"I think you should do it."

"I can't do it!"

"You can!"

Legolas heavily sighed, glancing up at Aragorn, who was ahead of him slightly. They argued in hushed whispers as they followed the stoney shoreline of a inky black lake. The game had been put on hold, since Saurman sent a flock of cock blockers to the scene, and the events turned worse from then on.

What was the worse was that on the snowy cliffs, Boromir practically had Pippin and Merry nuzzling at his teats. Legolas should have known that Boromir, or perhaps Frodo, would have been next on Pippin's agenda. What a sneaky little Hobbit he could be, playing a innocent and helpless victim...

Now, here they were, following a winding path to the Mines of Moria, he and Aragorn bickering about who Legolas should make a move on.

"If you kiss him," Aragorn's voice was almost inaudible there, "The Hobbits will take you much more seriously." He explained his plan.

Aragorn choose Gimli.

Legolas certainly didn't.

"Anybody but him." Legolas argued quietly. He really didn't want to kiss a dwarf.

Aragorn leant back and smirked a little. "Just think of it as a chin scratch!" He raised his eyebrows and then went ahead.

"That's what you're for." Legolas said under his breath, shaking his head and following Gandalf's lead to a large stone wall.

Gandalf murmured Elvish nonsense, and as the archway began to glow, he pressed his staff against the stone door, and Merry quickly inquired to Pippin, in a voice only Legolas' elf ears could sense, whether he could press his own staff against his doors. It didn't work for neither Merry nor Gandalf.

The Fellowship mulled around the dark clearing next to the glowing doorway to the mines. Aragorn was on high alert, just in case, but he was also attempting to prompt Legolas to give Gimli a smooch.

Merry and Pippin were actually not throwing rocks, because if they'd really confessed their love and sexual desires for each other, they'd be doing better things than playing with rocks. This saves us an episode with the Watcher in the Water. Anyways.

"Have you any idea who you're going to kiss next?" Merry asked, before quickly answering his own question. "Me? Oh brilliant I agree."

Pippin smiled gently. "Are you jealous?" He cocked his head to the side, eyes bright.

"Yes."

"Merry..." Pippin sighed and shook his head as he sat besides Merry, slipping his arm around his waist and holding him. "You know you're the one I love."

Merry frowned and remained silent.

"Besides, I thought you loved games?" Pippin urged with a friendly little smile which he nuzzled into Merry's cheek.

"I do." He stated, before thinking for a moment. "And I want to play a game with you."

Pippin's smile broadened. "Oh? What sort of game?"

"Every time you kiss somebody." Merry began his request, his eyes icy cold. "You have to kiss me too."

Pippin blinked a little. "Oh?"

"And I don't mean just on the lips." Merry explained, his eyes now gleaming with something that Pippin was all too familiar with.

"Fair enough." Pippin gladly agreed. "Fine."

"Fine." Merry echoed. "Shall we get started?"

Pippin raised his eyebrows, leaning in a little to Merry. "Hm?" He inquired.

Merry repeated. "Shall we get started?" Pippin still gave him a unsure glance. "Your next kiss?" He attempted to prompt memories.

"Oh!" Pippin exclaimed, before hushing himself, not wanting to cause the Fellowship to pay too much attention to them. "Yes, yes!" He purred.

"Hey, Frodo?" Merry called softly to the ring bearer, who acknowledged them with large eyes. He slowly edged over.

"Merry?" He returned the greeting rather skeptically, his look focusing on each of them in turn. "What is it?"

Merry didn't really know where to go from this point. But he wasn't going to let Pippin take the lead. He'd mess it up. "H-Haven't seen you in a while." He shrugged with a plastic smile. "How have you been?"

Frodo waited a brief moment, as if waiting for Merry to have another shot and say something more intelligent. "You've been spending an awful lot of time with just each other." He remarked. Frodo may have been innocent, but he was in no means stupid. Pippin blushed a little. "And I'm fine. As fine as can be, taken the circumstances."

Merry nodded, his arms folded together as he leant back, the broad smile still plastered on his face. "Aw, good, good..." He trailed off. Pippin glanced up at him, awaiting his next move. "Pippin and I have found the journey... To be like a bonding experience!" He announced to Frodo.

"I'm sure..." Frodo responded. He was always weary of his cousins motives. "Is that what you wanted to tell me?"

Pippin shook his head vigorously yet remained quiet. Merry spoke up again.

"We just thought we'd extend the bonding to you too." Merry offered.

Frodo looked at them again for an awkward amount of time, before speaking. "I'm good, thanks…" He made an effort at a polite decline.

Merry chuckled, which was also awkward. "Oh, come on," He encouraged. "We're family, cousins."

Pippin finally decided to join in, believing that things couldn't possibly be going worse right now. "Yes!" He chimed. "We are good friends!"

"Friends..." Frodo contemplated that very word. Merry and Pippin eagerly nodded still with their cheesy, plastic smiles. "It's a riddle..." He softly spoke to himself, glancing at the floor as he thought. "'Speak friend and enter'..." He whispered the encryption. "Gandalf..." He turned from the Hobbits. Gandalf lifted his head slowly and met Frodo's stare. "What's the elvish word for 'Friend'?"

Gandalf slowly cast his gaze against the prodigious stone wall. His lips twitched a little before he spoke. "Mellon."

As Gandalf delivered his line, the walls parted, revealing a dark abyss behind it. Gandalf seemed pleased, smiling as he brushed his senile fingertips against the gem of his staff to create a dim blue light. He stepped inside. The rest followed.

Gimli had began a mantra on his race as the fellowship crept cautiously into the mine. As Gandalf's light began to spread and touch the walls of the mine, Boromir spoke up;

"This is no mine... This is a tomb..." He murmured, as the realisation had only just struck him too.

Gimli descended into wails and cries of pain and sorrow. The Hobbits stumbled, trying to get away from the skeletons of the dwarves that lay defeated on the ground. Legolas pulled a spindly arrow from the ribs of the fallen dwarf. He glanced up and down it. "Goblins." He remarked.

Since we have no Watcher in the Water to deal with, the Fellowship lingered for a few moments to allow Gimli to weep, and then moved on. They walked through the mine, Legolas closely behind Aragorn again.

"Now is the perfect time." Aragorn suggested in hush to Legolas.

"For?"

"Kissing Gimli." Aragorn explained.

Legolas rolled his eyes and shook his head at the absurdity of Aragorn's request. "No." He firmly stated. "Now is the worst possible time for me to kiss him." He mouthed the last part.

"He's upset!" Aragorn attempted to convince Legolas. "Do you want to win or not?"

Truth be told, Legolas rather fancied the idea of losing to Pippin and dancing on Aragorn. Only a little bit, though. What was much less appealing was the fact that everybody would have to watch them. And Pippin and Merry would be so smug. Legolas exhaled heavily and then gave a nod of defeat.

Aragorn grinned. "You'll do it?"

"I'll try..." Legolas muttered.

Gandalf had lost his way. Or, he wasn't sure where to go next. Either way, the Fellowship had settled in one of the winding passageways of Moria. They sat on stone and crumbling walls, Legolas conveniently seated besides Gimli.

"Gimli?"

Gimli gruffed and tucked into some salted pork, which, if you think about it, cannot be very sanitary. Carrying meat around for days isn't safe, people.

"I'm sorry." Legolas continued after being ignored. He was ready to give up on this petty dwarf and just smack Boromir on the lips or something.

"Hm." Gimli huffed, before muttering, "Thank you."

Legolas smiled weakly. "It is true what they say." He began, not wanting to seem too kind unless Gimli suspects something. "The dwarves are brave and determined folk to make a home in such a vast area."

Gimli's shoulders jittered a little in a chuckle. "That's not a bad compliment, coming from an Elf."

"Is this Elf really that bad himself?" Legolas asked gently, leaning forward to face Gimli, there faces inches apart.

"Yes." Gimli grumbled.

Legolas smiled and laughed gently to himself. He glanced around his surroundings. Luckily, everybody who needed to watch were, and the others were paying no mind. "I wish to share with you... A tradition." He began. "That we elves do."

"Can't be difficult, then." Gimli muttered sourly.

"It's a representation of respect." Legolas explained. This was a total lie.

"Respect?"

Legolas nodded gently. "I respect your people. I hope you can have some for mine."

Gimli looked at him uneasily. "Respect for... Architecture...?" He asked.

Legolas nodded again, and smiled, amused by Gimli. "If that's what you can respect."

Gimli blinked and then agreed. "Aye. Of course. But dwarf architecture is much better..." He added.

Legolas was about to sigh heavily, but he refrained. He was close. "If that's what you think."

Gimli smiled a little, his lips partially hidden by a mass of ginger beard. "Aye." He nodded. "So what is this gesture, hm?"

Legolas puckered his lips. He closed his eyes, not wanting to witness Gimli's explosive reaction.

However, to his surprise, Gimli kissed him gently, and didn't say a word.