Newlyweds

Eddie wiped a tear from her face as she straightened her six month pregnant body from its crouched position on the floor. She had just finished wrapping Jamie's Christmas gift. This would be their first Christmas as a married couple not to mention their first one in their new home. They decided to be a little selfish this Christmas Eve and have a private celebration before joining the Reagan clan the next day.

The wind whistled outside and Eddie shivered. Their modest home had old heating and drafty windows. It was meant to be a temporary place until they could buy a house though given Eddie's surprise and at the time, unwanted pregnancy the dream of owning in the near future was to remain just that.

They were supposed to be married two years not two months before having a family but that wasn't in cards for them. As the baby grew inside of her, Eddie adjusted and looked forward to the March arrival. The situation wasn't ideal but she tried to make the best of it. Jamie, on the other hand, who had always been a kid magnet, was less optimistic.

Eddie carefully hid the package under their bed and made her way to the kitchen for a warm cup of herbal tea. As Eddie drank the apple flavored beverage as she relaxed in the large recliner that was Jamie's when he was home, she looked at the wall clock. It was already after four on Christmas Eve and Jamie had still not arrived home from the 2-7 Squad. He was eight hours overdue and had not called or even returned her texts. He promised her before leaving for work very early that morning they would go to the Christmas tree lot and select a tree to decorate that night. It seemed though that was not going to happen.

Eddie rose from the recliner and moved to the kitchen. She had no idea when Jamie would get home but she and the baby needed to eatcso she inventoried the fridge and pantry in order to start supper.

While she sat peeling potatoes she heard Jamie's key unlock the front door followed by his footfalls on the wooden floor. She heard him open the coat closet and hang up his overcoat, then secure his weapon before coming to stand in the kitchen doorway.

"Eddie, honey," Jamie began. "I am so sorry I'm late. I completely lost track of time."

Eddie continued peeling her potatoes. "It's all right, Jamie. You're home that's what's important, right?" She phrased it as more of a question than a point of fact. It was a fact that as long as she was Mrs. Jamison Reagan she would have to accept the he would always get a bit of tunnel vision when it came to the work he so desperately enjoyed. That was part of who he was, part of what made her love him so much. Still, Eddie had to admit his tendency to completely forget her while he worked hurt a bit. Since she had gone on leave 20 weeks into her pregnancy and Jamie had made detective he had done that more and more often.

Jamie moved closer to her chair and sat beside her. Eddie was peeling the potatoes with a sharp paring knife. Jamie shook his head, "Eddie, I asked you not to peel them like that anymore. I bought you a nice peeler so you won't cut your hands."

"I'm just used to doing it like this," Eddie countered. "Aren't you going to tell me about the case you caught? If it was intriguing enough for you to pull a double shift without calling it must be worthy of my knowing about it."

"On the merits of what makes a case, it isn't much," Jamie replied. "The evidence is so cold. I doubt we'll see any real outcome."

"I'm sorry," Eddie sympathized reaching out to squeeze his hand. "I know how that upsets you. You can only do what can be done, Jamie. You can't follow a lead that isn't there no matter how hard you look for it."

"I know," Jamie replied kissing Eddie's hand cradling it between both of his hands. "That's not why I was late. I got absorbed in the insect activity. We have this new lab technician that does entomology, it was so interesting."

Eddie met Jamie's eyes as he told her about the things he learned. His Harvard mind was starved for that kind of stimulation. His blue eyes were literally glowing with excitement at the learning potential he'd been presented with that day. Seeing that kind of joy on his face was enough to replace any anger she had felt toward him with joy at his happiness. "That is great, Jamie," Eddie replied. "Supper will be a few hours yet. I'm going to try and make our Christmas Eve meal something to remember and not…"

Jamie stopped listening as soon as Eddie said Christmas Eve. Quickly he glanced at the calendar on the wall. Sure enough it was turned to December 24th. He had promised Eddie on Christmas Eve they would go select a tree to decorate and she had not said a word about it as of yet. Still, he'd promised her and he intended to keep that promise.

Jamie let go of her hand, "Put these away, honey," he told her. "I promised I'd take you to get a Christmas tree tonight and we are going to do that right after dinner."

"We'll never eat dinner if I put the potatoes away, Jamie. They aren't going to peel themselves," Eddie pointed out.

"I know, baby," Jamie smiled. "But those potatoes will be here tomorrow. I'm going to treat my best girl to a nice meal that she doesn't have to prepare."

"Oh, Jamie, that's sweet but we can't afford that," Eddie sighed. 'I don't mind really."

"I mind," Jamie countered. "I want to do this for you, Eddie. Please let's enjoy this time. We have so little time together."

Eddie saw the sincerity and love in her husband's eyes and offered her a small smile. "All right. I'll just need a minute to change."

Eddie emerged from the bedroom five minutes later wearing a pretty red velvet maternity dress. It was one of the few dressy maternity dresses she owned, but if there ever was an occasion to dress up, this was it. She noticed that Jamie had cleaned up the dinner preparations and put on one of his clean shirts from the laundry basket. "Ready to go, my love?" he asked taking Eddie's hand and drawing her close for a hug. Eddie nodded as Jamie helped her pull on her heavy coat.

Jamie took her to Chinatown for dim sum that was always good and reasonably priced as well.

After a very enjoyable meal, the Reagans returned to their car and drove to the packed Christmas tree lot. There were still a surprising number of good looking trees left in spite of the late hour on Christmas Eve. Jamie held onto Eddie firmly as they explored the busy lot so she wouldn't slip and fall.

There were trees of all shapes, sizes, and species. Eddie remembered the year before Henry had them get a Scotch pine even though they had found a Blue Spruce with thicker needles and a healthier bark. This year there were no limitations, a fact Eddie found overwhelming as well as delightful.

Jamie led Eddie toward the larger trees in the rear of the lot occasionally pointing to one he thought might make a nice tree for their first married Christmas.

"They are all very nice," Eddie replied as they examined tree after tree.

Jamie notice Eddie's eyes drifting every so often to the left side of the lot. The trees there were merely saplings too small to be of much use, yet Eddie kept peaking at them when she thought Jamie wasn't looking.

"Eddie, look at his one, honey," Jamie said pointing to a gorgeous deep green fir tree about four feet tall with full, fresh scented branches. "This is perfect! It'll fit in the corner by the window."

"I love it, Jamie," Eddie agreed. "This is definitely the one." Their choice made Jamie pulled the coded tag off the trunk so he could give it to the clerk before removing the tree to secure it to his car. As they walked Jamie slipped his arm around Eddie's shoulders. She cuddled into his side and stifled a sob.

"Eddie?" Jamie asked gently lifting Eddie's chin to examine her face. "What's is it, honey? What's wrong?"

Eddie sniffed and wiped her eyes, "Nothing's wrong. Don't worry."

"You don't cry for nothing," Jamie prodded gently. "Are you cold? Do you feel sick?"

"No, Jamie. It's nothing like that…I just…the tree..." Eddie began.

"Don't you like this tree?" Jamie asked. "We can pick out another tree if…"

"I love the one we chose," Eddie assured him. "It's silly really. I keep thinking about the tiny little twig trees and how no one chooses them to decorate. It reminds me of being a teenager with a crook for a dad. It's an outcast. I know trees don't have feelings, it's only the pregnancy hormones making me act silly."

"It's not sil.." Jamie began when a familiar voice cut into his thoughts.

"Jamie, small world meeting you here," said Jamie's old friend Spencer as he shook Jamie's hand.

"Spencer, long time no see," Jamie greeted. "Eddie, you remember Spencer Kroft. Spencer, my wife, Eddie."

Eddie offered her hand to Spencer, remembering him from a night that in fact was not very long ago but in some way seemed to be forever. "Nice to see you again, you are prettier than I remember. Jamie's e-mails don't do you justice."

Eddie blushed and rested her hand on her belly. "Thank you. It's getting harder and harder to feel pretty lately."

Spencer's eyes went to Eddie's visible baby bump. He smiled, "Jamie, son of a gun, you didn't tell me you're going to be a father. Congratulations."

Jamie's response to his friend's words barely registered with Eddie for her mind was engulfed in a world of anger and hurt that Jamie had kept the baby a secret from his best friend. Unconsciously, Eddie moved away from Jamie's embrace. "Jamie, I'm not feeling well. I'll meet you at the car," she choked out before sharply turning and beating a hasty retreat.

Jamie finished his conversation with Spencer quickly and made short work of paying for the tree they chose. He had to wait about five minutes for one of the attendants to retrieve the fir and place it on a cart before he could join Eddie only when he arrived at his Mustang, Eddie was nowhere in sight.

The process of securing the Christmas tree was a blur as Jamie tried to keep calm and locate his wife. He searched the outdoor restrooms, the lot of small saplings, even the nearby diner but could not find her anywhere. In a near panic, he made his way back to the cashier.

"Ma'am, excuse me," Jamie said quickly. "Did you happen to see a smallish pregnant blond in a blue overcoat come by here?"

"As a matter of fact," the cashier, an older lady, answered. "Yes, she asked about a bus schedule then headed to the 10th street stop."

Jamie thanked the lady then sprinted in the direction of their car.

It only took Jamie about ten minutes to catch up with Eddie. She was walking quickly with both arms wrapped around her middle occasionally lifting her hand to wipe at her cheeks. He pulled the car over about 10 feet ahead of where Eddie was walking. Jamie turned off the engine and got out of the car as Eddie approached.

"Eddie, what on God's earth do you think you're doing?" Jamie nearly bellowed in shock and fear. "It's freezing and dark out here. Get in the car right now!"

"Go to Hell!" Eddie shot back her voice full of venom. "I don't want you anywhere near me!"

"Eddie! What's wrong with you? What got into you?" Jamie asked honestly confused about what had Eddie so angry at him.

Eddie stopped walking then and stood still in front of Jamie. She lifted her face and met his eyes, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. "How could you not know what…No, I suppose you wouldn't know, would you? That would involve thinking or paying attention to some else besides yourself, your work, or the Reagan clan! Do I mean so little to you…does our child mean so little to you that you would…"

The truth of Eddie's words hit Jamie like a ton of bricks. It had hurt her deeply that Spencer did not know about her pregnancy. Eddie's condition had been a surprise, a shock to both of them. She wanted to stay on the force and take the Sergeant's exam but now that dream was on ice, their child would be there in March. They had plans for the first part of their married life and now it was all jumbled up. Eddie had come to terms with that change but he hadn't He'd chosen to adjust to it by ignoring it and pretending things were as they planned without a though to Eddie's feelings if she found out about it.

"No," Jamie protested "You mean so much to me, honey, you know you do! Please just get in the car and we'll go home and talk."

"I'm not going to get in the car, Jamie," Eddie insisted. 'And you are most certainly not coming home!"

"Eddie, I know I hurt you. I do, and I'm sorry," Jamie pleaded. "Please let's talk about this. It's Christmas Eve. I love you and I love the baby."

"That only makes it worse," Eddie sighed defeated. "You are always saying that people lie but the evidence never does, and all the evidence I have proves the direct opposite of love, Jamie. If youc can find or give any evidence that backs up your claim of love for our child, you can come home. If not, by the time you plan a move we'll both be gone. I grew up knowing I was unwanted and as God is my witness, my child, will not. You have 24 hours to make your case."

With that final declaration, Eddie started walking again leaving a dumbfounded and panic stricken Jamie alone in the cold New York night.

In shock, Jamie walked back to the car and got in the driver's seat Eddie's words had struck a nerve not because of their harshness but because of their truth. Since the minute Eddie told him she was pregnant all he had done was ignore the situation and pretend it would go away only realistically he knew it would not. Now his poor judgment could cost him the only thing he had that mattered to him, his only little family.

As Jamie turned the car back toward the Christmas tree lot he thought over and over again about Eddie's words. The evidence never lied and that was what she now required of him as proof of his commitment to her and their baby. Jamie slowed the car to a stop at a traffic light in front of the tree lot. He looked out the window at a place that was once supposed to hold a precious memory. Now all of that could be gone, their marriage, their family, and all the potential their life once held was now as good as gone unless he did something about it.

Eddie had been home nearly an hour before she heard Jamie's key rattling the lock. She honestly did not know what she was going to do if she had to make good on her threat to leave, but she would manage somehow.

"Eddie!" she heard Jamie call as he entered the house. "Eddie! Honey are you here?"

"Back here," Eddie called from her curled position on their bed.

She heard Jamie hang his coat and place his keys in the dish before he moved on to their bedroom. Eddie was lying on top of their covers, knees pull up tight, her arms protectively cradling her baby. The room was dark but Jamie could make out tear tracks and a red rose on Eddie's face. Slowly, he knelt beside the bed and stroked her hair gently.

"Eddie, sweetheart, I don't know if anything I can say will heal the pain I caused you, but I still hope you'll listen to me and hear me," Jamie began cautiously. "We mad so many plans, we both had dreams of things that we wanted to accomplish. It seems that we had things scripted out in a specific order but life had other ideas," Jamie paused and moistened his lips. "When we found out you were pregnant so soon, I got scared."

Eddie turned to look at Jamie then, "I know. I was scared too. I still am. You could have said that."

Jamie reached to take Eddie's hand in his, "I know you were afraid, but I didn't want to be. I though I should be strong and brave for you so you'd be calm, and the only way I knew how to do that was to pretend this wasn't happening, pretend all our plans were intact and that the…the baby didn't exist. I guess I thought if I pretended hard enough it would go away…" Jamie knew how terrible that sounded but he had Eddie's ear and she knew him well enough to understand his badly botched meaning.

"It can go away for you, Jamie," Eddie replied very calmly. "You can go back to your life before that Christmas Eve two years ago but I can't. I love you so much and though it will kill me to be without you, I love you enough to let you go and be happy."

Jamie's eyes filled with tears at Eddie's words before he pulled her to him in a fierce hug. "No, God, no," he whispered. "I could never be happy without you, Eddie. You are my life, my world, you and our baby. The only thing that frightens me more than raising a child with you is living without you."

Eddie felt her chin quiver so she bit her lip hard, "Your words are lovely, Jamie," Eddie replied. "But I need more than that. I need…"

"Proof, I know,' Jamie confirmed. "Come with me. It's in the living room."

Eddie took Jamie's hand and followed him to the living room. There in a small ceramic planter was one of the small thin saplings she'd seen at the Christmas tree lot. She raised a wet, questioning gaze to Jamie.

"The large tree we selected is still on the car, but I think that this one may be more what we are in need of this year," Jamie explained. "Unless we plant this little tree and nurture it, feed it, love it, it will just die on us, just like any other Christmas tree usually does. This one is small enough that I can be transplanted once the baby comes so we can watch it grow along with the little one."

Eddie had started crying early in Jamie's speech, so it was hard for her to find her voice when he finished. "Jamie…I…" Was all she managed.

"I know doing the right thing now can't make up for not doing it, but…I'd like a chance to make it right," Jamie whispered gently.

As a response, Eddie reached up and pulled Jamie in for a kiss, "I love you," she murmured as he held her close.

"I love you, too," Jamie professed. "I love both of you. Merry Christmas, Mrs. Reagan."

"Merry Christmas, Detective Reagan," Eddie whispered in his hair before pulling out their ornament boxes to decorate their tree.