Leave Comments and Thoughts. Any of them. Even the really weird and unpleasant ones.
And if you like this (or hate this) and want to contact me, it'd be easier to just message me on my tumblr. SugarKaneMontgomery/tumblr/com. This fanfiction will probably be 15 chapters or less.
The bar is smoky.
Smoky and buzzing. The sounds of porcine men readjusting in their seats and women laughing too loudly to be sober rise and fall erratically in the air.
Arizona is hovering in the doorway. Discreetly. Watching as the Doctor lifts a wineglass up to her lips before smiling in satisfaction.
She hasn't slept in thirteen hours. She's disheveled, her fitted black slacks wrinkled around her ankles, her suit jacket stained from haphazard coffee sips. She didn't come here to impress she tells herself.
When she is certain the brunette is alone, Arizona starts her approach, slowly, confidently. But with a certain expectant air the pediatric surgeon always seems to have when it comes to the woman in question. She expects to have the advantage of surprise, but almost as if sensing the other woman's approaching presence, Callie turns her head in Arizona's direction.
And then she smiles, immediately.
And Arizona feels her stomach curl sickly.
"Hi," the ortho surgeon projects excitedly over the bar's background noise, "Penny is finishing up her rounds, but she said she'll be here soon."
Callie waves her hand toward the booth seat across from her, her newly purchased ring glinting in the wall light's faint glow. It looks beautiful.
And real.
And Arizona feels a little more uncomfortable as she settles into her seat.
"Do you want anything?"Callie asks easily as if nothing at all has changed, her hands locked neatly in front of her.
She looks beautiful tonight.
As gorgeous as the goddess she was named after, and Arizona is instantly reminded of how little she's seen of her lately. Of how easily Callie's stopped their meetings.
"No…but I do want to talk," the blonde says it slowly, trying out a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.
"About what?" Callie questions, quirking her eyebrows in innocent confusion. And Arizona mimics her expression.
"Callie," the blonde whispers in disbelief, "What do you mean 'About what' ? You're getting married…"
"Yeah, I know," she smiles at Arizona before looking down at her ring and laughing distantly, "It's amazing-"
"It's insane," Arizona interrupts sharply before she can stop herself, and Callie rolls her eyes dismissively.
"I know…I know. You don't have to give me the speech. I'm pretty sure my dad handled that when I told him," she laughs in thought before looking up toward the ceiling, "but you know, I've been thinking. Maybe, three times really is the charm."
She laughs again, and Arizona feels like something is fluttering violently inside of her stomach. So she speaks before she can stop herself.
"Three weeks ago, we were lying naked on top of each other in an on-call room." Callie's laughing ceases. Immediately. And guilt hits Arizona hard, but her tongue is still angry. And sad.
"Ari-" Callie begins but the blonde starts talking before she can finish.
"Three weeks ago, we were fucking in some on-call room while your 'fiancé' was probably doing scut work across town-"
"Stop!" Callie holds up a hand, looking at her ex-wife with hurt eyes. They never talked about it before.
They did it.
Often.
But they never talked about it. It was their own unspoken arrangement. And now here was Arizona, using it as some sort of weapon.
"You don't get to do that, Arizona!" she says in a rough whisper as her eyes skitter across the bar in search of anyone who might have overheard. She's embarrassed. It's written all over her face, and Arizona feels sick just looking at her. "You don't get to have some moral dilemma about it now!" Callie shoots up from her seat, furiously snatching at her purse before making her way to the exit. Arizona is quick behind her.
"Oh wow, so I'm the only one having a moral dilemma here!"Arizona has to block the bar's glass door as Callie purposefully slams it behind her. "I thought you of all people would have some reservations about sleeping around on your partner. Especially when marriage is involved-"
Callie instantly stops, and Arizona almost crashes into her on the sidewalk. She whips around so quickly the blonde flinches back in surprise.
"Don't." She holds her hand up again, her eyes glazed over with unshed tears. "What you did to me is nothing like this."
Arizona folds her arms, looking away toward the shadowy buildings lining the street. "How?"she mutters lowly, "How?"
"You're not some stranger I fucked in a storage closet because I had self-esteem issues," she says it coldly, but the tremor of her voice gives her away. Arizona feels her throat tighten, and her back get heavy. It's been so long since that night. It's been so long, and it's still like a wound that never heals. A story that never ends.
Or maybe that's just Arizona's entire relationship with Callie.
Some gaping unfinished mess.
"Then why, Callie?" Arizona meets her ex-wife's eyes in a broken sort of stare, "What do you get from it? The other surgeon just steps back, shaking her head disbelief.
"You don't get to do this now," she repeats forcefully even with tears slowly slipping from her eyes, "You don't get to do this."
Arizona runs a hand through her hair in frustration. Why does she even care? Why does it even matter? She should just let Callie go be happy in her sham of a relationship. She should just let Callie go be happy with Penny.
But she can't.
Because her heart is possessive and jealous and angry, and it loves Callie. She loves Callie.
But her love is like a child with a prized toy.
Reckless and giddy and stupid.
Accident-prone.
And no matter how much she cares for the woman, despite all her raging, wonderstruck affection, she will most likely break her.
She will most likely leave her scattered in a million pieces. Just like she's done a hundred times before.
"I used to think I couldn't be happy without you, Arizona," Callie says it shakily after a moment, readjusting her purse on her shoulder and looking at her ex-wife with regretful eyes. "And then three weeks ago, my girlfriend took me out to dinner and hid an engagement ring in a bread roll-"
"How original-"
Callie narrows her eyes into a glare, a sad, angry glare, before sighing heavily and looking toward the passing street traffic. "It took my girlfriend hiding an engagement ring inside a bread roll for me to realize that all this time I was never happy without you because I never tried to be."
"Calli-"
"No, Arizona," she stops the other woman quickly, her eyes softening into resignation, "I never tried to be happy without you," she repeats before sighing again, "And that's on me but Arizona," she pauses like the words are heavy in her throat. Like they've been sitting right under her tonsils all this time, and she's only just now noticed their weight. "You never once let me try."
Arizona's eyes widen, cerulean with a tinge of gray. She rubs roughly against her nose, the slender flesh already slightly red from the crisp winter air. Nothing makes sense.
"I want to be happy, Arizona."
The blond flinches, fear and sadness twinkling in her irises.
"I want to be happy without you."
6 months ago
The moonshine is spilling through the blinds and shading the bed sheets white in its drunken glow. Callie presses her finger lightly into her lover's bruised skin.
"OW!" the blonde yells as quietly as she can, pushing the brunette's hand away.
"Aw, don't be a baby," she hears the teasing murmur come somewhere from between her thighs, followed by a quick kiss to her injured area.
"You bit me!"
"I gave you a love nip," Callie responds amusedly, clicking her tongue before going back to lie beside her blonde partner. "Besides, you scratch me like every time we have sex."
"Barely."
"I have scars!" Callie asserts exasperatedly even though she can't help the sleepy smile that takes over her lips. She scoots closer to Arizona under the covers, pinching the woman's stomach gently. The blonde only rolls her eyes before knocking Callie's hand away. Callie sighs at the familiarity before sliding her hand to grip teasingly at her ex-wife's knee.
"Alright," she drawls playfully, "What do I have to do, baby?" The words come out easily and teasingly, but Arizona can't stop herself from melting at the term of endearment. She turns her head toward her lover, only to find the woman's head intimately close to her own. She feels her ex's hand moving smoothly up and down her leg, dipping every now and then between her thighs.
"Calliope," The blonde lets out a shuddering breath before rolling her eyes at herself.
Still?
How does that still work on her? Callie says something sweet in the sultry, sexy voice, and she's practically puddy.
"I'm tired, and we both have work in the morning." She tries to be assertive and firm, but it comes out as a light moan because Callie's hand is wandering higher and higher up her thigh.
"Calliope!" she says again, this time though it spills out like a gasp. The brunette's hand finally reaching its destination. Callie leans over and kisses Arizona's jaw gently and the blonde trembles under her touch.
"I-I'm… tired," Arizona gasps her willpower slowly falling away as Callie works soft kisses up her throat.
"Mm," the brunette hums sexily against her skin, "I want to make you exhausted."
one year and two months ago.
Sofia is sleeping. Her limp weight pressing warmly into Arizona's shoulder. Callie strokes the girl's back gently while simultaneously filling in her ex-wife.
"She's already eaten dinner and bathed, so don't worry about that. I brought the Koala book, so if she wakes up, it's in the bag. And um…" she taps her chin in thought, speaking quietly as not wake her tiny human, and Arizona can't help but smile affectionately, rocking the girl smoothly in her arms, "I probably won't be back until the morning, so…you don't have to wait up." She tacks it on like it doesn't mean as much as it does. But Arizona catches it immediately. Then, almost as if seeing the other woman in completion for the first time, the blonde's eyes narrow suspiciously. Callie's dressed up. She's wearing dark lipstick and eyeliner, and a dress that falls sexily above her knee.
She's going somewhere. With someone.
And she requires her ex-wife's babysitting services because she's going to be somewhere with a someone all night. Arizona feels something plummet in her stomach.
"Where are you headed?" the blonde tries to ask nonchalantly, her eyes still locked on Sofia's sleeping form.
"Well, ahem," Callie clears her throat awkwardly before giving Arizona a nervous smile, "there's this new Thai restaurant I've been wanting to try. So… I just thought I'd go there with a friend."
Arizona hums disbelievingly before lifting her head up to look at Callie. The brunette squirms a little under her gaze before finally huffing in resignation.
"I'm going on a date okay," she throws her hands up a little, though careful to remain quiet, "You caught me."
"I didn't realize you were hiding it," Arizona tacks on jokingly, but her eyes don't quite convey the humor.
"I'm not. I'm not," Callie reassures awkwardly before readjusting her purse, "I just…I don't know…this is weird." She finishes off her statement, gesturing in between herself and Arizona. The blonde simply shrugs, moving to sit on the couch with Sofia still in her arms. Callie follows quietly, sitting on the couch beside her ex. Arizona's apartment is small but nice. A perfect marriage recovery shack.
There's a moment of awkward silence before finally Arizona speaks.
"Isn't it a little soon?" she asks casually, looking over Callie's attire once more. She's beautiful. The brunette laughs lowly.
"We've been divorced for a year, Arizona."
"Oh wow," the blonde replies in faux-surprise before looking down toward her restful daughter, "we didn't realize Mommy was keeping track, did we? No, we didn't." Arizona looks back up with a silly glint in her eyes.
Callie rolls her eyes but smiles humoredly. The sit quietly for another moment before the conversation picks up again.
"So tell me about her," Arizona offers, a smile gracing her lips as she relaxes into the couch. Callie eyes her suspiciously.
"Really?" the brunette asks warily, cautious of their still fragile relationship, "Because we really don't have to do this-"
"You can tell me, Callie," Arizona asserts honestly, "you can always tell me." The brunette eyes her for a moment more in thought, still a bit guarded.
"Yeah?" she grapples for reassurance, and Arizona gives it easily.
"Yeah."
Callie readjusts in her seat, tilting her head down in consideration.
"Well, you'd like her," Callie starts, nodding at herself before smiling in thought, "She's funny and sharp and um, we don't just find the same things funny. We say the same thing at the same time. It's really-"
"Eh, okay," Arizona interrupts, her nose scrunched up a little, "you can dial back the enthusiasm."
"No, really," Callie continues anyway, smirking at blonde's reaction, "it's like we share the same brain."
"Eh, read the room," Arizona interrupts again, her smile becoming more of a grimace as Callie starts to blatantly laugh, "that's all I'm saying."
After a moment of laughing, the brunette holds her hands up in surrender, a bright smile plastered on her face.
"Well, all I'm saying is, you'd like her," she finishes, standing up from her seat before looking over at the clock hung above Arizona's television set. "And I'm going to be late, so…" She gestures toward the front door, and Arizona nods in understanding.
"Hope all goes well with uh…what's-her-name," Arizona finishes with a polite smile, and Callie tips her head graciously.
"Penny," she answers Arizona's unasked question, "Penny's her name."