A/N: Alrighty this is a lot of backstory and I think you guys will like it, I totally loved writing it. Also, THE COMMENTS WERE GREAT. One comment called me Shonda, and I laughed so freaking hard. I can't tell you how the story will end because omg, then what's the point of reading. Please, just stick in it anyway, and enjoy it. And Also, the story kind of writes itself, you know, not really about what I want.

Finally I'll leave you with a Shonda Rhimes quote: "We are on a journey. This is a part of that journey. Trust the journey."

eleven months and 2 weeks and 5 days ago

Callie shows up to Arizona's condo unannounced, the warm summer rain sliding easily down her thin hoary raincoat. Her hair is sticking almost humorously to the sides of her face, the normally voluptuous strands now weakened and flat from the rain's beating.

Callie barely registers them though; she came here for one reason and one reason only. It takes a minute of heavy knocking before that reason finally answers the door, a perplexed look adorning her face.

"I'm not a cheater," the soaked brunette says as soon as the door fully opens, rain still dripping steadily from the tip of her nose.

"I don't cheat…what happened the other night was a mistake," she asserts, though her voice wavers without her permission, a hint of frustrated tears dotting the corners of her eyes.

It's an odd sight.

Calliope Torres soaking wet and on the brink of tears.

But Arizona swallows her surprise as best she can, watching as the dark-haired beauty fights off a lingering sob.

"Uh what?" the blonde asks a bit dumbly, only to be promptly glared at by the other woman.

"The other night…we were drunk," the taller woman excuses lowly, looking to her ex-wife for reassurance. Arizona can only look away and shrug.

"I wasn't that drunk…"

"Arizona!"

"What?" the blonde widens her eyes, throwing both of her hands up in surrender, "What do you want me to say? I have to be drunk to sleep with you? Because I don't, Callie. I really don't."

The taller woman lets out a loud scoff, pressing both of her hands roughly against her face. "You're not helping," she mumbles wetly through the cracks in her fingers, and Arizona grimaces guiltily in return.

"I know…I'm sorry." Her voice comes out soft and apologetic as she reaches slowly for Callie's wrists, pulling the woman's hands away from her face. "What I'm trying to say is," Arizona starts again, looking comfortingly into her ex-wife's eyes, "You're beautiful, and we had sex…but it doesn't have to mean anything."

Callie's eyebrows furrow in disagreement, but Arizona squeezes her wrist gently, stopping the protests.

"You and Penny aren't even exclusive yet, right?"

Callie's eyes flit away in thought. "We haven't really talked about it—"

"Then you're not cheating…" Arizona affirms comfortingly, smiling even as the other woman rolls her eyes at the technicality. "How are you here alone, by the way?" Arizona questions, looking around Callie in search of the woman's tiny replica, "Is Sofia in the car or something?"

The brunette shakes her head quickly, wiping any excess tears from her eyes before stepping more fully under the coverage of Arizona's overhanging roof.

"She's sleeping over at Mer. She had a playdate with Zola."

"Ah…"

Arizona nods in thought, tapping her chin lightly.

"So I guess we're both free, huh…" she hints smoothly, playfully wiggling her eyebrows. Callie glares disapprovingly, but it quickly falls away to a smile.

"God, I am never having sex with you again," she shakes her head like she's ridding herself of a bad memory, even as her smile steadily grows, "Never."

eleven months and one weeks ago

There are exactly two sounds in the storage room.

Low, raspy panting.

And the hard rustling of plastic containers being continuously banged against.

"Oh, fuck," Callie whimpers into Arizona's shoulder, shuddering roughly as the other woman presses soft kisses into her neck.

"I forgot how sexy you sound," she rasps slowly into the taller woman's ear, holding tightly as the exhausted woman releases one last shiver. It takes a couple of minutes for both of them to recuperate and untangle from each other. And then another long moment for them to find their haphazardly discarded clothes.

"This is never happening again," Callie mutters hurriedly to her ex-wife before pulling her scrub top over her head. Arizona rolls her eyes, certain the move is concealed in the dimness of the danky storage closet. They've been doing this cat and mouse thing for almost a week. Something happens, clicks, and they end up naked and sweaty on top of each other. And then afterwards, Callie gets this pitiful, guilt-stricken look. Like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

Arizona doesn't really have any qualms about the whole arrangement.

On some level she realizes that it's not really helping their relationship, and that it's not exactly 'right'.

But on another, more primal level, she admits that having sex with Callie is deeply, deeply satisfying.

And she can't really stop herself from wanting it, having it.

It's kind of a 'potato chip' situation.

No one ever stops at the first taste.

No one ever stops at just one.

But eventually the bag will run out, and the fun will stop. And they will both slowly detach from each other the way divorced couples tend to do. But for now, they continue this little routine in which Callie mutters something regretful when it's over. And Arizona nods reassuringly, quietly awaiting the next time they'll fall into each other's arms.

"Whatever you say, Calliope."

10 months ago

"Thank god! Dr. Torres, I've been looking everywhere for you," Arizona projects urgently, quickly approaching from the other side of the hall. Callie turns toward her distractedly, still wedged halfway in-between conversation with a nurse. An unintentional smile graces her lips at the sight of her ex-wife.

"I'm going to need an ortho consult for the patient in room 22," the blonde says hurriedly, her hair swaying messily as she makes the final quick steps to her ex-wife.

"But wait, what about Mr. Clemons?" the nurse interjects, sensing that he's about to be all but forgotten.

"Just check his legs for any signs of yellowing, and if he feels pain in his knee, page me." The instructions come out in a preoccupied mutter as Callie eyes the quickly approaching blonde

"But what about his bandages. Aren't the cleaning scheduales different for each—"

"Um yeah, I'm sorry, but can you hold on for a second?" she requests, smiling apologetically at the clearly irritated nurse before turning her attention completely to Arizona.

"What's the issue?" she questions earnestly as the worried blonde juts the patient's chart over to her.

"See for yourself." Callie takes the chart quickly, skimming over the first page until her eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"I don't get it," she looks up from the chart. "This looks like a simple Cholecystectomy."

"Does it?" Arizona tilts her head innocently. "Check out the second page," she suggests, gesturing toward the clipboard.

Callie follows obediently, nibbling the inside of her cheek as she flips up the first two pages only to find a yellow sticky note with the question 'On-Call room?' written in Arizona's surprisingly messy handwriting.

They've only been at work for two hours.

Two hours.

And the blonde is already in the mood.

Callie shoots her ex-wife a small, knowing smirk before quickly wiping it away.

"Ah, yes," she says in overly professional voice, "This seems pretty serious, Dr. Robbins." She notices the nurse trying to steal a peek at the chart and quickly pushes it against her chest.

"We need to get in there stat!" Callie affirms overdramatically before hastily grabbing Arizona's arm and starting down the hall.

"B-But wait," the nurse yells after them, "What about the bandages?"

"Change them every five hours," the orthopedic surgeon throws over her shoulder as her blonde partner-in-crime shoots the guy a contrite, dimpled smile.

When they finally make it to the room, Arizona all but pins Callie against the wall.

"I have a chondroplasty in 30," the brunette moans out as she feels Arizona's nimble fingers slipping under the waistband of her pants. The blonde smirks cockily, dipping her mouth to hover over her ex-wife's ear.

"I'll have you done in 15."

nine months ago

"Callie," Arizona yells excitedly as she shuffles into the house, a bottle of tequila in one hand and box of chocolate turtles in the other.

It's the first time in two weeks the two women have been able to be alone together…apparently Callie's relationship with Penny is becoming more and more exclusive by the second. And with that exclusivity comes less and less time for Arizona.

Which is fine the blonde tells herself.

She always knew the month-long sex parade with Callie was going to end at some point; it was just matter of time.

In fact, she herself had told the brunette on several occasions that what they were doing didn't have to have meaning or commitment…it was like a friends with benefits type of deal. Except they were divorced and shared a child.

It didn't really occur to Arizona that ever since she started having sex with Callie again, all her attempts to date other people had ceased completely. Maybe it was because her need for sexual fulfillment was being quelled by daily hook-ups in on-call rooms…or storage closets…or sometimes atop Arizona's kitchen counter if they could make it there.

They had packed so much sex in that tiny month span that when Callie suddenly became too busy for their 'appointments' it was like being doused with cold water.

And maybe that was good.

Maybe Arizona needed to start looking elsewhere for companionship, for passion, but with Callie, it was just so easy.

Falling back in bed with her was like taking a breath. Effortless.

And falling out of bed with her was like waking up Christmas morning and finding all the gifts had been stolen.

It sucked.

And it made Arizona sulky. And irritable

So when she got a text from Callie at 11 o'clock at night asking her to come over with a bottle of tequila and chocolate turtles, she was pretty excited.

Except she had totally, totally misinterpreted it.

And when she opens up Callie's bedroom door, expecting to find the brunette sexily lain out atop her mattress, she finds instead a sickly, red-nosed beauty, curled up around her equally sick daughter.

"Uh…" Arizona stands a bit shell-shocked in the doorway as Sofia sneezes loudly.

"Mama," the little girl whines, fingers rubbing softly at her nose, "It hurtss."

The blonde drops the candies and tequila on the bed so quickly, they nearly bounce off the covers and onto the floor. Almost instantly, she's knelt beside the bed, her hand laid gently against her daughter's forehead. "Tell Mama what's wrong," she coos concernedly, stroking her daughter's hair gently away from her eyes.

"We have a stomach virus," Callie answers for her, though it comes out as more of a loud whimper. "Did you bring the tequila?"

Arizona shakes her head in disbelief. "You can't drink that with the stomach flu! Alcohol is a diuretic; it'll only make it worse."

"But it hurtss," Callie groans, mimicking her daughter. Arizona rolls her eyes at the antic, giving the brunette a placating pat on the shoulder before finally standing up.

"Do you girls have soup?" the blonde sighs, resigning herself to the fact that she's going to have to play nurse for the rest of the night. Two heads nod in unison.

They're all lying in bed, Sofia in the middle and her two mothers curled around her. There are two half-finished bowls of soup on the nightstand and one empty pack of crackers beside them. Arizona's rubbing lightly against her daughter's tummy, listening contently as Callie groans over an episode of Law and Order.

"This is totally not how I expected my night to go," the blonde sighs in amusement.

"Sorry," Callie rasps in response, smiling sympathetically at her ex-wife, "we needed someone to take care of us, didn't we cariño," she nudges Sofia softly, and the girl nods sleepily in return.

"Well, not that I don't enjoy being your nurse, but don't you have a girlfriend that's supposed to cuddle you back to health or something."

Callie sighs grumpily. "I don't want her to see me like this. We're not at that stage yet."

Arizona furrows her brow in disapproval, turning her head toward her ill ex-wife. "You've been dating her for five months—"

"I know, I know," Callie admits, flicking her wrist dismissively, "I'm just taking my time…"

"Besides," the brunette continues after moment, "My love life isn't the one you should be worried about."

Arizona makes a face, and Callie hums like she's figured something out. "You haven't dated anyone seriously since our divorce…and as much as I enjoy having you at my beck and call," the brunette smiles, lifting a hand to pet affectionately at her ex-wife's cheek, "I think you need to start seeing other people."

Seven months ago

Arizona's recently come to the conclusion that she hates dating.

She hates making small talk with strangers.

She hates the smell of foreign sweat on her skin.

She hates sharing her bed with women who don't know that she likes to be the big spoon.

Or chatting with long-legged vixens who don't get goo goo eyes when they see pictures of Sofia.

She hates it. And she doesn't know why she hates it because she used to live for that crap.

She used to have a different woman in her bed every week like it was a natural rotation. It used to entertain her. It used to satisfy her.

But now, at the end of the night, all those companions do is leave her empty.

But she doesn't dwell on it. She keeps picking up women in local bars and taking them home in hopes that she, like Callie, will find someone worth committing to. The closest she's gotten is a dermo nurse named Jennifer. She's nice to eat lunch with; she doesn't talk too much or too loudly. She holds Arizona's hand sometimes but not long enough to make her palms sweat.

She's perfect in the general sense. Tall, with black hair, and sexy curves.

A lot like Callie.

But Arizona doesn't dwell on that fact either.

They match, and for now, matching is all Arizona can hope for.

Until one afternoon, after wrapping up a lunch with Jennifer in the cafeteria, she's yanked by familiar hands into an unoccupied conference room.

Almost immediately she's hoisted up onto the large, wooden table, her scrub cap flung somewhere across the room. Plump red lips press up against hers as a firm leg slips between her knees. Arizona barely has time to register what's happening before she's panting and topless, splayed out with a warm body atop hers.

"C-Callie?" she moans out the question as the brunette continues making a trail of kisses down her throat.

"Mhm," the brunette's hums lowly, pulling back just enough to press a rough kiss against Arizona's mouth.

"What's...happening?" she pants, trying to focus even as the other woman continues to grind into her. Callie pushes her bangs from her face quickly before kissing Arizona again.

"Nothing," she responds breathlessly, "Just having fun."

The blonde furrows her eyebrows in confusion before pressing her hands firmly against her ex-wife's chest. Not enough to push the brunette away, just enough to stop her assault. The heavy contact is making it hard for Arizona to focus.

"What's going on, Callie?" Arizona asks again, this time a little more firmly.

"Nothing," she maintains, her eyes widening in faux-naivety, "Why? Is something going on with you?"

Arizona shakes her head, still a little confused by Callie's sudden onslaught of affection.

"You know you don't have to lie to me, right?"

"Uh…yeah," Arizona says perplexed, and still mildly aware that Callie's knee is pressing teasingly against her.

"So…you're not dating that derm nurse?"

Callie tries to ask it nonchalantly, but her fake, overly-stretched smile gives her away. Arizona's eyes narrow suspiciously, and the orthopedic surgeon quickly tries to recover.

"I mean, I'm just curious because you haven't mentioned her and you know…everyone sees the two of you together…all the time…not that I care…"

Arizona's forehead wrinkles in realization.

"Oh my god, you're jealous."

"No—"

"You're irrationally, obviously jealous—"

"No, I'm not," Callie lifts up from her ex a little, denial lacing her features. "I'm just curious. I can't be curious about you?"

"Jennifer and I are casually dating each other. You told me to see other people."

Callie's crunches her face up. "I meant other surgeons, you know. Not a freaking derm nurse."

Arizona raises her eyebrows at the woman before laughing so loudly Callie has to put her hand over the blonde's mouth until she stops.

"Oh, how the tables have turned," Arizona woman breaths amusedly, and Callie rolls her eyes in annoyance.

"I was just wondering about you. I'm not jealou—"

"Yeah whatever," Arizona cuts in, laughter still in her voice, "you basically attacked me."

"I thought you like it when I'm…proactive," Callie rasps lowly, trying obviously to change the subject. And it kind of works. Arizona shivers involuntarily and her hips buck up against the other woman's thigh.

"I d-do," she shudders out, her heart picking up pace as her ex-wife begins pressing deliciously into her

"Oh…I really do."

five months ago

Callie is the first one to stumble out of the on-call room, her hands fidgeting self-consciously with her now messy hair. She tries her best to look casual as she straightens her shirt and wipes any smudged lipstick from her mouth, but as soon as she spots Bailey walking in her direction from the other end of the hall, she knows she's been caught. The other woman's eyes narrow suspiciously, and her lips do that knowing pucker thing they always do when she's about to give you a lecture.

"Callie Torres," she calls scoldingly, eyeing the woman up and down, "Everyone's been paging you. Derek needs a consult."

"Uh," Callie clears her throat awkwardly, looking down at the nonexistent watch on her wrist, "I really have to scrub in for a shoulder replacement. Can you tell Derek we have to postpone?"

Bailey's eyes narrow even more as her chin sort of tilts back in a reprimanding parent way. "I don't suppose that nice girl you're dating dropped in for a visit today."

Callie's jaw clenches embarrassedly at the mention of Penny. "Uh…no…she didn't. Why?"

"Because your shirt's on backwards—"

At that moment, Arizona decides to emerge from the on-call room, probably figuring that Callie was long gone by now, and she could leave without drawing any unwanted attention.

But as soon as she sees Bailey, her eyes widen like a deer caught in headlights. "Ahem," the blonde looks uneasily between both women, a nervous smile uncertain on her lips, "Hi, Bailey! We uh… Callie and I, we were just—"

"Arizona," Bailey cuts her off firmly, shooting the blonde no-nonsense look. Arizona shuts up immediately, eyes flitting over to Callie like a frightened child.

"Whatever the two of you were doing," she says slowly, holding up a silencing finger when Callie tries to interject, "I don't know, and I don't care. Just stop it." She warns it sternly, shaking her head in disappointment at the two women.

"We weren—" Arizona tries to explain again but is quickly cut off.

"No, no, no," Bailey asserts firmly, looking tiredly at the blonde "I really don't want to know…just cut it out." She shakes her head at them again before sticking her hands roughly in her pockets.

"I'll tell Derek that you have a surgery," she finishes professionally, turning away from the two mortified women and trekking back down the hallway.

five months ago

Callie shows up to Arizona's condo unannounced again. This time though, it's a clear warm night. The wetness on her face cannot be disguised by plummeting raindrops or loose hair strains.

She's crying. Sobbing.

And she does not hesitate to fall into Arizona's arms.

"W-We broke up," she stutters out, her body shuddering against her ex-wife's, "She said she wanted a break."

four months ago

They are always together.

Always.

At work. At home. Everywhere.

They're always together.

And it feels kind of like when they first started dating, but better. Because they're not trying to learn each other.

They're not going in blind and feeling their way around. They just know. They know when to talk. They know when to be silent. And they don't say it, but the connection that seemed so long ago buried under horrific traumas and unfortunate accidents is slowly edging back up. With every night they spend together.

Just knowing each other.

And with every night they spend cuddled in bed or tucking Sofia in or making out to some stupid romcom, Arizona becomes more and more certain. That after everything they've been though, after every battle they've fought, she's still in love with Callie.

She's still stupidly in love with Callie.

And sometimes, she feels the other woman staring at her, waiting for her to make the move. Waiting for her to say the words.

But. Arizona fears changing this, fears losing Callie again to what always inevitably happens with them…so she remains quiet.

Even as the words as dying to come out.

three months ago

Arizona still can't tell her.

She just can't.

And it's not for lack of words either because in all honesty ever since Callie came crying to her doorstep with the news that Penny and she were taking a 'break', the words have been sitting heavily in her chest.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Be with me.

But they just can't come out. No matter how fervently she tries, how meticulously she plans.

Every stroll through the park.

Every movie night cuddle session.

Every candlelit dinner.

None of it feels good enough.

None of it feels right.

She just wants to tell Callie that she's ready….that all her life she's been running from things and people and places, and now for the first time, the only thing she wants to do is stay.

That being with Callie is like coming up for air. Coming up for air when she didn't even realize she was drowning.

But she couldn't say it…even in all those perfectly perfect moments, she couldn't. She let fear and uncertainty sit inside her throat and stop all those pretty love-struck words from tumbling out.

And now, in a rather ironic twist of fate, the one place she feels most ready to admit all her feelings is here.

In her living room, on Christmas Eve.

Where there is no candlelight to sit by or manicured park to walk through.

It's a catastrophe of plastic tree limbs and unused wrapping paper. The smell of shortbread. And coffee. And chilly December sticking in the air like smog. Sofia's poorly-wrapped presents are scattered haphazardly around the living room, and nothing about this is romantic.

Nothing about here is perfect.

But for some reason, the two of them laughing exhaustedly on Arizona's living room carpet feels right.

Feels perfect.

"Callie," Arizona sighs contentedly, one of her hands wandering lazily against the carpeting in search of Callie's, "Don't take this the wrong way, I really enjoy having you help out, but…you're kinda terrible at wrapping gifts."

Callie snorts amusedly, swiping one hand lethargically at the air.

"As far as Sofia knows, Santa's terrible at wrapping gifts. Mommy gets her gifts wrapped at the mall."

Arizona rolls her eyes, affection blooming in her chest. "Ah, you're smart," she whispers happily, finally wrapping her hand around Callie's. "I missed this."

The brunette hums in agreement, squeezing Arizona's hand softly. "Yeah, Christmas without you is a lot less fun."

Arizona tilts her head toward her ex-wife, loving how calm the woman looks. "That isn't really what I meant," she admits evenly.

"Hm," Callie hums turning toward her with a tired, cocky smirk, "You're not getting a crush on me are you, Robbins?" she jokes.

Arizona huffs dramatically like she's surrendering something she wouldn't willingly give before finally smiling back.

"A gigantic crush."

"Ah, knew it," Callie exclaims jokingly, squeezing her ex-wife's hand affectionately before turning back toward the ceiling. "It's too bad though," the brunette whispers after a moment, her eyes sleepily shut, "I'm a committed woman now."

The world shifts. Arizona's eyelids fly apart; she hadn't even realized they were closed. "You're a what?" she rasps, suddenly bone-chillingly sober.

"Yeah, didn't you hear?" Callie smiles at the ceiling, "Penny and I are back together."