Bucky is fairly certain he's gone mad. Mad like the hatter in the book his mother would read he and Steve when they were young.
He's not sure how but at some point Steve, he and the others have become collectively known as "Captain America and the Howling Commandos". Bucky refuses to acknowledge the fact that his own battle cries are what gives Dum Dum the idea for their name. Bucky shivers.
Its cold.
Damn cold.
They are sitting high in the Alps waiting for a train to come into view. The train harbors him. Zola. The man Bucky still loses sleep over. It comes a little easier now, sleep does. But Steve still wakes him up sometimes with a worried face. He says that Bucky keeps repeating the same thing over and over again.
Name. Rank. Serial number.
Bucky brushes it off each time. Its nothing he tells Steve. Steve only gives him a worried glare. But now he's tired. He hasn't slept in – he's not sure how long. Much too long.
Ever since Peggy –not Agent Carter, she's a friend now– brought them the mission Bucky finds himself slipping back into his fears. Food has lost its taste –not that it had much to begin with– and sleep has once again become a luxury of the past. He finds himself unable to hold onto a glass of water without spilling its contents all over.
Now, as he stands next to Steve, watching Morita listen to HYDRA's radio communications he feels his chest begin to tighten and he's sweating. He turns to look at the zipline they are going to use in order to board the moving train. It's a long way down.
"You remember that time I made you ride the cyclone on Coney Island?" He asks aloud. Partly because he wants to know what Steve will say and partly because he hopes talking will dissuade his oncoming panic.
"Yeah. And I threw up." Steve says. Bucky looks down. Down into the deep ravine.
"This isn't payback, is it?"
Steve grins.
"Now why would I do that?" Hell yes.
Bucky forces a smile. It must look real enough since Steve smiles back before one of the others speaks up.
"We were right. Zola's on the train." Gabe says from behind them. "HYDRA dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he's going they must need him bad."
Bucky looks at Steve. He feels something coil tight within him. Something that wasn't there when he first arrived overseas. Something that becomes dangerous when those he cares about are in danger. The same thing that gives Steve black eyes on nights he dreams so deeply yet so fitfully he cannot wake. The thing that heals scratches in a few hours. But he quashes it down. Tells it to brood. To be silent. To be patient.
And he waits.
Steve's eyebrow raises. He knows something isn't quite right. But he says nothing. Instead he puts on his helmet and becomes the man that HYDRA fears, Captain America.
"Let's get going, cause they're moving like the devil." Falsworth says from his spot. Bucky hears the train coming as Steve prepares himself.
"We only got about a 10 second window. You miss that window, we're bugs on a windshield."
No kidding Steve.
"Mind the gap."
Very good Falsworth.
"Better get movin' bugs!"
Bucky rolls his eyes. How did he get slapped on a team of walking one-liners? The next thing he knows, he's watching Steve disappear down the zipline and suddenly he's following.
The blast of cold air takes his breath away momentarily and for a moment the horror of the war fades away. The thought of how close Zola is and how he is very soon going to have to face his abuser disappears. Honestly, how many men will be able to go back home and boast about ziplining down the Swiss Alps with Captain America?
The elation doesn't last long and he hits the train with a resounding thud that makes his frozen limbs remember their frequent aches and pains. He ignores the tightening of his chest and swallows his nausea before he follows Steve down along the train to an entrance. Gabe has followed them down and will take the roof towards Zola. Bucky enters the train behind Steve. It's just the two of them this time.
HYDRA men bombard them before they've gotten into the second car.
It happens quickly. Steve goes forward and Bucky hesitates momentarily. He didn't like the energy. The buzz in the air. Of course it gets them separated. Bucky turns around at the sound of boots.
He doesn't hesitate.
He shoots.
He switches sides, hunkering behind some boxes and mentally cursing himself for bringing a rifle into such close quarters. He should have known better.
Behind him, he hears Steve struggling against an enemy soldier with one of HYDRA's newer weapons. He has no time to spare though as he does his best to keep his own hide intact.
There's one left.
He's out of bullets.
Absently, he presses into the wall and in turn something presses into his hip. He looks down.
God bless Dernier. Before they had left the Frenchman had strapped a Colt M1911 to Bucky's side, mumbling something about never having time to reload. Bucky makes a mental note to thank his teammate when he gets back.
He shoots, crossing over to the other side for a better vantage point on the last HYDRA soldier. He pulls out, trying to see but mostly just hoping luck will be on his side.
He shoots once. Twice.
He ducks. That one was a little too close for comfort.
Three times. Four and the barrel clicks.
Shit.
He slides down into the wall. James Buchanan Barnes does not give up. James Buchanan Barnes does not back down. But now seems like its probably going to be the moment he's either captured or killed… Again.
Unbidden the familiar chant echoes in his mind.
Barnes, James Buchanan.
Sergeant.
Three-two-five-five-seven-zero-three-eight.
He shakes it away. Now is not a good time.
Suddenly, the door slides open and, sweet savior of all, Steve tosses him a loaded pistol. Now all he needs is that damn HYDRA soldier out of his little nook in the middle of the train-car.
Steve fixes the issue.
One well-placed shot later and all is quiet again.
"I had him on the ropes." Bucky says. So shoot him. He gets his one-liners from the best after all. Steve assures him that he knows his help was unnecessary.
You're welcome anyway.
Bucky freezes from reloading his pistol at the sound of a HYDRA weapon charging. Steve barely has time to cover them both with the shield. The blast throws him into the far wall and completely tears away the other side of the train car. Bucky scrambles for the shield. Holding it up as he shoots at the soldier.
Time stops.
He's flying backwards. Something cold and metal slips through his fingers and he's just able to grab it in time.
He's hanging over a very quickly moving precipice.
Steve is there, yelling. Reaching. Not close enough. A little closer.
Bucky can feel his fingers slipping. The thin metal bar buckles under his weight. His chest tightens. He can't breath.
He falls.
A/N:
So I was stuck on this for a bit, trying to decide the style of writing and exactly where to start/stop but then I finally got around to reading the reviews left and wow... talk about inspiration. Y'all stroked my ego just enough to get this out of me.
This chapter is a little longer than the others so the extra is special for my lovely reviewers.
I have probably about 4-5 more chapters planned out for this fic. There may end up being a bonus chapter after I go to watch Civil War. Who knows? Inspiration may strike.