Chapter 8. Ok, guys. This chapter is THE MOST TRIGGERING CHAPTER IN THIS WHOLE INTIRE STORY. PLEASE! IF YOU DO NOT LIKE VERY TRIGGERING CHAPTERS, PLEASE SKIP THIS AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER. I AM NOT KIDDING.

Hope you guys enjoy!

*WARNING: THIS STORY IS VERY TRIGGERING. INVOLVES SELF HARM, DEPRESSION, AND SUICIDE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

- - - - - - VERY TRIGGERING AND INTENSE. THE MOST TRIGGERING CHAPTER - - - - - -

Brick's POV

The sound of my footsteps on the stairs echoed through the house, still not loud enough to be heard over the shouts coming from the kitchen. I could just make out some of the argument, the same one my parents had been having for the past two years.

"Why did you cheat on me?"

"Who was it this time?"

"I want you out of the house!"

This was a normal occurrence for my family. Either my mom would have an affair with a new work colleague or my father would get drunk and sleep with a random girl in the back of a stingy club. I was used to it by now, as were my younger brothers and who probably didn't understand what cheating was.

My head pounded as I stumbled towards my bedroom after taking a quick peek into the play room on the other end of the hallway. Butch and Boomer, my adorable yet extremely annoying ten year old siblings, were lay on the floor watching an old rerun of Spongebob talking about something weird that I couldn't fully hear.

When I reached my own room I locked the door, sliding down the wood and sitting on the carpet with my head resting against the hard frame. How did things get so bad? Six months ago I wouldn't be anywhere near my house right now; you'd find me playing soccer with my friends, flirting with some random girl or drinking in an alley with the rest of my 'group'. Now I couldn't even look at them without being reminded of what I did.

Flashback...

"Brick, where you going? Mitch's dad bought him a crate of beers!" Mike called to me from the same cafe that he hung out in every Friday. I already knew the rest of the football team would be there, but I really didn't feel like sitting and making fun of the small red-haired who we'd previously broken. No doubt her outburst would be the talk of the school for the next few months. I ignored my friend and shook my head, walking away in the direction of my house. It Ends Tonight by the All-American Rejects was blaring through my headphones, blocking out the sound of the outside world on my short walk home.

End of Flashback...

My bracelets itched at my arms, rubbing against the marks that were still red and stinging from a few nights before. The thoughts of how I'd hurt myself filled my brain and angered me. How could I be so weak? My parents would kill me, if not they'd at least send me to some sort of asylum if they ever knew of how many bad thoughts were racing around my head. I'd listened to them talking about these things countless times; my father would laugh at the anorexic models on TV who refused to eat, calling them pathetic, and my mother would only agree and making things worse, adding in her own comments about how they should 'just kill themselves' because that's what starving would eventually do. I never said anything.

I felt around my pockets, reaching for the iPhone that i hadn't bothered turning on in school. When all of your friends were too busy mocking random nerds and talking about sex, there wasn't much need to be texting anyone. Besides, the only girl I cared for was currently ignoring me after I ripped her heart to shreds. When I flicked through my contacts and saw her name I had a large intake of breath. My calls to her phone stopped long ago. She never answered anyway, why would she? It wasn't until I heard the familiar automatic voice saying 'please leave a message' that I realized I had called her phone once again.

This time, I didn't hang up.

"Blossom," I gasped into the mobile. I had no plans on what to say, but I knew that this would be the last time I called her. "I know you're home by now and you told me once that every night you sit and read and listen to music on your phone, so you didn't answer because you're still ignoring me. But that's okay, I'd ignore me too."

It took everything I had not to hang up and keep it to myself. I've spent so long numbing myself with drugs, alcohol or my own pain, but there was no substance or emotion in the world that could mask the pain I put myself through by hurting her. This was always going to happen eventually. Why drag it out?

"I don't blame you for hating me so much. I'm disgusting. I built you up, told you so many lies and stories just to rip your heart right out of you chest, and watch you fall apart all over again. Trust me, I hate myself more than you ever could. What I did... It's unforgivable. I don't know why I did it. Maybe I wanted to feel superior, or popular, or cool... I don't know, but I would take it all back if I could, Bloss. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry."

Tear cascaded down my face, the salty taste filling my mouth. I struggled to wipe my face with my shaking hands. I deserved this. All I ever did was hurt people, break them and act like nothing is wrong. Unfortunately, there was lots wrong and every single problem that surrounded my life led back to me.

"I'm so fucking sorry, and I know nothing I say can make things okay, but don't worry. You don't have to deal with me anymore. I'm not going to bother you, or call you, or even show my shitty face around you during school. Will that make things better for you? I just want you to be happy. You won't believe me, but I only ever wanted to make you happy."

By now, I had begun sobbing into the phone, but I knew that any minute I could run out of time to leave my message. My legs had already pulled me from the floor, leading me into the bathroom where I kept the pill bottles, razors and toxins that could kill me so easily. I'd never been able to decide on one way to leave for good, but I was immediately drawn the various sleeping pills that filled a small bag. For my insomnia. One pill would put me to sleep in a few minuted. Two bottles would easily put me in a permanent slumber.

"It hurts so much, Blossom. I can't breathe when I think about you. I keep myself awake at night, horrified at how I treated you, all for a stupid joke. Now I've lost you, just like I lost her."

My mind flashed back to images of her. The blonde hair, pale skin, defined features. The first time we spoke, the last words she said to me, the night I found out she passed away. Everything came rushing through my head like a kaleidoscope of memories that I couldn't erase, no matter how hard I tried to blur them out.

"Since you walked away that day on the field, I've been replaying your words in my head. Nobody understands how bad it hurt me, yet I'm the asshole who broke your heart. I expected this to make me feel happy or proud or excited... god, I don't even know anymore. The thing is, while everyone else is celebrating, I'm falling apart. I'm broken. I've trapped myself in my head and I'm going crazy. I'm just waiting, begging for someone to wake me up and tell me it's all a dream. I'm screaming for help at the top of my lungs, but all I hear is my own echo. It's like, everything inside of me has died, I've torn myself apart mentally and I'm just waiting for my body to catch up. I don't think it's going to take much longer though."

I was supposed to be helping her. This may have started as a joke but every time I saw her face I felt myself become more enticed. Everything about her drew me in. Each time she smiled or laughed because of me, my own broken pieces began to heal themselves. She had fixed me in ways I could never explain. Blossom had become the light at the end of my long, dirty, damp tunnel and I had every intention of reaching that light until I messed up and it disappeared for good. Now, I was left drinking tap water and swallowing as many Zolpidem capsules as possible.

"Maybe this is a good thing though. I've spent so long thinking about how bad it was for me to hurt you, but we would never work out anyway. I've lived with this pain, this darkness. It hovers over me every day, taking over my mind and body. I hate it, but I never told anyone. It's my fault. Even if I never hurt you, I couldn't be with you. It would always be you, me and the darkness. I could. never give you my whole heart because it doesn't feel like my own heart anymore. It sounds crazy, I know."

I ripped the phone away from my ear, checking how long I had been talking for. 3 mins, 10 seconds. I had just less than 2 more minutes until the line would cut short and die, along with my mind. Every word I spoke felt like venom and I was injecting it into myself, killing my body in the process. My mind had died a long time ago, leaving the shell of an arrogant teenager with no real purpose in the world.

"I just want to tell you that they were wrong. The bullies. You're perfect, you always have been and I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't see that. Beneath the mask you put on, there's a beautiful, strong, amazing girl who likes comic books and weird movies and reading. A girl who taught me not only about herself, but also about me. I forgot your scars, forgave everything you did, told you to stay strong, but I could never do the same for myself. Does that make me a hypocrite? Probably."

I began to imagine what will happen when my body is found, hopefully cold and lifeless on the floor. Would it be my mom asking what I wanted for dinner? Maybe my dad would be inviting me to stay at his rented apartment on the other side of town. I used to stay with him when my parents had a bad fight and my mom was drinking. It hurt me to think of how my little sisters would react. Boomer wouldn't know what I did. He'd run into my room with his action and lay next to me, playing with my hair thinking I was just asleep. Butch was a smart kid. He may have only been young, but the minute he would see it would break him. He'd call 911 before he even thought to scream for my parents.

"I know that you'll cry when you hear this. You will definitely hate yourself for caring so much, but it's who you are. You'll scream and cry and call me but I won't pick up. I'll be gone, out of your life forever and that's a good thing, even though it hurts now. Try not to cry too much for me though, Blossom. Remember when you missed curfew and you didn't want your mom to get mad? I told you that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself because we all make mistakes. I've just realized that my mistake, was being me."

I know many people have it worse than I do, and maybe I'm just not a strong person, but I really did try to cope with this. I've tried to deal with this every day for the last 16 years and I can't take it anymore. When my eyes began to falter and I knew my time on the phone was running out, it hit me that this could be over. Tonight might finally be the night that I close my eyes for the last time, breathe my final wisps of air and encase myself in darkness. As crazy as it sounds, I wasn't scared at all.

"I'm prepared for death. I'm prepared for the pain and I am prepared to no longer exist. What I'm not prepared for is your sadness, so you need to make me a promise. Don't let this define you. Don't be that girl who lost her best friend to suicide and went crazy. Don't be that girl who never got over being bullied, and most definitely don't be that teenage girl who got on the news for killing herself. You're stronger than I will ever be, and I'm proud to say that even for a short time, you were my friend."

I felt my arms shaking, the pills really kicking in as they made the thoughts whirring around in my brain settle down until the noise was a low buzz. I felt my heart rate slowing. Though I wouldn't die right away and it would take hours for the full effect to take place, it was reliving to know I would leave peacefully in my sleep. I couldn't imagine how it would feel to die slowly and painfully. I'm doing this to take the pain away. Why would anyone make it hurt even more?

"I love you, Blossom Utonium." I spoke into the phone, my voice husky and slurred. One memory appeared in my mind and I remembered a conversation I had with the fragile girl about her favorite books. I recalled her telling me her favorite quote, and my last words to her came out in barely a whisper before the line went dead and the final tears left my eyes.

"It was a privilege to have my heart broken by you."

I told you it was triggering. Sorry if I made Brick do that! Please don't kill me! It just seemed like the best thing to do. Hope you liked it!

Epilogue, also known as Chapter 9, is coming up!