English lullaby

As much as he still loves her, Gin knows that Sherry's now a traitor to the eyes of the Organization, that it is his task to hunt her down and, above all, that this must ultimately result in her death.

The boy closes his eyes. He keeps them shut for a few seconds and then opens them again.

The room hasn't changed – of course it hasn't. What did he expect? The cigarette he holds above his knee is still burning, the curls that come out of it float in the bedroom air just as they did a moment before. The wall feels as hard against the back of his head; the sheets, as soft and cold against his skin. And the figure that rests next to him is the same as before. As much as he secretly wanted it to change, it hasn't – her hair isn't of the reddish brown he'd like, nor are her eyes of the shade of blue he'd want. She's not Sherry.

Gin averts his eyes.

Said movement goes apparently unnoticed – Vermouth keeps as still as she was, only moving her hand to take a drag of her own cigarette every few seconds. It's not the usual brand this time, but something stronger. The curls of smoke that come from it, together with Gin's, merge into a sheer grey cloud that floats in the middle of the room, only a few inches above their heads.

Out of the corner of the eye Gin sees her take a long drag and then turn at him. With a jolt of his head, the boy avoids her gaze just in time.

'So?' her voice asks, 'How is the search for that naughty kitty going? Any news?'

Gin doesn't answer. Instead, he moves his left hand up and gives his cigarette a long drag too. The smoke that swirls out of his mouth is very dense this time, and of a very dark grey. He watches it float up and then dissipate.

'I never thought it would take this much to find her,' Vermouth goes on. 'Especially with all the interest you've put on the search since it began. And you know her exceptionally well – how is it that you haven't found her yet?'

Gin keeps quiet and still – only the smoke that comes out of his cigarette moves. Vermouth makes a grin and tilts her head to one side. Her free hand runs up and down her long blonde hair for a moment and then falls back onto the white sheets.

'Why are you so quiet?' she questions. 'This is a theme you're into, isn't it? – that girl…'

'You know there are times I'd rather not talk about job,' he finally answers, doing his best to remain calm. He takes another drag of his cigarette.

'After sex, you mean?' Vermouth inquires, and, even with his back to her, Gin can picture the smile on her lips as she utters those words. 'I thought this, of all occasions, would suit the theme the best…'

'You know you didn't.'

'And you know that girl isn't a matter only of job to you,' she replies. 'Am I wrong? Didn't she use to lie on this very bed next to you, just as I do now? Only that you loved her – and you still do'

'She's gone,' he speaks. 'She ran away. She's only a traitor now.'

'A traitor to the Organization, or to you?'

Vermouth's question feels like an ice-cold hand around his heart. However, he stays perfectly still and tries not to show any emotion on his face. The cigarette burns slowly between his fingers, but he does nothing about it.

'What will you do the next time your paths cross?' Vermouth inquires. Gin hears her words, but he can't respond in any way – all his efforts are on trying to tame the pain that grows in his mind, a pain made of memories of reddish-brown hair and light blue eyes. 'Will you shoot her to death to fulfill your thirst for vengeance? Will you let her go away for the sake of your love towards her? When a final confrontation between you two takes place, what will you do?'

Gin keeps quiet. Solely from her tone, he isn't very sure whether Vermouth is trying to mock him or actually concerned. He would like to turn to her and cry his fill, to let the chaos of his heart out and be told that everything's going to be okay. But he doesn't do it. He only moves to take a drag of his cigarette, which he had let burn on its own for dangerously far too long.

He does feel betrayed. He knows he shouldn't, but he can't help it. A part of him seemed to hope that Sherry would stay – why, he cannot reason it. But then she ran away. And so, when he met her on that rooftop, he shot her as Gin, the assassin, but also as himself. Most of his heart wanted to run to her and apologize – but a tiny bit actually wanted to see her dead. And that frightens the life out of him.

Gin stubs his cigarette out against the ashtray that rests on his nightstand. Then, and still withouth a word, he finally turns to Vermouth and kisses her on the mouth. He forces her lips open and pushes his tongue against hers. She soon gives in.

He closes his eyes. As he kisses Vermouth, somewhere in the back of his head he can see Shiho's crimson blood against the pure white of snow. The blood of the traitor he had been assigned to kill. The blood of the woman he used to share his life with.

He opens his eyes.

He closes them again.

Author's notes:

¡Hola! Hello! Hallo! こんにちは! Salut! Here comes Sherry Furude once more, ready for attack!

Merry Christmas/Holidays and a happy New Year! This is my little Christmas present for you all. I hope you like it, especially its requester, icetears2 ( u/7195334/)!

First of all, thank you for reading! This fic was requested to me here on FanFiction through a Private Message. icetears2 asked me to write a fic in which Gin and Sherry's relationship was "a mixture of fear and love [...] like those fics that [L]ucky[L]adybug used to write in the past." Thus, since I started working on this fic, one of my main goals was to try to emulate LuckyLadybug ( u/32718/LuckyLadybug), an author I like and admire very much [and to which I will refer using 'they' pronouns, as I don't really know or remember which are their preferred ones; if said author is reading this, please tell me your pronouns! I will be more than glad to use them]. As part of my work on the request, I read some of their fics (including some which I hadn't read yet). However, I still let myself be myself, so as to say. I know I will never write exactly like LuckyLadybug, and, you know, isn't variety the spice of life? Apart from this, I tried to honor LuckyLadybug through the title of the fic, which is inspired by their pen name (LuckyLadybug - Booze lullaby; the word 'booze' sounded pretty well and also happened to do with Gin and Sherry's codenames).

Not long after I started working on this request, I decided that I would write two chapters, one for each Gin and Sherry. Both chapters, adding each "body of the story" to its preceding "summary", are exactly 962 words long - this was harder to achieve than it seems, as the first chapter's "summary" is longer than the second chapter's by three words. I spent an hour writing the last 103 words (= the last four paragraphs) of this second chapter! I wrote the summaries first of all, struck by a sudden flash of inspiration. It was when I had finished writing the first chapter that I decided to make the two fo them equally long. And what's up with the chapter's titles, you may ask? It's related to their codenames: Gin (from gin, a tipically English liquor) and Sherry (from sherry, a Spanish wine).

With this fic I have inverted my writing process to a notable extent. Normally, I would think of the plot first (usually aided by sudden inspiration), then write it down and finally think of possible titles. However, here I wrote down the titles first out of pure inspiration (the fic's first and then the chapter's) and then made up the plot and wrote the fic down. I hope you've noticed certain special details in it, including the parallelisms and differences between the two chapters, the (subtle?) mention to Shot (another fic of mine) and the use of names. If this isn't the first fic of mine you read, you might have already noticed the importance I give to character's names and how I play with them. Pay a little attention and you'll notice how it follows certain patterns and, so as to say, rules. In my fics, names always have a significance (and so does their abscence). It isn't random!

Thank you again for reading. If you find any kind of mistake, I encourage you to tell me. Help me become a better writer! Also, I would be more than glad to read your thoughts on the fic.

Lots of love and see you next time!

Sherry F.