I could just about explode from all the positive feedback I'm getting on this story. Thank you SO much for reviewing, and I hope everyone that is reading this will continue to do so and enjoy the story, as well. I have to admit that it's fun to write about such a cruel character like Azula. Her cold personality almost demands that I write her in the way that I have been; using (or at least, attempting to use) varied sentence structure and "spicier" language than I'm used to. After deciding to write her that way, I realized that I got a lot of compliments on my writing style as well, I'd like to say thanks for that, too. But realize that I'm really not that sophisticated sounding all the time! It just fits her character so well, doesn't it?
Mai and Ty Lee stared up at my slim figure as I mentally prepared myself to jump to the grounds below, frightened and horrified expressions carved onto their faces. Running my fingers along the smooth wood of the wall, I told myself I would have to jump before my common sense caught up with me.
"Azula!" Ty Lee's voice sounded shrill and shaky. It broke my concentration and I threw a dirty look in her direction. "What are you doing? Don't jump! We believe you!"
No answer escaped my lips as I stared the two of them down, for in my own mind there was still the necessity of proving them wrong, and proving myself equal, if not superior, to my older brother.
"Don't be stupid, Azula," Mai retorted, as if she was attempting to sound indifferent about the whole situation. However I could read her expression, and she was just as frightened about my jump as Ty Lee appeared to be.
"Yeah! The only reason Mai stood up for Zuko like that was because she likes him!" Ty Lee said. Mai's face plunged into a deep scarlet, proving Ty Lee's observation to be true. I rested my weight in a sitting position on the window, my daring jump forgotten for the time being. Of course it was obvious that Mai liked Zuko. But the thought of love had barely ever crossed my mind previously; unless one could count my long since dead desire for appreciation and acceptance really a cry for love. But the type of love that intrigued me so was this type that Mai had found within Zuko; the type where two beings were so attracted to one another that they claimed they would die should they ever be separated.
I crossed my legs as they dangled out the window, and set my expression into that of concentration. Surely Mai and Ty Lee, as they observed my actions from the ground, assumed I was debating whether I should jump and prove my capability to withstand pain, or whether I should choose to remain in my room. The option had long since flew out of my mind, however, for that was not what I was pondering.
The emotion of love had, for as long as I could remember, both confused and intrigued me. I never saw my mother and my father exchange affectionate glances, or sweet kisses. My uncle's wife had died long before I could remember anything about her, as had my grandfather's wife, Ilah. But the stories my mother would read to me as a child were peppered with this love; the love where a young, valiant man would risk all that he had and more to save a beautiful woman that was in need of his assistance. I wrinkled my brow in frustration as I tried to comprehend why a person should put their life in jeopardy merely to win over the love of another. For all my life, I had been taught that you are of no good if you cannot protect even yourself. Power and position were held over all else as the most sought after ambitions. There was no room for love in the formula.
Glancing down at Mai, I wondered what it must feel like to raise a single person above all other humans on the planet. To raise that person high in affection, to dream only of that one being, and to commit otherwise dangerous and reckless acts on account of the feelings harbored for that single human. The emotion sounded weak to me. It sounded like one of those emotions that my father, with an iron fist and a booming voice, would declare to me was pathetic and unneeded in a perfect ruler. Others would say that love was what kept the world together in times of trial, that love was the one thing needed to keep the peace throughout the world. But I knew better. I knew what it really was; a weak emotion that caused the bearer to forget all that was important in life. While others fed and lived off of this love, I would shun it, avoid it, and gain for myself a power that would render me unstoppable in every way imaginable.
Picking myself up from the window sill, I dropped back into the sanctuary of my room and gazed out on the tiny figures of Mai and Ty Lee. Putting on a stern expression, I started speaking loudly to the two of them.
"I'm glad you decided that my show of power was enough to convince you that I am capable of withstanding pain. My brother Zuko probably cried his eyes out the night after the Agni Kai. He knows nothing of pain. He may be scarred on the outside, but on the inside he is as soft and untouched as ever. I am the one that has been hardened with the flames of time!" I found myself half-tempted to climb back onto the windowsill again, for, it made me appear to be taller and more intimidating. I restrained though, as I finished my glorious speech. "Since I am going to be Fire Lady one day, I must harbor the knowledge to make intelligent decisions. Jumping out of a window does not suit this practice."
A silence followed for a minute or two, and Ty Lee finally became the one to break it. "I'm not sure what you just said, Azula, but I'm glad you decided not to jump out of that window! You probably would have broken a few bones."
I rolled my eyes at her ignorance. She was nothing, really; skilled only in the ways of the acrobat. I doubted she would ever become someone important when she grew older. And Mai, she was somewhat skilled in the art of throwing knives, though at the tender age of ten she really only took lessons and never used her ability on any actual enemies. I was not intimidated by either of them or the unique skills they possessed, and thought of them as my loyal followers. If they were not loyal, though, they would be soon enough; time wore down much, and I was positive their egos and integrity would soon bow to me.
Emotionally gathering myself together, and silently congratulating myself for making the intelligent decision of not jumping out of the window, for, it brought me one step closer to achieving the perfection needed in an absolute ruler, I took a deep breath in and slowly let it back out. Closing my eyes as I leaned my weight against my bedroom wall, a streak of boredom overtook my being. I mentally drew a map of the palace grounds, going over every detail I remembered, from the turtle-duck pond all the way down to the crooked bush just outside the gates. Opening my eyes back up, I sighed dully; there was nothing to do on this day that was barely even half-way over yet.
An idea crossed my mind, and I turned quickly to glance out the window yet again, my eyes coming to rest on the just departing figures of Mai and Ty Lee. I called out to them, saying to wait for me right where they stood; I would be down in a minute or two. Ty Lee's expression brightened considerably, and Mai just took to leaning against the tree with her arms folded across her chest.
Deciding that I would make them wait then perhaps a little bit longer than the minute or two I had promised, I slowly started my way out of my room, sauntering along as if I owned the world -- or at least, as if time was an infinite resource of which I possessed an unlimited amount. My steps echoed as I walked down the empty hallway, their resounding patter ricocheting off the grand walls and reverberating in my ears. My footsteps had a regal air about them, a sound that made them appear to be worthy of walking among great king and queens of the past and joined by the company of those that held high positions in society. The sound they produced that echoed off the walls seemed alive, as if it possessed a personality of its own, and could whisper secrets about my thoughts and my beliefs, revealing my character to anyone who opened their ears to its stories. They also sounded as if they were laughing, or perhaps cackling, lending it to themselves that they knew a secret -- a secret that would only be revealed as time itself allowed it.
Passing by my brother's room, or rather, his former room, I heard the echo of my footsteps stop as I halted to peer inside. Looking inside, I observed that everything seemed the same; nothing appeared to be moved out of place or missing from anywhere; whether it be something that hung on the wall or was delicately placed on my brother's nightstand.
Walking inside, I took a cautious look about me, for the room held a foreboding air, almost as if the atmosphere was holding its breath, waiting for its master to return. Running my hand reluctantly along the sheets and blankets that layered the bed, a memory crossed my mind; a memory that seemed so long ago that it lived only in the past. A memory of thunder and lightning, of brother and sister huddled together in a bed, waiting for the storm to pass.
Shaking the nostalgia out of my head, I turned and walked over to Zuko's nightstand, thinking perhaps he had inadvertently left something of value behind that I could now claim as my own in his absence. As I eagerly inspected the nightstand and opened its small drawer, I realized that perhaps this room was not left so untouched as I originally observed it to be. The one treasure that I had been looking for, the one item I deemed worthy enough for me to take, was not resting in its usual spot in the nightstand drawer. Scowling, I accepted the fact that the shiny dagger my brother received from our uncle during his siege of Ba Sing Se was most likely never going to within my clutches, like I had hoped. I slammed the tiny drawer back into the stand, and stomped out of the room as I clutched my fists in a spoiled manner.
I continued my journey to the end of the hallway. As I approached the stairs, I stopped on the first step, and ran my hand back and forth along the smooth, wooden banister. So worn down with time was this wood, that it had all the splinters and sharp edges smoothed out of it; so many hands had rubbed against its polished surface without a second thought, that it was flattened and almost softened with their touch. I was sure that everyone who used this banister did so without really delving into its history; I was the one exception to that rule. Every time I walked down that grand staircase with my right hand running smoothly down the wooden banister, I thought of all the Fire Lords and their royal families who had slid their hands along this same railing, assisting in the wearing down of the piece of wood. Their fingerprints had been left on it, and then smoothed over by other hands that ran down it, and I could only smile precociously as I ran my palm along its edges, realizing that I was adding my mark to the long line of Fire Lords -- and perhaps one day, Ladies -- that would live in this grand palace.
The building in which I lived was so peppered with stories, so livened with tales and legends, history and events, that it both fascinated and excited me to become a part of it when I grew older. For one day, I would take the throne; after all, my chances were sealed when Zuko was banished. All I had to do was wait until my father passed away, or was killed, and then I could start my reign as Fire Lady Azula. Everything would turn out perfectly, for I was perfect, and I lived in a perfect palace -- my life was perfect as it was and would only turn out just so.
Not much later, I found myself walking toward Mai, who was still leaning against the tree with a perpetual look of boredom spread across her face, and Ty Lee, who, in her waiting for me to arrive, had resorted to entertaining herself by walking on her hands in never-ending circles. When the former saw me approaching, she hoisted herself off the tree and walked by Ty Lee, grabbing her by the ankle and forcing her to walk toward me. They both stopped a few feet in front of me and Ty Lee positioned herself normally, rather than on her hands.
"So, Azula," said the cheerful girl after she fixed her clothes that had been tossed about every which way from standing upside-down. "What do you want to do?"
"I was thinking we could play pretend," I said, crossing my arms in thought. "I could pretend to be the Fire Lady, and you two could pretend to be my loyal servants. Or, I'd even be willing to let you be my soldiers that I could command."
Ty Lee's face dropped ever so slightly, and she spoke out in a disappointed voice, "But Azula, we played that game just yesterday. And I still have a bruise from when you hit me and I fell down," the flexible girl pulled up her pant leg to reveal a good sized bruise on her shin. "It wouldn't have hurt so bad if that rock hadn't been there…"
I looked at Mai, who had said nothing this whole time. "What do you think, Mai?" I said, smiling inwardly. The only reason I asked her opinion was because I already knew what she was going to say.
She shrugged, just as I had predicted, and said, "Whatever. It doesn't really matter to me."
"There, you see?" I said, turning back to Ty Lee. "Mai doesn't care what we play. You're the only one that seems to have a problem with my decision." I smiled, evilly delighted when I saw Ty Lee merely shrug and agree with me; after all, she had virtually no say in what we were going to do. It was only a matter of time before she realized this fully, and would stop trying to argue my point.
We made our way over to the garden to start our game. I sat down on the edge of the fountain, pretending it was my throne, and the game of pretend began. I always took these games of pretend very seriously, considering it practice or preparation for when I truly would become the ruler of the Fire Nation. It thrilled me to have the feeling of power resting in my hands, and the knowledge that I could do with that power whatever I pleased, whenever I pleased.
My thoughts involuntarily seemed to wander back to that sick, weak emotion that the world called love. That emotion that made out to be a safe harbor for those who were weary of the world or needed some hope or aspiration to cling to. As I thought deeper and deeper about this perplexing feeling, I came to the conclusion that love and hate were not all really that different. Both were intense emotions that resulted in the finding and seeking out of one particular person or thing. Both consumed the possessor and ate away at their very being. But there was one very big difference that I had been able to find, and use to discern the two from one another. Hate was a strong emotion that fed the fires of rage. Love was a weak emotion that ate away at the pillars of ambition.
And yet, even in my robotic mind that told me that love was an extraneous, unnecessary emotion for survival in this world, a part of me clung to it. Curiosity was still very much alive in my veins, and I longed to know what it felt like to truly be in love, to hold someone and realize that they were all you needed and wanted in the world. I immediately brushed the feeling away, though, and told myself that power and perfection sprung not from love, but from ambition. I tried to become comfortable with this feeling, but no matter what I did, I could not deny the small, empty feeling that was left inside of me when I decided to shun all types of love for good.