Episode 6.16
Reaching For the Stars
By Rebecca
With a frustrated groan Alyson threw herself onto her bed. She had been working on this song for weeks and she just couldn't get that chord right. She hugged her guitar to her chest and sighed. Life sure had changed a lot in the last six years. Her mother dying, having to take care of her younger sisters, being called, and finally ending up here. Yep, it had been a long year and it wasn't anywhere near over yet. She missed her sisters. McKennan was somewhere in England at a boarding school and Laura was in Italy being trained by Giles. They were sixteen now, beautiful absolutely brilliant girls. They had been the bane of Alyson's existence for the last six years. Her mother had been a working girl, moving from Houston to Brooklyn after she'd had the twins. Alyson could still remember that fateful day that her mother had been shot. Alyson was fourteen and her mother was on her way home when she got on the wrong side of a gang fight. Alyson had to raise her sisters. She'd gotten two steady jobs to pay for the apartment and the utilities. Food was a constant struggle. She had often found herself on the street corner playing her guitar and singing, hoping people would drop money in her guitar case. Luckily Alyson was good so she often earned enough money to keep her sisters fed.
She was jarred from her memories by the sound of retching in the bathroom next to her. Grimacing at the noise she put up her guitar and walked towards the unpleasant noises. She knocked on the door for a moment and when there was no response she slowly opened the door, "Jade? Is that you again?"
"Yes," replied a timid voice.
"Honey, this is the fourth night," she checked her watch, "scratch that, morning that you've been sick in a row. Are you sure that you don't want me to find a doctor?"
Jade held her head over the toilet, still nauseated. As Alyson held her hair and pressed a cool cloth on her neck she began to retch again. After awhile she stopped and leaned against the wall, "Honestly, it's just a touch of the flu, I'll be perfectly fine."
"Sure it is. Let's get you back in bed honey," Alyson said as she gently helped her up and guided her to her room.
"I'm sorry Alyson," the girl mumbled. "I promise…won't…" she trailed off tiredly.
"I know honey. Just go to sleep," Alyson said as she laughed softly at herself while she tucked Jade in. She knew Jade wouldn't thank her in the morning. She would only continue to ignore her, but that was just how Alyson was. She was used to doing thankless tasks for sick people. There had been many times that she'd had to do this for her mother. She kissed Jade's forehead and walked down towards the kitchen. She went down the stairs and entered the spacious area.
"Do you ever sleep?" a voice asked from beside the refrigerator.
She jumped and turned to see Angel standing behind her, a mug of blood in his hands and an amused look on his face. Smiling at him she shook her head, "No," she laughed as she poured herself a cup of coffee.
"Why?"
"I'm an insomniac," she replied easily with a shrug.
The vampire nodded understandingly. Looking at Alyson thoughtfully, he asked, "How are you adjusting?"
"Wow, Buffy must've told you to socialize or something."
"How do you figure that?"
"You don't strike me as the type to really socialize. You just…" She paused as she searched for the right words, "brood." She watched Angel smirk and shake his head. "Just because I haven't been here long doesn't mean I haven't noticed anything. So what are you up to?"
He pointed to his mug of blood and said simply, "Vampire."
"True, very true," she admitted, laughing embarrassedly, "So why don't you socialize with the other girls? Your verbal skills seem a little rusty, but practice makes perfect."
Angel couldn't help but laugh at her cheeky smile, "What are you two up for?" Gunn called from the doorway.
"We could ask you the same thing," Alyson said.
"I couldn't sleep with all the racket you two were making," he replied.
"Oh my god! We are not loud!" she exclaimed, her voice filled with amusement. She punched Gunn lightly on the shoulder.
"Ouch! Girl, are you trying to break me?" he asked, rubbing his shoulder gingerly.
"No," she replied smirking mischievously.
Angel watched the exchange with a bemused glance. They were as bad as Connor and Sarah, "You never answered my question…" he said, quickly growing tired of their antics.
"Well I mean I'm good. I missed my sisters being here on my twentieth birthday, but I'll live," she replied, trying valiantly to smile, but Angel saw the sadness in her eyes.
"When was your birthday?" Gunn asked conversationally. He really didn't want this moment to end.
"It was last week," she spoke softly, a small smile on her face. Her eyes were glazed over, something both men took note of. She looked like she desperately wanted to cry.
"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Angel asked.
"Everyone was recuperating from the mass kidnapping….I guess it didn't seem important." She looked at both of their concerned faces and rolled her eyes, "I'm fine," she insisted.
"You sure?" Gunn asked, his hand resting gently on her shoulder.
"Yeah," she replied. She shivered at his touch. She felt tingly…it was nice.
"Happy late birthday," Angel said kindly. He honestly really didn't care much for birthdays, they seemed pretty pointless. At the end of that day they were still here, a year closer to their death. Why would anyone want to celebrate something like that?
She laughed softly, "Thanks." She walked into the lobby humming softly to herself. Lying on the couch she noticed how tired she really was. Yawning she turned to her side and closed her eyes.
The sound of Tyra Bank's voice jarred Alyson awake. Sitting up she looked around the lobby for the source of the noise cause there was no way in hell that Tyra was in the hotel. Briana sat at the far end of the couch, legs crossed, watching an episode she'd taped of America's Next Top Model. Alyson took in her mangled Happy Bunny Pajamas and the bowl of cereal Bri was munching on. She reminded her so much of McKennan. She stretched, yawning loudly in the process, making her presence known. "So who's getting eliminated?"
Briana jumped. "Did I wake you up?"
Alyson shrugged, "Not really."
"I want that chick Jaide to go." The younger girl replied as she stared at the TV. They had obtained it a couple of weeks ago and Gunn had hooked everything up. The damn thing even had cable with 100+ channels. Of course, it was obtained illegally, but then again what could ya do?
"Me too," Alyson agreed, heading toward the kitchen for coffee. As she made some eggs she kept her ear trained to the television. She and McKennan had loved watching America's Next Top Model together and guessing who would get eliminated. It was one of their few bonding activities after she was called. She finished cooking her food and headed back to the living room, "I can't believe they eliminated Brooke last week," she said as she sat down beside Briana.
Briana continued to stuff cereal in her mouth, "I know!" she exclaimed, laughing. "So do you play guitar?" she asked, her eyes trained to the floor.
"Why do you ask?" Alyson looked at her suspiciously.
"I-I-I well, I mean, I-" she stammered.
Laughing Alyson nodded, "Yeah I'm better at piano, but I couldn't bring that with me so yeah."
"I didn't go in your room or anything. I just looked in the door cause it was open and all. I wasn't trying to be nosy," Bri said hurriedly.
Still laughing, Alyson hugged the younger girl tightly, "It's fine sweetness."
"Really?" she replied, the shock evident on her face. "Wow you're way different from Sarah. She totally flips out if you even so much as look at her wrong. I don't even want to contemplate what she'd do if I touched her stuff."
Alyson thought for a moment, yes, she and Sarah WERE very different. Alyson had never been good with rules…She did things her own way on her own terms. She'd always been a free spirit whereas Sarah was rigid, she had to follow the rules, have some kind of direction. It annoyed Alyson to no end. "Let's not go there. I really don't want to see Sarah angry. Don't you share a bathroom with her?"
"Yeah. She's okay. I mean," she paused sighing, "She's a lot nicer once you get to know her."
"And how long does that tend to take?" Alyson asked, quirking an eyebrow, amused. She really had no problem with Sarah other than her blatant dismissal of Alyson's existence. Briana didn't answer, already absorbed back into the TV. Alyson got up and sighed, just once she'd like a conversation to end on her terms rather than people losing interest in her. She walked up to her room and grabbed her CD player. Moving towards the workout room she passed Sarah and Connor seemingly deep in conversation. She rolled her eyes and continued on her way. They really just needed to kiss already. The tension between the two was so blatantly obvious. Her eyes zeroed in on the punching bag as she entered the basement. After taking off her shirt she jammed her headphones onto her ears. Alanis Morissette's angry voice filled her ears and she went at it. She punched and kicked with a vicious ferocity, as if trying to kill something threatening.
Stupid parents. Couldn't take care of themselves let alone their children. The room filled with the sound of her spastic punching and sobs. Leaving them cold and alone, on the streets, with bills to pay. Spending their fucking paychecks on drugs. BAM! The ceiling of the training room cracked with her punch. Bastard Father. Leaving when the twins were born. No child support. Just debts and loan sharks hounding a helpless nine year old. "Ahh!" She yelled angrily, her attacks on the punching bag reaching a new level of intensity. Stupid dumbass boys promising to take care of her, then breaking her fucking heart and ripping her life to shreds. Using and abusing her. Trying to whore her out. Late nights in strip clubs looking for her inebriated mother who was almost always on stage. So much time for men who didn't give a damn about her, but not a moment to spare for her kids whom loved her with all their hearts. Even though she didn't deserve that love in any way. Alyson stopped as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned, wiping her tears away and crossing her arms over her sports bra. She looked at Gunn silently and waited for him to say something. He didn't and the silence stretched for what seemed to be eons of time.
Gunn was speechless. He usually had an abundance of words at his disposal, at least since he'd received that Wolfram and Hart implant. His hand moved towards her agonized face, wiping tears away with the pad of this thumb. "Umm. We're running out of food. I was wondering if you want to go get some with me and Faith?"
Her face was red. Why the hell did he have to find me like this? She took a deep breath as she chastised herself. As she regained her composure she looked at him and smiled, "Sure. Anything to get out of this house."
"Come on it's not that bad," he replied, putting his arm around her shoulders and squeezing.
"You obviously have no idea what it's like to be the new girl in a house with cliques do you?" she sighed, leaning into his touch as he led her out of the basement. She looked down and her clothes and groaned, "I'm going to go change. I'll be right back."
He sighed, women and their clothes. "Okay. I'll wait for you and Faith down here." He grabbed a magazine from the coffee table and began to flip through it without interest. After doing that with about three magazines he checked his watch, "ALYSON! FAITH! Come on. We're not going to a club or anywhere fancy. Let's just go already."
"We're coming. Slow your roll man," Faith said as she and Alyson came down the stairs, exhaustion evident on both of their faces.
"What's with you two?" Gunn asked.
"Jade's sick," Faith answered monotonously.
"Oh great." A voice sounded from the couch. They all looked around to see Sarah and Connor sitting close, their heads turned towards them. Sarah spoke again, "Do you have any idea how much that's going to ruin our patrol assignments?" She rolled her eyes and looked to Faith, "Who's taking care of her?"
"That would be me, pet," Spike interrupted as he came down the stairs, "She doesn't look too good, love."
"You think we need to call a doctor or a healer or something?" Faith asked worriedly.
"I don't know," Sarah cut in. "But this isn't the first night she's been sick. I know that someone put her back to bed last night after her latest 'episode' last week."
"Who put her to bed?" Worry was written all over Faith's face.
"I did."
"Alyson? Why didn't you get one of us?" Faith said as she turned toward the girl, her eyebrows raised.
"I actually thought you knew," the girl replied shrugging. "It's not like you guys actually talk to me about anything."
Spike laughed and looked at Alyson, his amusement clear in his eyes, "You're a cheeky one aren't you?" He turned to Faith and started to push her towards the door, "Look, I'll watch her. You and Gunn need to go with the bint here to get food cause even though me and Angel can go without food I doubt your bodies will survive that long without it. The last thing we need is dead slayers. Then I'd have nothing to look at."
Faith and Alyson hit him at the same time. Faith's eyes narrowed, "Yeah you can look, but I sure as hell better be the only one you touch."
Connor laughed and threw the keys to his Jeep at Alyson, "Hey take my car. You're going to need the storage space."
"Should we pick up any blood for you boys?" Faith asked Spike, kissing him on the cheek.
"No love. We've got a quite a bit," Spike said kissing her soundly on the lips. "Now go."
"Okay we're gone. We'll be back in a little bit," Gunn said as he ushered the girls out the door. They walked to the car, Alyson sitting in the drivers seat, "Damn. You two take forever to get ready."
Alyson cranked up the car and looked in the mirror at Faith, "I really didn't know you guys weren't aware. If I had been I would've totally told you. I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, well it's kind of my fault too. I don't think anyone has been exactly friendly or welcoming to you when you came here," Faith was surprised at herself as apologies were so uncharacteristic for her.
"Yeah well next time I hear her throwing up I'll be sure to get you first thing," Alyson was speeding down the road, the acceleration of the car the only thing betraying her angered demeanor. She wasn't angry at Faith and them or anything like that, but she was livid. All this reminiscing of her past was getting to her.
"Yo girl. Slow down. I don't want to die in this car," Gunn said as he gripped her shoulder when she made a turn.
"Sorry. I drive fast," she replied sheepishly, the blush on her cheeks having nothing to do with her embarrassment.
"No sweat. Just get us there and back in one place," he said as she began to slow down.
Faith leaned forward from the backseat and smiled at Gunn, "Hey live a little on the wild side. We promise not to kill ya. Gun it girl." Faith was excited, she loved going fast. It kept you from looking back because everything just ended up being a blur.
"Thanks, but we're already here," she said as she watched Gunn fly out of the car and kiss the ground. She and Faith laughed heartily. Something struck Alyson's mind. She turned to Faith and put her hand on her arm, "Wait. Have you ever considered that Jade might be pregnant? I mean I know it sounds pretty damn impossible but I can't help but think that it explains everything."
"Well the thought has crossed my mind, but it's highly doubtful. Though…" Faith trailed off. She did miss those periods…
"FAITH! ALYSON! COME ON!" Gunn yelled from the entrance of the deserted supermarket.
"I guess that's our cue," Faith said as she jumped out of the car.
Alyson watched both of them enter and slammed her head on the steering wheel. She had to be the world's biggest idiot for talking. They didn't want to her theories. All they wanted was her to fight. And that was what she would do. "Lalala." She sang as she headed towards the supermarket.
"Alyson come on. We can't carry all this shit by ourselves," Gunn yelled.
She sped up and walked through the heavily damaged store doors. She looked around and got a buggy. She was putting a bunch of haircare, toiletries, makeup, and feminine products in her buggy when she spotted an electric keyboard. Her fingers itched to touch it. She looked around and saw that Faith and Gunn were nowhere to be seen. She pulled her buggy up beside it and turned it on. It worked! Softly she began to bang out some chords to her newest song. The familiar feeling came over her, she was losing herself again. She sighed, it'd been so long since she'd gotten to this place of total peace. Suddenly she heard clapping. Opening her eyes she found herself face to face with Gunn. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to slack off. I'm going right back to working."
He almost laughed at the guilty look on her face, "No it was good. Does it have words?"
"Yeah," she replied trying to hide her blush at getting caught.
"Sing it." He looked expectant.
"What?!"
"Just sing it," he said as he pushed the record button on the piano.
She took a deep breath and stopped the music. "It's a'capella right now. The music doesn't fit yet." She bit her lip and looked at him. "If you laugh I'll kill you."
"It's a life choice I didn't make myself
And a battle I'm forced to fight
At the mercy of my conscience
I will never fade away
It's a life full of big decisions
One wrong move could be destruction
And at the mercy of my heart
I will never fade away
Fall out of the darkness
To shimmer in the light
A translucent veil of apathy
I know I continue the fight
When you lose everything
You learn what really matters
And that life isn't ever easy
And sometimes comfort forsakes you
It takes all my strength
To not break down
I will survive this storm
And I will get what I deserve
Redemption is my reward
It's a road I was destined to take
With twists and turns and some heartbreak
And at the mercy of my soul
I will never fade away
It's a life choice I didn't make myself
And a battle I'm forced to fight
At the mercy of my conscience
I will never fade away"
She couldn't meet Gunn's eyes as she finished. She just walked back over to the piano and bundled it up, putting it on the bottom of her buggy along with a stereo system for the training area. "I'm going to go get food now. I've already stocked up on stuff for the girls. I know what they wanted and I even organized it and…" She looked up to find him directly in front of her, brushing her hair from her face. "What are you doing?" she asked Gunn, her voice only a whisper.
"I don't know," he replied, still caressing her face.
"Yo!! Guys I'm already on my second buggy. So stop making kissy face and go get stuff we need or want," Faith yelled, throwing a bag of Funions at them.
"Why all the hostility? Why you gotta throw Funions at a brother?" Gunn said, faking a ghetto accent and grabbing another buggy. They ran through the store in a frenzy throwing things at eachother like immature teenagers. Eventually it looked like they had enough to last them for years and they pushed the nine buggies full of stuff up to the car. "Are you sure you're going to get all this stuff in this tiny little car?"
"No, but we can try," Alyson said as she threw stuff in the car. When they had finished the car was filled from top to bottom from the second row of seats to the very back of the car. The only places to sit were the two seats up front. She looked at the keys in her hand and threw them to Gunn, "You drive mister 'we're all gonna die'," she teased.
"Then where are you going to sit?" he asked.
"Well I think I'm going to sit in her lap," Faith interrupted, laughing. "We'll be a teenage boys wet dream or Spike's. Oh joy," she said sarcastically.
Sarah checked her watch again, "Where the bloody hell are they? They were supposed to be back an hour ago. How long does it take to get the stupid groceries…I mean-" She stopped her rambling as Connor turned her head towards his, "hi," she said softly.
"Hi," he replied. He was so nervous. He felt like he couldn't move. His body seemed to be having a temporary seizure for the moment.
Sarah waited for him to make a move, "Aren't you going to do anything?"
"Well, when I thought I could move," Connor said, his voice squeaking.
She laughed at his remark and leaned forward, kissing him softly. She began to pull away, but Conner, as his body had finally found the courage to move, held her close, resting his forehead against hers.
"Well..." Briana said as she entered the room.
Sarah and Connor flew apart, landing at separate ends of the couch. "Umm Briana, what are you doing up so early?" Connor asked nervously as he ran his hands through his hair.
"It's four. I'm just going to go help with the groceries and stuff," she said as she headed for the door, a smile threatening to burst on her face.
"They're here?" Sarah asked as she smoothed out her clothes.
"Yeah. I think you were too busy to hear them," she teased as she walked out the door. Finally!! The two idiots had kissed. She looked at Gunn and Alyson messing around by the fountain in front of the hotel. She and Faith caught each other's eye and smirked. Well well well, looks like another love connection is coming into our group! Oh god!! Does the coupling and mating of the heroes ever end! She laughed at her own wit and waved at Gunn, running to hug him. This was going to be an interesting situation.