Walking Towards Light: Ami Redux
Act 1 - First Steps
Chapter 3: Firefly - In which Ami takes a walk, makes a new friend and receives a dinner invitation she can't refuse.
Author's note: The Hotaru of this story is 8 years old and actually managed to grow to that age like a normal girl, no acceleraging. I love her so much. *squee*
Two weeks out of the hospital and Ami already wished she could go back. As restless as she was lying in bed there, at least everything was familiar. It was medicine. That was her world.
Now she was out in the real world. Minako had insisted that she go out for a walk. "For your own good" she had said... "You need to be aired out" she implied. Before she knew what was what, she found herself kicked out of the Rei's temple for the afternoon. Ami protested - she had work to do, she was researching the enemy, she was re-building the Mercury Computer - but here was no reasoning with Minako. Hurricane Aino was a force of nature.
Ami grumbled. Mizuno Ami, top-score-on-every-exam-ever Mizuno Ami, wandering around the streets of Tokyo all afternoon like the homeless unemployed bum that she was. No one saw that coming. Smart money would have been on Usagi back in the day, or even Minako.
Ami stopped.
No, that was unfair. All her friends had moved on with their lives and made something of themselves while she spent the past 6 years wasting away. No, that wasn't fair again. Even during the depths of her crazy, arguably Queen Metaria induced depression, she'd managed to hold down a job. Score one for Dark Mercury.
Frustrating.
She tried to focus on learning more about the events of the recent past. Locked herself in her room at the temple to research every angle she could think of. Her mother, Queen Metaria, Dark Kingdom. They connected somehow. So far she had no leads. Zip. Zero. Nada. All she'd managed to do was to build a safety mode in her Mercury Computer as a safeguard against her turning dark again. A purely defensive move.
Very frustrating.
"Mizuno-san?"
Gah. Ami jumped out of her thoughts. The littlest senshi popped out from around the corner. Ami checked her watch. It was after school time now. Great. Another day wasted.
"Hotaru-chan... you know, after everything we've been through together. I think you can call me Ami."
It seemed wrong to be addressed respectfully by Hotaru. 8 years old and already carrying the responsibilities of the Senshi of Ruin...on the other hand, first name familiarity with Death, Destroyer of Worlds. That about summed up her life. Ami stopped her train of thought again. She was in a bad mood, sure, but she couldn't bear to take it out on Hotaru. She was just a kid.
"…Ami-san?"
Hotaru tested it out and nodded. It worked.
"Ami-san…you don't like me anymore? You didn't come home with us after you left the hospital."
Leave it to a child to cut straight to the point.
"No Hotaru-chan. It's not you. It's me. I was worried that I would make things more….difficult for you."
"Oh? Because we had a fight last month?"
Understatement of the year. Ami distinctly remembered trying cleave Sailor Saturn's head in two. The memory of the Silence Glaive's handle slamming into wasn't far behind.
The 8 year old child beside her looked up, clearly waiting for a response. Why didn't Hotaru hate her?
"I'm sorry I tried to hurt you Hotaru"
The words felt awkward in Ami's mouth. That didn't cover nearly half of it.
They walked together in silence. Hotaru seemed oddly comfortable in her element, but Ami was quickly spiraling downward between guilt and shame.
"I'm glad you still like me. I'm not sure anyone else does."
Hotaru spoke before Ami could manufacture an excuse to leave.
"Did something happen today Hotaru-chan?"
The little girl nodded.
"We were learning about Hiroshima and Nagasaki in history class. I just felt so sad. For everyone All those people that died, and the people who dropped the bomb…and then all the people who made the bomb. It's so horrible that happened because no one could stop fighting…I couldn't stop crying. Then I got angry. I think I scared everyone. I'm too different."
And all of a sudden, Ami was looking down at a little girl who was feeling lonely because she was different. This was a familiar path. Ami didn't like where it was heading.
"You are different. That's the wonderful thing about you."
She found that she cared deeply about Hotaru. They connected on some level, and she'd be damned to see Hotaru go down the same road she did. Ami forced herself to open up for Hotaru's sake.
"You know, I was about your age when I realized that I was different. No one else saw the world like I did."
"What do you mean?"
"I was getting more and more frustrated at school. I couldn't understand why the lessons were taking so long. Everything was so obvious. One day, I was so mad, I called everyone stupid. Even the teacher. That was my first and only detention. Mother had to come pick me up from the principal's office. I was crying when she came to get me. I couldn't understand why I was so angry, but mother figured it out."
Hotaru looked at her questioningly, waiting for her to continue.
"Mother... She pointed at my hand and asked me what I saw. I told her I saw a hand. She smiled and said that because she was a doctor, she saw more than that. She saw the bones that gave me structure, the muscles that made me strong, the blood that kept me warm all wrapped up in skin that kept me together."
Ami was able to smile at a memory of her mother for the first time since her death. That was also the memory of when she first decided she wanted to be a doctor. The world seemed so interesting through her mother's eyes. Layers, upon layers, but all the same underneath...but that wasn't the end of the story.
"Mother pointed at the crossing guard next. She said that he saw my hands, he would might think of making sure that we hold hands when we cross the road. The salon lady over there might think that you'd look nice with a sparkling blue nail polish. Your Papa might think of how you used your hands to make that painting last week...so on and so forth. The point was that everyone had a different perspective of the world, so...being different doesn't mean that much in a world where everybody is different in their own way. I should respect those differences just as I should celebrate my own. What do you think Hotaru-chan?"
Hotaru nodded sagely, considering the story.
"That sounds almost lonely. I think that you see things very differently too Ami-san. Is it hard for you?"
Ami winced internally. Ouch. Right in the self-pity. Perceptive little Firefly. Suddenly, Ami wasn't sure if Hotaru was seeking comfort or offering it.
"Sometimes, but it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, I can only be me."
"That's good because I like you Ami-san. We can be lonely together."
Hotaru beamed up at her now. Ami grinned back. Hotaru had an infectious smile, kind of like Usagi. Ami knew that she had made a new friend just now.
"Thank you Hotaru-chan. I like you too. It's important to be yourself. That's worth any hardship I think."
"I get it! That's what Haruka-papa says too. Will you walk me home? Papa is away at a conference this week so I'm staying with Haruka-papa and Michiru-mama. I bet they'd be happy to see you."
Happy to see her? That remained to be seen, but she couldn't say no to Hotaru. Lucky she had nothing better to do but mope around Tokyo anyways. More importantly, it seemed to make Hotaru happy.
She offered her hand to Hotaru. Hotaru took it without hesitation and held it all the way home.
"Hotaru-chan!"
The door of the shockingly large house swung open as Ami and Hotaru approached.
Hotaru ran forward. Haruka swept her up in a big dramatic hug.
"She seems quite taken with you."
Michiru appeared in the doorway like an inevitability. A new diamond ring sparkled on her finger.
"Good to see you again Ami-san. How have you been?"
"Here and there I suppose. Oh! Congratulations on your engagement by the way. I heard the good news from Rei. I wish you all the best."
"Thank you Ami-san. It's been a long time coming I think. Speaking of, Setsuna said she was looking for you. She should be home for dinner. Would you care to stay and wait for her?"
"Oh, No, Thank you. I wouldn't want to intrude"
"Actually, what Setsuna said was to set an extra place for dinner tonight for her and Hotaru's guest. I assume you are who she meant. Kind of annoying when she does that ne?"
Checkmate. The entire family was impossible to say no to apparently. Ami's stomach surprisingly rumbled at the thought of food. Kuso, she forgot to eat lunch again today didn't she? Ami nodded in acceptance.
"Arigatou. I would like that"
Michiru smiled.
"Good. Now I don't have to tell Setsuna how I let you get away and the big pot of tofu won't go to waste. Yudofu, Kyoto style in fact. A bit late in the season, but still nice on a such a gray day. You should be framiliar ne?"
Surprised by a sudden sense of nostalgia, Ami smiled softly and exaggerated her childhood accent for the moment.
"I grew up there Michiru-han"
Michiru tilted her head elegantly
"I thought so, though you've never mentioned it. You don't talk about yourself much."
What was there to say? Beyond nostalgia for the food, Kyoto was just memories of her parents fighting, and social isolation. Her traditional Japanese classmates did not appreciate the hafu that beat them clean on every exam. Every perfect score poisoned the well further. Ami could cut off one hand and still be able to count on her fingers the number of times she willingly discussed her childhood. Hotaru was the exception to the rule.
Ami's voice shifted again to what Michiru internally referred to as her "chess voice". It was calm and cool and gave the impression that she'd already analyzed every possible direction the conversation could take.
'Is there something specific you wished to know?"
Michiru backed off from the challenge. Now was not the time for this. She stepped back from the doorway as an unspoken apology.
"Right now, only if you'll come inside before it rains."
Ami nodded politely and entered the house. Michiru closed the door behind them, granting privacy from the outside world. There was Senshi business to discuss.
A.N.
Continuity note #2: Story canon diverges near the end of Sailor Moon S aka the season with the Messiah of Silence. The events of SuperS mostly did not occur for the purposes of this story. Also, no Galaxia.
Flavour notes: I've read that in the Japanese anime, Ami speaks with a very slight Kansai accent (specifically a Kyoto accent). Her Japanese voice actor Aya Hisakawa is from the Kansai region, and often uses a bit of her native accent in her work. My headcanon interprets that Ami grew up in Kyoto and then moved to Tokyo after her parents divorce.
Ami also refers to herself as a 'hafu' which is a Japanese term for someone who is biracial (specifically half Japanese/half other). There is nothing in the anime or manga that supports or disproves this, so why the heck not. Ami needs even more stuff to brood about.
Side note: The story behind Haruka and Michiru's engagement can be found in my other story: "Haruka and Michiru: One Night in Hong Kong". It is a good background read for the next chapter, but completely optional. Everything will be summarized and recapped neatly (I hope) as it becomes necessary to this story.
PM and Reviews always appreciated. Thank you for reading. Onto Chapter 4!