King Alexander's Challenge
As I took a long draw on my Byzantine cigar, the chief of intelligence operations, General Verkhenov, came bursting in. Startled, I nearly dropped my cigar right out of my mouth. "S-Sir! Our spy in Greece... Has vanished! He's gone off the map!" I pounded my fist on the side of my leather chair. Just my luck! "What?! How? I thought he was in no danger whatsoever! I trusted you to see this mission through, Verkhenov! Would you like to end up like the last intelligence chief?" Verkhenov was still panting like a dog, and my patience was growing thin. I couldn't afford to lose to the Greeks in this new space race. And the only hope of intel on their progress had simply been washed away. "B-But, there's some... Good news. Somehow, moments before he disappeared, he was able to digitally send us the info he had." I stood up out of my chair. Verkhenov was starting to sound more like he might live another few years. "Show it to me then!" The clumsy fool scrambled to get it out of his pocket, and lifted it towards me. "The Greeks... Have completed the construction of NINE spaceship parts? That is... Unacceptable! WE have nine as well! How... How did they manage to catch up so quickly?" Verkhenov straightened his tie, and replied, "There's more, Sir. Our spy also sent us an audio recording, regarding the Greek's technoligical advances as of late." Verkhenov brought out a little device from his pocket, and played it. "The Greeks, Sir, have yet to catch up to us in terms of technology. But their military, to say the least, is incredibly strong. We must keep our progress a secret, or they will surely launch a cowardly assualt to stop us. They are many years away from understanding the art of robotics, and I believe- Oh, no. They're here. Damn it... May Russia flourish under the leadership of Grand Prince Rurik...!" I paused for a moment, trying to process everything I had heard on the tape. "Order Moscow to build the next spaceship part, now. We have no time to waste." The Chief of Intelligence flashed a quick salute, and hurried out the door.
I checked my 1638 model pocketwatch, the one that was a gift from Chairman Mao. It was 11:08, and I was already half drunk, as per usual. "Oh, uh... Vladimir? Vladimir! Fetch me some of that Vodka from my fridge, will you?" Vladimir's real name was Vladimir Detrikhno, but I prefered his first name, since it was always my favorite. "Vodka, my Lord? Forgive me, but we are right in the middle of a heated space race with the Greeks! Aren't you worried? They are known for their top-grade scientists and their well-funded research, Sir." I snatched the vodka right out of Vladimir's hand. "Of course! I hate those damn Greeks. But, y'know, sometimes you just need to wind down..." Vladimir gave me a funny look, but changed the subject. "Well, seeing as I'm your foreign advisor, I'll suggest something. At least have the courtesy to listen." I looked up at him, from my Royal bathtub. "Yes, I am listening." Vladimir cleared his throat, which he always did before he said something important. "A trade agreement... with the Greeks... Might be a-" I stood up out of my bathtub, and proceeded to slap Vladimir. "Bastard! I will not speak to them as long as they try to compete with us! I could execute you for speaking such blashphemy." Vladimir said nothing for a few minutes. I half-expected him to run out the door or say he was sorry, but he did neither. "What I was going to say, Sir, was that maybe you could rig a deal, and offer it to them." I took a long sip of vodka before I looked up to face Vladimir. "Rig? I like the sound of that." Vladimir nodded, and explained the whole thing as I became more and more drunk. When he was finally done. I laughed loudly. "Oh ho ho! Great, just, just, that's a wonderful idea! Now, um... oh, y-yes, tell our new diplomat Zarunov to depart for Athens first thing in the morning!" Vladimir gave me another one of his funny looks. "Are you even in a state to make such decisions? My Lord, I don't think-" I stood up out of the bathtub, again. "Just... just go! There's uh, uh, little time to be... ah, wasted here... so go!" Vladimir finally gave me the peace and quiet I longed for. I stumbled onto the balcony overlooking my courtyard, and cheered, "P-people of Russia! We can... we can beat the Greeks in this, uh, space race! I am cer-certain, that we can win! All hail King- Gaaaah!" Suddenly the ground came up to meet me as I fell onto the courtyard steps.
"Ah, the King's awake!" I blinked my eyes open, unaware of where I was. "How will he react to the news? Does he even remeber last night?" I was practically blinded by the bright lights of the room I was in. "Am I... in a hospital?" A man standing by my bed nodded. "I am afraid so, My Lord. But more importantly, there is news regarding the decision you made last night." I blinked again, and searched my memories. "Oh... oh! The diplomat. I was drunk... How did it go? What time of the day is it, in the first place?" Another man walked in, appearing more official than the man standing beside my bed. "The diplomatic mission to Athens was a total success. We gave them our technology in exchange for theirs, how ever patheic it was." I sat up, and questioned the servant further. "So, what does that add up to?" The servant came closer, and smiled. How unprofessional! "Well, from the clues the new recruit was able to gather, they were feeling a little bit strong, with their new and improved military, and implied some shady intentions before our diplomat revealed the deal. But when he did, they ate it up like some starving dogs. They think the tech we gave them was priceless, when in reality we're still more than twenty years ahead of them, for sure. And I believe after that they were appeased, much to our relief. You wouldn't believe the panic that was spreading around duirng your 12-hour little knock-out period there. If it wasn't for the man acting in your place, I don't think it would've worked out." I paused. What did this man mean by that last part? "Acting in my place? Who did that?" The man answered, "Your foreign advisor, Mr. Detrikhno." I smiled too, even though I barely noticed it. "Well, I'll have to thank him later, I suppose." Another man walked in, dressed in a suit that only an offical from my court would wear. "But, we're not nearly out of the woods yet. The Greeks are still on our tail, and they still have the same number of spaceship parts we do. And I've heard from some other government officials that the Greeks know the deal was rigged, and they still have bad intentions. With all due respect my Lord, this is the worst time to get a swelled head." I slumped back down in my bed, and sighed, "Well, I guess we'll find out, then. And tell that new diplomat he's getting a raise!" The official nodded. and walked out. "Well, m'Lord, I think the doctors here can take care of you until you recover. Good health, King Rurik."