DISCLAIMER - Well, it's about time, yes? Sorry for taking so long with updating this fic. I hope you'll forgive me, but the muses were just too focused on other projects. That and the FanFiction Comp. I promise to get to my other stories, too, but I needed to give this one some attention, otherwise it was going to fade away and never return.

With that said, this is still an on-going story, despite rumors to the contrary. However, it will soon be ending. I know that one particular reader might not like how this chapter concludes, but - hope springs eternal with the next one…at least for her.

Once again, I don't own anyone, other than Beth, Mrs. Andrews, and Detective Horowitz. And my deepest thanks to Swallowraven for beta-reading this chapter. Thanks, my friend! You did an awesome job:0)

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Chapter 45 - A Clear Perception

Although Beth had to force herself out the front door, with her old demons once again trying to gain a foothold in keeping her from doing so, she finally made it over to Mrs. Andrews' apartment.

And she was glad she had accepted her neighbor's invitation, too.

Surprisingly, Beth found the woman to be anything but nosey or rude, and the girl repeatedly had to refuse Mrs. Andrews' considerate offer to stay the night. However, she did enjoy a couple of hours of visiting with the woman, sipping hot tea and eating freshly baked coffeecake, all the while listening to her neighbor's account of her very long life.

Part way through their visit, though, Beth discovered that Mrs. Andrews was more than just elderly. To Beth, she was ancient.

"…and at eighty-nine years of age, it seems I have some rights that you younger people haven't yet earned," said the energetic woman at the end another of her lengthy stories, "such as talking your ear off!" Mrs. Andrews suddenly laughed, then kindly apologized, "I'm so sorry, Beth, if I've bored you with stories about my poor dead husband and kids." Her expression sobered, though, as she sighed, "Still, parents should never outlive their children."

Beth agreed and then asked, "Don't you have any family left?"

"Nope, I'm it, the last of the dinosaurs, so to speak," the woman maintained her smile, although less generously than before. She studied the young woman sitting across from her and leaned back against her chair rest. She asked, her voice soft and caring, "So, what about you, Beth, do you have family?"

The question caught the girl off guard. Other than recently, not one person had ever asked her that before; not even the grocer Sean McHenry. Still, Beth had to steady herself before answering, taking a breath for stability, "Well, my mom… died when I was about eight and my dad passed away four years ago. I might have an aunt from my mother's side living somewhere in Oregon," she brightened a little, but then shrugged it off, "I only heard mention of her once or twice. I've never met her. I guess I'm like you in some ways; that is, I'm 'it' as far as family goes."

The two continued to drink their tea, as an interval of peace spilled over them. Then, Mrs. Andrews broke the silence, "Well, we seem to be two of a kind and from two different generations. Maybe we can be family for each other…" she averted her gaze shyly to stare into her cup, "if you need a friend, that is." The elderly woman glanced up at the girl again, hopeful, smiling, "I'd love to have a partner in crime."

"In crime?" Beth furrowed her brow in confusion; maybe there was more to her neighbor than tea and cake?

"Yes, crime, as in taking the city by storm," the woman's grin widened, "such as visiting museums and going to the theater. Basically, making nuisances of ourselves." Mrs. Andrews chuckled brightly, "We can make it a monthly activity, or weekly, if you prefer. My husband saved quite a bit and left it all to me when he died, so you won't have to worry about expenses or any such nonsense like that; it would be my pleasure. Besides, I need a companion," she chuckled again, "It's not too wise for a woman my age to do the town like that, you know. It's why I spend so much time here in my apartment." A twinkle came to her eye, then, "Now that I have a friend, however…" Mrs. Andrews gestured towards Beth, "I don't have that excuse to stay home anymore. After all, it's always more fun to go to town with a buddy."

Beth laughed and shook her head. Never did she ever think that she would be carrying on such a conversation with anyone again, especially with Mrs. Andrews. It had been far too long since Beth had had any kind of female friendship. Yet, after getting to know her strange friends, the turtles, and now, sitting here and talking with 'Ellie' - for the woman insisted that Beth call her by her given name, it had ignited a hunger for such things.

"Yes, I…I think I would like that very much, once things settle down," Beth replied shyly, "once I decide on what to do with my life. I've even thought about going back to…"

Ellie, however, interrupted her, a raised finger indicating her need to speak, an impish expression on her face, "You might begin by considering that nice young detective, Beth. I can tell he has an eye for you."

"Detective Horowitz, really?"

"Yes, that's the one; I can tell he was rather taken with you!"

"And why would you say that; he was all professional when he spoke to you a while ago and he certainly remained that way during my questioning." Beth hadn't yet shared with Ellie about the more intimate talk the detective had had with her, how he had admitted knowing her father. That he said her father had tried to get him interested in her so many years before had greatly surprised Beth. Why would he even say that, unless…Horowitz had been interested in the first place? Maybe he still was?

Nevertheless, Beth wasn't too sure she would be open to such things, at least not now, not when Leonardo seemed so - perfect, regardless if he was a mutant turtle. She blushed a little just thinking about the way he had kissed her, too, back when they were in the warehouse district with Casey. Of course, it wasn't with the same passion as with the first one, when he was still suffering with amnesia, but - still - it had given Beth hope that maybe he was falling in love with her all over again. Now, to consider another suitor, a human suitor no less? It all seemed too much to handle.

"Yes, he was very professional," Ellie admitted, "on that I will agree, but after he was done with you, he was whistling a tune when he went down those stairs. A man doesn't whistle after visiting with a nice young woman such as yourself, at least not unless he's interested in her. Mark my words, dear, I know what I know." Ellie winked mischievously, but before Beth could say anything in her defense, her neighbor reached over for the teapot, "More tea, Beth?"

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"So, what now?"

"Raph, what do you mean, 'what now'?" Leo looked at his brother, each keeping pace with the other, as they raced across a series of rooftops.

Leaping over the short wall separating each apartment, they had been on patrol for the past couple of hours, with Beth's complex not more than a half mile behind them. Exasperated, Raph explained, "What if the Foot come back an' bother her; ya know they know that Beth knows us now."

Don chuckled from behind as he kept up, rather amused with his brother's redundant use of words, but Leo ignored him as he replied, "I don't know…"

Raphael stopped, then, with Mikey nearly running into him, "Hey, put your hand up if you're gonna stop, will ya," Mike complained as he quickly dodged around his brother and also came to a stop.

"Can it, Mike, ya got brakes, don'cha?"

"Yeah, but just look at the tread marks, sheesh!"

"Anyway, Leo," Raph countered, "We can't assume because we made an impress'n on 'em, that the Foot'll just go away - poof - like that!" He shook his head, "We can't have what happened to April happen to Beth."

Leo glared at his brother and balled his fists, "Tell me something I don't know, okay?" He then glanced back the way they had come, back where Beth's apartment was. He shrugged, "I just don't know what to do about it."

"Hey, let's keep her!" Mike brightened, "Let's take her back to the lair. She'll be safe there, ya know."

"Mike, that isn't do-able, we can't do that to her."

"Why not, Donnie, April stayed with us."

Donatello rolled his eyes, "Mike, come on, April only stayed for a few hours, and then we took her home."

"Yeah, I know, but - maybe Beth can stay longer. We can train her until she learns enough…"

"Mike," Leo interrupted, "we taught April, too, remember? We taught her a lot and she still ended up dead." He shook his head then, "No, I don't think it would be fair to keep Beth underground like that. I believe it would be better if Beth moved into her other place right away." He turned and took a step in the direction towards her apartment, "You guys go on ahead, okay? I'm going to go back and have a talk with her. I'll meet up with you at Seventh and Bleecker."

Raphael regarded his brother with narrowed eyes, "Ya betteh not break'er heart, bro."

Without replying, Leo took off across the rooftop, heading back to Beth's apartment. He knew that he couldn't promise Raphael that he wouldn't break her heart, yet there was something about the situation that nagged at him. He tried to ignore it, to push it to the back of his mind, for he really didn't want to consider it. To Leonardo, there was only one thing that was important, and that was he had to make sure that Beth would remain safe.

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After returning from visiting Ellie and as she was straightening up her disarrayed apartment, Beth's mind was whirling with many conflicting thoughts. She had to admit that the past couple of days were the strangest she had ever experienced. Between meeting the turtles - and Leo in particular - to finding counsel in the rat, Splinter, then getting herself lost in the sewers, it all added up to a very surreal adventure.

However, she wondered if she was on the mend from her malady. With all she had gone through, between encountering the Foot both in the sewers and when Leo and his brothers brought her home, those experiences should have caused her to go catatonic. Surprisingly, she didn't, and it made her wonder about it.

Still, Beth knew that she wasn't completely well, not yet, anyway, not when she discovered how Leo and his brothers would get her back to her apartment. It didn't surprise her in the least when she passed out.

Nevertheless, as Beth righted her toppled coffee table and thought about the past couple of days, despite her relapses, she had to believe that maybe she was finally gaining some self-control over her problem. Of course, it helped in knowing that her attacker, Casey Jones, wasn't anything like the monster he was five years ago. It was that alone which seemed to encourage her to forgive him, to let go, and move on.

And that one act of forgiveness seemed to be another turning point for the girl.

It helped that she found a friend in her assumed-to-be nosey neighbor, too. Getting to know Mrs. Andrews was almost like a happy conclusion to a very strange couple of days. In fact, just thinking about Ellie made Beth smile. She had a friend, a human friend! It had been so very long since Beth could really say that about anyone, except for maybe Leonardo and his family.

Just the same, Beth had to wonder about Ellie's insightfulness regarding Detective Horowitz. Coupled with her other experiences, the feelings it brought Beth seemed to be quite overwhelming for her. To add another human to her very small list of acquaintances would be challenging enough, but to add a more amorous relationship from one…Beth wasn't too sure about that yet.

"So many emotions to manage," she mused, inspecting her living room and smiling, satisfied she had things put back in their proper place. "But, Splinter was right. Facing my fears seems to be helping. Letting it have control over me certainly wasn't."

Whether or not she was ready for healing before she had met the turtles, or if their mentor and surrogate father, Splinter, was indeed her starting point, none of it mattered right now to Beth. It was important that she felt more confident in the past couple of days than she had over the past five years. It was a good feeling, too. She smiled to herself and wondered if she could indeed get her life back again.

Suddenly, the thought of returning to college came to mind again. Learning that Ellie had taught school had ignited in Beth a desire to continue her own education. Mentally, she began to make a list of the classes she had already taken, before her attack. As she did, she smiled as she remembered her time at Utica, the professors who taught her, and how promising they said she was. They had known of her father, too, and her future seemed so bright, then.

However, breaking into her reflection, a gentle sharp rap from her kitchen window caused her to jump, forcing her to take in a startled breath.

She turned abruptly and felt the familiar prickling sensation of a catatonic episode. Her heart raced like an out of control horse as she began to perspire. Yet, before her panic attack could gain purchase, Beth followed Splinter's teaching. After several measured breaths, she focused passed her panic, realizing that, without a fire escape, there would be only four beings capable of accessing her apartment through her kitchen window. Once she had reasoned away any unnecessary fear and replaced it with logic, after a moment the girl effectively quieted her attack. She smiled and, then, as a second rap sounded from the window, she knew who was on the other side.

Glancing up at the clock on her wall, Beth noted the time and smiled again. Only ten minutes had lapsed since she had checked it last, when she began cleaning her living room. It was only a casual action, maybe one borne of experience, knowing that touching objects related to physical assaults were triggers for her episodes. Yet, the fact that she hadn't zoned out helped Beth believe that maybe she was truly on the mend.

Happily, Beth walked around the divider and into her kitchen. Once she confirmed her suspicions by peaking around the shade, she opened the window.

"Leo!" she declared happily, stepping back to allow room for her friend to slip through the window.

"Shhh…" he admonished, whispering, "There's a squad car making its way up the alley; I think the police are patrolling this area since your attack."

"Yes, Detective Horowitz said he would provide a police presence for me over the next couple of days."

"Detective Horowitz? Oh, the official in the suit, the one who talked with you outside. He did?" Leo furrowed his brow in question, closing the window before facing his friend again.

"Yes, when he interviewed me earlier." Beth recalled more of what the detective had told her. "Oh, and they've shut the Foot down, or at least most of it."

"Really?" Leo smiled a little as he gently took Beth by her arm, leading her into the living room.

As the two sat down on her couch and before Leonardo could question her further, Beth glanced back towards the kitchen window. "Where are your brothers? Aren't they coming?"

"They're patrolling the area. I took a break to check on you, to make sure you're all right, but what about the Foot?"

"Well, the ones left behind in the hallway here, as well as the two that I saw a few days ago, apparently gave the police enough information to break up the Foot. They also closed down another gang as well, some group they called the Purple Dragons."

Leo sat there on Beth's couch and stared at her, surprised. At first, he appeared confused, as if he was having difficulty accepting her news. He regarded the kitchen window, as if half-expecting one of his brothers to join him, before turning back to look at Beth again. "You…sure he said that?"

"Leo, how can I misinterpret what he said when he said it as clearly as I'm telling you. Isn't that great, news, though? That means…"

"No more war, it's…over?" Leo mumbled softly. He stood up and walked around the coffee table, to stand in front of the television. With his shell facing Beth, he seemed transfixed with staring at the screen, head slightly bowed, as if in thought. He wrapped one arm in front of him, supporting the opposing elbow of his other arm, chin buried into the palm of his hand.

"What's wrong, Leo? I thought the detective's news would make you happy."

"It did. I mean, it does, but…"

"But what?"

Leonardo sighed and turned around, his arms now at his side. When he faced Beth again, she could see that he appeared confused. With how his shoulders slumped and with his less than confident expression gracing his face, he almost looked lost. Then, when he finally spoke, Beth quickly understood.

"Beth, what are we to do, now? I mean…" Leo waved his arms around in frustration as he began to pace, his swords bobbing in rhythm, "all of our life my brothers and I have done nothing but train, learning how to fight, to kill if need be, to rescue people. I know it's good for you that the Foot are no longer a threat and for that, I'm relieved. However, fighting our enemy is all we've ever known; it is all we know how to do. Well…that's not entirely true. Donnie knows how to fix and invent things and Raph's a pretty good mechanic, and Mikey can cook, but…but, me?" He seemed almost out of breath as he looked over at his friend, his eyes searching hers, wide and uncertain, "All I know how to do is fight…and…and meditate." He blew out a long frustrated sigh. "I'm useless unless I have a battle to face."

"You're not useless, Leo, you're a faithful son to your father, a protective sibling to your brothers, a…a friend to me…" Beth smiled and shrugged, "and friends are important, Leo; you taught me that, your whole family taught me that. Because of you, I've found a way to face my fears and I've found a friend in Ellie. You can still protect people from criminals. I don't think the Foot were the only ones committing crimes, so I don't think crime is going to go away. Trust me, Leo," Beth chuckled, "there will still be bad guys for you to fight."

Leonardo stopped his pacing and sighed, "Yeah, I know, Beth, but…and I'm not saying I enjoyed fighting the Foot, but - when it's all I've ever known…"

"Well, I guess we both have something in common, then."

He quirked his head, "And what's that?"

"We have to learn how to do new things. For the past five years, all I've known is isolation - and blanking out," she chuckled, "But, after meeting you and your family, after making friends with Ellie…"

"Ellie? That's the second time you've mentioned the name. Who is Ellie?"

Beth brightened and her smile widening as she spoke, "Mrs. Andrews, her first name is Ellie, and we've become friends. In fact, I just spent a couple of hours with her today after the police left. She made tea and cake, and we talked, and I learned that she's a widow with no kids, and very lonely," Beth sobered a little, a caring tone to her voice, "And she needs a friend, like me. She's very nice, too, Leo, I like her." Beth sighed contentedly, "Ellie wants to take me to see museums and go to the theater with her and make complete nuisances of ourselves." Beth shook her head and smiled broadly, her eyes sparkling with a lust for life that surprised the mutant turtle. "Leo, it's been so long since I've done any of that, and she's not the nosey person I thought she was because, like I said, I think Ellie was just lonely and that's why she would always spy on me whenever I would leave my apartment."

"I…see…" Leo felt a subtle prick of…something. Was it disappointment, jealousy? He wondered about that. Still, noticing the joy on his friend's face made him happy for her. He smiled back at Beth, although it wasn't as magnanimous as he would have liked. He continued listening to her account regarding her visit with the elderly woman. As Beth continued talking about her friend, Leo noted Ellie's age, that she had taught school for several years before deciding on a career as a mother, and he saddened slightly when Beth told him how she had lost her children years earlier.

However, as Beth went on telling him more about her neighbor's personal biography, a sudden realization, as sharp as one of his own katana, struck Leonardo with a resolute truth. It was a truth that he could not deny, one that he could not ignore…and it cut straight through his heart the more he realized it. The next comment Beth made only confirmed what he was slowly coming to realize.

"…and, after talking with Ellie and after she told me how important college is, I've decided that I'm going to go back to Utica. I may have to do some extra work to reacquaint myself with some of the subjects I took before…um, before I stopped going; after all, it's been five years since the last time I was in class and all…" However, before she could continue, Beth noticed a change in Leo's expression. She paused with her rapid account of her plans and asked, "What's wrong, Leo, aren't you feeling well?"

"Hmm? Oh, nothing, nothing's wrong, Beth, I'm fine, really, " he tried to reassure her, but Leonardo's somewhat distant expression betrayed his true mood, "Well, everything's right as far as what direction you're taking and all, but well…to be honest…"

"Yes?"

"Um, to be honest I…ah…"

Although painful, the truth was, Leonardo couldn't be involved with Beth anymore, no matter how much he loved her or she him, or what they were willing to sacrifice to be together. Beth was a creature of light in the busy world of humans, while he was a creature of darkness, hiding in the sewers. Although nature would have had him living outdoors, nevertheless, Splinter had trained him and his brothers to be one with the shadows, to battle and defeat evil and outside the confines of the very law that Beth wanted to represent. To expect Beth to live with him in the sewers and give up all that she was destined to be would be like asking him to give up his swords, his ninjitsu. It was the only life he had ever known. Therefore, Leo just couldn't expect Beth to sacrifice as much in return.

Moreover, so long as there were punks and crime to fight, Leonardo would always have a purpose, a job to do. Beth was correct; the Foot clan was only a bit player in a never-ending game with the turtles, a game where they protected the lives and safety of the innocent. Evil would always be there. Beth could never be a part of that kind of life and for Leo to ask her to, would be a selfish expectation on his part.

"Leonardo, what's wrong?"

Beth's repeated question interrupted the ninja's thoughts and, so, resolutely, the turtle in blue stood a little taller and squared his shoulders. He regarded the girl once more and offered her a small smile, a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.

When heh spoke, his voice now took on a more neutral unemotional tone, "I am very happy for you Beth, and I think you are right. My job is only half done here in New York." He became more serious, now, "The Foot have kept my family far too busy worrying about their next plan of attack to attend to other matters. Now that the police have taken care of them, I think my brothers and I need to focus on other crime syndications." He laughed, "You would not believe how many there are, Beth, too many, actually." He swallowed, then, licking his lips and considered leaving right then, giving the living room one final glance.

However, before he could turn to leave and not at all convinced that Leo was telling her the truth for his sudden change in behavior, Beth persisted, "Leo, please tell me what's wrong?"

His attention drawn back to his friend, he shrugged, "There's nothing wrong, Beth, how can there be? You have your apartment in one piece again and the Foot won't be bothering you anymore, because the police have taken care of them." He chuckled, putting as much warmth into his expression as he could, "and you've found a friend with Mrs. Andrews…um…Ellie. I think you two are definitely going to make nuisances of yourselves on Broadway, that's for sure!" He bowed a little, then "I and my brothers will keep a watch over your place for a while, as I said, that is until we're certain you won't have any repeat 'visitors', but…" Leo looked back towards the window again, "I've already spent too much time checking in on you, and my brothers have a knack for getting into trouble, especially Mikey!" He smiled and bowed a second time, "It was a pleasure knowing you, Beth," and then Leonardo began making his way towards the kitchen.

"Wait!" Beth shot up from the couch and quickly frantically catching up with him, grabbing his arm, "Leo, what's wrong, you're sounding as if you're never coming back. You have to come back…"

The turtle in blue swallowed, trying not to betray how he truly felt, but he shook his head, and softly told her, "I'm can't come back…I can't, Beth." He paused, noticing the sincere disappointment in his friend's face, the tears now filling her eyes. He turned towards her and placed a hand on her shoulder, "You have too much to live for here, above ground, to much to give to the world, than to spend the rest of your days with…with someone like me, living underground with a bunch of mutants. I can't take you to museums or theaters, not unless we break in, and I won't risk that with you. My brothers and I are ninja, Beth. Our father has trained us to fight, to live in shadow; it's who we are…it's all we've ever known, Beth. Your life, here, among your kind, is all YOU'VE ever known."

"But, Leo!" There was no mistaking the panic in Beth's voice; she was desperate, terrified, that Leonardo was serious, that he would leave and never come back.

"No, I've made my mind up, it's for the best," he said stubbornly, and then cupped her face with one hand, softening his words a little. "You'll do all right, Beth, Ellie will make sure of it. I'm sure Detective Horowitz will see to it that you continue to be safe, too. That's what police do."

"That's what you can do, too, Leo…" Beth challenged, but she suddenly found it impossible to talk, as her throat began to close up. A deep build up of emotion now caused her to tremble in panic, afraid that she would never see Leonardo again. She suddenly exclaimed, punctuating each word determinedly, "I don't want you to leave, Leo."

"I have to, Beth, I'm sorry." he matched her intensity, his voice firm and resolute, "I can't have what…what you want me to have; it wouldn't be fair to you."

"Why not? It would be my choice!" Her angry tone surprised her…and Leo, too, by his stricken expression, but Beth couldn't help it. Leo was deciding for the both of them how things were going to be. He wasn't even allowing her to make that decision on her own and it made her mad.

"And a poor choice at that, I'm afraid!" He then steeled himself determinedly, "I know what I'm doing; having human friends is dangerous - for us and for them…for you."

"But the Foot are gone, Leo, they're no longer a threat to us or to me!" Beth had all she could do to keep from shouting, to keep from crying.

"Yes," Leonardo agreed resolutely, his voice hushed, to imply they should quiet their discord, "but be assured that, once we focus on other crime syndications, we will make new enemies, and when they find out that we have friends," ever so slightly, his voice raised in volume, "you won't ever be safe." Leo easily shrugged his arm out of the girl's tightening grasp, "I'm sorry, but it has to be this way," and he continued towards the kitchen window.

Dumbstruck with grief, Beth could only stand there in shocked surprise. She couldn't help the tears now cascading down her cheeks as she watched Leonardo quietly opened the window.

Before he could slip outside and forever disappear, however, Beth suddenly exclaimed, "But, Leo, I need you, because…" and as the warrior in blue turned slightly to look at her one last time, his eyes narrowed in determination, Beth declared, "because - I love you!"

Leo nodded once as he replied, "I know and…and that is why I have to leave."

And then he was gone.

With her throat constricting, disabling any further arguments, and as tears streaked her face, Beth watched helplessly as Leonardo disappeared into the night, the sounds of New York filtering through the opened window, effectively drowning her cries of despair.