A/N: Thank you so much to everyone for your support! I love you all. I found this chapter difficult to write because my emotions often seep into my writing, I literally had to listen to my "sad" playlist in order to finish this and yes, I have a playlist for every emotion, haha. Oh and in this story, Maura and her father got along.

PS: In a none related topic…Lemonade…*squeals* Any Beyoncé fans out there?

Chapter 4`

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to London Heathrow Airport. Local time is 10:05am and the temperature is 10oC,

For your safety and comfort, please remain seated with…

I suppose that's what they call Karma. You do a bad thing and a bad thing happens to you. What Jane and I had didn't feel like it warranted such heartache. We weren't breaking any laws. Love shouldn't have been so painful. When Ian had told me of my fathers passing at first I thought it was just a cruel joke but a joke it was not.

** 24 hours earlier * *

"Maura, I've asked Cavanaugh for some time off. I'm coming with you to London," Jane told me as we sat on the sofa facing a blank TV screen. I hadn't spoken for a while. Truthfully, I didn't know what to say. I was never very good at talking about my feelings and a part of me was still in disbelief.

"Maura, sweetheart. Please say something," she whispered and wrapped her arms around me. I know that she was trying to comfort me but I couldn't allow myself to accept it, how could I accept her love that came with the potential to hurt many people. Even through my tear filled eyes, I saw how hurt Ian was when he saw Jane coming out of the bathroom. The guilt teared me up, would I feel this way when Casey found out? Angela and the other detectives at work?

"No, I…I want to go alone Jane," I said, refusing to look at her knowing that she'd have hurt painted on her expression.

"Listen Maura I'm not going to leave you…"

My hand gently pressed against her mouth, "I think we need the time apart actually," I closed my eyes and gently inhaled some air, "this whole thing with my father's death might be a sign that maybe…"

Rapidly standing, she spun around and glared at me, "a sign? Since when have you started to believe in signs, karma and all the other shitty superstitions? Sometimes bad things just happen in life Maura!" She exclaimed, dramatically huffing, sometimes, the Italian in her really came out when she was angry. I nodded, it was quite endearing if it had occurred under different circumstances but at that moment, it frustrated me. She never thought about practicality when she was mad, it made her act recklessly.

"Jane, calm down," I said, standing up to meet her eye level. "I must admit that words like karma entered my mind but Jane, I told you that I want you…but I just need the time alone, please understand," cupping her cheeks, I brought our lips together for the sweetest kisses that we had ever shared, "I love you and I'm leaving Ian once I get back from London. I want you, I promise Jane but I need to go," I begged her to understand, "look at me, Jane. I need to do this alone and I can't handle you seeing me this broken,"

"You're not broken Maura. You're grieving and I want to do it with you," her lips pouted.

"Jane, look at me," when she finally did, my eyes filled with tears one again, I could see so much love in her deep brown eyes, had it always been there? If so, how did I miss it?

"I'm so sorry about your father Maura," she murmured. I watched as tears fell down her cheeks and I couldn't stop myself from kissing them away. Our breathes were so close that I could almost taste her. Until then, I had never understood how one could crave someone so badly but with Jane it finally made sense. All the literature and art I had been expose to growing up , it all made sense. Love felt powerful and terrifying all at once. It made me feel like I could take on the world…euphoria I'd assume…but it carried the delicate potential of mass destruction, no wonder many fought over it, it was something to be desired and guarded.

"I love you," she smiled through her tears, I nodded with a tearful smile of my own and pressed our lips together. A sigh of contentment passed our lips, every time I kissed Jane it was like fire, it ignited in the depths of my stomach and travel to my other senses, making me feel alive and fearful of getting burnt because I knew that a burn even if small would break this delicate moment. The loss of my father pained me but with the world locked outside, nothing else mattered at that moment but Jane's love for me, she was enough.

She peppered kisses against my skin. The softness of the moment, a sweet contrast against the dominating passion of her strength the two making me deliciously delirious.

"Maura, we need to take things slow," she panted, our foreheads touched, "I don't want to take advantage of you during these difficult times," I nodded, understanding her.

"Could you just hold me until I have to go?"

She smiled so brightly that it made my heart skip a beat, "of course,"

** Present * *

I could still feel her hot lips on my skin as the bitter rain touched me. A black Range Rover pulled up in front of me and I watched as a tall man in his sixties with jet black hair and pale skin greeted me, "Miss Isles?" he asked, his British accept prominently standing out. I nodded and watched him grab my bags, the feeling of sadness washed over me, it made my throat sore as I looked around and watched the excitement on people's face as families reunited and lovers kissed. My lips trembled as I thought of Jane, had I done the right thing? Yesterday I thought it felt right but now the feeling of loneliness felt overpowering, no-one who loved me was waiting for me, there was nobody to hold my hand.

The drive back to my parent's mansion in Kent was silent. The tightening in my throat made it almost impossible to breathe and though I tried to focus in the beauty of the English countryside, nothing intrigued me. My fingers traced the rain patterns on the window, allowing my mind to drift away but the vibration of my phone brought me out of my thoughts.

Jane: Have you arrived safely? Is it really 10oC and in May? That's cold! *snowman emoji*

Laughter filled the silence as I read her message. She always had the power to make me laugh even when I didn't want to, "everything alright, Miss Isles?" the driver asked. I smiled at his reflection on the rearview mirror.

"Yes, thank you," I answered and replied back to Jane.

Yes, just landed and you googled the weather?

"Horrid morning, they said the rain should stop this afternoon, hopefully you'll see some sunshine. Is this your first time in England? I'm George by the way," He smiled. He had a kind but professional face, like he had been doing the job for years and knew when and how to speak.

"No, my parents bought a home here in Kent when I was eight and we'd often visit,"

"Ah, well they picked a great spot. Kent is the garden of England," he smiled.

My phone buzzed.

Jane: No, I didn't google it! I have an app…;) and I miss you already! Are you sure you don't want me there? We could eat some Cornish pasty and I'd keep you warm.

I typed my response and laughed again, Jane, Cornish pasty is the national dish of Cornwall. Kent is on the other coast, a gypsy tart would be a more appropriate dish. Which app are you even using?

"We're here Miss Isles," George announced, the rain had stopped, allowing the sun to shine for a while. Glancing out the window, I notice the place had not changed. Uniquely twisted fencing kept the house enclosed and neatly trimmed hedges surrounded the gardens. The mansion itself was set beyond the sidewalk, towering over me, when I was younger it always intimidated me, made me feel small but now it brought tears to my eyes, I suppose it made me feel small but not in the same way. The roof peaked, slanting down at an angle and the fresh cream coating of paint on the walls shone as the sun beat down on it. Squinting at the window, I noticed the royal purple curtain move, someone had been looking down at me. I lightly shook my head, couldn't come down to meet me?

On the right side of the lawn, a large marbled fountain of a woman holding a flower was perched on the centre, that was new, I thought. I walked the little stone path to the front door and stabbed the doorbell. I heard the faint bell and held my breathe, I hadn't seen my mother in a while and though I loved her she had the habit of bringing the worse in me, emotionally speaking. Emotion was weakness and knowledge was strength she had always said.

Moments later, the door was opened by my mother herself, who was wearing a deep red and black suit, her hair pulled back into a tight bun, "Maura, darling," she greeted me with an impersonal hug that made me cringe. Then it occurred to me, she had always been this way but now I noticed it and I mentally cursed Jane's name for morphing me into the person I was today. Jane made me care, she made me detest materialistic things and made me need the basic things in life. Love.

"I'm sorry that I can't stay. I'm having to do last minute funeral arrangement," my mother apologised as she stole a look at her watch.

"Oh and I'm sorry about your father," she muttered but to me it sounded like a passing thought than an actual sentiment, I nodded but kept quiet.

Once alone, I looked around and noted the quietness and how the black and white linoleum floor of the entrance glowed, obviously it had been cleaned before my arrival. The place was impeccable, as always. I grabbed my bags and walked up the stairs that laid across the centre of the room, I noticed the little things that I hadn't before like how the dark walls with the silver brush swipes had no hanging pictures, unlike Angela's home this place didn't feel warm, homey.

/- - - -/- - - -/

Loneliness and heartbreak washed over me as I laid in bed and thought about my father and about all those times I had been too busy to answer his calls. I thought about the arguments we had and how'd he beg me to see him but I was always too busy. Just so damn busy. I remembered our last conversation and how he wanted me to find my true love, I remember him telling me to never settle for less because I deserved the world; he had been wrong. Desperate tears fell down my cheeks, If he could see me now, would he be proud or would he think of me as pathetic? I did…Lusting after my best friend instead of being faithful to Ian. When had my life become such as disastrous mess?

Further tears streamed down my face as I thought about the things he'd miss, like how he'd never meet Jane and never see how happy she potentially made me. Would he like her? He hadn't been bothered by Ian but what about Jane? Would he encourage me to follow my love for her? Would he stop me? My mother never understood my need for love but my father did. Growing up he'd often encourage me through his love of literature and art. It's funny how at the time it meant nothing to me but now it meant the world. Angrily wiping my tears away, I glared at the room and silently demanded the universe for answers. Why did he have to die? He cared for me, and had unconditional love for me unlike many others who just demanded things from me. Was this my punishment for being selfish? Why couldn't it have been the other way around?

"Oh," I gasped, my hands flying to my mouth as I tried to quieten my cries. I didn't mean it. Shame and guilt arrived just as fast as anger did, I certainly felt a roller-coaster of emotions, when would this heart wrenching feeling go?

"Daddy, I miss you so much, I'm sorry," I cried, looking at the ceiling. "If Jane was here, she'd tell me to talk to you. So…I'm talking," I laughed and cried.

"I love you so much and I'm so sorry for being so far…"

- - -/- - - -/- - - -

The sound of the heavy rain hitting the windowpane woke me from my restless slumber, I was not prepared for today and the gloominess of the weather made it all worse. As I dressed, I allowed my mind to think about Jane and how things would have been different if she had come with me. Would she be peppering me with kisses? Would she hold my hand as I cried? A soft knock at my door brought me out of my thoughts. A brief moment of panic washed over me, what time was it? It couldn't be that time already.

Picking my phone from the nightstand, I glance at the time and breathed a sigh of relief. I still had time. Seeing a text from Jane momentarily distracted me from my task and brought a smile to my face, it was amazing how one moment with Jane brought me so much light.

Jane: Good Morning beautiful. Just letting you know that I'm thinking about you and miss you. Be strong! I'll ring you after the funeral xox

With a smile, I sent her a quick text and walked to the door, my smile still present.

"You took your time,"

"Ian…"

"You didn't think I'd let you do this alone, did you?" He smiled.

"Why are you here? Ian, I thought that you…I thought that you understood that I wanted time alone," My hands flew to my chest as I spoke, my heart beating wildly, "I would have thought that after our conversation in my office…you'd…"

"think you'd be with Jane? Maura…Maura…Maura. If that was the case she'd be here and not me. Due to these difficult times I am willing to let that pass,"

"Let that pass?" My eyes widened in disbelieve.

"Yes, you're forgiven," he said and pressed his lips against mine, "now, you should really get ready or we'll be late,"

- - - /- - - - /— - - - -

The funeral was a small affair, no speeches were said, no drama displayed. His favourite song played softly in the background. My mother had not spoken a single word, not even to me. My eyes felt swollen with saturated grief and my shoulders slumped under the weight of death's hand, I would have laughed under different circumstances because I starred at death in the face on a daily basis but at that moment I couldn't do a damn thing. I only cried, I didn't even have the strength to snatch my hand away from Ian's grip. I didn't have the strength to stop his lips from kissing my cheek and as he guided me back to the black limousine, I didn't have the strength to fight, I just felt numb.

- - - / - - - - - / - - -

Jane, I made a mistake Jane. I needed you here. I feel so alone.

Seconds later a text message arrived,

Jane: Why? Ian's not enough? I can't believe you Maura. Is this why you didn't want me there? Were you just fucking with me the whole time? I thought you couldn't lie! That was a pretty shitting thing to do. I hope he makes you happy.

A/N: For those who didn't know:

A Cornish Pasty is a baked pastry made with meat and vegetables and it originated in Cornwall (U.K).

A Gypsy tart is a dish that consists of muscovado sugar (gives it a caramel-ish flavour) and pastry. It's super sweet and sometimes served with yogurt to balance out the sweetness. Before the United Kingdom turned their school food healthy, the dinner lady at my primary school used to force us to eat this everyday! Yuk!