02-12-2186 [sent from the extranet account oh4mb0n3)

Siha, not much time. Hope you're well. I'm as expected. I love you. I'll write again. Arashu keep you.

02-24-2186

I'm currently on my way to the Citadel.

My son is waiting for me. I finally get to meet this friend of his.

I'll reach out again once I'm settled.

[The following messages have been sent from a blocked sender address. ]

04-06-2186

Russell.

I hope that you are well. Now that I have a moment, I thought I'd write to you properly. I've never been one to drone on, so I'll be brief. Just the basics.

Forgive the email address. I'm sure you'll understand my need to use it. I'm finally here where my doctor recommended me. She didn't take news of the impending Reaper attack well. She intended to pick up shop and wait for everything to blow over on one of those abandoned human colonies. I was lucky to catch up with her before that. I didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't the best idea, but it's as good as any in this climate. They're all utterly useless.

My son and I are getting along. He's calmer now, though I wonder if it's all thanks to the C-Sec officer who's by his side. He's a good person from what I can tell. He has no history of wrongdoing, publicly documented or otherwise (of course I looked into him-why wouldn't I?) and he seems to genuinely care about my son very much. I couldn't ask for more for him.

I think here is a good place to stop. I've got an early morning tomorrow and they tell me I'll need my rest. I'm trying not to let that dishearten me too much and failing.s

May Amonkira guide you. May Arashu's watch over you, and should the worst come to pass, may Kalahira ensure that we meet again.

I love you.

T

04-30-2186

This must be what getting old feels like.

I know that we're constantly aging, every day, every second, but I've never been cognizant of it until now. I feel like I've aged all at once. I'd almost held onto the hope that my diagnosis was wrong until the day I collapsed. I'd expected my senses to leave me over time, not all at once. Nothing has been more demoralizing. A year ago I was still mobile, I wasn't at my peak, but I was close to it aside from the occasional breathing problem. I could keep pace with the rest of the team. Today, I get winded if stand for more than 10 minutes. There's always someone nearby to try to usher me into a wheelchair or back to bed. As my illness progressed, I came to enjoy the downtime at the end of an operation where I could finally rest, but this? This is too much.

Whether it be the sight of the crisp white sheets so neatly arranged and overly sanitized just like every other room of this place or the fact that I have to rest in a bed I can't make myself, I cannot say. I don't like it here. That much is clear.

I didn't come here to be coddled and pushed around like some doddering old man. The only reason I'm here at all instead of simply fading away is hope, as small and unstable as a candle's flame in a draft. The hope that I can live long enough to be of more use to you, that I might do right by Kolyat and ensure that he has a future. Anything more than languishing here.

I'd thought myself at peace with all this. Falling an unknown casualty against the collectors would have been fine as long as I'd known Kolyat would be safe…

Then I met you.

This wasn't supposed to happen, but how would one plan for this? If you know, please tell me.

05-03-2186

My deepest apologies, Siha. I never meant for that message to be sent let it alone for it to be my first one to you. I'd just finished a round of test and they're pumping me full of some sort of steroid-antibiotic cocktail, It's not an excuse, but both these things, along with being poked and prodded all day, can play with your mood. I would never intentionally unloaded all of my problems on you like that. You've enough worries of your own to deal with.

I do wonder if you're receiving these messages. It had occurred to me that your accounts might be monitored, but I haven't had the opportunity to look into it (as sure a sign I'm not feeling myself as any). I suppose now is as good a time as any to look into it. Forgive my brevity if you do receive this.

05-11-2186

Though I know you aren't receiving my letters, I find the act of writing them too therapeutic to stop. I might show these to you someday. I might not. It's a concern for another day.

I've nothing be free time between tests and such. I've been using this as a chance to catch up on my reading and in doing so, I came across a poem that made me think of you (though most things seem to these days). This, I'd definitely like to share with you.

i have found what you are like

the rain,

(Who feathers frightened fields

with the superior dust-of-sleep. wields

easily the pale club of the wind

and swirled justly souls of flower strike

the air in utterable coolness

deeds of green thrilling light

with thinned

newfragile yellows

lurch

—in the woods

which

stutter

and

sing

And the coolness of your smile is

stirringofbirds between my arms;but

i should rather than anything

have(almost when hugeness will shut

quietly)almost,

your kiss

AN: the poem is I Have Found What You Are Like by e. e. cummings