A/N: Like always, thank you so much for your reviews/alerts.

So, I thought that Jane needed to have her say.

Chapter 5

My phone started ringing as soon as I walked into my apartment. It was two in the morning and I was glad to see my bed.

"Hang on," I shouted at my phone as I fished it from my back pocket, why'd I told it to hold on was a mystery to me. Like the person would know…Jane you're stupid sometimes my subconscious (that sounded a lot like Maura may I add), said.

I smiled at the caller ID, it was Maura, "Hey beautiful," I smiled. "I was literally just about to call you,"

"This is not Maura, she's having a shower and getting ready for her father's funeral…incase you've forgotten,"

"Ian?" I asked and glared at the caller ID, had I been so Maura deprived that I'd started hallucinating her call?

"Of course. Who else would be here by Maura's side during these difficult times? You?" he laugh. The bastard actually laughed! "You didn't think she'd go to London alone, now did you?"

"Ian, I swear to god if you harmed one hair on her head, I will find you and kill you!" I felt sick with anger, with shaking hands I carried on my threat, "Ian, you've got one chance…where is Maura!"

"Calm down Rizzoli. As I said, she'd taking a shower and I just wanted you to know that Maura's confusion over you is just that….confusion. She's not in love with you. It's actually pretty pathetic of you to chase after a taken woman. Poor Casey, does he know?" I could hear the grin on his face, "that's his girlfriend's a lesbian? Anyway, I've got to go. Maura's gonna need me," he said and I wish I could wipe that smirk of off his face.

"Fuck you Ian!" I shouted and slammed my phone onto my kitchen counter. I was shaking with anger and I could see red, I wanted to punch something so bad but at the same time I wanted to curl up and cry because my heart felt like it was breaking.

Tears streamed down my face at a rapid speed, I couldn't remember the last time that I had cried so much, my legs felt weak, I couldn't stand anymore. Ian calling me a lesbian didn't bother me as much as it would have years ago. Being a woman in a man's job had me exposed to name calling in relation to my sexually a long time ago, my skin had thickened since then but what bothered me was how he had brought Casey into it. I already felt like scum for feeling the way I did and Ian didn't have to dig that knife further into me.

But, loving Maura felt like life itself. Yes, I was aware of how dramatic that sounded but she brought the laughter in me, the sadness, love, need, want, lust and it made me feel like a better person. My mother had always told us that if life gave you lemons, you made lemonade, Maura was my lemonade. I still remember the first time Cavanaugh told us that a new medical examiner was being sent to us. When I had learnt that it was a woman named Maura Isles, my first thoughts were rude and probably condescending and now she was all that I thought about, she was all that I wanted. How'd it come to this?

I slid to the ground and wrapped my arms around my legs and just cried. My mind entered a state of depression that I hadn't been to in years. If being hurt like this by Maura was what it felt like, should I pursue it further? What if I got too involved? How would I survive it if I knew her more intimately?

I'm not sure how long I was sitting on the floor but it must have been hours because the sound of an incoming message brought me out of my self destructing haze.

Maura: Jane, I made a mistake Jane. I needed you here. I feel so alone.

She made a mistake? When? When she lied to me or when she went with Ian? Fucking hate Ian. Ugh.

My hands shook as I responded to her. I couldn't think of anything or anyone but the pain I felt. When the sound effect indicated that the message was sent an immediate feeling of remorse washed over me, had I over reacted? Was it justified? It was common knowledge that sometimes I over reacted but the anger I felt as I thought about Ian made me forget about Maura and her feelings. I was pissed, fucking confused, aching and pissed. She had begged me to let her go, stated that she wanted time alone, told me that she'd end things with him and then he went and not me!? I had the right to be angry, right?

"Fuck! I need a run," scrunching my hair up into a messy bun, I looked at Joe Friday and waved at her, "I'll see you in a bit buddy,"

Running always cleared my mind. During Hoyt's ordeal, running had been my salvation. Maura and I would get up at ungodly hours and run for miles. We'd run until our lungs burnt and exhaustion forced us to stop, I remember the times we'd literally crash on the ground and stare at the sky. Sometimes we'd lay so close that I could feel her body heat and often our pinkies would even intertwine. We'd never talk about those moments but I held them close to my heart, I think she did too.

/- - - -/- - - - /- - - -

"Frost! You, me and drinks at the Dirty Robber. First round on me," Frost always had my back.

"I can't tonight. I've got myself a date," he grinned as we walked into the precinct together. I'll take that back, I thought.

"A date? You never told me you were interested in someone,"

"You never asked. Besides, you've been off your game for the past few days and no offence but Jane….you look rough this morning," he told me.

"Ah, Jeez…Thanks Frost. You always know what to say…" I rolled my eyes and bumped shoulders with him. After my senseless run last night, I returned home to many missed calls from Maura of which none I returned. Maybe I was being selfish but unlike Maura, I had no-one to hold my hand. 'Well, you have Casey,' my Maura sounding subconscious said.

Ugh, Casey…"it's alright. I really need to speak to Casey anyways,"

"Oh oh, trouble in paradise?"

"Umm...something like that," I said, looking down at the ground to cover the shame that must have been plastered all over my face. "He's a great guy you know...but...you know what, never mind," I smiled at Frost and walked ahead to the elevator.

"You want Maura," he mumbled. It was so quiet that I had to look at him to see whether on not I had imagined it.

"Excuse me?" My brow rose.

"You want Maura. Come on Jane. You've got to give me some credit. I didn't become a detective by walking around with my eyes closed," he grinned.

"What...what're you saying?"

"I know about you two, the lingering looks you've shared and the constant blush on your faces when you're near each other…that and I kind of walked in whilst you and Maura were….ummm"

At least he had the decency to look embarrassed, I thought.

"I obviously ran out before you saw me and I saw more than I wanted to. I even thought I was caught when I ran into a table and made some noise but you thought it was just thunder," he awkwardly laughed, "anyways, what confuses me is why you're not in London with her instead of standing here with this kicked puppy look on your face,"

"Little more complicated than that," I shrugged. We stepped out of the elevator and walked to the short distance to our office space, "Ian's in London,"

"Then make it uncomplicated Jane. We've got a case and you need to be in the game," Frost stated, "and before you completely ignore my advice as you always do, talk to Casey. Tell him what's going on. Sort it out."

"Okay. And I don't ignore you Frost. You're my partner. I trust you with my life,"

He chuckled, "yeah at work you do,"

/- - - - /- - - - -

"Hey," I smiled as I stepped into my apartment. After speaking to Frost, I had taken his advice and called Casey. He was a good man and deserved nothing but the truth from me.

"Jane," he smiled and stood up to hug me, I loved his hug because they always made me feel safe…calm. "You sounded quite serious on the phone," he said. "Everything okay?"

I looked down and bit my lip, "No, it isn't,"

"Why don't I make us both a cup of coffee. We can talk over coffee," he smiled and kissed my forehead. He was so loving and loyal, in another time he would have been my happy ending. I followed him to the kitchen and sighed. I hated this.

"So, tell me what's troubling you," he smiled.

I sat on my kitchen bench, "I love you, I really do," I said, tears already welling up in my eyes. He smiled and nodded, like he already knew what I was going to say. Were we that obvious? "I've come to realise that I'm in love with Maura. I don't know how it happened and please…please believe me when I say that it wasn't meant to happen, I…I'm so sorry," I rasped, my throat felt like it was closing in on me as I tried to keep myself from crying. Casey on the other hand looked as hard as stone.

"Please say something," I pleaded, "You've not said a thing for ten minutes…Casey…" I cried and wrapped my hand around his, which he immediately snatched away.

"Damn it, Jane," My pain solidified as I watched his well trained face break into tears. We had known each other since childhood and not once had I seen him like this.

"I'm sorry," I choked and forced him to accept my hug, "I'm sorry," I kept repeating until his tensed muscles gave up and shook as he cried. We fell to the ground and just hugged each other as we cried for what it seemed like hours because the sun had disappeared. We cried over our failed attempt at a relationship, we cried over the memories that we had shared and cried over the future that we no longer had. My body shook as my cries increased, Maura, did we have a chance?

"Jane," he gently hushed and hugged me tighter. "You can't help who you fall for,"

Sitting up, I sighed, "I know but the hilarious thing is that I don't think she feel the same way about me," I cried, "she told me that she wanted time alone in London but fucking Ian is there!"

"Hold on. She told you that Ian was there?" his brow rose.

"Well no," I wiped my tears with my sleeve, "Ian called me from her phone and told me that she didn't love me because if she did I'd be there and not him," I said as my tears restarted.

"Come'ere," he mumbled and opened his arms for me, why was he being so nice? My eyes questioned him briefly, "come on Jane. I think we've been through enough together to support one another without being bitter about it,"

I accepted his response and shimmied closer to him until the protective force of his arms made me feel less shitty about my feelings, "I'm sorry again,"

"Jane, you've got to stop apologising,"

"Oh sorry," His eyes narrow playfully, "sorry," I repeated, this time through laughter.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but have you thought that maybe Ian just turned up at Maura's house in London without her consent?"

I shook my head, "Maura's a strong person. She would've kicked him out," I said. Who was I trying to convince? I had over reacted and this error probably caused Maura's overactive brain to think of the worse. I probably ruined us.

"Would you? If one of your parents had just died? Would you have the strength to do anything?"

"Umm…no…I suppose not," I looked at my hands, "god, I'm pathetic,"

"Jane, you've got to stop feeling sorry for yourself," he stated and stood up, "sitting on the floor and crying to me isn't going to get Maura on our side,"

I looked up at Casey, "our side?" I questioned him.

"All I want is for you to be happy…now let's come up with a plan,"

/- - -/- - -/- - -/- - -

"Good afternoon passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight SQ324 to London Heathrow. We are now inviting those passengers with small…"

"You want me to wait with you until you have to go?" Casey asked as we listened to my flight announcement, "I'm sure I could pull some strings and go through with you,"

"You've done more than enough for me Casey. I don't even know where to begin to thank you,"

"Jane, don't mention it. I thought that at least one of us should be happy," he smiled sadly and hugged me, "now, go and get her,"

I grinned from ear to ear and nodded. I'd later admit how terrified I actually felt when the adrenaline stopped but at that time I was buzzing. Glancing at my phone I noted how in nine hours I'd be in London and I hadn't even told my mother!

Thoughts of Maura entered my mind as I sat in the waiting room and waited, I hated waiting because waiting led to thinking and thinking led to questioning and questioning depressed me. Such as, was I doing the right thing? Maura had stopped calling me, maybe she had given up or maybe she was simply calling me to tell me how she and Ian weren't breaking up and that she didn't love me. That it was all in my head.

I breathed out a sigh of relief as the doors opened and the airport staff started asking for passports and boarding passes, I silently thanked god for the brief disruption from my own thoughts as I handed the air hostess my passport.

The loud blares of my ringtone caused the awaiting passengers to glare at me, "What? It's not like we're on the plane yet!" I grunted and fished for my phone, "Rizzoli," I answered, still looking at the glaring people and at the air hostess.

"Jane, it's Casey. You…plane,"

"Casey, you're breaking up. What did you say? Look, I've got terrible signal in here and I'm about to get on the…"

"JANE!"

My heart jumped several beats, that couldn't possibly be?

"JAAAYNE!"

My head turned so fast that I was pleasantly surprise to see it hadn't detached from my neck. It sounded like Maura but there was no Maura, I really needed some sleep.

"JAAAAYNE"

And then just like a mirage, I saw her and it took my breathe away, "Maura!"

A/N: I was going to do the "Did she get on the plane?" thing from FRIENDS when Ross went after Rachel but I decided against it. LOL.