Amanda was delighted to spot Jeannie Melrose standing outside Billy's office when she arrived at the Christmas party, knowing how much she'd enjoy hearing about all the after effects of that evening out a few weeks before. She glanced around to see if Roxanne had arrived yet as she made her way across the room, but didn't see her or Dave anywhere yet. When she saw Jeanie look past her and start to laugh, she knew without looking that Lee had walked in. Billy had turned to see what had made Jeanie laugh and began to chuckle as well.
"She told me you'd get him here, but I didn't believe it until now" was all he said to Amanda in greeting.
"Well, this was easier than when I tried to get him to stop buying scarves last year." Amanda grinned at the couple. "You can really thank Roxanne and Francine for this one. I just added the nudge. And he's actually here of his own free will – I let him in on the joke pretty soon after." She chanced a look over her shoulder to see Lee perched on a desk in the corner, watching something with a slight smile on his face. He caught her eye and nodded towards something just out of her peripheral vision. Turning her head the other way to see what it was, she realized Efraim was standing with his back to the wall looking decidedly uncomfortable, but trapped in place by a determined looking woman.
"Something wrong, Amanda?" asked Billy
"Only that our party entertainment may have to begin sooner than planned," she answered thoughtfully. "I'd heard our tall tale had gotten out but we didn't think anyone would actually go after poor Efraim thinking it was true, but Leanne is the most notorious flirt in the steno pool."
"Should we do something?" asked Jeannie, but Amanda was already on her way. Walking over to Francine, she hooked her arm with hers and turned her to face the pair by the wall without saying a word.
"Battle stations it is then" said Francine as they set off on a rescue mission.
"Merry Christmas Efraim!" Francine greeted him as they swept up to the couple. He stared at them, an expression of mixed dread and hope on his face. Without a pause, Amanda took the cup of what she suspected was spiked punch out of his hand and replaced it with the cup of ginger ale she'd poured on the way over. Francine was giving Leanne the once over with an expression that would have made most women leave but Leanne was made of sterner stuff. She had watched Francine rebuff Efraim's advances for the last three years and everyone knew Amanda wasn't going to look twice at him when she had Lee Stetson in her claws. The gossip from Fred Fielder was that they'd all been underestimating Efraim for years and she was determined to find out if it was true. She stood no chance, however, against the wiles of the other two.
"Efraim, Amanda was just telling me that you gave a very interesting class the other morning on the way Tom Clancy used hidden codes in "Hunt for Red October". Beaman just stared at Francine, alarm written all over his face.
Amanda stepped in closer and rested her hand on Efraim's arm, looking up at him with a wide-eyed expression. "Yes, you said a statistical analysis of the speech pattern of the Russian characters gave extra insight into the Chechnyan revolution." It was complete nonsense but there was no way Leanne could know that. Amanda fluttered her eyelashes at Efraim, willing him to understand, and felt no small measure of relief when his face cleared.
"Oh no, that's not completely right; it was the way he used Chechnyan ciphers instead of Russian ones" he finally said and then launched into a long speech of baffling gibberish about ciphers that had Leanne's eyes glazing over within seconds. Even after she had huffed in an annoyed way and walked off, Amanda held onto his arm and leaned in close to apologize, hoping it looked like she was flirting.
"Sorry Efraim, you looked like you needed rescuing and the only way you were going to get rid of her was to bore her to death."
Beaman looked back and forth between Amanda and Francine. "Can either of you explain what's going on?" The two of them exchanged guilty looks. Francine spoke first.
"I've got this one Amanda. It's my fault it got this far. You go enjoy the party and I'll man the battlements."
"I'm a battlement?" asked Efraim, indignantly.
"Cheer up! You're not just a battlement, you're also a strategic weapon! Come with me into the copier room, where we can be alone."
Efraim goggled at her. That had been the last invitation he had expected to hear from Francine Desmond, even if she had been a lot nicer to him lately. "As you wish", he croaked out.
Francine face broke into a smile at the movie line. She had taken Efraim out for lunch the week before to apologize to him about using his reputation to tease the boys in the truck and somehow they had ended up spending almost the entire lunch discussing movies. He had obviously remembered her mentioning "The Princess Bride" as a particular favourite. She looked back as Efraim followed her into the copier room. As she started to shut the door, she could see Fred across the bullpen looking dumbstruck. It was easy to read his lips as he said "Aw shit".
"Gotcha!" she said out loud.
"Yeah, you got me. Am I ever going to find out why?"
"Yes, but first you have to tell me what you were doing in here with Roxanne last summer with no shoes and no tie."
Efraim looked affronted. "What do you think we were doing? Just because you aren't interested in me doesn't mean other women aren't!"
Francine stared at him and lifted one brow; after last week's stakeout, Roxanne had told her there was more to the story than that but hadn't elaborated, saying it was Efraim's story to tell. She didn't have to wait long.
"Fine then! I was working late and I had a really terrible cold and I'd taken a Contact C and then this wicked bad headache hit and Roxanne offered me something for that, and the next thing I knew, I was flat on my back on the copier room floor and she had my feet up and my tie off trying to get me to come to."
Francine stared at him – she hadn't actually expected that answer. "What did she give you that mixed so badly with the cold medicine?" Efraim flushed and stared at the floor and muttered something unintelligible. "What did you say?"
"Midol! Okay? She gave me extra-strength Midol and mixed with the other stuff, it made me pass out! And she felt so bad about almost killing me that when Stetson walked in, she let him think we were, well, whatever. Are you happy now?"
There was a long silence and then Francine couldn't hold in the laughter any longer. She collapsed against the copier machine, gasping for breath, but every time she looked at Efraim, she started to laugh harder until finally he had to start laughing along with her. "I wish you'd told me that last year. I might have gone to Greece to raise goats with you much earlier."
"Yeah sure you would. Now why are we in here?"
"It's all Fred's fault. You remember the story I told you over lunch the other day about teasing the guys? Well, Fred's been spreading that story as if it's the gospel truth and that's why Leanne was after you out there. So partly, you're in here to save you from her, and partly because Leatherneck bet him $100 you'd end up in here with me."
"So you're only in here trying to help Leatherneck win a bet?"
"No, I'm trying to make sure Fred loses his shirt tonight. He has bets going on all sorts of people at the party tonight and he's going to lose all of them."
"Well, now this suddenly seems like a great idea. How long do we get to stay in here?"
"Long enough to keep both our reputations interesting, unless you want to go take your chances with Leanne." She smiled when Efraim actually flinched at the thought. "So, in the meantime, why didn't you tell me about Katie Wright?"
Efraim's jaw dropped. "How do you know about her? Billy told me he'd keep it quiet so no one would give her a hard time about working here!"
"You should be thanking her – she's the one who found out what Fred was up to and came to Amanda to fix it. I don't know why she didn't just tell you, but Amanda does seem to have that effect on people." She paused and begun mussing up her hair before running a finger over her bottom lip and then smearing the lipstick on it across his collar. "Ok, loosen that tie and then we can head back out to the party and watch Fred pay Leatherneck. Just stay clear of the punch for the rest of the evening. Fred spiked it." She headed towards the door but paused to look back before adding "Oh, and I should probably mention that Dave has a $200 side bet that you'll also end up back in here with Roxanne tonight. You know, for a spy, Fred is remarkably unobservant about who's dating who around here."
As she opened the door, making it look as if she was readjusting her blouse, she leaned back and blew him a kiss and grinned when she heard Efraim starting to laugh behind her.
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"Well hello again Scarecrow! Amanda, we missed you at lunch the other day"
Lee and Amanda turned to find Paul Barnes had walked up behind them with Billy.
"Paul! It's so nice to see you! I'm sorry I missed lunch but we had bad guys to stop." Amanda beamed at him in welcome.
"Chinese? Russians? Iranians?"
"Fred Fielder" said Lee grinning.
"Oh Fred Fielder. That explains it. Billy's told me a lot about Fred over the years." He and Billy exchanged a smile. 'What's he up to now?"
"Well, right now he's busy losing $100 to Leatherneck and based on the way Roxanne is making a beeline for Efraim and the mistletoe, I'd say he's about to lose another $200 to Dave" said Amanda smugly.
Paul looked at Billy and laughed. "Is this how you run your ship around here, Melrose? And if so, how do I get in on it?" he asked.
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Fred couldn't understand it. This party was not going at all the way he expected it to, based on previous years. He'd thought the women were kidding last week when they talked about Beaman's reputation as a lothario but based on the smile on Francine Desmond's face, it might actually be true. And why was Roxanne all over him like a cat in heat? He was sure he'd heard she was dating someone, but obviously his intelligence network had gotten it all wrong. He prayed Dave wasn't right – he really didn't want to lose that $200 after he'd already had to fork out part of his Christmas bonus to Leatherneck.
"Having a bad day, Fred? I hope not because I hear you're the guy to talk to about what really goes on in this place" said a voice at his elbow. He turned to find the Wizard standing beside him. Fred was shocked – the Wizard's reputation as an agent was legendary and here he was talking to him and he knew his name.
"Uh, yessir. There's nothing goes on around here that I don't find out about one way or another" he boasted.
"I hear your betting pool for tonight's party is the biggest game in town. Aren't you worried about the Agency Director finding out and getting his knickers in a twist?"
"Nah, he hardly ever comes down here unless it's to bust Billy or Stetson's balls over something. I bet he wouldn't give a good goddamn about what the rest of us are up to."
"That sounds like a more interesting bet than the usual office gossip. Care to make it more interesting still?" Paul pulled two $100 bills out of his wallet. "Two hundred bucks says the Director busts you before Christmas."
Fred's eyes bulged slightly. That was the money he'd just lost to Leatherneck back to him doubled, but then his sense of self-preservation kicked in. "Wait a minute, what do you know? Does Dr. Smyth already know about these little bets I've got going? Are you going to tell him? Because him already knowing or you telling him would make the bet null and void, right?"
Paul continued to wave the bills in front of him. "I solemnly swear that Austin Smyth has absolutely no idea of what you're up to and that any tattling to the Agency Director about your money-maker here will not come because of me. Word of the Wizard." He smiled gently at Fred. "Scared I'll win?"
"No" snapped Fred. He pulled his notepad out of his desk drawer and scribbled the bet down. "But if I ever find out you were the one to spill the beans…" he left the threat unfinished.
"Oh dear me, Fred. I'm the last one who would ever spill the beans about a secret". Paul smiled that odd smile at Fred again and wandered back to the buffet table.
Fred turned in time to watch Roxanne pull a laughing Efraim into the copier room. "Aw shit!" he muttered.
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Fred was convinced the entire universe was lined up against him. He'd lost $300 already and it looked like he was about to lose another $50 to Agnes over who'd pass out drunk first. How had she known Katie Wright was such a lightweight? All those women had certainly seemed to be pounding them back at the stakeout last week and they'd all remained clear-headed then, hadn't they?
The only bet he had left that would help in not leave the party broke was the bet with Paul Barnes and now, with a sinking feeling, he watched Dr. Smyth walk in the room. That couldn't be good – Dr. Smyth never came to the Christmas party. He turned to look at Paul Barnes who met his eyes and shrugged slightly. He watched as the Director tapped his cigarette holder on a glass until he had everyone's attention.
"Well boys and girls, I have a bit of an announcement for you and I'm sure some among you will see it as a bit of an early Christmas gift." He stopped and blew out cigarette smoke, glaring at Lee Stetson across the room who glared back.
Dr. Smyth had started to talk again. "As some of you may know, the Senate Committee on Intelligence Organizations has been having closed door meetings all this week and some of their decisions affect all of us. Some of us more than others."
Lee swiveled suddenly to look at Paul, who was staring at the floor and smiling slightly.
"What's going on?" asked Amanda, noticing his movement.
"I think the Wizard may be granting Christmas wishes" muttered Lee.
"So I'm here to announce that as of January 1st, I will no longer be the Agency Director. I will be moving back to State Department." He paused looking slightly pained at the ripple of pleased noises that had run through the crowd. "Please don't all cheer at once, children. As I was saying, I will be moving back to State Department and your new Director will begin transitioning into the position immediately. And since we're all gathered here, this seems like a good time to tell you who that will be."
The complete silence in the room as Paul Barnes stepped forward was broken only by Fred's heartfelt "AW SHIT!" and Lee Stetson starting to laugh.
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"Having a bad day, Fred?" Fred was beginning to dread hearing that sentence at this party. Francine stepped up beside him and perched on the desk he was leaning on. "Did I actually just see you lose money to Agnes from Research? It takes special skills to lose to such a mousy little thing like Agnes. And I heard the new Director tell Billy you owe him $200 too."
"Well you were no help going off with Beaman to have it off in the copier room" groused Fred "If you'd avoided him like you did all the other years, I wouldn't be waving goodbye to my Christmas in the Caribbean right now."
Efraim Beaman suddenly materialized in front of them. "I recognize that look on Francine's face, Fred. You wouldn't be saying nasty things to a lady, now would you?"
Fred was too pissed off with the way his evening was going to care anymore. "Not to a lady, no" he sneered. "And what's the look on her face? Like you scratched her itch in all the right ways?"
"No, the look that says 'Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die'." He smiled at Francine who had started to laugh again.
Fred glared at him, "What the hell are you talking about Beaman? And why do you care anyway? I saw Roxanne all over you half an hour ago – she could probably still smell Desmond's perfume all over you. Who are you going after next? The cute passed-out chickie over there?" he gestured towards Katie and suddenly realized that she was upright, chatting with Amanda and looking remarkably bright-eyed for a girl who had been supposedly passing-out drunk just a few minutes before when he'd been paying off Agnes. Had he been taken for a fool by mousy Agnes and that rookie agent?
Efraim leaned in and spoke quietly. "That cute chickie as you call her is my niece. So you should learn to be more polite to the ladies around here, Fred."
"So that's how she got in here? Because you let her slide through the classes, I bet!' Fred was shouting now, and so he barely heard what Francine was muttering.
"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya..."
The last thing Fred remembered after that was Efraim's fist connecting with his nose.
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"So you're really the new boss?" Amanda beamed at Paul.
"I really am," he smiled back. "Are you going to presume on our friendship to start asking for wishes from the Wizard?" He broadened his smile so she knew he was teasing.
"Well, it is Christmas…" she began to laugh.
Paul leaned in closer so that only she could hear him. "So what can Santa bring you this year, Mrs. Stetson?"
Across the room, where he was helping Billy get Fred back on his feet, Lee watched Amanda's expression turn from smiles to shock and then as Paul said something else, her face lit up again. She turned, searching for him in the crowded room, before her eyes met his and saw his smile. They nodded simultaneously, and Lee turned to his friends.
"Ah. Billy? Can we go to your office for a minute? You too, Francine. There's something you both should know."