Shadow of the Sun...
Ch.8: Insecurities...
A piercing shrill shattered the dark silence of the night as the creature screeched in pain when torn memories of his past life flooded his fragile mind. His rigid posture drooped and his voice went soft with resignation. The demon creature finally gave way to the frightened young blonde underneath.
The creature's blood red, membrane casing was soaked up by the underlying soft pale skin. Crystalline eyes burned through as predominate crimson eyes reseeded. The black disease that caressed his body withered away as his dark angelic wings corroded into the depths of his back. After a few moments the only demon left standing, was the one on the inside. Unbearable pain surged through the body of the young man, as fire poured into his veins.
A wave of dizziness washed over the small blonde, caused by excruciating torture. He felt his balance waver and then his knees buckled. His body fell lifelessly to the rain glazed earth below.
He hit the ground hard and could feel his bones jar upon impact. The never ending torrent of rain pounded on his back as he laid motionless, face first on the ground. He sunk into the soft earth, as mud crept its way over his exposed body. The only thing allowing any sort of coverage, were the tight elastic-like shorts that molded to his body, other than that, he was in his most vulnerable state.
His body was racked with pain, but as he gazed through weary eyes, he knew Quistis needed him now more than ever. He struggled to push himself up off the ground. He felt his hands press deep into the wet surface allowing mud to slink in between his fingers and spill over his hands, as he tried to rise to his feet.
Wobbly legs too found their place on the spongy surface. His breaths were short and shallow as he stood slightly hunched over, drained arms hanging limply by his side, bloodshot eyes not even half open, as rain mingled with the sweat streaming down his face.
His balance wavered as he took cautious steps forward, desperately trying to keep his footing. He neared his destination, but his legs gave out and he collapsed forward to the ground.
He raised his head to gaze wearily at the seemingly lifeless female blonde. He reached out his hand as tears broke their sapphire barricades and flowed freely down his face. He stretched to his full extent, but still it wasn't enough, he was still too far away.
"AAAHHHHH!" Zell screamed in a hopeless agony, as his blonde counterpart was just beyond his fingertips.
Pain ravaged his body as he tried standing once more. He struggled to one knee, all the muscles in his body shaking violently with anguish. He felt himself sway side to side, so he placed a steadying hand on his knee, trying to gain his equilibrium.
His arm started to tremble and slipped off his knee. He fell to the ground once more. He felt an empty hopelessness retch up inside his soul as he couldn't reach Quistis. He reached out and dug his hands into the wet soil as he dragged himself across the ground.
He could feel his body go numb from pain.
"I…I can't stop…This is…my fault…" Zell breathed as he pulled himself along the ground.
Finally he reached the motionless body of his girlfriend. He cradled her in his arms and could feel an icy chill that blanketed her body as she lay limp in his hands.
"Hyne…what have I done?" Zell whispered in pain.
Zell placed his hand on Quistis' chest, he was able to feel her breathing, although it was short, it seemed to be steady. He rested his head on her chest and listened carefully. A small rythematic thud could be heard. He held her close allowing his body heat to try and warm Quistis.
He closed his tear filled eyes as he pressed his lips against the cold almost lifeless lips of his beloved.
"You…you can't die on me…please…" He sobbed gently into her neck, as his tears flowed down his cheeks and danced upon Quistis' shoulder.
Quistis coughed raggedly as she gasped for air. Zell jolted back, startled.
'Damn, she might be going into hypothermic shock…' Zell franctically cursed himself inwardly as he knew Quistis needed him now more than ever, but he didn't know what to do, or if he had the energy left to do it.
He summoned every bit of strength he had left to raise to his feet. His balance faltered under just his own weight, but he knew he had to get Quistis back to Garden and to a doctor.
He bent down and placed one arm under her neck and the other under her knees. Carefully he hoisted the petit blonde up into his arms; he felt his body writhe in pain under the added weight.
Frantically he searched the village, but all had left, once the "demon" arrived. He must have searched every house in the village, but all the doors were locked and he knew he caused enough damage, without breaking into someone's house.
As he neared the end of the village out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of a large object concealed in the trees. He struggled to keep his balance as he stumbled towards the strange entity.
"Thank Hyne." Zell sighed aloud as the Ragnorak came into view.
He entered the ship and placed Quistis in the passenger seat as he took his place at the helm.
"Damn!" Zell muttered angrily as he had no clue on what he was doing. He began pressing button after button, praying to Hyne that he could get the ship to start.
He jerked the throttle forward and a thunderous roar of the engines singled the metallic beast's awakening. Zell had watched Selphie fly this thing hundreds of times and tried to imitate her actions. He cranked the stick backwards and the monstrous ship began to levitate, as it defied gravity.
He threw the stick forward and with blinding speed the ship accelerate forwards. It was too dark to see and the rain wasn't helping, so Zell looked to the radar map on his left, showing him his location.
"Please hold on…" Zell pleaded as he cocked his head to his right to gaze at the unconscious blonde.
Minutes seemed like hours, but soon Zell was back at Garden. He lifted Quistis back up into his arms and took off running. He burst through the Garden doors. A high pitched shrill erupted from the loud speakers.
Zell didn't even hesitate, his destination was clear; he kept on running towards the infirmary. A wave of SeeD officers and candidates swarmed the panicked blonde's location, each with their weapons of choice ready.
Zell couldn't help but halt. Squall burst out of the sea of students, gun blade drawn, prone to attack. He stopped dead in his tracks as he came face to face with...Zell. Then his eyes fell on the small girl in Zell's arms.
"Quistis!" Squall yelled in shock. "Everyone move!" Squall demanded vehemently and raced Zell and Quistis to the infirmary.
Squall and Zell rushed through the sea of cadets.
"Dr. Kadowaki!" Squall called frantically.
A small plump woman ran out from the backroom. "Oh! Put her on that bed over there." She commanded after seeing the unconscious blonde in Zell's arms.
Zell complied with the demands and gently placed Quistis on the directed bed.
"Now out, I can't have anyone get in the way or contaminate the area." She spoke sternly and glanced at Zell whose body was smeared with mud among other things.
Zell was about to protest, but realized that he has caused enough pain, without getting into an argument when Quistis needed immediate attention.
Zell and Squall exited the infirmary and were swarmed by nosey young cadets and students.
"Get back to your dorms!" Squall reprimanded strictly, with a scowl on his face.
With the rush of adrenaline finally over and leaving his body, Zell felt his legs go weak. He casually leaned up against the wall, trying to cover his fatigue.
With the last of the stragglers leaving Squall turned back towards Zell with a skeptical look on his face. Just before he could open his mouth, Selphie, Irvine and Rinoa ran up behind him.
"Squall what was the big emergency?" Rinoa asked concernedly.
As Squall stepped to the side the trio caught their first glimpse of the small blonde standing in the shadows.
Selphie's hand immediately flew to her mouth, as none of them could believe what they were seeing.
"Ze…Zell?" Selphie asked incredulity.
"ZELL!" Rinoa screamed and ran over to give him a hug, but as she got closer he flinched and moved away. Rinoa cocked her brow and frowned in confusion.
"Zell…?" Rinoa questioned perplexed at why Zell isn't happy to see her or anyone.
Zell kept his gaze fixated on the ground, far away from anyone or anything else.
"Zell what's wrong?" Rinoa asked wondering why he isn't his normal hyperactive self. He hasn't seen anyone in more than three years, he should be bouncing off the wall, but instead he stood motionless with a dark faraway look in his eye.
She took a hesitant step closer, and Zell turned away slightly. Her eyes fell onto his back and her heart dropped. Savage scars and lacerations dripped all across his exposed skin.
"Ahh…" Rinoa gasped in horror upon such a terrible sight.
Zell heard her gasp and compressed his war torn back up against the cold concrete wall, only to reveal those same scars oozed across his chest and abdomen as well.
"Oh, what in Hyne happened to you Zell!" Selphie screamed in a near panic, pointing to the ravished markings on Zell's chest.
Zell shot a side long glance that sent chills up everyone's spin. His eyes were cold and it was as though they held no emotion in them once so ever.
Squall couldn't help but shake the feeling in the pit of his stomach, as he watched what seemed to be an imposter in Zell's body.
"That will be enough for tonight; obviously Zell has been through a lot. Let's not make anything worse. Zell you should probably stay in the infirmary tonight, incase anything happens, to you or Quistis. Now let's all get some rest." Squall nodded to the others to head back to their dorms.
Before leaving Squall leaned over towards Zell, "Watch over Quistis, and I want to see you sometime tomorrow."
Zell nodded in confirmation as Squall started to head back. He watched as Rinoa waited and the two brunettes entwined fingers as they made their way back. A sharp shot of pain ripped into his heart.
Once again he resumed his position leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and his gaze fixated on the floor. He waited for hours, not moving, not pacing, nothing. He just stood their staring, not at the ground, but into the depths of his mind.
The hiss of the doors opening snapped him back to the present.
"Oh wow, Zell you are still here…" Dr. Kadowaki said surprised as it had been a little more than three hours. "You can go in and see her if you wish, she seems to be stable, but try not to wake her, she needs her rest." The plump woman informed concernedly.
Zell nodded and took a few steps forwards, but was halted by a soft hand that was placed on his shoulder. Suddenly the hand eased its way down his back and traced an extensive laceration that glided diagonally across his entire back.
"There are clothes in the cabinet on the left, take what you need, and the shower is in the back room…Watched over Quistis, I'm going to get something to eat…remember I'm always here if you need too…" Her sentence was abruptly stopped by the hiss of the doors closing behind Zell as he had already entered the infirmary. Dr. Kadowaki shook her head and was on her way.
Zell strolled over to the closet that dominated the left side of the room. He carefully pulled the doors open, so not to wake Quistis. He rummaged through the different drawers and found a white tee and a pair of mesh short.
He grabbed them and made his way to the shower. Slowly he closed the door behind him and flipped on the lights. Immediately an artificial illumination erupted from the bulbs above, showering the room in synthetic daylight.
He turned on the faucet to the shower the hiss of the pipes signaled the water streaming through them. He walked over to the mirror that was hovering above the sink and gazed listlessly at himself. His sapphire eyes becoming ominously dark.
A scowl crept across his lips upon seeing his reflection. Scars ravaged three quarters of his chest and back. Zell hated what he had become, a monster inside and out. He turned away, unable to bear the pain of looking at himself in the mirror any longer.
But what was so wrong with scars? Everyone had them; it was the world in which they lived in. Squall had a few and one was even on his face.
He entered the shower; the warm rain cascaded down his hardened flesh and streamed over his insecurities. His eyes fell to his chest and shoulders, gazing at his disease covered flesh. He turned the water all the way to hot, until the temperature was an unbearable scalding hot.
He lathered his body with soap and grabbed the washcloth. He savagely raked the cloth over his scars in rapid succession, frantically trying to rid his skin of this monster. His face became red with anger and he stepped underneath the scalding hot water. His flesh screamed in anguish under the sweltering gush of rain.
He stood underneath the torrent of blistering water scrubbing his disfigurements so hard and for so long; his flesh became raw and started bleeding profusely. Blood poured from his body, and was swept away by thecascading water fall.
After what seemed like hours the only thing streaming over him was blood. This didn't stop him though; he continued this course of action for so long the once blistering water, dulled down to a chilling cool.
Zell finally stopped scrubbing and dropped his arms in defeat. He was destined to be a monster…inside and out. He let the now cool rain wash over him.
After allowing the streaming jets of water to dance over his body he turned off the shower and stepped out onto the bathroom rug. Droplets of water raced down his vulnerable figure and danced upon the tile floor.
He reached around the corner and grabbed a towel from the closet and callously ran it across his body, soaking up the excess wetness. He ruffled his chocobo like hair until it was its usual spiky and wild style.
He opened to cabinet above the sink and saw different medicines among other things. He rummaged a bit and find gauze and tape. He dressed his wounds before he got dressed into his borrowed clothing, so not to stain them with blood.
After he exited the bathroom. He looked around and saw that Dr. Kadowaki still hasn't returned yet. He made his way over to Quistis' bed and pulled up a chair.
He took a seat beside the sleeping blonde. A strange growling noise washed into the room. Zell soon realized it was his stomach, but he didn't mind. He had gone days without food or water, on more than one occasion. He disregarded his bodily impulses and stayed by Quistis' side.
"Ohhh…what have I done?" Zell sighed aloud, while rubbing his fingers through his hair.
He got up and made his way to the nearby window. The seemingly boundless torrent of rain had finally ceased and moonlight filtered to the earth below as it broke through the clouds resting in the heavens above.
He watched as a breeze whisked by, fluttering the trees as it played with the leaves. Zell opened the curtain a little bit more, but he saw the moonlight cascade through the window and spill upon Quistis' pale face, causing her to stir slightly.
Zell immediately closed the curtains and returned to her bedside. He gazed at her with hard emotional eyes.
He looked towards the window once more, as if trying to find security in the pale orb that hung so high above. "What…what is going to happen when you awake tomorrow? Will you hate me, or…fear me?" Zell whispered to the listening shadows.
He leaned over the small blonde's sleeping form and tenderly brushed a few stray strands of honey colored locks from her face and placed them back in their normal resting spot behind her ear.
Slowly and gently he pressed his chilled lips atop the female's warm forehead. "Please…I…I'm sorry." He mouthed not trusting his voice at the moment.
A/N: Well there's the next chapter, I hope I didn't take too long, but been way to busy, I'm sorry. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, it might be a little confusing and strange, but trust me I will explain everything soon enough. Please keep reading and reviewing! Q-n-P, I just want to thank you again, for all the reviews, and hope I'm still living up to your expectations! Enjoy…
A/N II: Zell373 Takes the sword gratefully and examines it meticulously. "What a fine blade, I am truly honored. Mere words cannot express my gratitude, so my actions will speak for me. My dear friend, you have been with me in this battle from the beginning. I don't know how to repay you, other than offering you a place by my side, to become next in line for the throne and aid in my rule." Zell373 places an outstretched hand as he kneels before Sir Knight Q-n-P. "It would honor me young knight, if you accept my offer..."