XXXI

Legolas came to awareness with a jolt, drawing in a laboured breath of air. He gulped, before realising the reason for his effortful breathing was Elrohir slumped across his chest, pressing it down.

Panic rose in Legolas as he scrambled up and eased Elrohir onto his back. He breathed a huge sigh of relief when he discerned a steady rising and falling of the chest, and covered Elrohir with his cloak.

Brushing the snow off his face, he looked up and spotted another body slumped a short distance away. Turning Esendri over, Legolas let out a loud gasp of horror when he saw that Esendri's lips had turned blue. Fear shot through Legolas, as he tried to wake him.

When all methods of resuscitation proved unsuccessful, Legolas allowed his alarm and exhaustion to wash through him. The quest had already claimed so many lives, and now Esendri -

"No!" Legolas screamed, swiping at the snow that threatened to cover Esendri. "No, Sen! Please, wake up, please --"

Arms held Legolas from behind, pulling him back into a comforting grip. Elrohir did not let go until Legolas's breathing had slowed down, and even then, he continued to stroke his hair.

Leaning forward to examine Esendri while Legolas looked away, Elrohir let out a small noise of surprise.

"He is still alive."

Legolas tried to move, but gave up as his abused body protested against it.

"Really?" he asked, turning to face Elrohir, unable to contain his hope.

"I can feel his heartbeat. It is slow, and faint, but steady nonetheless."

"What does it mean?"

Elrohir frowned and thought for a long time, searching his knowledge Elrond had ever taught him about healing.

"They look as if he was sleeping," Legolas said.

"Of course!" Elrohir cried, the answer rushing to him. "The low temperature has driven his body into a suspended deep state of slumber. It is why we cannot rouse him, and his breath and heartbeat has slowed!"

"I will wake him!" Legolas said, withdrawing a stone.

Elrohir grabbed his hand.

"No, Lass! It is too dangerous!"

"I can control it!" Legolas said.

"That is what I fear."

"What do you mean?"

"I do not like you using the magic so much. It seems that you are gaining mastery over it. And that, I do not like."

"I do not trust myself, either, Roh."

"We must take him with us and hope."

"We used fire against ice. Perhaps the converse might work to heal them. Perhaps the fire stone will provide us with what we seek! Each stone possesses a magic of its own. I just wish I knew more!"

Elrohir stared at the stone Legolas clutched in his hand. There was something about it that felt very wrong.

"Lass, I do not understand why a simple map stone should have some much power."

"We do not know what the others hold," Legolas said, and his face turned a shade graver. "I have not found the courage to probe them, for I fear what they might yield."

"Perhaps that is for the better," Elrohir said, frowning.

A shiver ran though Legolas, and familiar worry sprang up in Elrohir.

"Lass, I do not like how you are so affected by this. You are growing so thin, and I am worried for you."

Faced with Elrohir's plain admission of concern, Legolas did not lash out, but instead averted his gaze. Elrohir's eyes were burning, and he could not hold them, for he feared what Elrohir would read in himself.

Elrohir reached out and brushed some snow off Legolas's brow.

"'Twill only get worse, Lass, and I have never seen any look so famished or cold."

"The only thing that keeps me going is the thought I might get out of this soon. Two more stones till we find the gem. I just hope we do not sustain any more losses."

"No, Lass," Elrohir said, as the pair tried to ignore what Legolas was hinting at: that either one of them would be the next to fall.

"I miss the stars, Roh," Legolas said. "It has been a while since we saw them." A while since I saw any light.

"Every step we take is one closer to home, Lass," Elrohir said, trying to smile.

"When I was a child, I used to marvel at how peaceful snow was, how it used to dance down without a sound. I stopped thinking of that after a while."

"Yes, I remember," Elrohir said, smiling. "Your expression when you saw the frozen waterfalls of Imladris was nothing short of mesmerising. I do not see that look of unadulterated joy often." And I rue that it is so.

"Now I curse the very snow itself, for it strives to bury Esendri, strives to cover him before it has any right to do so! Even snow here turns against us."

"No, Lass, the snow helps to preserve his slumber. The cold prevents his body from damage."

"It is not natural. Everything is wrong! The snow, the lack of stars --"

A flicker of light caught his attention, and Legolas spun to face it, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. Elrohir's hand flew to his sword, but Legolas pressed a finger to his lips. There was something in the air that felt foreign and familiar at the same time. They waited, breaths forming pale clouds against the bleak sky that spoke of neither day nor night. Half a minute, then one minute passed, before there was another flash, so faint it was almost imperceptible. Elrohir was about to speak when a second, then a third, and a fourth light sprung to life. All disappeared, and the pair were left in darkness again.

The air around them exploded with tiny lights, and Legolas and Elrohir had to try hard to suppress their instincts and lash out against them, as the lights flickered on and off, dancing, prancing, a dazzling array that came in a cloud towards them.

Legolas let out a loud gasp as they were surrounded by the light, and rose, face uplifted as he was enclosed in a sea of golden lights. Snow was falling on him thick and fast, but he did not seem to notice.

"Roh, fireflies!" he breathed. "I can hear their song!"

Elrohir stood up too, eyes fixed upon Legolas, bathed by the waltzing, flickering lights. He sucked in a deep breath as Legolas turned to him, for there was something in his face that made his stomach knot.

"I hear their song. They speak of a time when these lands were filled with goodness and light, when the snow was pure. They want it back, Roh, they are pleading for me -- for us -- to bring life back here."

Elrohir did not answer, but allowed himself to be mesmerised by the incandescent lights, allowed himself to be swept along by their dance.

"They are starting to weep!" Legolas cried, staring at Elrohir, helpless. "They are afraid, they are scared."

Taking quick steps towards Legolas, Elrohir reached out and cupped his face.

"Tell them that they should not cry. That there is still beauty left in this world. That they should not let their eyes be darkened."

Legolas attempted a smile.

"You can do better than that. I know you can."

The gentle features raised, and Legolas's face was lit up in a way that Elrohir had not seen in such a long time.

"You have not forgotten how to smile."

Before Legolas could reply, Elrohir moved such that their lips were almost brushing. Seeing Legolas's surprised look, Elrohir's mouth twitched in amusement, and he raised his face to plant a kiss on Legolas's forehead.

"I was worried that you had forgotten," Elrohir said.

"You have helped me remember."

Elrohir fell silent, and Legolas waited for him to speak.

When he did not, Legolas drew a deep breath and said, "The fireflies have told us that they will help us find the gem and destroy it. Nature itself is with us, Roh."

"As she always is. We will do this, but for now, come and get some rest. Your fingers are freezing."

Looking down, Legolas saw that Elrohir now held his fingers, and that he could feel their welcome warmth spreading into him.

"What are you thinking, Roh?"

"Where this will lead us. Whether we will see the others again."

Legolas felt his protest stick in his throat and instead stared at their intertwined hands.

Elrohir snorted, a mocking laugh spreading across his face. "'Tis cruel indeed that one realises his transgressions only when it is too late to right them."

"What are you speaking of?"

Shaking his head, Elrohir retreated into silence once more.

"Are you thinking of the one that you love?"

"Really, Legolas, I made it clear that I do not wish to divulge any further information --"

"Is it Idril?"

Elrohir's eyes grew large with surprise and then confusion as he saw something flicker across Legolas's face.

"No, Lass."

"I have seen the way she looks at you, Roh! She loves you!"

"Why are we speaking of this? What good does it --"

Legolas caught Elrohir's arm as he was about to storm off and spun him around.

"Tell her that you love her!"

Looking Legolas straight in the eyes, Elrohir said, "I cannot."

"Then you are a coward."

His temper flickering to the surface, Elrohir tried to push Legolas aside, but failed. He ceased his struggles then, and took a deep breath.

"I cannot tell her that I love her because she is not the one whom I desire."

The shock in Legolas's face was plain.

"But I thought --"

"I was careless in my youth. I took her as a lover -- Lass?"

"You were lovers? I never knew."

"There are some things which I have done that I am not proud of. I spent many nights with others in my youth, and to me they were just dalliances. I did not make it clear enough to Idril, and we courted. Through my callow ways, I made her believe that I felt more than affection for her, and she fell in love with me. When confronted, I could only tell her the truth, for I cannot give her any more. We quarrelled, and she left to nurse her broken heart. Even now I cannot look at her without guilt and shame, for I had hurt her, and in the process tore up a beautiful friendship."

Seeing the pain in Elrohir's eyes, Legolas let go of his arm and thought for a long while.

"Have you had any lovers since?"

"I sought some in need for comfort."

"For comfort?"

"The passion of our bodies can smoothen our souls for maybe a turbulent night, surely this you know."

"No, Elrohir. I do not."

Seeing the disbelief in Elrohir's eyes, Legolas pressed on, "I have never taken a lover, Elrohir, despite what you might think. Many have propositioned me, but I have always stopped short of sharing their bed with them."

"Then you have succeeded in what I have failed. You have ensured that you have not hurt another."

"Are you in need of comfort, Elrohir?"

"What?"

"I see that you are in pain, Elrohir. I wish to allay that."

"What makes you think you can do so?"

Suppressing his surprise at the frantic tone which had just crept into Elrohir's voice, Legolas tried to smile it what he hoped was a reassuring way.

"You need not worry about hurting me, Roh. I will know that it means nothing to you."

"Legolas, do you know what you are suggesting?"

Legolas laughed out loud at Elrohir's face. "I am not asking you to bind yourself to me! You told me before that there are ways around a complete joining of the bodies which will produce equally pleasurable passions, and you have just said that you find comfort in these feelings --"

"No, Legolas."

"Why? Is it because you cannot find it in yourself to desire my touch --"

Elrohir almost screamed in frustration.

"I have not had a lover for a long while, Legolas. While it used to give me pleasure, it no longer ceases to do so."

"Why?"

Elrohir hesitated. "Because --"

"When was the last time you took a lover?"

"I have not taken one since you -- since Naneth left."

A wry smile suddenly crossed Legolas's face. "I hope it is not because you promised me not to fall in love with some ellon and thus forget me! I was a child then, a child who did not understand such things! I did not know that my jealousy and the promise I elicited from you extended beyond the boundaries of friendship --"

"I cannot and will not take a lover because my heart has been captured by another."

Legolas froze, cursing himself for missing what Elrohir was trying to tell him completely.

"I apologise, Roh. I am a fool not to have realised what you were trying to say! Please forgive me."

"I have never held anything against you, Lass. There is much which you learn with time. I cannot expect you to understand the passion with which our hearts tear at us."

"Why do I feel that the truth will only scare me?"

"Come, Legolas, we must rest before the sun rises. Look, you are trembling so."

Acknowledging Elrohir's dismissal of their discussion, a sudden feeling rose in Legolas that his trembling had nothing to do with exhaustion or cold. Instead, there remained a hollow feeling at the bottom of his stomach which remained long after he had settled down for the night.

x

A/N: Sorry about the long delay, as I am currently vacationing in the tropics. Anyway, that hasn't stopped me from writing this latest chapter, which is decidely more Adult, and a definite turn in Legolas and Elrohir's relationship. And bless Legolas for being so young and feeling his way around in a time like this. He makes my heart bleed sometimes.

If you are uncomfortable with m-m themes, I would suggest that you try the non-slash version of this story available at Stories of Arda. I promise I have worked everything out so that it stays true to the main storyline. Which is of course not to say that the slash is gratituous.

Dreamer11563 - Thank you. More on the other Elves later, as things are definitely making headway between Legolas and Elrohir.

Swasti - Yes, it's horrible when two people who care so much for each other quarrel because their concern is so overwhelming. But how did you feel about this reconciliation?