A/N: I would like to take this opportunity to address some (strange) reviews that were received. I did not take your comments to heart because it did not affect me, you're entitled to your own opinion. I respect that not everyone will enjoy some characters in this story and though there is nothing I can do to change your mind, I hope that you continue to support my story because all good things come to those who wait. Having said that, thank you to the people who spoke up. Also, I have my very first groupie (KSHAY89), I totally feel like a rock star!

Lastly, thank you to everyone who has taken their time to read my story. I appreciate it.

The aroma of freshly cooked food hit me as soon as I crossed the threshold between my home and the world. Soon after I felt his strong arms wrap around my waist. His lips finding the smooth skin just where my clavicle met the scapula. I felt his mouth turn into a smile, "did you and Jane have fun?" He murmured between the feather light kisses.

At the mention of her name my eyes snapped open and I tensed. My teeth dug into my lower lip as a means to stop my mouth from speaking the words that my mind screamed. However, not saying anything proved me wrong as he moved closer and turned me to face him. My gaze dropped to the ground. I felt like I was being observed by hundreds of people. It was almost suffocating.

"Maura?" he whispered and gently cupped my cheeks. His gaze then dropped to my lips, "oh sweetheart, what happened to your lip?" he questioned with worry in his eyes.

"wha…what do you mean?" I asked and ran to the nearest mirror on the wall. Upon inspecting my reflection, my shaking hands flew to my swollen lip where blood oozed from a small cut. My red lipstick now a faint stain.

"Sweetheart?" Ian whispered. "Are you alright? What can I do?"

My eyes rapidly shot to Ian's reflection behind me. His light eyes looked saddened, as if he had an idea of what had occurred between Jane and I and yet at the same time looked clueless and desperate to help. My stomach tightened and as he stepped closer to me once more and curled his arms around my waist. My breath escaped my lips in the form of a cry. This was dirty, this was wrong and yet the only light at the end of this train wreck of a tunnel was the taste of beer and peanut butter on my tongue.

"Oh god," I cried, angry at my mind for taking in the small pleasure of her taste that had lingered. "Umm, I'm…I'm fine. It was an accident. I'm fine," I told him.

Ian nodded and looked away, "You must be careful my love. Why don't you go and wash up then come down to eat?" I responded with a nod and rushed upstairs towards my master bathroom.

Piece by piece my clothes were peeled off and carelessly dropped on the floor beside my trembling legs. Then I turned the tap and watched the rush of hot water fill the white tub. I can't remember how long I was standing still but before I knew it my feet stepped into the tub then my body submerged into the hot water. My back arched, allowing the water to cover my head. With my breath held, I felt the odd sense of loneliness and want wash over me. It felt strangely good; it felt like the water kept my emotions at bay. I fought a little longer to stay under the water until my lungs cried for oxygen and I obeyed their request.

-/-/-

Throughout dinner, conversation was kept to a minimum as Ian and Angela felt the awkward atmosphere lingering over me. Angela asked several times whether Jane had caused my discomfort. I could tell she was worried about Jane too but the maddening selfish side of me wanted to demand her to feel no pity for her because she deserved no pity. Not for what she had done. I deserved none either.

As midnight approached, Ian kissed me goodnight and retired to bed.

"I'll be there soon," I whispered. He nodded with disappointment and walked away.

Seconds later my phone vibrated, indicating a message had been received.

Jane Rizzoli: Open the door

Maura Isles: No.

Jane Rizzoli: Maura, please.

I hadn't expected her to talk to me much less come and see me. For a brief insane moment, I thought she had called to continue where we had left off but as I opened the door and looked at her, her tone said it all.

"Maur."

"What?" I whispered harshly, feeling angry and embarrassed.

"I need to speak to you,"

I stepped outside and quietly closed the front door, "No. Ian just retired to bed and your mother is probably still awake," I hated her. I hated her for making me want her so much to then ripping it from my hands. Her hair danced against the fierce wind, it looked like incredible silk. It was beautiful, she was beautiful.

I shook my head. I couldn't get distracted. With determination and courage fuelled by anger, I stepped closer to her in order to intimidate her and for me to gain some control, "what happened? Why are you so angry at me lately?"

"Is this a joke? I can't work out if you're serious," she responded without glancing at me. Her hands stuffed into her pockets.

"I can assure you Jane that this is no…."

"You!" she interrupted. "You! That's what has happened! You with the way you say my name. Do you have to drag it out so much? And those tight skirts, perfect hair and…your google mou…mouth and…god! You're so hot! Fuck-sake, even your breathing turns me on!" she sighed with frustration and ran her hands through her curls hair. I froze in shock.

"The worse fucking part is that you've got fucking "Mr perfect" living happily ever after with you and now you're playing house and I've got…"

"Casey." I added.

"Right." She laughed.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" I asked, anger building up.

"Because I didn't fucking know! Alright? It was only until recently that I've...I've wanted to…I don't even know what I want…"

Anger boiled up inside me, "then leave me alone. I will not leave Ian and destroy our family because you're unsure of what you want! God! This is so you. You drive me crazy, you make me want you then you become you! You're insufferable and idiotic and moronic and I hate you!" I sighed trying desperately to be quiet, "Okay, I don't technically hate you but…"

"Stop,"

"Stop what?" I yelled for the first time, whoops.

"Being angry! It makes me want you more,"

My eyes widened, "Jane…I don't know wh…"

Whatever I was going to say was lost to a frantic kiss that left me feeling breathless again. Then as soon as it had happened she pulled back and looked me in the eye.

"I need to breath and think," she cried as our chests heaved. Then turned and walked down the pathway. I watched her pace up and down my street.

I rolled my eyes, irritated at the situation because right now, this is what it was. A situation.

"Did the breathing help?" I asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"No," she sighed.

I closed my eyes, this had to stop before it began, "I think you should go. Forget this ever happened. We both have stressful jobs and it all became too much. You're not to blame. Don't punish yourself. You do not have feelings for me and the feeling is mutual. We spent too much time together and now that I'm living with Ian, it's natural to want to compete for my attention. Go home, find Casey and spend time with him. You'll see," I smiled and looked at her. I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince her or myself but when she looked at me and sighed, my stomach formed a knot and my heart tightened.

I'm Pathetic, my mind screamed. My hand rested on my abdomen as I waited for her response.

"Forget about it?" she contemplated, "Isn't that kind of hard? We see each other everyday,"

"Then we move past this. We're adults and we're best friends," I added.

She looked up, marinating the proposal, "Hmmm, okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

I nodded, not fully trusting myself to speak and forced a smile. This was going to be hard, but I had to do it. Had to be strong for her, for our family and for Ian. I'd lock my love somewhere and hope it would die on its own. I've succeeded before today and will continue to do so.

Several minutes later, tears streamed down my cheeks as I lay in bed and watched Ian's chest rise and fall as he slept. I had just admitted to myself that I had romantic feelings for Jane Rizzoli.

-/-/-

I was caught somewhere between half-conscious and half-asleep where everything was peaceful, dreamy and weightless. Where I allowed my mind to play with possibilities. Where strong hands gently mapped my back and hips until they made their way towards my most sensitive parts. Why did I taunt myself? Would I feel a hot breath tickling down my neck? Would there be gentleness? Roughness?

Once my eyes slowly opened, I was greeted with a large smile and a gentle kiss, "You're so beautiful when you're sleeping," Ian murmured. I smiled in response and brought our lips together.

"Are you feeling better this morning?" he asked. I nodded and smiled.

"So, what're the plans today?"

I breathed slowly and cleared my throat, "Jane wanted us to meet Frankie's new girlfriend," Ian nodded and then sighed.

"Are you going to tell me what happened yesterday?" he asked.

My heart started to beat rapidly, I was not ready for his questions but I had to say something, "we had a minor disagreement, honestly nothing to alert the media about," I responded then rolled over to avoided his gaze because I knew that my behaviour had hurt him. Then after moments of silence, I sighed and pushed myself off of the mattress.

The rest of the morning went by fairly quiet and as the afternoon approached, I sighed and stretched my back before collecting my jacket and walking the short path to "The Dirty Robber".

-/-/-

"Hmmm….you've gotta try this pie!" Jane exclaimed.

My eyes instantly rolled, "I'm not hungry and besides I thought we were meeting Frankie," I said, trying to sound as neutral as possible even when my mind screamed at me. I briefly wondered how she managed to look so unmoved about our situation, was she over it already? Did it mean nothing to her? My thoughts however were interrupted when the curly haired idiot tried to shove a fork full of pie in my mouth.

"Just taste this, please?" she pouted and tried to feed me again.

"Fine! But I'm capable of feeding myself Jaaayne," I said and took the fork. As the hot pie melted into my taste buds, a small accidental moan left my lips. I had to admit the pie was amazingly sweet and left the taste of cinnamon on my lips. It was almost as good as Jane. Wait. No, this kind of thought had to leave my mind. It had the annoying habit of popping into my mind without my permission.

If I hadn't been arguing with my mind, I would have noticed that Jane had not said a word for over a minute. She hadn't even gloated about the fact that she was right. This was a good pie. We made eye contact for the first time since last night, my blood rushed to my chest. Her hands were gripping the table as if she was holding herself back and her chest was heaving, she was aroused. This was dangerous.

The facts were these: Jane wanted me and I wanted her. Yesterday proved both statements to be factual however, sexual attraction was not enough to destroy two relationships and put us in harms way. I needed to decide on the best course of action to reduce damage and fast.

I got up abruptly and practically ran out the diner. I couldn't stand to be in the same room as Jane, not right now. It was too soon. As I sprinted down the street my breath thundered in my ears. Why couldn't she control herself? We had agreed on this. We agreed to bring things back to normal. Perhaps we needed to stay away from each other…we needed a break. Rationally, I knew my feelings would subside as time went. I knew that one day, I'd probably be able to look into her eyes without wanting her and without losing my sense of what was right or wrong.

I felt dizzy, and had to stop running. Spots danced before my eyes, and I stumbled whilst not moving at all. Then I simply fell but of course, she caught me.

"You're everywhere!"

"Sorry Maura, I'll try harder not to be everywhere,"

"Why do you do it? Why are you everywhere? Even when you're not physically present, you're still…here," I assume it goes without saying that I wasn't exactly on top form as I sprouted this nonsense.

"You see me when I'm not around?" she grinned.

I groaned and glared at her, "let me go,"

"If I do that you'll fall,"

"I won't," I tried to shove her away but she was stronger than me. Damn her. "Don't do that again," I whispered.

"Do what?" she whispered back, panting slightly.

"I think we should meet Frankie's girlfriend another day. I want to go home and lie down,"

"Lie down?" It was wrong how she was able to turn what I said into something decadent and wicked.

"Bye Jane…" I said and pushed myself away from her.

"You should shower first. The hot water will relax you. The soap will leave your body shining almost like a diamond,"

"Jane, what're you doing?" I asked, though it didn't come out as sharp as I wanted.

She stepped closer to me, "If someone were to...lick your throat, you'd taste…"

"Jane stop," I whispered and looked at the ground. Why was she doing this? Did she enjoy the torture? Was this just a game to her? How could she be so selfish?

She was so close; I could almost taste the pie she had just eaten.

"If someone were to bite you, would you scream in pain or pleasure?"

I wanted to run but my feet were glued to the ground, "I can't believe you," our eyes connected and I knew she was aware of her affect on me. Her brown eyes had plunged into darkness. She looked almost wicked and amused.

"You're bothering me," I said, my voice trembling. I was so aroused that I had to bite my lips to stop me from begging her to push me against the nearest wall and fuck me hard.

She stepped closer and I stepped back. Distance. We needed distance.

"Sorry…" she whispered. The playful glint in her eyes disappeared as she stepped closer. Our breaths mingled, our eyes locked. We were at each other's mercies, it was like a gravitational pull and the force was strong, irresistible. Her hands gently but firmly pushed me against the wall and with a sigh of defeat; we both surrendered. The kiss was like no other. It was raw, desperate and passionate. I felt awake and asleep at the same time, the sensation felt bone deep. My eyes squeezed shut and I could've sworn that I saw stars. I groaned into her mouth and pushed myself closer to hers.

When our lips parted, it felt almost soul crushing. I didn't want to look into her eyes because I knew that she'd give us a reason to stop. I know that I should have ended it myself.

"Maura…" she whispered. I shook my head and looked at the ground. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I felt her hands trembling as she cupped my face.

"This thing that's going on between us…it…it needs to stop before we take it too far," she smiled almost sadly. Her thumbs caressed my lips and it sent a shiver down my spine.

"So, what do you suggest we should do? My previous suggestion obviously did not work"

"See less of each other?" She suggested.

"We have to work together and people will start asking questions. We cannot show any signs of weakness. I think the best possible plan is to never be alone together. This attraction between us only intensifies when we're alone. Therefore, we shouldn't be alone," I whispered, still millimetres apart.

She nodded, "We should crank up the romance, go on more dates …"

"How in the world would us dating help the situation?"

"Not each other!" she laughed, the sound making my heart beat faster. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and kiss her again.

Then as if she had been reading my mind, the laughter stopped, "I'd like to kiss you one last time,"

My eyes drifted to her lips. Our breaths mingled once again and my hands started to tremble once more. I couldn't understand why each time we were this close self-control was difficult.

"I'm going to kiss you now." I nodded and closed my eyes.

"Jane, Maura! There you are!" Casey shouted from across the street and ran towards us. We immediately sprinted apart. Though I was a little worried of what he had seen a small part of me felt irritation towards him for interrupting our moment. Jane and I never had that one last kiss and now my mind did not have the chance to store the desperately wanted moment into my memory. This left me greedy.

"I've been looking all over Massachusetts for you," he grinned at Jane and placed a kiss on her lips. The kiss that should have been mine. My eyes closed and I looked away. I did not want to see and I did not have the right to claim her affection as mine own.

Seeing my discomfort Jane turned to me and smiled sheepishly. I needed to end this moment and quickly, "I've to go," I said and started to walk away.

Jane called me but I didn't turn around, I groaned and continued to walk away. I could have sworn that Jane had told him to let her go. I hadn't even realised that I had been holding my breath until my lungs felt like they were squeezing me closed.

Shame seeped through my veins once my breathing went back to normal because a small part of me had hoped that Casey had seen us, I had wished to be caught, I had wished to destroy two relationships and complicate a family. Only in the confines of my own space did I let my tears fall. It made me angry because whilst I cried, Jane was out there most likely wrapping her arms around that man and smiling like the sun shot out of his ass.

"Ugh," I groaned and followed the corridor that led to the kitchen. Perhaps wine would help.

-/-/-

"Sweetheart,"

I felt a slight shake as Ian awoke me and as my eyes slowly opened I was greeted with his kind smile. "I don't even remember falling asleep" I told him with the evidence of sleep in my voice. "What time is it?" I asked as my hands shot to my head. I must have passed out after several glasses of wine.

"A little after four. I ummm, saw Jane and Casey whilst I was at the station earlier and invited them over for dinner. I hope that's okay?" He smiled. My eyes widened slightly. How was I going to cope with seeing the them for an entire evening if I couldn't handle a few minutes this afternoon? Reaching for the bottle of wine on the table I drank several mouthfuls and mumbled my response. Ian's head shook as he took the bottle from my hands.

"I think you've had enough" he sighed. "I'll make you a coffee: seriously Maura, this is so not like you. Please talk to me," he cupped my cheeks and brought our lips together, "whatever it is, we can handle it together". I couldn't look at him, his eyes were so honest, so good. I feared that he would be able to read mine. Clearing my throat I stood up from the couch.

"Why were you at the station?"

"Oh, I was going to bring you lunch but Jane told me that you weren't feeling well,"

I nodded, "I…umm...I need to get dinner ready." I murmured and strolled to the kitchen without uttering another word.

-/-

Glancing at the clock, I sighed for the fourth time and met the bottom of the glass once more. This must have been my seventh glass of wine and I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't getting to my head slightly. Just then the door bell sounded. Jane was just in time.

"Smells good in here," I heard her, "thanks for inviting us over Maur,"

I glanced sideways at Jane as I dished the food, "didn't have much of a choice. Ian kind of sprung this up on me,"

She chuckled and moved closer to me until I felt her breath on me. I held mine and panicked. Ugh! My mother would be ashamed.

"Jaaaayne..." I warned her.

"Relax," she whispered, "I was just grabbing a sweet potato fry and have you noticed how you only drag my name out when you're annoyed or trying to get a rise out of me?"

My eyes rolled, "hadn't noticed" I said, sarcasm clearly evident, I was getting good at it.

"You and Jane have been dating for a while now. Any plans to start a family?" Ian asked as we ate.

Casey laughed nervously and glanced at Jane, "we've not discussed it. Though, I'd love to see a little Jane Rizzoli walking around one day," he smiled.

My eyes rolled, "Don't you think it would be a little careless to have a child? With you out of the country more often than you're in it?" I sipped my drink and looked him straight in the eye.

Jane's eyes widened in shock, Casey scratched the back of his neck, "Ummm..."

"Ummm? Really, Jane? You sure know how to pick them," I could hear what I was saying but I couldn't stop myself.

"Maura!" Ian warned lightly.

I looked at Ian then turned my attention back to Casey, "I don't think you would choose Jane and your child over your job. And do you know what would happen?" my brow raised, "I'd be the one stepping in and taking care of your child and Jane's every need and believe me…" I smiled and glanced at a shocked Jane, "It would be very pleasurable for the both of us," my grin widened as I sipped the rest of the wine. I felt giddy and accomplished because I had managed to leave Jane Rizzoli speechless. Then just as fast as it had happened, shame came crushing down.

Ian, I thought. "Ian, I'm…."

"No, forget it Maura," he placed his napkin on the table and stood, "Jane, Casey, it was lovely seeing you. I apologise for ending this evening so prematurely but I've suddenly lost my appetite," he looked sad. My hands covered my mouth as tears blurred my vision.

"Maur…." Jane finally whispered.

"Don't." I rasped… "please just leave," as the two left, I took the dishes back to the kitchen and blew out some candles before I followed the glowing light coming from our bedroom.

"Ian…" I knocked on the door my heart was beating wildly in my chest. I wanted to run and hide but Ian deserved my honesty.

He sat on the edge of the bed, "just tell me one thing…are you two having an affair?"

"Ian…" I stepped closer to him.

"Damn it Maura! Answer me," his voice raised.

"No. We kissed for the first time yesterday but we're not having an affair,"

"Just once?" he asked.

"And…once again today but we have both agreed that it was due to stress and that spending time apart would do us great. I promise there is nothing going on," I sat besides him and took his hands in mine.

"Ian, I'm so sorry," my voice trembled, "I don't know what has gotten into me lately. I love you and want you,"

"Are you in love with her?"

"What? No," I shook my head, "She's very attractive but I almost certain that I'm not…I'm not in…in…love with her," I stuttered.

"Almost certain? What the hell does that even mean?" He looked at me. I could see that he was angry and upset.

"I feel love for Jane but I'm not in love with her. I'm perhaps in lust with her but not in love…"

"In lust?!" he exclaimed, "How the hell do you think that makes me feel Maura?"

He stood and started to pace, "how long have you felt this way?"

"Ian stop pacing. It makes me nervous,"

"Maura, how long?"

My eyes closed, "About a week after meeting her," I honestly answered. My head dropped to the ground.

"Jesus! Are you in love with me?" he asked, "actually, don't answer that," he laughed, almost bitterly. "I don't think I'd like the answer. I…I need to go for a walk…" He rasped, "I need to think. Don't follow me,"

Tears frantically streamed down my face as the front door slammed loudly. I didn't know what to do and who to turn to. I couldn't ring my mother because she wouldn't understand. Could run to Angela because Jane was involved and I couldn't reach out to Jane because it would make matters worse. I was alone and I felt angry. At that moment I was the definition of 'wallowing in self-pity'. I was angry because Jane had gotten the better end of our deal. She and Casey were most likely curled up in bed and watching a movie and feeling content whilst mine was shattering. I had to put this right with Ian but I couldn't go without seeing Jane because not seeing Jane was like not being able to breathe, it felt like an impossible task.