Episode 6.11
Go Down Smiling
Written by Maddy

Dear…

Hey, there. How are you? Good? Good, that's good. I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I'm not a fan of expressing my feelings and I definitely don't want to be writing them down for the whole world to 'accidentally' come across then blurt out to Matt that I like him –

God, I was such a geek. I mean, look at me. I closed my diary and put it back where it belonged: underneath my pillow. That was the first entry, it wasn't the last and I kinda wish it were. Three weeks after I got that diary, three weeks after my fifteenth birthday a guy called Xander Harris came to my house in San Diego, sat me and my parents down and told us this mega huge epic tale of demons, Hellmouths, witches, spells, vampires, werewolves and finally Slayers. And apparently I was one of them. How fucking awesome is that?

My mom and dad didn't believe him. I didn't either, but I wanted to. I wanted to be everything he thought I should be: a hero. Who doesn't want to be a hero? Nobody I know. And I actually know real life flesh and blood heroes. Buffy and Faith, and even their friends, Xander, Willow, Andrew, Robin and Dawn. Mister Giles doesn't count because I've never seen him do anything heroic. Dawn swears that he has done some heroic things, but he's old and the image doesn't fit in my head.

So I was thrilled when I packed up my things, kissed my mom and dad goodbye, told them not to worry and to say 'bye' to my older brother and sister. They didn't live at home, Laura was twenty at the time and Kyle was twenty-two. I was the baby, but now I could take care of them. I didn't need anyone taking care of me anymore. I was a Vampire Slayer. I was going to be a hero. I had superpowers and could kick (according to Xander) some serious demon ass. I was totally psyched.

One year later I'm in LA and now I know even more heroes. Angel prefers the term 'champion,' he's both. I really like him. But not in the 'date me' sense. Come on, gross much. It may work for Buffy, but not for me. Plus, old. I like him more than I like Spike, but I'm not going to tell anyone that. I think Sarah does too. But she hardly speaks to me expect to say 'do shut up' or 'oh, honestly.' She likes to live up to the British stereotype of being a stuck-up snob. For about a week now, she's been hanging out with Connor a lot. I don't know if anything is going on between them. It would be funny if it were. I wonder what Angel would think. Hmm.

Jade hasn't been feeling well and Faith's losing her head over it and Spike's been trying to find it whenever that happens. I'm pretty sure something is going on between them. Little glances and playful laughs and when they spar…it's like: whoa. I wonder what Angel thinks about that. He's probably overjoyed that Spike doesn't want Buffy anymore.

I got off my bed and walked out of my room. I like having a room to myself. Back in Slayer School I had to share with this Australian girl who had no taste in music and would not shut up. I talk a lot, but, Jesus…

"Hey, Bri," greeted Connor as he also exited his room. "Do you know where Sarah is?"

I raised my eyebrows and then rolled my eyes. "Haven't seen her all day."

"Neither have I." He sighed, "Thank you anyway." And he quickly walked towards the stairs. I followed, but at a much slower pace. It's not like I had anywhere to be.

When I arrived in the lobby, the others were also there. Everyone minus Sarah, Jade and Faith. I guess Jade was feeling sick again.

"I don't know why Faith has to look after the blonde one," Spike said to Angel. I stared at the blond vampire in amazement. God, could he be anymore self-centered?

"Why, is it cutting into your time, Spike?" Angel crossed his arms across his chest. "Slayers don't get sick."

"Buffy did once," Spike countered.

"Fine. Buffy did once. But that was the flu, a really bad flu-"

"Yeah, and you tried to kill her," cut in Spike.

"I was evil. You'd think I'd get some kind of allowance. You tried to kill her more than I did."

"Not that this is fun, because it is. I'm having fun," Gunn looked around. "Anyone else not having fun?"

"Yeah," I answered, "You'd think they'd get over it. Spike's with Faith now," I smiled widely has I had a sudden great idea. "Can I go out on patrol?"

"No," answered Angel, much to quickly for my liking.

"Oh, come on. We need to keep patrolling. I like to patrol, Connor could come with me."

"I have to find Sarah."

I sighed, taking that it. "Fine. Someone else can come with me. Where is Sarah, anyway?"

"We don't know. Hence: finding her," Connor said, he was starting to stress out. Cool it.

"Cool it, Sarah's a Slayer. She can totally handle herself." I gave a dismissive wave. "So, who is going to come with?"

"I said 'no,' Briana," Angel said.

"Do you want to come?" I wasn't going to give up that easily.

"No, I was going-"

"Waste away waiting for Buffy to call. Maybe you should just call her first," I suggested. Angel didn't agree.

"No, this is up to her. I don't want to – why am I telling you this. Go away."

"On patrol?" I asked hopefully.

"You want to go that bad, I'll take you," offered Gunn. I smiled again.

"Thank you."

"Why do you want to go out so badly?" asked Connor. I didn't answer; I don't think they'd understand.

---

Half an hour later, Gunn and I were walking through the most destroyed part of town. He wasn't talking much, so I had to fill in the Grand Canyon silences.

"You should have heard the way she spoke," I was raving about my roomie, the Australian girl from Sydney. "I had a hard time understanding her at first. Her accent was sorta cool, but that didn't mean she made any sense. She had funny names for things. Popsicles are called ice-blocks. Ice-blocks! It sounds like they sit around licking blocks of ice. She'd ask how I was going. Going where? At least she had another Australian to hang around. The Australians and the New Zealandians-"

"New Zealanders," Gunn cut in.

"Right." I didn't even realize he was actually paying attention. "Yeah, they all grouped together. Their accents weren't the same, but some of the stuff they said was. They were really alike. You know how they say Australians are laidback, well, it's true. Nothing fazed her. Nothing. She'd roll with the punches; go with the flow, while half of us had nervous breakdowns. She was nice though. I wonder where she is."

"You don't know?" asked Gunn.

I shook my head. "Not a clue. She left the School a month before the war started, she said was heading back to Sydney."

"Maybe she's still there."

"I guess."

"What's her name?"

"What's who's name?"

"Your roomie. You haven't said what her name was."

I pondered about it for a moment and realized that I hadn't. "Oh, her name was – I mean, is – Charlotte. Something about her mother wanting to honour the convicts."

"What?"

"First Fleet. You know, the convicts…" I waited for the recognition.

"I know about the convicts," snapped Gunn.

"Yeah, well, one of the ships was named the Charlotte."

"Oh. How do you know this stuff? Do you get taught Australian history in school?"

"No, but you try living with an Australian who's ancestors were convicts and she happened to be very proud of that fact and would rave about Australian history for hours. Let me tell you, not much has happened. So tell me about yourself."

"Not now."

"Oh, come on. Don't be a baby."

"Not now. Vamps straight ahead."

I followed his gaze – which wasn't straight ahead – and saw three figures walking down the street towards us. "How do you know?"

"You just do. Don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. I get a feeling. But you're just a regular guy. How do you know?"

"Practice," he answered simply, pulling out a stake from his back pocket. I did the same, only the stake came from my back pocket. "Ready to rumble?"

"What does that even mean?"

"We live through this, I'll tell you."

I was floored. "You think we're going to die? Shouldn't we be running?"

"Lighten up. I was just messing with you."

"But this is serious."

Gunn laughed, shaking his head, "You've got a lot to learn."

"Sure. I hope I live to learn it," I mumbled. The street was dark, not because of the obvious reason that it was nighttime, but because on this street there was no power. We had power at the Hyperion; we were lucky it got turned back on. But here, only three streets over…it looked like the middle of a war zone. No one was out, except Gunn, the three vampires and me. Soon it will be just Gunn and I. I hope.

"Should we pretend we're helpless?" I asked softly.

"We'll try. If they haven't seen our weapons, it'll work. If not…" he left the sentence hanging in the air.

"Just go crazy."

"But in a precise way. Be careful, Angel will have my neck."

"Literally."

"Ha, ha."

"Shh, this is serious," I laughed as quietly as I could. In the dark, I could barely make out Gunn's face, but I hope he was smiling. He's been very down in the dumps lately. I wonder what's up.

"Hey man," greeted Gunn. The vampires slowed to a stop. Their faces were still human. "What are you doing in this neighborhood? It ain't safe."

"I suppose it's safe for you and the squirt," commented the lead vampire. He was flanked by a male and a female. God, I hate vampires. Angel and Spike are the only ones in the world I would trust.

"Yeah," I answered, remaining cool, calm and collected. "It is."

"Why's that, little girl?"

"Because I'm not a little girl."

Gunn stepped forward and staked the lead vampire.

"Wha-?" He turned to dust. The other two stepped back in surprise. I laughed at their frightened expressions, they were expecting an easy feed tonight, not trouble. Their faces morphed, teeth barred, ready to attack and ready to turn to dust.

The female lunged at Gunn, while the male lunged at me.

---

Fuck. My head hurt. What happened?

"What happened?"

"They had reinforcements," answered Angel. I opened my eyes and found I was lying on my back on my bed. Angel was leaning over me. "Three more vampires showed up. They're dust now. But one managed to knock you out cold. How are you feeling?"

"Stupid," I pushed myself up and lent against the headboard. "It was my idea. I could have gotten Gunn killed. Is he okay?"

"He's fine," Angel chuckled. "He likes the part where he saved a Vampire Slayer."

"Nice ego boost. Happy I could help."

"Hello, Briana," Sarah entered the room through the door that connected our two rooms. Jade and Faith followed. "It's good to see you awake."

"Yeah, now the non-stop talking can start up again," grinned Faith, "it was getting quiet around here."

"How are you feeling, Bri?" asked Jade as she sat at the end of my bed. "You've been out for hours."

"Really?"

Angel nodded, "Four hours."

"Oh, I thought being a Slayer, I'd wait up quicker. I've never been knocked out before."

"What was it like?" asked Jade. Faith laughed loudly.

"What kind of question is that?" asked Faith.

I ignored Faith, "Nothing. I was just asleep."

"Nice rest?" asked Faith, still laughing.

"Oh, shut up," I smiled. Gunn ran into the room. I instantly became alert. "I'm glad you're okay. I'm sorry-"

"Don't mention it." He turned his attention to Angel. "Phone for you."

"Who is it?" Angel asked, as he backed away from the bed.

Gunn took a breath. "Buffy."

.End.