Shadow of the Sun...
Ch.10: Silence of Fear
Zell closed his eyes, as he tried to remember what he was supposed to be feeling as he stayed entwined in the loving arms of his blonde companion. For the first brief moments of the embrace Zell felt something…something he couldn't describe, a familiar but long lost feeling echoed inside his head, so quiet and vague it was almost incoherent.
After those initial few seconds of what he wanted to believe as bliss, he felt nothing. The cold emptiness that dwelled within him, only grew, slowly overtaking small bits and pieces of whatever was left inside of him.
For some odd reason Zell could feel Quistis' sapphire eyes still watching and searching him, but where not even her eyes could not reach, the depths of his soul, he could feel himself slowly decaying, as the fear of emptiness squeezed into his very pores, squirming and expanding until he was occupied with its presence.
Quistis pulled away, her eyes never leaving Zell's. She glanced over her left shoulder to look at the small white clock that resided on the wall.
"It's already 10 o'clock? Wow I can't believe it's that late. What do you say we go get some lunch? I bet you haven't had a Garden specialty hotdog in a while?" Quistis giggled playfully, as she poked Zell's stomach.
Zell came out of his self loathing and was in the present once more. 'Food…how long has it been since I've last ate? A day, a month, a year? It's been so long and yet, I'm not even hungry.' Zell mused inwardly.
"Well?" Quistis asked impatiently while placing her hands on her hips for emphasis.
"That would be nice." Zell replied as he barely managed a half-hearted smile, knowing that is what she wanted.
Quistis reached down and grabbed Zell's hand. She expected to feel the cold smooth leather of Zell's gloves slip in between her fingers, but all she felt was the ice shredding skin that sheathed his tattered hand. Her brow furrowed at the surprise of Zell not wearing his gloves, but soon she shot a glance over to the small stand residing under the window and sure enough his gloves lay dormant on the center.
As Quistis entwined her small tender fingers with Zell's, it felt as though an Egyptian silk was being strewn through his hand. It had been so long since Zell had felt the loving caress of another. Her small hand emitted a tender warmth as it slowly melted away the cold oblivion that encased Zell's hand.
She hoisted Zell to his feet and strolled with him to the cafeteria. As they exited the room Dr. Kadowaki rushed over to the two blondes with a worried look smeared on her face.
"Are you two sure you should be out of bed already?" She asked in a near panic.
"Oh yes, we are fine now, thanks to you." Quistis replied encouragingly with a small smile.
Dr. Kadowaki smiled at the compliment and nodded her head. "Well just as long as you two are alright and aren't feeling dizzy, I suppose you are clear to leave."
"Don't worry, I'll be back to pick up my things later." Quistis called as her and Zell left the infirmary.
They made their way down the stretched hall, with each step feeding the silence that loomed over them. Quistis could feel the eerie quiet cloud their path, but she didn't know what to say. Honestly she didn't care; she was so spellbound that she had Zell back. It wouldn't matter it the world ended, just as long as she was with him.
Zell followed the leading blonde lifelessly, as he was captivated by his own thoughts muddling his mind. Why, why now did he have to come back into her life and pretend to be normal? He was just denying the inevitable; it was only a matter of time before he would crush her again. He knew he shouldn't…couldn't stay with her. By even being near her, he placed her in immediate danger.
Before long the two made it to the cafeteria. The sound of all the students laughing and chatting was deafening. Quistis found a table hidden in the corner and directed Zell to go and save her a seat while she got the food.
He complied with a nod of the head and made his way over. He sat with his back against the wall, staring out into the bustling mass of students. A strange inconceivable feeling pitted in his stomach, he felt his mind wash with dizziness.
He gazed around and the strange nauseating vertigo fled and his mind was finally clear. Almost instantaneously he saw that there were a total of 173 students in that room, 81 of whom were female students and 92 on them were male. He noticed only two ground exits and one large window that loomed high above, nestled on the adjacent wall. Before long he peculiarly calculated the fastest exit and how many students would have a chance of engaging him in battle, before he could make his leave.
His body was quickly over swooned with primal instincts and without his control he began to get up.
"Hey where do you think you're going?" Quistis inquired with a raised eyebrow.
Zell shook his head and sat back down. "I…I was going to go see if you needed some help." He replied shakily, trying not to let her how much of a freak he truly was.
"Aww…thanks, but don't worry I have everything under control." Quistis melted at the thought of Zell being so sincere and gentleman-like. "I could only get you five hotdogs because that was all left. I'm sorry I know that is only an appetizer for you." She giggled happily as she placed the tray down on the table.
"That…that's ok; I'm not that hungry anyways." Zell replied softly.
Quistis took her place next to Zell and set the excessive plate of hotdogs down in front of the small blonde. She slid the tray that was still occupied with her salad, back in front of her and began stabbing the leafy greenery with her fork.
Zell gazed down at his plate, wondering why he wasn't hungry. It has been quite some time since his last meal, but for some strange reason he just didn't want to eat.
"Well aren't you going to eat?" Quistis persisted stubbornly.
Zell blinked, snapping him out of his reverie, and grabbed a hotdog. "Of course." He answered quickly, as he took an unwanted mouthful of his food.
Quistis smiled happily and continued with her meal.
Before long Zell had forced three of the five hotdogs down and that was it. Before, if he saw a hotdog, he would devour it mechanically, but now he was doing all he could to just take one bite.
As Zell went to take another nauseating bite, he could feel a presence advance towards them. His eyes shone hard as he glanced up scanning the area for the approaching company.
"Hiya Quisty." Selphie squeaked behind the blonde, flailing her hand wildly, drawing many awkward stares from the surrounding students. Of course she didn't mind, Irvine just smiled and shook his head.
"Hey Quisty." Came the throaty drawl of Irvine Kinnease, who was of course next to the hyper brunette.
Quistis jumped slightly in her seat as she was momentarily startled. "Hey you two." She replied excitedly.
"Hey Zell, long time no see, partner." Drawled the cowboy and tipped his hat at his reunited comrade.
"Yeah Zelly, it's good to have you back." Selphie chirped as her and Irvine sat down across from the two blondes.
Zell kept his solemn gaze on the plate in front of him.
"So what are you two doing?" Quistis inquired cheerfully, before taking another bite of her salad.
"Well you know Selphie, always in the mood to get something to eat." Irvine teased.
"Well I am a growing girl!" Selphie informed pointedly, with a vivacious smile.
"Well they are already of hotdogs, I got the last ones." Quistis smiled victoriously, trying to make idle conversation, sensing the ever present silence that loomed whenever Zell was around.
Selphie frowned as she whined to Irvine, "Oh Irvy, I wanted some hotdogs!" She pouted, crossing her arms in front of her chest and giving Irvine "the look."
"Sorry darlin' not too much I can do, besides maybe we can steal Zell's." Irvine contemplated mischievously.
"I'm full; you can have them if you want." Zell stated somberly.
Selphie grabbed the two remaining hotdogs off the plate and placed them on a napkin in front of her.
"Oh thanks Zelly!" She giggled ecstatically, her chocolate eyes lighting up floridly.
With Quistis focused on her salad and Zell unusually quiet, Selphie shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
Not knowing what else to say Selphie opened her mouth and said the first thing that came to her, "So Zell what happened to your back?"
Irvine immediately looked at Selphie as if she had three heads, what could that girl possibly be thinking?
Forgetting that everyone had seen the scars on his chest and back, inwardly Zell cursed luridly. He didn't respond only wished that he never came back.
Realizing what she had just asked Selphie instantly turned her gaze back to her food, poking at it nervously.
"What do you mean? What happened to Zell's back?" Quistis couldn't help but preen, as her usual worrying self emerged.
"It's nothing." Was all Zell could decide on, as he chose his words carefully.
"What do you…" Selphie started rather shocked.
"Hey isn't that Squall leaving?" Irvine cut in hastily, trying to advert the attention of the conversation elsewhere.
Everyone looked over to see Squall strolling out of the cafeteria, with Rinoa and tray in hand.
Zell abruptly stood, casting his gaze towards the brunette couple. "Squall wanted me to go see him sometime today." Zell explained, before making his way towards Squall.
Selphie blinked owlishly, as she watched Zell walk away. "Why is he off in such a hurry?" Selphie peeped confusedly.
"Oh Sefie, what am I to do with you?" Irvine sighed theatrically, as he made a grand production about shaking his head.
"What?" Selphie demanded, oblivious to the events that have just taken place.
"It's nothing to worry about guys, I've already talked to Zell and though he seemed rather hesitant he told me that he remembers nothing in the past three years." Quistis informed in a hushed voice, leaning over the table.
"Ohh…" Selphie nodded her hair bouncing as if she stumbled upon some revelation.
"Do you really think that's the case, or is there something he is hiding?" Irvine questioned concernedly.
"That's the thing, I'm not sure. I try to read him, but he just looks so…lost, I can't tell if what he says is the truth or not." Quistis halted and with a faraway look in her eyes as she seemed to contemplate disjointed thoughts. "He just doesn't seem the same, something very wrong has happened to him, and I just think he needs some time." Quistis finished with a nod.
"Yeah, he most certainly doesn't seem like the same over enthusiastic Zell we used to know." Irvine mentioned, before removing his hat off its accustomed perch and placing it on the table. "Hey Quisty, I'm not sure if Zell's old room is available and if he wants I have a double dorm, so he can room with me. Irvine offered kindly.
"Oh I didn't think of that." Quistis pondered for a moment, staring off to a point beyond the present. "Yeah that would be an excellent idea, thank you Irvine." Quistis placed her hand on Irvine's and gave it a tender squeeze.
"Yeah, that will be awesome, because Quistis and I are roommates, so it is only natural that you and Zell be roommates!" Selphie exclaimed animatedly, bouncing in her seat.
Irvine and Quistis couldn't help but smile at the tiny brunette.
"Well I should probably go with him to see Squall, don't you think?" Quistis asked as she excused herself from the table.
"Alright, well we'll see you later okay Quisty?" Selphie squealed, waving Quistis goodbye.
Quistis brought up her tray and made her way towards Squall's office.
"I knew I never should have stayed last night, I should leave now before anything happens." Zell muttered under his breath, as he unconsciously winded his way towards Squall's office.
Staring at the tile skinned floor, watching his asphalt eating steps, Zell contemplated on his next course of action. Zell snapped out of his trance as he felt a presence near him, but it was too late.
Zell had collided with another much taller blonde. Zell stumbled backwards as papers fell to the floor.
Before Zell could regain his balance he was thrust against the splintered concrete wall, hands gripping his shirt.
"What the hell, chickenwuss?!? You got a death wish?!" Seifer hissed gritting his teeth.
Zell kept his gaze down, not wanting to cause any trouble.
"Aww…what's a matter chickenwuss, all these years away make you soft?" Seifer taunted trying to make the younger blonde livid.
Zell pulled away from Seifer's grasp and began walking away.
"Where do you think you're going chickenwuss?!" Seifer bristled as he reached out to grab Zell's shoulder.
Zell could feel that never ending crushing presence within start tearing its way back to the surface. The aura of its power squeezed into his very pores, squirming and expanding until he was occupied with its presence. Pain ruptured into his veins and he was powerless before the demon which consumed him
Ice as sizzling as electricity spilled against his skin and poured into his veins. Blinding splotches of frost exploded against his eyes, clouding them in an eerie crimson hue as it dripped into his conscience. Internally he was contracting as an aching presence manifested itself. Something gelatinous spread into his pores and clogged at his organs. He was shifting and decaying into this bitter misery, yet he was giving way to something…something else.
Just as Seifer's hand was about to grab Zell's shoulder, Zell whipped around and snaked his arm around the older boy's and placed it in a constricting arm bar, while his right hand flew out and caught Seifer's neck.
A twisted cry raced from Seifer's mouth, as Zell's grip only got tighter. Slowly Seifer could feel himself being lifted up until he was standing shakily on his tiptoes. Seifer grabbed the hand already occupying his neck and desperately tried to pry it away.
Seifer looked down in fear as Zell's eyes were cold hardened chips of bone, glinting and dead. Seifer had never seen anything that disturbing and frightening before.
Zell had no expression on his face, not one of hate, angry or even pleasure; it was blank like some automaton doing as it was told.
Zell cocked his head to the side as he watched almost amused at Seifer's anguish.
"Ze…Zell what the hell are…you doing?!?" Seifer choked out, barely able to breathe, frantically clawing at the hand curled around his neck.
Zell's grip loosened just slightly, as he furrowed his brow, wondering why Seifer didn't understand what he was doing. He was confused that Seifer didn't comprehend such a simple thing as death. Zell wanted Seifer dead and he has the ability to do it, was that so strange?
"ZELL!!!" Quistis cried running up to Zell.
Zell whipped his lifeless gaze towards the frantic blonde, causing her to stop dead in her tracks, as an eerie chill suffocated her body. For the second time that morning she was staring into eyes that could only belong to the dead, boundless pools of nothingness, that held no emotion, just swam with a cold emptiness.
Zell shook his head, clouded eyes giving way to the emerging radiant sapphire pools beneath. A cold emptiness released its hold, allowing the weaker presence of a lost young boy to take over…for now.
Slowly Zell released his grip on Seifer. The slightly strangled blonde collapsed to the ground rubbing his throat, struggling to take deep raspy breathes. Zell blinked hard and his eyes focused to the present once more.
"I'm sorry." Zell mumbled before continuing on his way to see Squall.
Quistis ran to catch up to Zell and grabbed his arm, turning him to face her.
"Zell are you ok?" Quistis asked shakily, fear evident in her eyes, her bottom lip quivering slightly.
"I'm fine." Zell replied indifferently, as though nothing had happened.
"I like your style chickenwuss; finally you can back up that big mouth of yours." Seifer coughed with a hint of amusement, before brushing him off and walking away.
Quistis was in shock, not only from Seifer actually commending Zell on his horrible actions, but also because, that was the first time in existence that Zell had actually been able to stand up to Seifer in a fight. But Quistis also had another frightening revelation; Zell had become someone…something…else, but what and why?
Zell started to turn around, but his actions were cancelled by the hand holding him back.
"Zell, what is going on with you?" Quistis demanded harshly.
Zell's gaze lifted to meet hers. He saw the clear shining liquid droplets that stung her eyes. "Quistis I…I don't know…" Zell whispered dejectedly, wishing he was never brought into existence.
Small tears crept down Quistis' cheeks as an overwhelming fear crawled inside her stomach.
Quistis lowered her head and whipped the tears dancing down her cheek. "Is this…is this how it is going to be from now on, Zell?" She whispered, more to herself than Zell.
"Quistis…I'm sorry…I never should have come back…Just my being here puts you and countless others in danger…I…I don't want to see you in pain." Zell spoke softly, trying to put his new, yet old feelings into words. "I will go talk to Squall and then I will be leaving."
Quistis gasped slightly and looked up at Zell. "But Zell…I'm in pain when…" She halted, only for a brief moment as her words fought to get over the lump in her throat. "When I'm without you…"
Zell saw Quistis' soft sapphire eyes pleading with him, begging him to stay with her and be the man she once loved, but…Zell is no longer a man…
For the first time, Zell didn't have to think about what he was going to do next; his body unconsciously reacted to the moment. Just as his arms opened Quistis was already in his warm embrace, pressing her face into his strong, yet tender chest, as her hands clung to his shirt desperately.
Zell's arms fell around the small female and he could feel her warm body heat sift through his clothing and penetrate his skin. Small tears bled through his shirt and moistened the skin beneath. Gently Zell rubbed her back as he rested his head next to hers.
"Quistis…please, don't make…" Zell's words were shortened by the strange sensation of another, approaching from behind.
"Zell, just the person I was looking for." Squall intervened, while advancing the blonde couple, accompanied by Rinoa.
"Hey guys." Rinoa called cheerfully, as she walked hand in hand with her male counterpart.
Quistis immediately dried her eyes and put on her best mask to try and cover up her tears. "Hey you two." Quistis called back, feigning excitement.
"Zell may I please talk to you for a minute, maybe in my office?" Squall offered politely.
"Ok." Zell replied shortly, as he started to walk towards Squall, he could feel Quistis hesitant to let go, but never the less, she released her tiny grasp on his shirt.
Zell made his way towards Squall, leaving Quistis by herself.
Quistis had a slightly hurt look on her face, but covered it up once Rinoa strolled up beside her and linked arms with her.
"So Quisty, I guess that leaves me and you to go have some fun." Rinoa chimed happily and led Quistis back the way she came.
Zell followed Squall to the second floor where his office resided. Zell watched Squall closely, his powerful strides, his aristocratic features, Zell studied the brunette very closely, watching, wondering how strong Squall truly was, hoping he was…strong enough…
Zell wondered if Squall knew who and what he truly was, even if he didn't fight him then, would their battle would be inevitable. Squall, the commander of the SeeD's, the one who aided in the defeat of Ultimecia, could it be, that it is only a matter of time before he would have to…kill Zell?
The silence that dominated most of their walk, held constant until they came to Squall's office.
"Here we are." Squall informed and stepped through the threshold of his door, with Zell following suit. "Have a seat." Squall pointed to the chair across from his desk.
Zell took his place in the directed seat and waited for what Squall had to say.
"Zell I take it you know why I called you here." Squall spoke in a calm tone as he sat down across from the young blonde.
He waited slightly for a reply, but it was evident that, at the moment, Zell wasn't going to respond so he continued, "You have been missing for a little more than three years and despite the countless search parties, we have been unable to find any trace of your existence." Squall ceased, as he studied Zell's actions carefully resting his arms on the accompanying table.
"Then you show up to Garden with Quistis lying in your arms unconscious and injured." Squall stopped once more to watch Zell, his face stern and solemn.
Zell sat in his chair, not hunched over, not leaning back, he sat perfectly straight, never taking his gaze off the table in front of him. He never flinched, nor did he move when Squall stopped, he sat perfectly still, his gaze fixated on the tattered corner of the cherry oak desk.
"So Zell if you could, I would like to here what happened to Quistis and where you have been for the past three years." Squall asked patiently in a serene voice.
Squall waited quietly as the silence between them grew. Finally Zell spoke up, "I…I don't remember what has happened the past three years." His voice was flat, with no evident emotion held within it.
Squall waited, allowing Zell to progress on. "I believe I was brainwashed or under some breed of mind control, but once I found Quistis in the Shumi Village, I regained consciousness once more." Zell finished, his gaze never leaving the protection of the floor.
"Why were you in the Shumi Village?" Squall questioned, somewhat suspicious.
Zell paused for a second. "I'm…not sure." Zell concluded hesitantly.
Squall noticed the slight hesitation on Zell's part and took that into account. "Well do you know what happened to Quistis?" Squall inquired coolly.
"All I recall was Quistis collapsed on the ground, unconscious." Zell swallowed thickly.
Squall took a few brief moments considering all the information, or lack there of, he had just acquired. He watched Zell, his eyes scrutinizing him mercilessly. He sensed something was amiss, but despite his gut feeling, he knew he would have to tread carefully from now on. This wasn't the same Zell he knew, and it was only a matter of time before he would figure out what was going on.
"Well Zell, based on the information you have just given me, it seems there are many questions that will be left unanswered for now, but in due time we will both figure out what has happened to you. For the time being I would like it if you would take a few visits to the infirmary for a few checkups and a couple of cat-scans, to see if there has been any tumors or hemorrhaging in your brain from what you believe to be some form of mind control." Squall determined, not waiting for a reply. "I would also appreciate it if you would room with Irvine, I know he doesn't have a roommate yet and since you two know each other quite well and with everything that has happened recently I figure the transition will go smoothly…Oh and one more thing, for the next few weeks, I don't think it is such a good idea that you be alone…you know in case you suffer from any side effects, or somehow trigger yourself into another "spell." So during the day you will accompany Quistis to all her classes, because most of the time Irvine will be unavailable due to missions, and then when he returns you can room with him." Squall finished briskly.
"Well I…" Zell started, but Squall wasn't about to here any protests and started making his way to the door.
"Don't worry about it…" Squall turned around and shot a cold, hard stare at Zell, making him flinched ever so slightly. "Make sure, that nothing happens to Quistis, or anyone for that matter Zell. You know my role as Commander, so should I need to act, I wont hesitate." Squall informed, his voice cold, leaking with a deathly seriousness.
Squall exited the room, leaving Death's verbal reincarnate to linger behind, suffocating Zell's mind.
Zell sat motionless in his chair. He saw Squall's eyes, glinting with a chilly malice. Those dark eyes bore deep within Zell's soul, sending unnerving shivers slithering up his spine.
'I know you wont, Squall, but it's not you I'm afraid of…It's me…' His mind and soul ached as the realization of what could…no what will happen if he stays there.
But maybe…
A/N: Well next chapters up, I hope this one is long enough, for the wait. Q-n-P, as always I have to give props to a god among men! You are the best, and without your support, I highly doubt this story would have progressed this far and for that I thank you! Also if anyone out there is still reading this besides the loyal Q-n-P, please for god sakes, send me one lousy review, I like to here what you have to say. Thanks!! Later…
A King and his Knight part VI: The King stands in slight trepidation as he gazes down tearfully at the injured young Prince. "Why, why did you do that?! You…you have so much to live for, I am just some old fool!" The King kneels beside his brave friend, gazing at the wound sustained by an arrow to the chest. Though it was only a flesh wound and in a few days the brave warrior would barely have a scar to show for it, but still, just the fact that the Prince took such an attack for his friend, made Zell373 realize how loyal and trustworthy Prince Q-n-P truly was. "I…I thank you from the bottom of my heart, to engage in such an act, shows your true character. I am proud to have one such as you by my side." The King watched in amazement as the young warrior struggled to get up and continue the battle. "Relax my dear friend, the battle is finished, it is time to rest." The King hoists the young Prince up onto the awaiting horse and whisks him back to wear he could receive medical treatment.
A/N II: Hey Q-n-P I really appreciate all your help and reviews and I have started reading your story, FREAKIN' AWESOME!! I should be kneeling before you!!