A/N: Short chapter. You've been warned. I tried to make it longer but I realized it was only out of kindness, not out of necessity. I can't sacrifice the flow for your satisfaction, otherwise I'll fuck up my pace and we'll end up at a dead end. Does that make sense? I'm a sensitive writer. Don't worry, I'm already working on the next one.
The Taste of Blood – Jozef Van Wissem & SQÜRL
there is that sinking feeling that permeates my system when alice cullen untangles her hand from mine and swims to the pool edge, her black hair shiny and slicked back like a dark sweet seal underwater. it is the feeling of manipulation, one i recognize all too well from a difficult childhood with my chaotic parents. it's as if all the euphoria i'd previous experienced was synthetic and injected into me by edward, another shrewd attempt of his to get closer to me and the zipper on my jeans. as i follow alice to the edge of the pool i feel small and immature, like a fetus removed from a womb, under-developed and easily mangled. how disgusting of him. how utterly disgusting.
"ladies!" coach shouts, her mouth still full of her muffin. "edward here has volunteered himself to be our personal poolboy for the remainer of the school year! isn't that lovely of him?" the girls burst into laughter but are hyperaware of edward and his charming good looks. they wave from their various seats inside the room, batting their eyelashes and smoothing their suits with their hands. only a few of them stick out among the throngs of interested young women, repulsed and obviously bitter.
"did you lace her muffin?" alice jokes as she climbs out of the pool. edward chuckles and ruffles her hair, spiking it up once again. his eyes never leave mine as he talks with alice, strong and compelling as though they're trying to hold me in place. i stalk past him, running my fingers through my water-webbed hair, the sound of my soggy feet hitting the ground as loud in my ears as i'm sure it is to him. i hear him abruptly end his chatter with alice and jog after me.
"i didn't lace her muffin," edward says, smiling at me. "but i did bring you one." he opens the brown bag and retrieves it. i can smell the cinnamon and blueberries; the enticing scent wafts into my nose and i begin to walk faster.
"i don't care. fuck off." i look over my shoulder to see alice slipping back into the pool and our coach babbling with the other girls on the bench. perhaps i can slip away unnoticed and uncared for. my stomach feels a little unsettled and i'm actually interested in going home.
like he's being paid by the hour, edward keeps up with me. he stuffs the muffin back into the brown bag but keeps his eyes on me. i look up at him and watch his thick eyebrows furrow.
"what's the matter?" he asks innocently. it infuriates me even more. i roll my eyes at him and open the gym door, indifferent to the fact that i'm still in my swimsuit. i stalk down the hallway, dripping, my hands folded and my lips pursed. "where are you going?"
"none of your business. the 'fuck off' offer from thirty seconds ago is still on the table."
"you're really giving me emotional whiplash, i swear."
that does it. i round on him, my finger pointing at his face, sharp as a knife.
"i'm giving you emotional whiplash?" my voice is lethally quiet yet poignant.
"yes." edward sighs and his shoulders rise and fall in tandem with his breath. "i've been trying to navigate you for the past few days and it's been…brutal."
"you know what's fucking brutal edward? having a friend turn his back on you and leave you emotionally vulnerable just so he can sneak his spiky haired sister into the picture with minimal resistance. i think that's pretty fucking mean. leaving me to spend the rest of the day wondering about you and where you are while feeling like shit, right after planting the seeds of pseudo-friendship into alice's head and sending her in my direction. you're a real piece of work." i jab him in the cheek with my finger and he flinches away from me but remains quiet. "i don't want to be some pitiful fucking project, i don't want you to assume i'm socially inept and incapable of forming relationships where i see fit."
"i was only trying to help. not just you, but my sister."
"i felt stupid," i hiss. "watching you walk into the gym with a bag of muffins like everything between us is hunky dory. you played me for a fool. helping is not treating someone like a developmentally challenged infant." my heart is pounding in my chest and my legs feel like i've been hiking up a twenty mile hill. my mouth is dry but my throat is slick with acid. it's not just edward or alice, it's my life, it's my lack of control, it's the screaming in my head that won't fucking go away or die down…
"they're still real emotions, even if i helped put them there. i saw you with alice. laughing. happy. they don't become plastic store bought feelings just because you found out that i pulled some strings to make them happen." edward wraps his hand around my index finger and pulls me to him, his green eyes earnest. his hand is warm and pulsing with blood. "why can't you put me aside and look at the moment for what it is?"
"because i'm a fucking person!" i shout, wrenching myself away from him. my voice echoes throughout the hall. "not your fucking chess piece! and so are all the other girls you've twisted and turned and set back on the shelf after you were done with them! they can't go back and look at the moments for what they were and neither can i!" i'm breathing heavily, out of breath and angry. edward's eyebrows are still furrowed, his eyes still muddied from his misunderstanding. he doesn't get it. he really doesn't see where he went wrong.
and will he ever? my parents haven't.
the gym door opens and shuts and it's alice; fully dressed, walking down the hall with my clothes bunched up in her hand.
"i told the coach you were sick and needed your things to go, so she opened your locker for me. i hope you don't mind." i clear my throat and attempt to regain composure but it's edward, it's the way he unravels things inside of me only to spit all over them. i want to slap him and hug him. i'm torn. alice reaches us and looks at me long enough to sense that something is wrong. she immediately rounds on edward, her face set in a horrible glare. "what the hell have you done now? why is she crying?" i grab my clothes out of her hand and quickly slip them over my swimsuit. was i crying? i swipe at my face with my hands and look at the wetness on my fingers, unsure of whether it's pool water or tears. i can't remember the last time i've cried. edward says nothing – nothing to me and nothing to alice. he only stands there, his hands clenched into tight fists, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes locked on me. alice jumps up for reach and slaps the back of his head, attempting to bring him back down to earth. he opens his mouth to reply to her but i've already walked away from him. i can vaguely hear the janitor cursing after me through the thick water shrouding my head.