"So I stopped by the Library," said Lily on entering my establishment.
"And now here you are. Yes, reading our supposed stories tends to send people drinking," I smiled and looked up from the glass I was polishing.
"And I picked up this," she said, putting a book on the bar. I didn't have to look to know it didn't have a picture of that little creep Peter Pan on the cover.
"So… it has come to this," I said in grave tones.
"You know people outside of stories don't actually say stuff like…" I gave her a meaningful look that made her not even bother finishing that sentence.
"But you're not exactly outside anymore. And stuff like that just wants to be said. Dark and stormy nights want to happen. And don't even get me started on tall dark strangers…" I said. "There is no once upon a time – there is only now."
"And there is no changing the subject," said Lily, tapping the cover of her book lightly. "Now – start talking."
"Wrong genre. This isn't where I start talking – this is where you tell me your theories. Your deductions, if you will."
Having a hard time keeping a straight face as she realized where I was going with this. And it was only a matter of time before one of us said – in a very dramatic tone – that solving this particular mystery was elementary.
"Come on now," I said to Lily, "tell me who the killer is…"
"Queen of Hearts of course," she said, catching me by surprise. A glass slipped out of my hand and smashed on the floor, alarming everyone.
"You are good," I said, frankly amazed. I was. I was ready to believe she'll find her father before the week was out. That was until I saw how much my amazement amazed her.
"I'm sorry…" she said apologetically seeing my expression. "It was just a guess. Educated guess. She… didn't sound pleasant," said Lily.
"Off with their heads?" I said, managing to say those words without the familiar bitterness for once.
"Off with their heads," nodded Lily.
"Pretty big clue," I said with a smile. "And about the only thing in that book you can take seriously."
"Not the only one. It does mention a Tiger Lily," she said taping her finger on the cover of the book again.
"Ah, yes. A talking flower if I remember correctly."
"And there is a Lily that apparently went missing in Through the Looking Glass," said the doctor who until now gave the impression of someone who understood this was a private conversation.
"Right. I better set you straight before you start taking that thing too seriously," I said frowning at the slim volume of barely familiar tales. "It doesn't begin to cover how mad the Queen of Hearts was, it describes the Jabberwocky as a thing rather than a creepy witch locked up in a tower with a sword stuck in her abdomen, doesn't say that the Red Queen is a gold digger or what kind of weird voodoo the March Hare got up to…"
I stopped where I noticed the looks. All of the looks. I was pretty sure I talked about myself before this day, but I probably didn't get this specific.
Except – that wasn't it and I knew it. I never talked about Wonderland. Neverland was fine, I kept dropping anecdotes from Neverland whenever the talk died down a little. But Neverland was harmless in my mind, while the other place was more… Well, to put it mildly Wonderland was a land of my PTSD nightmares and talking about it out loud felt like summoning them.
"My mother told me you might want to talk about it," said Lily, breaking the strange silence.
"She did?"
"Well, you did keep dropping all kind of Wonderland comments lately," said the doctor still ignoring this was once upon a time a private conversation.
"I was?" I said not quite believing him.
"We had a lot of frabjous days," confirmed Lily. "And we spoke of many things..."
"That's what made me read it," said doctor Whale pointing at the book.
"You could have saved yourself the time. It's really not very accurate," I said in a weak voice. They didn't even answer, only gave me a look.
And by the way the rest of the customers tried their hardest not to look at me I knew they were listening. Of course they were. All those stories they trusted me with and here I was, finally getting ready to get one of my own out in the open – and not just any story either, my origin story.
"It's not exactly a fairy tale…" I started as something within me rebelled.
"Remember the last story I was telling you, about the time I was grave digging…" said the doctor, sending a clear message about my chances of talking my way out of this one.
"I was born in Wonderland. And one day I had to choose between running and losing my head. It's actually a pretty common story. We have a support group and everything…"
"But we never heard about it because…?" said Lily raising her eyebrows.
"It's a fight club kind of thing," said Will Scarlet from one of the tables. Adding a whole lot of credibility to something I actually meant as a joke.
I took a deep breath realizing that this was really happening. I was going to do that thing I usually only do to my copy of Alice's adventures in Wonderland. Set the record straight.
I was going to need a drink.
"Now wait just a second. Wasn't Queen of Hearts Regina's mother?" asked Lily suddenly in her I hope I remember this right tone.
"Yes…" I said, since that was no secret.
"Who just showed up here in town one day? And then…" she frowned trying to remember the complicated family history of the most heroic people in town. "Then… Snow White killed her, though technically Rumplestiltskin was responsible…"
"Oh yes. That. I like to remember it as the time I had to close up for a few days because I was busy hiding under my bed…" I said. And that was a funny story too – at least the way I could tell it once I got some alcohol into my system. But we were talking Wonderland and that meant there were rules.
Begin at the beginning, I thought unhappily as I poured myself a drink.
"Once upon a time…" I began uncertainly, "… in Wonderland…"
Some three hours later I finally stopped, feeling almost physically exhausted. But… better somehow. Not emptier as I expected. I felt how they must have felt, all the others needing to talk more than I ever needed to listen. I always had the feeling I was helping people, but now I knew how much difference being heard actually made.
"That was…" started Lily as my silence grew and it became clear I won't be adding anything. I came to the end, now it was time to stop.
"That was some scary stuff," said Will Scarlet who should have known better than anyone that scary was just how things were over there.
"We all have scary backstories," I shrugged. "Whatever gave people the idea that fairy tales are fun…?"
That for some reason got people moving. Apparently I got a pass tonight and got to close early. Before the clock struck twelve even... If I knew that's the effect it will have, I'd get talkative ages ago.
"So… How is it going with the other mystery?" I said turning to Lily who was now the last person left in the bar.
"Not great. I'm not really detective material," she admitted.
"Not everyone has the right mind for mysteries. And… you didn't even solve this one," I said waiting for her shocked expression before I grinned and said. "Elementary as it was. Anyway… Remind me to thank Maleficent. I would never even entertain sharing my horror stories if it wasn't for that little reminder," I gestured towards the book.
"And maybe it's just a case of not being as much of a mystery as you think you are," she said overly casually as she studied her nails.
"It's pronounced enigma," I said, pretending to be offended.
"Sure you are," she grinned. And started flipping through the pages of that far from accurate Wonderland book while I started to clean up the place.
"Right," I said a few minutes later, remembering that clean is very relative term. "Closing time. Time to go and look for footprints of gigantic hounds."
"I still can't believe you're not an Indian princess," said Lily shaking her head as she headed for the door.
"I'm pretty sure we have more than enough of those in this town. Personally I'm glad I wasn't asked to join the Princess club."
"Unless that's what you want me to believe," laughed Lily, "because you're not supposed to talk about Princess club…"
I gave her my best you'll never know look and proceeded to lock up the place. First early night I had since I freaked out that time Cora came to town… and Peter Pan and his band of juvenile delinquents showed up… and that time evil ice cream lady temporarily turned us all into rage monsters…
"What do people do when they have their evening to themselves?" I asked as we started walking down the street. I was sure I knew the answer once, but that seemed such a long time ago.
"Don't ask me. I'm still spending all my evenings trying to cope with the fact everyone is a fairy tale character…"
"You too?" I said with expression of wide-eyed surprise. And with that I said my goodbyes and went on my way.
Considering that we were just about due for a new villain the best thing I could do was spend a quiet night in – which in Storybrooke usually meant contemplating my life choices and making last minute changes to my will…
Sounded like a plan.