Skwisgaar was not new to fatherhood in the sense that he had hundreds, if not thousands of children living all throughout the world.
He was new to it in the sense that he'd never stepped up to care for any of those children.
He'd never considered himself parent material. He knew that he was too self-centered to do a decent job raising anyone, so he'd made it a point not to get involved.
With Toki, though, things were different. Skwisgaar would be forced into daily contact with his child, and his child's father.
The thought was terrifying.
For several days, he couldn't eat, nor sleep. He didn't even have a sex drive. Most of the time, he found himself sitting in a corner, playing his guitar, trying to think things through.
It came down to two choices: He could try to be there for Toki and their child, or he could ignore the other guitarist completely and hope that he might leave the band.
In the end, he decided to do the right thing, or at least what he felt was the right thing. Toki wasn't that bad, after all. He could be slightly frustrating, but he would probably be a decent lover. And really, if he did try to ignore Toki, Nathan would probably call him out on it and make his life difficult. Staying in Dethklok wouldn't be an option, then.
With his stomach doing backflips, Skwisgaar made his way to Toki's room, intent on discussing the subject.
00
Skwisgaar found Toki lying on his bed, shirt pulled up, with headphones pressed against his stomach.
"Toki?" He asked, peeking into the room.
Toki glanced over at the door.
"Skwisgaar."
"I, um, cames to apologize. But if ams a bad times, I'll leaves."
Toki couldn't help but smile. Rarely, if ever, was Skwisgaar nervous, and right then he looked as if he were about to faint again. Knowing that the blonde would likely be in a somewhat nice mood, Toki let him in.
"Its okay. You can comes in."
Skwisgaar nodded and crept inside, closing the door behind him.
"So… Yous giving the babies music?"
"It calms it down. It ams kicking up a storm!"
Skwisgaar stared.
"Yous can feels it?"
"Ja. You wants to feel?" Toki removed the headphones.
Skwisgaar slowly inched towards the bed, his heart racing. He wasn't sure if he actually wanted to touch Toki or not. Something about the whole thing was disgusting, but at the same time, it was also fascinating.
"Don't be scared," Toki told him. "It ams not so bads."
Skwisgaar swallowed nervously, but managed to get to the bed. He sat down next to Toki.
"Heres." Toki took Skwisgaar's hand and placed it on his stomach.
Almost instantly, Skwisgaar felt something thump against his hand. He quickly pulled it away, terrified.
"Yous silly," Toki commented.
"It ams weird!"
"Ja well I have to feels it all days!"
"Ja…"
Toki 'hmphed' and returned their headphones to their previous place.
Skwisgaar sighed.
"Look, I'ms sorry, Toki. I'm, uh, not used to dis types of things. I'ms sorry for making funs of you, too."
Skwisgaar was blushing, and couldn't meet Toki's eyes. Toki couldn't help but notice it.
"You means it?" Toki's eyes were bright, and he was staring at the other man.
"Ja. I cames here to tries to make ups, and tells you that I'll bes here for yous and the babies."
Toki was silent for a moment, taking in what Skwisgaar had just said.
"You means… like a friends?"
"Or, uh, a boyfriends, I guess?"
"But you likes goils." Toki was staring at Skwisgaar.
"Ja, but, I ams also… you knows… attracted to yous too." Skwisgaar forced the last part out. He wasn't entirely sure how he felt about Toki, but he held onto the hope that he could again become attracted like he had the night that they'd had sex.
"I means, I wouldn'ts have slepts with yous if I wasn't."
Toki let out a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
"You hates me, Skwisgaar. Why you does this now?"
"Because it ams the rights things to do?" Skwisgaar replied. "You needs helps, or you wills soon. We're stuck togethers in Dethklok and I ams going to have to see the babies every day, so we should be togethers."
Despite his words, Skwisgaar felt like he wanted to vomit. This was almost as horrifying as getting married. He'd not been committed to anyone… well… ever. He wondered if Toki would be okay with him having some side action, just to help maintain his sanity.
'Do the rights thing,' he reminded himself.
Toki contemplated all that Skwisgaar had said.
"If I says yes, you has to be nicer to me."
"Ja, of course. I won't makes fun of you anymore."
"Maybes… Maybes we tries. For the babies," Toki conceded. "So the babies has its daddies."
"Ja. Okays."
Toki smiled at him.
There was another moment of silence before Skwisgaar felt the urge to run. He couldn't do that, though. Not so soon. He had to think of another way…
"Do you wants anything?" He asked.
"Do I? Can you gets the key limes pie?"
"Yous diabetics, Tokis," Skwisgaar reminded him.
"Eh, I takes the insulin. The babies wants the pies."
Skwisgaar fought back rolling his eyes.
"Ja, okays. Whatevers you says." He stood up and headed for the door.
Once outside, Skwisgaar stopped to force himself to breathe normally. His heart continued to pound in his chest, and he felt as if he might have a panic attack.
'It ams okays,' he told himself. 'It ams okays.'