If you managed to get this far then you know what are the first two lines that should be here. I'm just lazy and I feel pretty bad for these past days. I blocked out twice, once inside the train and the other at home. I'm glad I didn't completely lose my consciousness or it would be so embarassing to faint inside the train with the passengers just asking you "daijoubo desu ka?" when it is so obvious you aren't. Hahahaha

A belated happy birthday to Karmegas who was celebrating her birthday on August 30.

Much love to reviewers. I'm glad you like the fluffiness of chapter 48. I don't do that often, do I? On to the fic. I talk too much.

Chapter 49: Red drops

A shinobi shows no emotions… His first priority is to complete the mission without any emotional hindrances.

The walking bomb was smiling at him angelically that he hesitated to stop him. But he knew that if he didn't, thousands of life would vanish. It was his team's mission to eliminate these extremists but he never thought that an angel was part of this group. Could he do it? Knowing that-

"Captain!"

Mysteriously, his conversation with Naruto when both of them were still ANBU members played inside his head like a very old love song… sweet and painfully nostalgic.

Sasuke, this is wrong.
What is?
It says ANBU members are heartless and inhuman.
It's a fact, dobe.
No, I disagree.
Why so?
Because you aren't like that. All ANBU members just store their hearts and humanity away so they won't be hurt when doing missions… so they won't get affected. To serve the village… they have to be like that. It's painful watching them… Watching us… watching you.

His hands moved quickly and within seconds his vision was painted with blood and decorated with chunks of body parts. It was almost beautiful to watch as if an artist had choreographed the whole thing.

You're wrong, Naruto. No matter how hard we hide our heart and hold off our humanity, we still hurt. We hurt until we are humans no more but killing machines.

-SasuNaru is love-

"Thank you for your hard work," Naruto said as a sign of dismissal after Sasuke's team's debriefing.

The team bowed and headed towards the door. But instead of stepping out like his subordinates did, Sasuke locked the door.

Naruto who was clueless looked at the ANBU captain, "Is there anything else you need, captain?" He knew that it was almost like a habit for Sasuke to join his team for a drink or two or simply hang out with them after their mission's debriefing so what could be different now?

He yelped when Sasuke pushed him against the wall.

"What's wrong?" he asked as his hat was roughly taken from his head.

Sasuke snatched his mask away from him and let it clatter on the ground.

"Shut up," he replied, "just let me feel you."

Make me feel… take away this burden… this cross… this guilt. Make me forget… Make me accept…

Naruto looked startled but instead of asking, he nodded and he teleported them to the hokage sleeping quarters which he used when he spent the nighst at the hokage tower.

Sasuke was ridding their clothes desperately. Worried, Naruto asked again only to be kissed to dizzying heights. He couldn't remember much about anything. To him it was just a blur of hands, mouth and tongue. There was just an unbearable fire as Sasuke pleasured him but there was something off with the way he was making love to him. It was as if…

Every movement… every gesture… it was desperate, needy and selfish. Sasuke never paid much attention to his need. It was jus a quickie and a desperate one at that. But despite that he continued holding onto Sasuke, giving him the pleasure the latter was seeking from him. He didn't mind if he can't have his completion just as long as Sasuke found his. And the dark-haired man did.

He arched his back and let a deep moan before he slumped against Naruto.

After few minutes of silence, Sasuke pushed himself on his elbows watched as an affectionate smile grace those still swollen lips of his blonde. Naruto blinked as a bead of sweat dropped from the strands of black hair to his right eye. He let out a soft gasp when Sasuke moved and accidentally brushed his flagging erection.

The dark-haired man looked down and his eyes widened at what he saw. It was then that he realized that Naruto hadn't come yet. But it was okay because he wanted more of Naruto's warmth to chase the suffocating coldness that wrapped around him. He looked at the embarrassed-looking blonde then whispered his name so softly.

He latched his lips on that delicious neck, arousing thousands of nerves. His skillful hands moved downward to brush the pink nubs making them pert as they could be.

He kissed Naruto torridly and eagerly and the latter was only allowed to breathe when Sasuke nibbled his jaw then his ear before sliding his firm lips against his forehead. Unable to stop himself, the blonde grabbed and sucked Sasuke's chin which he found tempting that at very moment.

Slowly and sweetly, Sasuke's talented and wicked mouth moved downward, thus began Naruto's delicious ascent towards the gates of pleasure.

Naruto couldn't stop the noises at the back as Sasuke licked and nibbled his way to south while murmuring the blonde's name over and over again in a husky at the same time soft voice as if in prayer. No, it was a prayer- Sasuke's prayer for forgiveness and acceptance.

"Sasu-ah!" the blonde gasped as that wet and hot tongue plundered his navel then swirled around it. Oh sweet Lord. Was pleasure always beyond words? Beyond sanity?

He expected Sasuke to take him in his mouth but the latter didn't. Sasuke did something that he didn't expect him to do. He laved his puckered opening causing Naruto to see prickling lights as his eyes cross.

Sasuke shivered as he slipped his tongue into his dobe and felt its sultry heat. Long fingers moved to caress his perineum making Naruto cry out with wanton desire.

Tanned fingers dug into dark hair and the writhing blonde didn't know if he wanted to pull him up so he could kiss him or to plunge his length into that welcoming mouth. He wanted a lot of things but most importantly he wanted to come and he would... just few more of those wonderful strokes.

"Aah!" He cried out when a hand squeezed his erection.

"Don't... not yet," Sasuke said.

Naruto reached towards him, "please, Sasuke. Take me with you," he begged seductively, his parted and swollen lips shining with their saliva and his body glistening with sweat and Sasuke's saliva. His legs were spread in invitation. And the dark-haired man could see that opening red and ready for its plunderer.

Heavens! Should a man be this sinfully fuckable without being punished? As Sasuke looked at those limpid pools of desire, reason and stubbornness fled him. Sasuke moved in pure instinct as he slammed into his blonde, letting his warmth ran through his veins like lava... suffocating and burning.

He moved fiercely and furiously, his forehead creased in concentration while Naruto's heels dug into his back and his even fingernails clawed it.

"Sa...su...ke... I'm almost at my limit now. Just keep this up. Please…," Naruto breathed shallowly. It was just too much especially the friction between their sweat-slick bodies. The way Sasuke's was moving inside of him, grinding their hips together before slamming again. He bucked his hips, slammed it against Sasuke's, desperately meeting his eager thrusts; desperately wanting to increase the intense white heat.

"...to..." Sasuke half-moaned and buried his face against Naruto's shoulder junction. He sunk his teeth into that taut flesh as they reached the pinnacle of their passion.

"What's wrong?" Naruto asked after awhile.

"I wanted..." to feel human again, he wanted reassurance from the proof that made him stay human, "you. I missed you." I missed my heart. He wanted to hear its sound to know it wasn't dead. And the only person who could make his heart beat so loudly, it was deafening, was the man beneath him: open to him and holding him in a tight embrace.

Sasuke yawned, exhausted from the mission and their romp. Naruto smiled and kissed him gingerly, "Go to sleep. I'm going back to work now."

Sasuke nodded.

I'm human.

-SasuNaru is love-

After that day, Sasuke and his cell went back to doing missions-from recovery to assassinations for the next two weeks. However, the memory of that angelic leftist was still there at the fringes of his mind brushing his consciousness and visiting his dreams. Whenever he got home, he tried to get as much sleep as he could and eat as much as his decreasing appetite would allow.

On one particularly sultry day, Sasuke had emptied his stomach into the toilet bowl before he left to meet his team for a two-month recon mission.

Sasuke frowned at the discomfort the heat was making him feel. His inside was cold and so was his sweat but his skin was hot. His frown deepened as he wondered when had the world started spinning fast. And the blueness of the sky filled his entire vision before darkness consumed him. Somebody had turned off the light switch was what he thought.

Few heads turned as they heard a 'thud' sound and a patrolling chuunin arched an eyebrow when he recognized who had just collapsed. It just couldn't be. No fucking way.

-SasuNaru is love-

Konohamaru looked up from his work as Naruto walked in his office and smiled in sympathy as he saw the older man massaging his temples.

"Damn the elders for giving me a headache," Naruto muttered as he sat on his chair, leaned back and closed his eyes.

"Um...," his secretary started hesitatingly.

"What?"

"A word from the hospital came..."

"I don't remember having any appointments with the hospital today."

"You don't have one actually. It's from Sakura-san. She said an unconscious Sasuke was rushed to the hospital."

That had jolted Naruto into sitting properly. He was half out from his chair and was ready to flee to the hospital when he saw the piles of paper waiting for his signature, the same papers which were needed to be sent within an hour, he knew that just as he knew Sakura would treat Sasuke well.

Konohamaru knew the hokage was torn and although he hated it when Naruto used his clone to do the paperwork he had no choice. A clone was better than having a very distracted Naruto sign documents.

"Why don't you create a clone to do the signing while you go there to make sure he's alright?"

Naruto's eyes grew big as saucers and glistened with unshed tears, "I'm touched, Konohamaru."

In a blink of an eye, a clone appeared while the real one disappeared simultaneously.

-SasuNaru is love-

"Over-fatigue!" Naruto repeated in surprise as Sakura informed him of Sasuke's state. "B-but he eats and rest well every time he's...", he trailed off. What if Sasuke didn't eat or rest when on missions? After, he spent most of the month on mission rather than at home.

Sakura smiled as she reassured her dear friend, "don't worry. He just needs rest. That's all."

-SasuNaru is love-

"Captain's late," Ken said as he took a long drag from a cigarette.

"He'd never been late," Hiko added as he balanced a kunai on his right pointer finger. It was a standard operating procedure on their team to send word when one of them would be late.

Ken crossed his arms and feigned serious pondering before he stated matter-of-factly, "He must have his hands full and forget the time."

Judging from that lecherous grin, the other two knew what he was thinking.

"Don't be ridiculous," Yanagi scoffed. "Captain might be hor-" she coughed, "amorous but he won't jeopardize any missions."

The two men looked her.

"Especially important missions," she added. "The hokage won't allow him."

"To them there's a very thin and blurry line between work and personal affairs," Hiko argued. It was more like the truth rather than his opinion. After all, how many times did Sasuke came back to Konoha from missions earlier than expected? How many times did he demand his team to execute missions within the time he provided making them the fastest ANBU team? How many times did the hokage take long lunch breaks or skipped work for short time? How many times did he cause uproar among his ANBU guards and in the administration building with his sudden disappearance only to find him in Sasuke's company? Too many times. Too many freaking times.

It was ridiculous to see them acting like newlyweds or teen couple who needed to see or be with each other everyday yet at the same time amusing.

"He won't do that," he finally stated. Even Ken agreed. They knew their captain well enough to believe he won't be careless and irresponsible.

"So why's he late?" Ken asked again.

A whirl of leaves appeared near them and they expected to see their captain.

The one who appeared was Uchiha alright but it wasn't their captain. It was Yuuzuki and he had his team with him.

-SasuNaru is love-

As Sasuke was slowly surfacing to the state of consciousness, the first thing that registered on his still fuzzy mind was the heavy antiseptic scent in the air. When he opened his eyes, he blinked a few times to adjust to the brightness and to find his eye focus.

"You're awake," he heard someone said. He turned his head to the left to see Akemi pouring water into a glass and offering it to him.

"The mission?" he croaked.

"Another team was dispatched to do it. Aniki's."

"Wh- How did I end up here?" he asked, still looking disoriented.

"You collapsed on your way to meeting your team."

His mind started working on that fact, breaking it down. He collapsed meant he had been unconscious and vulnerable. And he was on his way to meet his team when it happened. That meant he collapsed in public!

The realization was like a slap on his face. It was so embarrassing. Uchihas don't collapse especially in public. What would people say about the clan?

"It's humiliating actually," Akemi said, agreeing what his father was thinking. "But you should hear rumors going around. The worst has it that you have a terminal illness."

"Really?" His tone was sarcastic. He combed his hand through his hair, "how long had I been asleep?"

"Two days."

"And chichiue?"

Akemi arched an eyebrow but before he could answer, Naruto came in. The lad gave his otousan a reassuring smile before he left. He didn't want to be there when his chichiue would clobber his otousan for being stupid and careless as what his blond father had accused the other to be.

Sasuke quickly leaned just as Naruto swung his right fist towards. But though he managed to evade it, his skin tingled at its strength.

"I don't know what your problem is but I'm going to beat it out from you," Naruto growled. He was worried at the same time mad that Sasuke won't tell what troubled him. If asking sweetly and politely won't do which obviously didn't then he'd resort to their usual method- beating the crap from each other.

Naruto lunged forward ready to grapple the idiotic bastard in front of him and squeezed the answer and he was sure he could do it. The next thing he knew his breath was knocked out from him as he was slammed and tightly pinned on the bed. But he had no plans to succumb to the strength above him. He wanted answers and he'd get it by hook or by crook.

He struggled to free himself. He struggled some more then stopped as he felt water drops falling on his face, wetting them. Was there a leak from the ceiling above? He looked up only to find his husband's face hovering above him and he was crying silently.

"Sasuke?"

Sasuke pressed his forehead against Naruto's.

"That mission almost a month ago..."

He finally reached the bomber who looked at him innocently, "are you here to stop me, mister? Then you have to kill me."

"There were ten bombers. All but one was as adult."

A child! was his first thought as Sasuke saw him. He had innocence draped over his face yet his eyes were anything but that.

"He was a child, Naruto," he sobbed brokenly. His tears falling like rain. "I know age doesn't matter but dammit! I feel shit. I feel..."

And because Sasuke's grip was now loosened, Naruto eased his hands away and held Sasuke's trembling form. He embraced him tight wanting to absorb the pain and guilt his love was feeling. He understood that being an ANBU was painful because he was once a member of the organization. Now he finally understood why Sasuke had been desperate and rough when he made love to him that time. Sasuke was trying to confirm his humanity; trying to find redemption and forgiveness. And because there was no other thing he could do but comfort, he whispered, "I'm sorry that you had to go through that; that you're going through this. I'm sorry."

But Sasuke wasn't through. He hadn't gotten to the part why sleeping and eating were difficult for him recently.

"Most of the time I see him in my dreams and more often than not he would morphed into Kisho."

"Kisho?" a confused Naruto repeated.

Sasuke nodded.

"I wouldn't mind dying today. Today is as good as any day to die," he said. When he said that he looked resigned to his fate. He accepted it for reasons nobody knew. It was heartbreaking and disturbing.

"The child was in the same age as Kisho. Hell, he was as tall as Kisho, Naruto."

"Oh god! Sasuke..." Naruto realized that Sasuke felt like he had killed Kisho. In a way, he killed Kisho every time the boy morphed into their child in his dreams.

Sasuke felt like he was so close to insanity and it scared him. The dreams were driving him mad and he was spiraling towards depression. He was falling towards a crevasse.

"Don't let me go, Naruto." It was a heartfelt request. Hold me tight and don't let go. Don't let me slip away from you.

"Of course I won't. I can't, remember?" Naruto replied softly. If you have to fall, then I'll fall with you, holding you… never letting you go.

And Sasuke continued crying, this time against Naruto's shoulder. He cried all his guilt, fear and self-loathing. He cried until his chest and eyes ached. He cried until his tear ducts were as dry as desert.

"Sasuke, you will never become a killing machine. I won't let you," Naruto swore fiercely. He definitely won't let his subordinates, be them jounin, chuunin or genin turn into killing machine.

Even when Sasuke had fallen asleep, Naruto stayed and continued hugging him. However, he created another clone to do something for him.

-SasuNaru is love-

When Sasuke woke up, Naruto smiled at him then said, "let's go somewhere."

And they disappeared in a poof and appeared in a swirl of leaves at a lake somewhere in the village forest.

Sasuke's eyes widened a bit as they fell on a little mound. There was a handmade cross at the center and a ring of flowers hanging on it.

"Boys his age would definitely like toys so I buried two there as a substitute."

"Naruto..."

"Go on. This was Sakura's idea actually. She said this might help you."

The other man nodded and approached the grave to say a silent prayer. And as he did so, he felt lighter and he swore he heard a voice in the wind saying "Good day to you too, mister."

At the end of that day, Sasuke found acceptance and peace.

TBC

Hmmm...