Disclaimer – Ah, well, Eastman and Laird, and Mirage Studios have yet to get back to me. I've left a ton of messages about buying them out. However, until the deal is final, they're still owners of the TMNT's, at least in part for some, and I'm still a writer whose only payment comes from the comments and readership of her loyal group of writer-friends. Thanks guys!
To all who keep reading this missive, I bow to your diligence. To those who read and still review, I'm eternally grateful and awe-struck with wonderment! Thanks! Those reviewers are – Lunar Ninja, Katana-Babe, Mewfem, Empress Caroline of Tamaran, BubblyShell22, Fantacy, Mikaela's Spade, Pacphys, Dierdre, Leo Oneal, Kaya Lizzie, Ramica, Reluctant Dragon, Jessiy Landroz, and, finally, Chibi Rose Angel
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Chapter 28 – The Way of the Clan
Beth watched as Leonardo walked towards the living room. Although she had only been in the lair for just two days, she had learned to recognize certain facial expressions akin to him and his family.
Mike was easy to discern, of course, where it seemed he was always smiling or joking around.
Donatello would smile occasionally, as well, or appear thoughtful, and his facial features allowed for a variety of other emotions, too.
To Beth, Raphael always seemed angry or discontent.
Concerning Splinter, though, he was a bit of an enigma to the girl. He just seemed – peaceful all the time, even when he was displeased with his sons.
As for Leonardo, Beth had developed a keener understanding about him, if only because of the amount of time that they had spent together. Before his memory returned, the girl knew that he cared a great deal for her with the way he would look at her with his expressive, brown eyes. The fact that Leo would ask how she was doing and his willingness to help, as well as his gentle touch, told Beth that he was a compassionate being.
Now, however, as she watched him stride towards her and as she took in his features, she saw a completely different Leonardo. For one thing, he walked more determinedly, his previously relaxed stature replaced with an air of confidence. Instead of looking at her as if she were the only one in the room, though, his face now expressed a stern disposition that said, no matter what the problem, he would either fix it or do what was necessary.
In either event, the person walking up to Beth was not the Leo with whom she was familiar. It seemed that whoever he had been before, whatever his amnesia state had created, the turtle she had rescued two days prior no longer existed. And, in that moment, Beth felt as if her heart would break into a million pieces.
Then, ever so slowly, a voice of reasoning crept its way cautiously into her mind. It was then that the girl suddenly realized one very important fact. She was a creature of light, someone who lived 'topside', the term her benefactors had used to label her world above. Her physical needs almost demanded some sun and, even though Beth had sequestered herself from the world at large, nevertheless, she did venture out on occasion, if only to the rooftop of her apartment building.
In contrast and due to his unique physical attributes, Leonardo and his family could never be part of that world, not where the opportunists living there might profit from the clan's capture.
The more she dwelled on these thoughts, the more Beth realized how selfish it would be for either of them to have a relationship with the other. Not only would it put Leo and his family in danger of discovery by going topside more frequently than they did, but it would be impossible and quite unhealthy for her to remain below ground, as well.
Therefore, whatever fanciful expectations she might have had for Leo and herself, dissipated like fog under a hot summer sun.
Just as Leonardo reached the living area, Beth was trying to accept the consequences of his recovery with as brave a heart as she could muster. She knew that Splinter only reacted as any parent would, where it concerned the safety and well-being of his family. He was probably more aware of his clan's precarious existence than even Donatello was, or Raphael, for that matter.
Yet, Beth also realized that to throw herself at Leo in a desperate attempt to keep him would only force Splinter to remove her permanently from the clan. That was something Beth truly didn't want to have happen. She liked them, and maybe if she played her cards right, they might even attempt to keep in touch with her. She would even be glad to see Raphael, although she could never feel for him in the same way that she felt for his brother.
It did please her that Raph had tried to make amends with her. Yet, it seemed wholly out of character for him, too. With what little she knew about the turtle, Beth doubted very much that he gave in to emotional displays. The more she considered this particular thought, Beth began to wonder if maybe, just maybe Raphael had an agenda of his own for coming to see her so late at night. As she considered her theory, the girl recalled everything that transpired between Raphael and herself since she had awakened in the lair. From the moment he made himself known to her, Raph had grunted and complained about her presence. Beth remembered how he had even postured himself and accused her of seeing him as nothing more than a freak.
His sarcastic and sardonic attitude towards her now seemed to be nothing more than veiled insecurity, culminating when she and Leonardo had kissed. What followed with Raph's rage and hurtful words had surprised Beth at the time, but she now wondered if he was only jealous of Leo. Maybe the red-banded turtle liked her, too, but he just didn't know how to express it?
"Quite honestly, he's not my type," Beth groaned silently to herself.
As Raph watched Leo's approach, the girl looked over at him. It was easy to tell that he seemed relieved his brother was back, mentally whole, and ready to take over the reins of leadership once again. She felt a bit of sympathy for Raph, then, the feeling's sudden emergence surprising her as it edged its way into her heart. She already realized that, other than their physical uniqueness, they were as human in nature and habits as anyone living in New York City was. Yet, they were still unique. For any girl, such as herself, to see them the way that she did, now, and be able to look past the obvious, would be a miracle.
Raphael must have sensed Beth staring at him, because he briefly turned to look over at her. He smiled, then, almost comfortingly, in fact, before returning his gaze to his brother once more. Yes, Beth thought to herself, she was certain that Raphael did indeed like her.
Nevertheless, no matter how many times he might apologize to her, Beth knew that he had too caustic of a personality for her sensitive nature. As much as she felt sorry for Raphael, there just wasn't any way she could see anything occurring between the two of them beyond what they already had.
She then turned her attention once more to the one she had truly given her heart to, and felt an immediate coldness as she gazed up into his face. As Leonardo stared back, she felt Mikey gently caress her hand to encourage her, while Donatello whispered something about not overreacting. It was becoming obvious to the girl that they recognized all too well this more formal version of their brother.
Leonardo stopped, then, and stood just across from Beth, with the coffee table situated in-between them. Splinter stood next to him, as if in support, while Leo regarded the girl with an almost emotionless expression. In fact, it seemed to Beth as if Leo appeared more than willing to give back her heart she so willingly gave to him. She felt suddenly very small and very out of place.
He straightened up slightly and finally said, with his voice firm and confident, "I am told that you rescued me."
Beth swallowed back whatever expectations she had and answered softly, "Yes…I did."
Smiling slightly, Leo replied as he gave a small bow of his head, "Then, I want to thank you, Beth. It was a brave thing for you to do."
Shrugging, the girl allowed a gentle smile in return, "It wasn't that dangerous, you were…sort of helpless because of your injuries."
"No, that is not what I meant," Leonardo corrected evenly, "I would not have hurt you, but I have enemies who would have." He took a measured breath and then explained determinedly, raising his chin a little and straightened up even more, "However, because of these enemies, it makes it difficult for my family to socialize with anyone from topside, as you can well imagine. Also, I have been made aware that, because if of my amnesia, I was…well…I was not quite myself with you." His smile faded, now, as he remarked softly, "I wish to therefore…apologize to you for possibly starting something that I honestly cannot finish." Leonardo bowed low before her and uttered something in Japanese. The words he used sounded very familiar to Beth, they sounded almost like the same words he used the day before, after he had embarrassed her about helping in the bathroom.
Realizing he was apologizing and in the most formal way, Beth closed her eyes against the onslaught of emotions welling up inside. It was becoming clearer with each passing moment how futile it would be for her to try and rekindle the brief friendship she had had with him. Regardless of how she felt about her friend, no amount of wishing could change the facts as they were now. It was obvious to Beth that Leo had forgotten who she was and he was now trying his best to move on graciously. Obviously, it was imperative that she do likewise, yet, she could not ignore how she felt.
As perplexed as she was and as clueless as she felt as to what to say to him, one thing was certain. The thought of returning to her apartment made Beth feel quite uneasy.
Almost as if he had read her mind, Leonardo relaxed just a little and asked directly, "Do you feel ready to return to your apartment, Beth?"
And that was it, it seemed. She would be going back, probably never to see her new friends again. It was obvious that they did venture to the surface now and then, more than likely for supplies, but to visit people, she doubted that very much. What had happened so quickly in stirring Beth's heart had ended just as abruptly. It seemed as if months had passed since her arrival in the lair, when, in fact, it had only been two days. Nevertheless, with all that she had discovered about herself and all that she had gained through Splinter's teachings, everything seemed to be slipping through her fingers like water. It just felt so incredibly unfair to her.
In reply to Leo's question, Beth had to be honest, "I'm not really sure about going back…where I feel safe here in your home." She glanced over at Splinter and smiled, and then looked back at Leonardo again, saying, "Plus, your father has taught me how to find self control."
Splinter inclined his head a bit, accepting her proffered words of appreciation.
Leo nodded in understanding and remarked, "Yes, I have been told that you suffer from a malady, something that…causes you to lose focus."
Beth smiled a little; she seemed mildly amused with his simple definition of her catatonic attacks.
If Leonardo had noticed her amusement, he didn't show it. Instead, he went on to say, "I am sorry for that, Beth, but…I believe that by whatever means you have found solace, returning to your own home will be best for everyone concerned."
Raphael had stood there watching and listening, a growing anger building with every word spoken by his brother. As much as he was relieved with Leonardo's recovery, he had still sensed Beth's great disappointment and felt her crestfallen mood. He did have to admire her, though, for not chasing after Leo. She could have cried, thrown a fit, yelled, or even thrown herself at him. Yet all Beth did was sit there on the couch and take his rejection without a single word or complaint. For Raph, it took great courage to accept defeat, although he would be the last one ever to admit it. Still, he felt sympathy for the girl and intense anger at his brother for arbitrarily throwing it all way – memory or no memory. Raphael was certain that Beth would never be attracted to him, so, in that moment, he decided to do whatever he could to change his brother's mind.
Leo soon heard a sudden growl of discontent from his right and it caused him to look in that direction. He noticed that Raphael was now glaring at him, his hands fisted in suppressed rage, with a sneer creasing his face.
Before Leonardo could challenge or even inquire, though, his brother bellowed, "I knew it, I just knew ya were gonna break that girl's heart. Wazza mattah with you, Leo? You forget t'feel or somethin'? Did I give ya brain damage, too? Good God, Leo, maybe for once in yer life, ya'otta think with yer loins!"
"RAPHAEL, that is quite enough from you!" barked Splinter, raising his cane to strike out at his tempestuous son.
However, before the rod could connect, the turtle intercepted its path and grabbed the cane with his left hand. Despite Splinter's attempt to extricate the stick, though, Raphael held firmly onto the rod, barely tested, as his fingers fisted around the lower end of the stick. As a contest of wills erupted between them, almost in the next moment, the tug o' war came to an impasse. Raph then glared at his father as his father glared back in reply, with silent communication passing between them. Splinter narrowed his eyes, flattening his ears at the same time. His exposed fur bristled in warning, but Raphael paid him no mind. A slight grin, barely discernable, creased the turtle's stern face.
Just as Raphael intercepted his father's cane, a duet of gasps had sprung from the couch. Don and Mike stood up in defense of their sensei, fearing the worse from their angry brother, just as Leonardo prepared to intervene as well.
Yet, one quickly raised paw from Splinter forced all three of them to hesitate. They saw the resigned expression on their father's face and, for now, it seemed that he was giving way. Just the same, three pairs of angry eyes bore threateningly at their red-banded brother, each of them ready to step in if needed.
"From now on," Raph exclaimed evenly, "I would appreciate it if my own fathah would remembah that I'm twenty-two, and not two!" Raphael bowed his head slightly, releasing Splinter's walking stick, as he said sincerely, "I respect ya, Sensei; I really do. I love ya, even, but ya can't keep hittin' me or my bros as if we were just children." He then huffed a bit, as he flung his right arm around for emphasis, "We keep the city safe, for cryin' out loud; battle yer feuds for ya; risk our lives and our freedom every time we go out, and yet if we so much as express ourselves," he pointed a finger at Splinter, "you have a hissy fit," Raph sighed, "Again, no disrespect, Sensei, but ya need to let go and let us be who we are."
Splinter stood there somewhat speechless, yet before he could offer a rebuttal, Raphael turned and pointed to Leo, "And as for our Fearless Leadah here, just because yer gonna be jonin one day, who says ya have t'live yer life like a monk, Leo? Can't ya see the chance fate's given ya here with Beth?" Shaking his head, "Geeze Louise, I'd kill to have some nice girl fall in love wit me. It's nevah gonna happen t'me, of course, but still, you have this opportunity and then ya go gettin' all noble and responsible like that?" He narrowed his eyes, "Get yer head outta yer butt, Leo-san, and at least try ta remembah how ya felt about Beth!"
Leo slowly shook his head and chuckled derisively, "How can I feel anything for her when I can't even remember her?" He quickly looked over at the girl and noticed her flushed expression. It was obvious that Raphael's response had embarrassed her, but then his own unkind remarks probably offended Beth, as well. He inclined his head a little, saying, "I'm sorry, Beth; it's nothing personal, but…"
"Nothin' personal?" Raph laughed sarcastically, his voice rising as he threw both his hands up in the air in frustration, "All you're doin; is breakin' 'er heart, Leo!"
"I can't help that, Raphael. What am I to do?" Leo shot back in anger, as his lip curled, "Fake it? That would be worse, an insult even."
"Guys, guys," Mike pleaded with open arms, "you know, you're putting Beth in the middle of all this and it's not even her fault!" That seemed to quiet the two embattled brothers, allowing Mike to add, "Maybe what we need, is a good night's sleep!" He then chuckled, "Seems to me the two oldest are the crankiest right now and, as for me, I need my beauty sleep." He turned to Beth and said, "Leo's still gonna be using Donnie's room, so why don't you go get some sleep in the room you were using before these two butted heads," he waved his arm around to include Raphael and Leonardo, "We can pick this topic up again in the A.M." Mike offered his hand to Beth, who hesitantly took it. She stood up and then allowed him to lead her away from the living area. As he guided her in-between his two brothers, he whispered to her, "Should tell ya that those two never get along, ever. Too much alike."
Beth glanced once at Leo as she passed him, her face filled with pain and grief, and her eyes brimming with tears. She caught the barest resemblance of mortification on his face, though, as if in that instant, he suddenly realized the impropriety of his words.
As he noticed her expression and realized how deeply hurt she was, Leo's mouth suddenly opened as if to say something to her, but then he closed it and swallowed hard.
As Mike led Beth towards the sleeping compartments, Leonardo sighed and uttered, yet again, the same Japanese phrase of which was becoming all too familiar to the girl.
As she walked towards Leonardo's room, with Mike whispering encouraging words to her, Beth heard Raphael grouch to Leo, "Nice goin', Fearless."
Suddenly and unexpectedly, a walking cane shot out like a whip. A green hand tried to block its trajectory, quickly darting out to snatch it, only to miss completely. As the rod succeeded to hit its target, whacking against a bony plastron, Raph let out a loud cry of surprise, and grabbed at his chest as he whined, "OW! Sensei, com'on, stop it, a'ready!"
"That, Raphael is for mouthing off at me!" the rat said indignantly, then, as he placed his walking cane in front of him and leaned against it, Splinter added, "And for embarrassing Miss Beth the way that you did, I want you to do…"
"Yeah, yeah, I know…ten back flips," Raph interrupted irritably, still rubbing his chest as he turned to head for the dojo area of the lair.
"No, not ten," his father corrected, causing Raphael to stop and turn slightly towards his master in curiosity. A slow smile edged along Splinter's muzzle as he said, "…twenty back flips!"
Turning back towards the dojo, Raph could only groan in reply, muttering under his breath about using a particular 'stick' for kindling wood the next time the clan visited the farmhouse.
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A/N – I would have put the Japanese apology in the body of the chapter, but I couldn't quite get it the way I wanted it. Where I'm a bit light on what to put where, as far as order of words, I elected to let those of you who are multi lingual, or who are blessed with a Japanese to English dictionary, say it for me. :0)