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Chapter 24: Honeydukes' Chocolate Wands

After Misty left, Róisín sobbed for hours in her room. She had to leave Hogwarts without her NEWTS. She'd have to get a muggle job, but she had no secondary level muggle education. She was straddling both the magical and non-magical world but didn't have a place in either. She pictured her parents' disappointed faces for the hundredth time and let a fresh bout of tears shake her. As she cried, she spun more layers onto her cocoon of silencing charms.

At four o'clock, Róisín's stomach gurgled. She'd missed lunch and breakfast and dinner was still two hours away. She could go to the kitchens and ask the elves for food but she was reluctant to leave her room. She didn't want to face everyone beyond it.

What did Anna think about her disappearance last night? What did Eóghan think of her chatting and dancing to Kun, after she'd told him she couldn't be with anyone because she was "cursed" by a dodgy book? What was up with Kun? Was he definitely the one who gave her the veritaserum? If so, why? Did he know what she was? Was Snape still furious at her after her drunken antics? Did the four houses have a point left between them after the shenanigans of the party?

Róisín got up and searched under her bed. She pulled out a box of chocolate wands Ida had bought her in Honeydukes for her birthday and unwrapped a "four inch hazel wand with unicorn hair". The wand was hazelnut chocolate with a strand of candy floss in the middle, her favourite flavour. She snapped off the top and started chomping. Her nose was so blocked from crying that she had to breathe through her mouth as she ate and she barely tasted the creamy goodness. She finished the wand, but still felt hungry and sad. She ate another, "six inch mahogany with erumpent horn" (milk chocolate with nougat filling), then another, "five inch chestnut with veela hair" (chestnut chocolate with caramel centre) and then another, "four and a half inch birch with dragon heartstring" (white chocolate with sour gummy centre). She even ate the last and her least favourite of the selection, "eight inch hawthorn with thestral hair" (bitter dark chocolate with chewy liquorice centre), chewing the wand like it were a chore while her throat twitched with nausea.

She gathered the colourful foil wrappers scattered around the bed, scrunched them up and threw them towards her waste-paper bin. They separated in the air and fell slowly, sprinkling the ground. She groaned. The chocolates swirled in her stomach and her head pounded. She wished she'd gone down to the kitchens to find decent food. Why did she have to eat the whole box?

She got on the floor, pulled out her trunk from under her bed, and started to pack the clothes and textbooks strewn around. When she came across "Advanced Potion Making", a surge of frustration gripped her and she flung it across the room. It slammed against a poster of the "Weird Sisters" who shrieked and dropped their guitars with a clang. She was so stupid. All she had to do was not attract attention. Why did she have to agree to a feckin' party? Why did she have to drink so much?

She sprung to her feet and ran to her bathroom, flinging her head into the toilet bowl just in time as her chocolate breakfast spewed past her lips. She slumped onto the cold tiles, wrapped her arms around her knees and shivered. She felt disgusting. She thought about how excited she was when Eóghan had kissed her on the Quidditch pitch months ago, when her only worry was not getting straight Outstandings in her NEWTS, and began to cry again, her swollen tear ducts itching from overuse. She pounded the ground with her fist, mentally screaming at herself for fucking everything up and jumped when water began to gush from the shower and sink taps, as if her magic wanted everything to cry for her.

For a moment, she simply watched as the water pooled on the tiles. Then she scrambled to her feet, accio'd her wand and shouted,

"Glacius!"

Her wand tip coughed out a puff of blue smoke. Róisín shook it impatiently. What were the wand movements for the freezing spell? A jab and flick? Up and down like jagged icicles?

"Glacius! Glacius! Glacius!" she repeated but the water kept flowing, wetting her socks and creeping into her bedroom. "Stupefy!" She slashed her wand down and the streams of water stilled in mid-air. "Evanesco!" The pool of water vanished.

She felt like a magical toddler again, making random things float and pop as her parents scrambled to grab them. Now, at nineteen, she was supposed to be in control of her magic. Snape had told her to return to him when "her symptoms" returned, but did that instruction still apply after he had told her she had to leave Hogwarts?

Róisín stripped off and got into the shower, turning the water to cold to cool the bubbling nausea inside her.

It was getting late and no one had come to take her to a "safe house". Should she stay and attend her classes tomorrow as normal? Or would Snape think she was purposely ignoring his orders?

Róisín stayed in the cold shower until her toes had gone white and numb and her nipples were hard like buttons. She decided that she would wait until seven o'clock and if nothing had happened since then she would go and ask Snape herself.

Late in the afternoon, Zoltan was woken again by the arrival of Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape. For a moment, he feigned sleep in the hope that they would leave him alone, but they simply stood by his bed waiting to be acknowledged.

After a glass of water for his dry throat, Zoltan continued his story,

"The ghost's first letter was only a paragraph long but they got longer and longer. We wrote pages and pages, front and back. Reading them made me feel - they were like a drug. I finally had someone who understood, someone no one knew about, but -" Zoltan hesitated. "- But then he started saying horrible things; that he and the other boy had had it coming, that it was wrong what they were doing and they should've known it'd lead to trouble, that if he hadn't been such a coward and moved on he wouldn't be stuck drifting around Hogwarts for the rest of eternity. He said if only-" Zoltan swallowed, staring at the bedsheets, "If only he could've wanted girls like the other guys than everything would've been different. I tried to argue with him that it wasn't his fault, that it isn't our choice, but then he stopped replying. I felt so lost. I read and re-read the letters I had kept until finally he left a new one. I didn't argue with him from then on."

Zoltan had thought he wouldn't be able to talk about it, but the words were spilling out as if he'd been waiting months to say them.

"I started to have strange thoughts. Thoughts that didn't sound like my own. I chatted up girls, suddenly fascinated with them. Especially the powerful ones. Kiserian, Nott, even Gryffindors like Johnson." Zoltan's brow creased with confusion. "I felt this… disgust for mudbloods. I'd never cared before about blood status, not really, but now I didn't want them anywhere near me. Then Feral almost killed her friend in Defence and I felt curious despite her blood. I had this feeling that she could be the one."

"The one?" Snape asked.

Zoltan shrugged. "I don't know. I was attracted to her power, but I knew I wasn't in to girls. I wrote about it in my letters, how I didn't feel like myself, chasing after girls. He said it was a good thing, that it would solve all my problems, that if I had a girlfriend my parents wouldn't make comments about how my teenage impulses better not get in the way of the Kun lineage," Zoltan mimicked in his parents' bitter tone. "I found myself watching the girls around me like they were, I dunno, tools. Something to figure out and use. I spotted Feral reading in the library one day, and I- well he - was so… intrigued by what she was reading and I don't even know why…"

"What was she was reading?" Snape asked.

"Em… something about Magical Beings?"

Snape's upper lip twitched. Zoltan hesitated, but Snape said nothing so he continued,

"One day in Arithmancy, Professor Vector did the Dubois transform and got a weird result. Then she looked directly at me, as though the numbers were pointing at me, revealing my importance. I just knew it was because of my connection to the ghost. And I knew he wasn't surprised at all, he was quite smug actually." Zoltan winced. "Then things got really weird."

His next words came rushing out as though the quicker he said them the less they would hurt.

"I started confusing his letters with mine as though I'd written them both, and I had this horrible feeling that maybe it had been me writing his letters all along. I woke up in the Psychological Plants section of the library with no idea what I'd been doing there - I don't even take Herbology. I found jobberknoll feathers in my room and ghost mantis legs in my satchel. I would forget what I'd been doing the day before and then realise whole chunks of my day were missing. One night I found myself at the edge of the forest, with," Zoltan swallowed and rubbed at the tears on his face. "-With a knife." He searched his professor's expressions but they didn't look alarmed, just somber. He continued in a tight voice, "I kept finding letters in my room, but they were also in my head, like new ones just wrote themselves into my thoughts. I realised he was becoming a part of me. I tried to fight him but he said it was only fair, that he hadn't lived in so long, that he wanted a second chance-" Zoltan exhaled a long, shuddering breath.

"It's alright Zoltan," Dumbledore said. "He can't control you anymore. We've expelled him from you. We strongly suspect that the ghost lied to you about his lover and that his intention from the beginning was to possess you."

"Why would he want to possess me?" Zoltan asked.

"To seduce one of your female peers," Snape said.

Zoltan's stomach lurched.

"What if he finds me again? Or tries to possess someone else?" he asked.

"He's been expelled from the castle," Snape stated. "It's unlikely he will return."

"Can you explain what happened with Mister Bethel?" Dumbledore asked.

Zoltan felt the colour drain from him. He glanced nervously at his Head of House, remembering the deluge of vicious censure he'd received from him after he'd hurt Benjamin, the many hours he'd spent with gloveless hands inside jars filled with slimy or stingy things and the looks from his fellow Slytherins as they whispered that he was the one who'd lost them three hundred points.

"I -," Zoltan twisted the sheets in his hands, "After the Quidditch match, Benjamin found me and said he'd like us to be like the way we were before- before everyone found out. He said people would get over it in a few days if we just "came out". I didn't realise it at the time, but at that point he was already in my head. He was furious at Benjamin and so was I. Or maybe I wasn't, I don't know. Then... Benjamin did this thing we used to do." Zoltan went red. "It was this silly joke we had where he'd hold my little finger instead of my hand, because well, we joked we weren't really gay if he didn't hold my hand properly." Zoltan went redder. "Anyway it was stupid but he reached out and took my little finger and I missed him so much. But then -" Zoltan shook his head. "Then I was overcome with anger and I flung my hand away and cursed him." Zoltan rubbed his hand against his nose and found his face slimy with tears and runny snot. "His shield deflected the crucio but the rumptumfrusta was too strong."

Dumbledore handed Zoltan a handkerchief. Zoltan felt a jab of shame.

"One hundred points to Slytherin for your honesty," Dumbledore said.

Zoltan gave a small nod. He didn't care about house points. The House Cup wouldn't erase the image of Benjamin's broken body. He didn't even know if anyone had bothered to visit Benjamin in the Hospital Wing. How long had Benjamin stayed here? Had Zoltan seen him after that night? Now that he thought about it, he realised he didn't remember anything from last week. He knew the ghost had planned on going to Feral's party on Saturday, but nothing else. Had Saturday come and gone? Had he gone to the party? Zoltan looked around for something that would tell him what day it was.

"Can you tell me what happened last week?" he asked.

"It would be best not to dwell on the time you lost," Dumbledore said. "Simply put, the ghost used your corporeal form to brew a potion that would entice a fellow student to go to bed with him, which he slipped to Miss Feral at her party. He was unsuccessful, as Miss Feral suspected she had been drugged and found help before it came into full effect. Professor Snape recognised this was not in character for you and we came to the conclusion you were under some kind of curse. We discovered you were possessed and rid you from the ghost."

"What does Feral know?" Zoltan asked.

"She's been obliviated," Snape answered. "She believes she had too much to drink and that is why she doesn't remember the events of the night."

"You must not tell anyone about what has happened," Dumbledore said sternly. Zoltan opened his mouth to protest but the Headmaster's expression warned it was not debatable. Zoltan clamped his jaw against the feeling welling in his chest. "If you receive any letters like you did previously, you must inform Professor Snape immediately," Dumbledore added.

"Yes sir."

"Madam Pomfrey has decided you are to spend another night here and then you'll be free to continue with your studies." Dumbledore rose and gave Zoltan a pat on his shoulder. Then he and Professor Snape left the Hospital Wing.

Zoltan held his head in his hands and cried.

It was seven o'clock. Róisín told herself there was no point going to talk to Snape until she had finished packing, and then at half past seven she decided to clean her room before she left. Afterwards, in a room so tidy it felt foreign, she finished her essay on supermassive black holes for astronomy, just in case she did have to go to class tomorrow and practiced her draconifors spell for transfiguration, turning her sock into a tiny furry dragon and back again in between casting aguamenti to put out its little flames. After thirty minutes it still had no scales and looked more like a winged ferret than a mini horntail. When her clock chimed for nine o'clock Róisín knew she had run out of excuses. She straightened her clothes, took a deep breath, and slipped out of her room to go to Snape's office.

She immediately bumped into Anna.

"Oh, hi," Róisín said, surprised. Anna was closing Ida's bedroom door behind her.

"Are you feeling any better?" Anna asked.

"Ye-yes."

"Ida told me you weren't feeling well last night so you went to bed early. She said it'd be best if we left you to sleep."

Ida! Róisín had forgotten to tell her to go to the headmaster's office! Her face must've shown her dismay because Anna asked, "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, sorry, still not feeling so well."

"I'm sorry Róisín, maybe the party wasn't such a good idea, I shouldn't have pressured you to have it and I should've watched over you more, especially as these things are harder for you."

"What do you mean, harder for me?" Róisín's asked, an edge to her voice.

"Well, you're a muggleborn, you're not as familiar with this world-"

"I'm a witch too, just like you. This is my world." There was a weird tension in Róisín's throat.

"Of course, I didn't mean it like that, Róisín," Anna said, sounding hurt.

"Sorry, I'm just.. cranky and hungover." Róisín made an effort to sound less snarky when she asked, "You were talking to Ida?"

"Yeah, she had to go see Binns today about some History of Magic essay and she seemed a bit off when she came back. She said she'd drank too much last night and that she didn't remember the end of the party. Weird right? I didn't see her drinking at all and she was acting like her usual responsible self, getting everyone to cast a cleaning charm before herding them off to bed. At the time I was kinda annoyed 'cause I was having fun, but maybe at that stage things were getting out of control." A pretty pink painted Anna's cheeks and she added,"I was so off my face, I told Weasley straight-up that I liked him, and I told Nott-"

"- I haven't eaten all day Anna," Róisín cut in. "I'm going to nip down to the kitchens. Can we discuss the party later?"

Anna hesitated and then replied,

"Yeah of course Róisín, I just wanted- You do know Zoltan Kun's gay, right?"

Róisín felt like Anna had slapped her.

Of course he is, she thought.

"Ye-eah, I know," Róisín said defensively. "He's just a friend, I'm cool enough to have Slytherin friends you know," she added, trying to be witty. Anna didn't laugh.

"Do you still like Eóghan?"

"Yeah I do, it's just- it's complicated," Róisín muttered, "Anyway I better go, I'm starving."

Róisín hurried down the dungeon steps, her mind whirling with what Anna had said. Kun didn't fancy her. He'd just got close to her to slip her veritaserum. Did he know she was a sióg? Or just suspect it? And if he was gay, did he still want to sleep with her for her "sióg" power?

And what did Ida know? Róisín figured it was Dumbledore she'd gone to see, not Professor Binns. But what had the headmaster told her? Did she know Róisín was a sióg?

At least Anna didn't seem suspicious about Róisín's disappearance last night. Normally they spent their weekends chatting for hours about everything under the sun, but Róisín hadn't seen her all day, and then she'd blown her off. Everytime Róisín lied to Anna she stepped away from their friendship and Róisín was starting to realise that it would get harder and harder to find her way back.

A drop of moisture fell from the dungeon ceiling onto Róisín's face. Disgusted, she hastily rubbed at it. Shapes flickered in the cracks and corners of the dungeon halls in the shadows of the torches. She looked behind her nervously and scurried down Snape's corridor. The door to his office opened and she paused in her tracks, expecting to see a talk, cloaked figure step out. Instead, Harry Potter stormed from the room. He looked up, scowling from beneath his mop of messy black hair and glanced between Róisín and Snape's closed door. Róisín felt weirdly star-struck; she'd never spoken to the Boy Who Lived.

"Hi Harry," she said.

"Feral, what are you doing here?" Potter asked, his tone accusing.

"I just have to ask Professor Snape something," she said, a beat too late. "You?"

"Remedial potions," he said through gritted teeth and walked past her. Róisín wanted to ask how he knew her name but he had already turned the corner, his angry footsteps fading away. She eyed Snape's door warily. A bunch of nerves in Róisín's chest begged her to leave; if anything guaranteed that Snape would be in a foul mood it was extra potions with Harry Potter. She turned and began to hurry back.

"Feral," a smooth voice called out.

Róisín held her breath and turned back around. Professor Snape was standing next to his open door, an eyebrow raised. He gestured inside. Róisín released her breath and entered his office, her feet reluctant and heavy.

Snape shut the door and returned to his desk. Róisín stood with her hands clasped at her waist, squeezed together to stop them wriggling. Snape had dark shadows under his eyes.

"I'd strip Ravenclaw house of all its points for your behaviour last night," Snape began in a low, dangerous voice, "if it weren't decidedly inappropriate given the circumstances."

Róisín's fingers laced and unlaced in front of her. She had spoken back to Snape numerous times, shouted at him, sobbed in front of him, lit his bed on fire and pounded on his door drunk in the middle of the night, but he hadn't taken any points from her. It hadn't made any sense. But now she understood; Snape didn't want to assert his authority over her now that he had to sleep with her. The thought gave her a warm, fuzzy feeling.

"I'm sorry sir," Róisín said. "It won't happen ag-"

"-Do you want the Dark Lord to find you?" Snape hissed.

"No, of course not! I-"

"Performing wandless magic all over the castle, fraternising with every boy in school, drinking anything thrust into your hands." Snape stood from his chair and leaned towards her. "Openly researching sióga in the main library. These are not the actions of someone who is concerned with being discovered. You might find me unpleasant, but I am nothing compared to Him." Róisín took an instinctive step backwards. She noticed he was wearing his robe again, the one she had slept in. She looked up and met his angry eyes.

"I know, sir, of course you aren't." Snape gave a sharp shake of his head, as if denying she knew anything. He sat back down while running a hand through his greasy black hair, his nails digging into his scalp."Sir, when will I be leaving for the safe house?" she asked cautiously.

"You aren't leaving," Snape snapped.

"Oh, it's just Misty said you told her I would…" Her voice trailed away at the look in his eyes. She had the sudden urge to bite her nail and instead digged it into her palm. "Em… why amn't I, sir?"

"Because unfortunately not everything is under my control."

The fuzziness inside Róisín turned cold. So Snape wanted to get rid of her and Dumbledore had insisted she stay. He was the only man who'd ever slept with her and he didn't want to do it again. She knew she shouldn't want her cruel potions professor to want to have sex with her, but she did. Even though she didn't know if she wanted to have sex with him.

Róisín could feel her lips tugging downwards and her eyes swelling. She was about to ask could she be excused when Snape asked sharply,

"Did you want to leave Hogwarts?

"No," Róisín said, confused, "of course not."

A stool levitated across the room and landed in front of his desk.

"Sit down," he ordered. Róisín sat. Snape clasped his hands in front of him and stared directly into her eyes.

"Do you feel unsafe at Hogwarts?" He didn't give her a chance to answer before he asked, "Are you afraid of Mister Kun? Has something significant happened of which I am unaware?"

"Sir, I-" Róisín tried to respond but Snape held up his finger to shush her. His gaze jumped from one eye to the other, searching. He looked dissatisfied.

"Why are you upset?" he asked firmly. You don't want me, she thought a moment before the horrible realisation dawned on her that he was reading her mind. She clamped her eyes shut, knowing it was too late. There was a pause. Then Snape said coolly, "You're insulted."

Róisín opened her eyes but kept them fixed on her lap. She knew that Wampus cats had to maintain eye contact to perform legilimency, maybe it was the same with wizards?

"I- I just want to stay at Hogwarts and finish my studies. I'm scared I'll be kicked out and my wand will be taken because of what I am."

"We both know you'd survive without your wand, Miss Feral." Róisín bit her lip. Was that a compliment? "But we won't take it from you, a wandless witch still displaying powerful if erratic magic would not go undetected. However, I think you should leave the castle until we find you a more suitable partner."

"Please sir, I don't want to leave. This is my home."

Snape's jaw twitched.

"I saw your nightmare," he said stiffly. Róisín shifted in her seat, wary of his change of tone.

"I don't know what you mean, sir."

"You're afraid of me."

Róisín hesitated,

"I-I'm sorry sir, I still don't understand."

His voice was clipped when he answered,

"When I entered your mind last night I saw the nightmare you had of me."

"What night-" Then flashes hit her; swirling patterns, a man draped in black, being frozen, being touched… She shook her head against the memories she hadn't known she had. "I've nightmares all the time sir, and that was ages ago, before we…" She paused but he didn't reply, he just continued watching her, his jaw tight. "Please don't make me leave because of that sir, that was nothing, I have weird dreams all the time, I'm sorry I had it."

Snape's voice was venomous when he replied,

"This arrangement was ludicrous to begin with. I refuse to violate you any further."

"The only time I felt violated was when you read my mind last night!" Róisín insisted, her voice becoming whingy. "I'm so confused, of course I'm intimidated by you, you're the scariest teacher in the castle, I thought you wanted your students to be afraid of you."

"My students, not my -" Evidently Snape didn't know what word to describe her with so he just scowled at her and asked sardonically, "While we're on this unfortunate topic, how is your magic? Stable as always?"

"Y-yes sir," Róisín replied.

He raised an eyebrow and said,

"Cast lumos."

Róisín, relieved that she had remembered her wand, but terrified that her magic wouldn't behave, took her wand and cast,

"Lumos"

Instead of a steady, white light, bright, ruby sparks showered from her wand tip and Róisín quickly muttered, "Nox".

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose and said,

"You have two options, you can come to my chambers tomorrow night, or you can go to a safe house until we find another solution."

Róisín hesitated. She thought her lungs would burst from nerves but she managed to ask,

"Can I stay at Hogwarts if I go to you tomorrow?"

Snape leaned back in his chair, considering, his face now its usual mask of boredom and contempt.

"Yes," he replied curtly.

"Ok, so… em, I'll do that then?"

Snape stood and went to his fireplace. He picked up a pot of floo powder and tipped some of its contents into an empty vial. He handed it to Róisín.

"It will look suspicious if you are seen wandering the dungeons late at night. Find a fireplace in a deserted corner of Ravenclaw tower and floo to my chambers, the address is "Salazar's chambers". I'll open my floo from ten pm tomorrow evening."

"Ok, thank you sir."

Snape flicked his finger and his heavy office door creaked open. Róisín got up to leave, a smile tugging her lips. She could stay at Hogwarts!

Then she remembered,

"Sir, do you know why Kun gave me the veritaserum? Does he know-"

"-I do not."

Snape was most likely lying, but Róisín wasn't in a position to confront him on it. Instead she asked,

"What did the headmaster tell Ida about what happened?"

"I obliviated Miss Evrard," Snape answered. "She remembers nothing of the veritaserum or your flight from Ravenclaw tower. She believes she doesn't remember the end of the night because she was too intoxicated and that you retired early for the same reason."

Róisín felt like he'd punched her in the gut.

"But you told me you wouldn't obliviate her!" she cried.

Snape rolled his eyes.

"Good night, Miss Feral," he said, his tone warning her not to push him further.

Róisín gritted her teeth and left. The door slammed shut behind her.

A/N: I apologise for the delay. I lost an immediate family member to a very sudden illness and moved back home to be with my remaining family. Thanks so much to everyone who is still reading. I really appreciate it.