least you owe us is to come back as soon as soon as you get this.
With love,
Hermione
and in Luna's looping, random, cursive scribble,
PS. this is Luna. Hi Harry, I'm sorry for what you are going through. If you want to talk, you know where to find me.
Guilt was consuming him, mixed with a longing to see them all again and happiness that they didn't hate him for the Battle and for abandoning them. They actually wanted to talk to him, or at least they had. Full of dread, he slit open the unopened envelope and out fell a small, handwritten letter and a duplicate of the Hogwarts letter he had thrown away.
Surprised, he opened the handwritten letter to find Luna's writing.
Harry,
I'm the only one willing to admit it, but everyone around here misses you and they are all terribly worried. They are all mad now though, and Ginny, Ron, and Hermione are refusing to write until you reply to their other letters. I understand what you are going through and wanted to wish you a happy birthday. Returning from the dead can be hard. I thought that I would just be sending this for nothing, but Kreacher showed up. He says you are eating, but he is worried about you. He so kindly offered to take Pig inside number 12 to deliver this letter to you because he really needs to clean the room you are staying in. He says that it is starting to smell. I also asked Professor McGonagall to allow me to send you another Hogwarts letter because I'm sure that you have already thrown the first one away.
See you soon,
Luna
Harry, by instinct, smiled. Luna's brutal honesty was comforting. He still felt numb, but the emotions were tingling inside of him, longing to rise up and overwhelm him. There was still one letter to go, which read:
Dear Mr. Potter,
As the previous year at Hogwarts was not properly fulfilled or finished, students will be required to retake the year they were supposed to take last year if they wish to continue at Hogwarts. Since last year was supposed to be your last year at Hogwarts, we cannot force you to come back and complete your final year of education. However, we strongly encourage it, as you have not yet taken your NEWTS and may have difficulty finding a job.
A list of materials is enclosed for your reference.
Term begins on September 1 and we await your owl no later than July 31.
Sincerely,
Fillius Flitwick
Deputy Headmaster
Harry found, as promised, the enclosed list of supplies, along with the pleasantly surprising Gryffindor Quidditch Captain badge and a small, handwritten note from Professor McGonagall.
Dear Harry,
I hope you are well, although I have heard from the Weasleys that you have cut off all forms of contact with all living creatures except for your house elf and whatever is still living in 12 Grimmauld Place. I don't understand how you can be so dense sometimes, and you should listen to Ms. Lovegood because she knows what is best for everyone and is honest enough to say it.
On another, equally severe, matter, it seems as though the wizarding community has fallen into a sense of security now that Voldemort is dead. I am not in a position to determine whether the sense of security is false, but I do know that this sense of security strongly resembles the relief that the wizarding community felt after Grindelwald was defeated. The sense of security happening now is the same one that allowed Voldemort to rise to power so quickly many years ago. Against my protests, much of the wizarding community has decided that Defense Against the Dark Arts is now a useless class and I had to fight to keep it in the curriculum. Naturally, no one wanted the job, so I hired a familiar face who is less competent than a troll at fighting the dark arts. With this in mind, I beseech you to restart the DA. If you agree, I would like to add it as extra credit for the Defense Against the Dark Arts classes and even though you should still attend all of your DADA lessons, running the DA would exempt you from homework, essays, or any kind of time-consuming work assigned from the class. You will obviously have to take the NEWT but I am confidant in your ability to fight dark forces. Please think it over and I strongly encourage you to come back to Hogwarts.
Hoping that you get your head out of your misery,
Minerva McGonagall