CHAPTER FOUR

LILY

I had some serious issues getting through the exam. I admitted to the doctor at the clinic that I'd been raped, so they ran a rape kit on me. I couldn't really deal with that, so I detatched myself from the situation. I pretended I was watching an episode of Law & Order: SVU. I gave the responses I knew would be expected from a victim, but I didn't think of myself as one. I couldn't.

After it was over, the doctor admitted they found very little. The little bit of DNA they found was probably from my body. There was tearing and evidence of rough sex, but nothing that proved rape. The doctor asked me to file a police report, but I knew the chances of me winning a case were slim, so I refused. All I wanted was to know if I was medically cleared to wrestle, and in spite of some bruising, I was.

I called Ashley and had her pick me up. "I'm cleared," I said. "The match is on."

"Did they arrest him?" Ashley asked.

"I didn't file charges."

"Wait, what? I thought-"

"Paul is going to talk to him."

"Talk to him? Lily, he-"

"I know what he did... This is all I can do right now. There's not enough proof."

"That's bull! I can't believe Paul-"

"Let it go, Ash. Please. I can't keep obsessing over it. I'm healthy. That's all that matters."

Ashley was terrible about letting things go, but I could tell she was trying. We started discussing plans for our match. I knew it could be a great one if we worked it right. When we got to the arena, I walked away for a little bit. I pulled out my phone and called my mom. I really needed to talk to someone, but I couldn't tell Ashley the details of who had attacked me. She'd probably kill Roman, and I didn't want her getting in trouble for trying to protect me. I'd always told my mom everything, and somehow, she always made it better.

"Hello?" She answered. She sounded exhausted.

"Hey, Mom," I greeted her.

"Lily! How's my baby?" Her tone perked right up as she realized it was me, but I saw through it. Today was one of her bad days.

"I'm great, Mom," I said, knowing today wasn't the day to put this on her. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh, I'm fine, Lily... Just tired. Stop worrying so much."

She knew I couldn't just stop worrying. My mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when I was seven, and the disease had progressed pretty far over the years. Although chronic and incurable, MS in and of itself wasn't a death sentence. Unfortunately, my mother was born with weak lungs to begin with, and when the MS started attacking her body, the muscles in her lungs slowly stopped working. She was currently living in a hospice. I'd spent months praying for a miracle, but none came. My mother was dying, and there was no way to stop it.

I had a hard time accepting that, so I often tried to pretend it wasn't the case. I knew my mom needed me to stay positive, so I forced myself to focus on good news. "Guess what!" I said eagerly.

"What?" She asked with her usual enthusiasm.

"I have a match at a house show with the main roster tonight! This is my unofficial debut!"

"Oh, Lily, that's wonderful! I'm so proud of you, baby!"

It meant so much to me to hear that, even though I knew. My mother was all I'd ever had growing up, and she was an amazing person. She never let her illness break her spirit. The sun rose, and that was all that mattered. Everything else could be dealt with.

"I'm really excited," I told her.

"Who's your match against?"

"Ashley and Becky. I'm tagging with Brie."

"I know you never much cared for the twins. Do you mind working with her?"

"If it gets me on a main roster show? Of course I don't mind!"

"Good. I'm so happy for you, baby..." She paused. "I love you, Lily."

"I love you, too, Mom."

"Now, you go out there, and you kick some ass, alright?"

"Of course I will!"

"And just remember, I'm with you in spirit. You can tell me all about it afterward."

"Okay, Mom." I almost didn't hang up. I was worried about her, and hearing ger voice was comforting, but I knew I needed to get ready for my match.

"I love you," I said again.

"I love you, too," she replied before hanging up the phone.

I tried to push my concerns out of my head. It was time to focus on my match.

CODY

Before the show, Paul grabbed me to pitch a "great" idea to me for the night. After he told me what it was, I think my face must have given my feelings away, but Paul didn't appear to notice. "You want me to do what, exactly?" I asked.

Paul started over. "Walk out there and cut a promo about how awful he was and how you're going to prove he wasn't worthy by winning tonight... You'll lose, of course. I'd never disrespect his memory-"

"Paul, you're asking me to disrespect his memory," I protested.

"Not you, Kid... Stardust. I mean, you had no issue being a disrespectful heel in character before-"

"He was alive at the time, Paul!" I blurted out. How could he think this was okay? "In fact, my dad helped us plan that storyline! And did you forget that, because of it, the last thing I ever did on-screen with him was hate him?"

I was so frustrated, I wanted to scream. I was raising my voice, but I hadn't screamed at him or cursed him out... Yet. I was getting pretty damn close now.

"I'm sorry, Cody," Paul said gently as he took a step back. "I wasn't thinking... You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

I never said no to anything. I prided myself on being completely professional, and no matter what the WWE asked of me, I did it, but this was too much. Maybe it was okay to say no this one time.

"I'd rather not, Paul," I said.

He nodded. "I understand. We'll cut the match-"

"Can't Neville and I do it differently? We don't need that storyline to have a match. We have a recurring rivalry anyway."

"No... No, I think it's best we just cut the match. We'll use you at the next show." He smiled at me like someone would smile at a child they pitied.

Great, I thought. That wasn't how I had wanted this to go. Still, I knew I'd made the right choice, even if Paul now thought I was too emotional to wrestle.

I sighed as he left me alone. I pulled out my phone and texted Brandi. It looks like I'm free tonight. Want to go out on the town?

Two minutes later, I had plans. The night was looking up. My career was another story.

LILY

I stood in the gorilla position with Brie, Ashley, and Becky by my side. "Don't worry," Ashley said. "You're already awesome. Now, they'll get to see that." She hugged me.

"Good luck," Becky said as she and Ashley headed out to the ring.

I stared at my wrestling boots. I was a ball of nerves. I felt like my stomach was going to flee my body any second. I'd done a ton of shows, but they'd never been so big. Indy shows usually only drew a couple hundred people at most and NXT had a small crowd, too. The main roster was a totally different world.

"You okay?" Brie asked.

I was surprised. I had barely spoken to Brie except to introduce myself. She looked at me and made a face that was a cross between amused and sympathetic. "Hey, don't worry. Everyone is nervous at first. It'll be okay. I'll take the lead and you can just tag in when you're ready, alright?" She spoke gently and patiently. I hadn't expected her to be so nice. I'd always heard that the Bellas were super bitches who slept their way to the top and would claw out the eyes of any girl they deemed a threat.

"Thanks," I managed to say.

Brie's music started and we headed out to the ring. As I climbed into the ring, instinct and training took over. I started to forget about the crowd and just focus on wrestling a hell of a good match.

The bell rang. Brie and Ashley started. Ashley worked Brie over hard, not holding back on any of her moves. Brie tried to hold her own, but Ashley was the better wrestler. Somehow, Brie pulled Ashley into the Yes! Lock. Ashley struggled hard until she reached the ropes snd the referee broke them up. Ashley tagged out and Becky jumped in as Brie looked to me. I nodded and she tagged me in.

Make them remember you, I told myself. I jumped in and immediately ran at Becky, nailing her with a clothesline. Becky hit the mat hard and the fans, most of whom didn't know me, began cheering. When Becky stood, I gave her no time to recover. I hit a standing hurricanrana with no warning and Becky went down again. Now the fans were chanting, "That was awesome!"

"What's Her Name?" A group near the front started shouting over and over.

Ashley covered a laugh. Becky was still down. Brie hopped off the ring, grabbed a microphone, and handed it to me. "This is how you make them respect you," she whispered. "Cut a promo they can't forget."

This was on the spot and I had nothing planned. I looked at the crowd and took a deep breath. I'd trained for this. Dusty excelled at promos snd had taught us all well. He made us practice until we could cut promos in our sleep. I could do this.

"Hello, Kirkwood!" I remembered Dusty always suggested acknowledging the show's locations in promos. I also knew it was time to fully channel the character I'd been working on. Ashlynn was kind of a punk rock girl like me, but with a bit of a flirty southern belle thrown in. Mom and I had moved out of the deep south by the time I waa five, but I sometimes had a bit of a drawl when I talked. In character, however, I let my Nawleens drawl fully out as I continued, "My name is Ashlynn, and I came all the way from Nawleens, Louisiana just to put on a good show for y'all! Are y'all having fun yet?" There were some decent cheers. Becky stood and came at me with a vicious look in her eyes. I casually dropped the microphone, hit a DDT, and picked it back up before adding, "How 'bout now?"

The arena exploded in cheers. The crowd was totally behind me now as I dropped the microphone again. Becky must have crawled to Ashley and tagged her in because Ashley ran in and rolled me up from behind for a pin. I barely kicked out. We were back on script as Ashley hit me with her best moves. She pulled me into the Figure Eight. I cried out in pain but stubbornly refused to tap. Brie jumped in to break up the hold. I tried to crawl back to the corner, but Becky yanked Brie off the ring so I couldn't tag her. Ashley rolled me up again, and this time, I got pinned for the three count.

I may have lost, but that had been the best moment of my life so far. I hugged Ashley, Becky, and Brie backstage. They shared my enthusiasm. The crowd had loved the match, something the Divas didn't always get to experience because of bad writing and short time slots.

When we reached the locker room, I grabbed my cell phone to call my mom. I dialed her number and waited for her to pick up, but it was Susannah, one of her nurses, who answered. "Lily... I was just about to call you," she said nervously.

Immediately, my mood changed. "What happened?" I asked.

"I... I'm sorry, Lily. She's gone."

I didn't speak because those words couldn't mean what I thought they meant. Gone for tests, gone for a walk... But not... gone.

"It happened a few minutes ago... I'm so sorry," Susannah continued.

"I understand," I lied. "I'll be in touch." I hung up and flung my phone across the locker room. I proceeded to stand up, run out, and try to outrun my overwhelming emotions. This couldn't be happening.

I made it halfway down the block before strong arms grabbed me. I realized I was hysterical. "Lily... Fuck, what happened?" A voice asked.

"Dean," I registered aloud. And then, because I needed to say it for it to sink in, I added, "My mother... She's gone. She's dead."

I didn't say anything else, and Dean didn't say anything cliche to comfort me. Instead, he picked me up and carried me back to his hotel room, where he held me as I cried and tried to process the impossible.