Chapter 4

Harry, wallowing in his grief and loneliness, continued to rummage through his trunk. Despite what Mrs. Weasley said, they did not want him at the Burrow. It seemed as though fleeing would be better. Getting as far away from Britain as possible would have been ideal, but Harry was still holding out hope that Hogwarts would remedy things. The mess inside Harry's trunk was the only thing that needed cleaning in the room. Kreacher had seen to that. Harry buried himself in the physical work, thinking spite and breathing grief. Soon, organized piles of wizarding materials appeared on the extra bed. Harry had almost finished cleaning out his trunk when Ron, Hermione, and Ginny entered the room.

Ginny sat down on Ron's bed, facing Harry, and tried to meet his gaze as Harry determinedly started restacking his things neatly into his trunk.

"Care to explain what happened to you over the summer?" Her curt tone made Harry look up.

Her eyes, a warm brown color that Harry loved, uncharacteristically pierced him. For no reason, overwhelming sadness overtook Harry and he felt like talking through everything. He needed to talk about accepting his death, and then not fulfilling it. He needed to talk about what he experienced after he died and what it took out of him to come back. He needed to talk about not only the people he lost, but how he had met them, prepared for them to embrace him, and had accepted that he could finally let himself go and be with them again. He wanted to tell Ginny, to confess to those warm, brown eyes, that the hope and love that had welled inside of him to press down the fear of his own death had been brutally ripped away by his return to reality. It seemed as though there was nothing on earth that could compare with the warmth and happiness he had felt after he died.

Harry so desperately wanted to say what he felt. He wanted to gush it out, to be comforted with love by a mother that he had assured himself he would be with. He was wary, though, of his friend's stares. He didn't know how they would react- whether they would dismiss him or try to overly involve themselves. Any condolences from them would be fruitless, and Harry was wary of their reactions, which were sure to have been extreme.

There was one person, though, that would understand. She seemed to understand everything. She was right downstairs in Ginny's room. Harry needed to talk to-

"Luna!"

Ginny looked alarmed at Harry's sudden outburst, and Hermione and Ron echoed her expression. Harry was confused for a moment, and then he realized that he had thought aloud.

"I need to talk to Luna." He got up from the bed and tried to push his way past Ron and Hermione, who blocked his way.

"Harry, what is going on?" Hermione was exasperated, but worry tinged her voice. "Talk to us. We can help with whatever it is."

"No, I need to talk to Luna."

"Mate, you're going to be as loony as her if you keep this up," Ron pointed out forcefully. "Hermione's right, we can help."

"Harry?" Luna appeared behind Ron and Hermione. "What's wrong?"

"He says he needs to talk to you." For some reason, Ron sounded suspicious.

"I think Harry owes all of us an explanation, though," Hermione added, turning her head to survey Harry.

"What's there to explain?" Harry almost shouted. "I went through a bad time. I was at Grimmauld Place, I didn't do anything exciting, and mostly I tried to get over everything that happened."

"And did you?" Luna asked quietly.

Harry looked down. "I was being stupid. I'm sorry I just abandoned you guys, but I needed some time to myself."

"Well it's not like we weren't doing the exact same thing here," Ron said. "You can be a bit dense sometimes. It took you long enough to realize that living people make grief better."

Harry forced a smile, and he was startled as two manes of hair- red and brown- flew into his face. He fell over, startled. Hermione scrambled to her feet, her cheeks flushed from embarrassment, and Ginny laced her hand through Harry's.

"I'm glad you are back," she told him quietly. "Next time you leave me though, I might not wait around. This makes what, twice, now?" She grinned and punched him playfully on the arm as she pulled him out the door, past Luna's surveying, worried gaze, down the stairs, and out to the quidditch field. Everyone played, even Hermione and Mrs. Weasley. As George hoisted Ron onto his shoulders after a brilliant save, Harry caught Luna staring at him mournfully, and pondered the fact that Luna may not have been fooled by his forced smiles and easy lies.

It comforted him that at least one person understood him.

I am really sorry that this chapter is so short. I was going to attach it to Chapter 3 but I wanted to post Chapter 3 and I had no idea how to write this in character. I tried my best, but I am sure that this whole bit was very OOC. Most of the beginning will be OOC, though, because this is the first time we see the characters REALLY struggle with internalized depression- correct me if I am wrong. As they recover and move on to the next "big bad" I hope to make the characters more like themselves.

I have gotten some questions on whether I ship Harry and Luna. The answer is no, because I ship Hinny, but I love the friendship between Luna and Harry I will definitely be developing it.

Thanks for reading, and I am sorry it is so short. The next chapter will be longer.

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