A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the support and reviews on the previous chapter! I am so happy to know that so many of you are enjoying this little AU. I have replied to everyone's review at the bottom.
And now, time for the second instalment!
Meredith carried her legs forward in long strides as she made her way through the hallway of Seattle Grace hospital. Her breaths came in short pants as she tried to reach her destination as fast as possible, her head filled with trepidation and all sorts of worst case scenarios. Lexie had not elaborated on the condition or the gravity of the situation over the phone, so naturally, Meredith's heart was in her mouth as she all but rushed to room 309.
"Lexie!" Meredith exclaimed loudly as she spotted her sister sitting on one of the benches outside the patient's room.
"Mer," Lexie murmured as she stood up from her seat and waited for Meredith to reach her.
"Lex, how is she? Is she alright? Did the doctor check her? What did the doctor say?" Meredith fired question after question at her sister in one breath.
"Meredith, Mer, calm down, calm down," Lexie said softly as she placed her hands on both of Meredith's shoulders. "Calm down and take deep breaths, she is out of the woods now."
Meredith breathed out in relief as she processed her sister's words. "She is fine?" Meredith whispered as relief flooded her entire body and she slumped down in one of the chairs.
"Yes, yes. She is fine, for now..." Lexie said as she sat down in the chair beside her sister.
"What – what happened?" Meredith asked as she struggled to catch her breath.
"I went to visit her this morning and when I got there, she was fine. But, as she was taking a stroll in the gardens, she suddenly collapsed and passed out. She remained unconscious even after we tried to wake her up, so we called up an ambulance and got her here. After the Dr. Thompson checked her, he said that she had passed out due to hypotension. Her blood pressure was extremely low, but it has been somewhat stabilized now. Dr. Thompson said that for now, she will be alright, but if her condition of severe hypotension continues, she has the risk of having a stroke, a heart attack, kidney failure and bowel ischemia..." Lexie trailed off, sighing loudly.
"Oh my God..." Meredith murmured as she pressed her palms to her lips and let the words set in. After a minute of silence, Meredith said, "Did the doctor say anything else?"
"Yeah, he said that the medicines that he has prescribed should be given to her at proper time and without fail, and special care has to be taken so that she drinks enough fluids and takes enough salt in her diet..."
"Oh," Meredith mumbled as she stared at the wall in front of her. Her head was swimming with all the news she had just received from her sister, and her thought process had turned cold.
"Did you – did you call Dad?" Meredith asked after a while, averting her eyes from the wall.
"Yeah, I did. He should be here soon..." Lexie answered softly.
"Okay," Meredith said as she remained lost in her thoughts.
"Mer, what are you thinking?"
Meredith breathed out loudly as she looked up at her sister. "Nothing...I just – this is all my fault, you know. I insisted that she should be kept at Roseridge, and now...Of course, they don't take proper care of her there, and I don't know why I expected them to," Meredith murmured guiltily.
"Mer, this is not your fault. You wanted what was good for her, and you don't know if all this happened due to negligence..." Lexie trailed off uncertainly.
"Lexie, please, don't try to sugar-coat things for me. Do I not remember what the doctor said to me? He said that best care could be given to her at home, but I was so busy and engrossed in managing my own life that I shipped her off to a nursing home. And now, now she is suffering from severe hypotension, which could lead to a stroke or heart attack! Basically, she could have died today, and that would have been because of me!" Meredith exclaimed as tears pooled in her eyes and she buried her face in her hands.
"Mer –"
"No, Lexie. She could have died today and that would have been because of me! And, on top of that, I didn't even go to visit her today! Can you believe what kind of a horrible, disgusting person I am? I couldn't shoulder her responsibility, so I shipped her off to a negligent nursing home, and to top that off, I didn't go to visit her today so that I could go to the library! I went to the library, Lexie – I chose mere books over my own mother!" Meredith ranted as she kept her face buried in her hands in shame.
"Oh, Mer..." Lexie whispered as she rubbed Meredith's back in an effort to soothe her. "This is not your fault. Why do you always blame yourself for every bad thing that happens? So what if you didn't go to meet her one day? It could happen to any of us..."
"No, no it couldn't. My mother – my own mother who gave birth to me, is sick, she is sick and I don't even go to visit her. This is why she didn't want me, you know? Because I am the horriblest and most irresponsible daughter in the history of the world!" Meredith cried as she covered her mouth with her palm and sobbed.
"Meredith, it's not like that at all. You are an amazing daughter, that's why you are still taking care of her even though she didn't want you. And let's be honest here, Mer. You kept her in a nursing home because of my Mom, not because you wanted to. And don't even try to deny that," Lexie said firmly as she wrapped her arm around Meredith and pulled her sister into a side hug.
Meredith continued crying as she let Lexie hug her crabwise. This was why she loved Lexie so much – Lexie was her support when she needed her, Lexie was her confidante and best friend who always had her back. "Thanks, Lex. Thank you. I just – I needed a moment there, I guess," Meredith said as she let out a shaky breath and wiped her wet cheeks with her sleeves.
"Don't blame yourself for her condition, Mer. We both know that with the disease she has, these things are bound to happen, no matter how careful we are," Lexie said, still rubbing Meredith's back with her palm.
"I know, I know," Meredith murmured uncertainly, feelings of guilt still lingering deep inside her heart. She knew that Lexie wouldn't understand how guilty she felt at the moment, even though Lexie was practically her soulmate. There were some things that other people can't understand, no matter how well they know you.
"Do you wanna go and see her?" Lexie asked, placing her hand on Meredith's shoulder.
"I – yeah...I should, I should go and see her," Meredith said, more out of obligation than out of love.
"Okay. I will wait here. You go and see her..." Lexie said as she gave Meredith's shoulder a tight squeeze.
Meredith nodded as she got up from her seat and gave Lexie a small, wan smile to let her know that she was okay. With that, Meredith walked over to the door of room 309 and pushed it open, her heart sinking heavily as she walked inside.
"Mer...Mer, wake up," Lexie shook Meredith's shoulder gently as she tried to wake Meredith up from the deep slumber she had fallen into.
Meredith moaned softly in her sleep as her eyelids flickered. Lexie gave another gentle push to Meredith's shoulder, causing Meredith's eyes to snap open all of a sudden.
"Huh – What? What? Is Mom alright?"Meredith asked as she jolted out of her sleep and tried to ascertain what was going on around her.
"Mer, your Mom is fine," Lexie said softly as Meredith saw Ellis lying asleep on the bed in front of her and breathed out in relief.
"Oh, oh...I thought that..." Meredith tailed off as she settled back in the chair beside Ellis' bed and rubbed her eyes wearily.
"Mer, you have been sitting here all day...You should take a break now," Lexie said as she watched Meredith stretch her body slightly.
"No, it's alright. I am fine here. What time is it? And where is Dad?" Meredith asked as she rubbed her neck to get rid of the crick that she had acquired by falling asleep in the chair.
"It's 7:30 p.m. Dad went down to the cafeteria to get something to eat, and I think that you should go too. You have been sitting in this chair since morning and you haven't even eaten anything. Get out of this room and grab a cup of coffee and something to eat. Go home and take a shower. Just get out of this room. You need to breathe in some fresh air after taking in the sterile, stale air of this hospital all day..." Lexie ordered firmly.
"Lex..." Meredith grumbled as Lexie tried to shove Meredith into a standing position.
"Mer, you will fall sick like this. What will happen if you go away for a couple of hours and freshen up a bit? Nothing is going to happen to your Mom, she has been stable for more than 8 hours now," Lexie said in a persuasive tone.
"But – "Meredith tried to protest.
"No ifs and buts. Meredith Elizabeth Grey, you will get up from this chair right now, or I will shove you out of it," Lexie threatened with a deadpan face.
"But, what if something happens to Mom while I am away? What if her pressure fluctuates again, like it did a few hours ago?" Meredith tried to reason with her sister.
"That is not going to happen. And even if that does happen, you are not a doctor, so you are not going to be able to help her in any way. There are enough skilled doctors and nurses in this hospital to take care of her if any complications arise. Now, get out of this room," Lexie ordered in a grave tone.
"But, Lexieeee..." Meredith murmured.
"No, Meredith. I refuse to let you sit in this cramped up hospital chair all day. Go and get yourself a cup of coffee, if nothing else. Dad is down at the cafeteria too, so you can sit with him and talk. Go," Lexie said in an annoyingly high-pitched voice, making Meredith sigh in defeat.
"Fine, Grandma," Meredith said with a huff as she finally got up from the chair and stretched her body properly for the first time in hours.
"Good, now, I will sit here till you come back, so don't bother to down your coffee in one gulp and rush back here. Take your time, and don't come back at least for 20 minutes," Lexie said with a triumphant smile as she sat down in the chair.
Meredith threw her sister a supremely annoyed look as she turned around and grabbed her bag from the bedside table. "Fine, but call me if something happens."
"I will. But, nothing will happen, so, go and take in some fresh air. And food – have some food, or you're going to end up in a hospital bed too," Lexie said as Meredith stuck her tongue out at her. "And stop making faces at me, it isn't going to help you in anyway," Lexie added, laughing.
Meredith smiled at her sister one last time as she pulled the door open and stepped out of Ellis' room for the first time in hours. Walking slowly in the corridor, Meredith felt her stomach rumble and her back ache. Deciding that Lexie was right, Meredith carried her feet towards the cafeteria to grab something to eat.
Entering the bustling cafeteria, Meredith went to the counter and stood in the line while mentally debating about what to order. Her eyes roved around the crowded room in search of her father, but she failed to spot him. Lexie had said that her dad was down in the cafeteria, but Meredith could not see him anywhere. Where had he gone? Maybe, he had gone somewhere else for a little quiet, since there was too much hustle in the cafeteria anyway.
"A mocha latte and a roast beef sandwich," Meredith said when her turn finally came. Within minutes, Meredith's hands were occupied with her tray of food as she turned around and navigated her way through the crowd of tables.
She spotted a quiet, isolated table in the far corner of the cafeteria and decided to go and sit there. After the emotional rollercoaster that she had ridden that day, she needed a little peace of mind to gather her thoughts that were running all over the place.
Meredith reached the table and deposited her food tray on it. Then, she placed her bag on one of the chairs and sat down in another. Lifting the Styrofoam cup that contained her coffee, she took a sip of the beverage and breathed out in relief. God, she could not thank Lexie more for sending her down there – she had indeed been in dire need of coffee.
Sipping the coffee, Meredith grabbed her bag and opened it to rummage for something inside. After a few minutes of rummaging inside, she finally found the small black notebook that she had been looking for and deposited it on the table. Opening the notebook, Meredith took out a pen from her pocket and started scribbling down on a blank page of the notebook – her diary.
Meredith didn't exactly remember what had urged her to maintain a personal diary in the first place, but that little black book had been Meredith's companion since she was nine. Since then, Meredith had poured her heart out in that diary's pages. There was no incident of her life that hadn't been recorded in the diary, and Meredith always carried her little friend with her everywhere she went. A saying goes that paper is better than people and Meredith believed wholeheartedly in it. Writing in her diary was catharsis for Meredith and she didn't know what she would do if her diary was ever taken away from her.
She picked up her sandwich and took a bite as she started writing –
12th June, 2006
7:45 p.m.
So, today started out really slow, but ended on a real whirlwind. I went to the library quite early in the morning to catch up on some reading, and skipped out on my weekly visit to Mom. Lex went in my stead, and I can't describe in words how much I regret missing my weekly visit to my mother. Mom passed out due to low blood pressure during Lexie's visit and she was admitted to Seattle Grace Hospital immediately. I can't word what my condition was when I received the phone call from Lexie, telling me that Mom was in the hospital and I needed to go there soon. As soon as I received Lexie's call, a tremendous amount of guilt and regret hit me like a ton of bricks. I hated myself – no, I still hate myself for choosing to go to the library instead of visiting Mom. I mean, who does that? Who chooses books and reading over their own mother? Apparently, I do. I feel shitty and scummy for being so irresponsible, and even though Lex gave me a good five – minute speech about how it was not my fault, I still can't help but feel guilty about it. I mean, yes, I might not have been able to prevent what happened to Mom, but I could have been there for her like a good, responsible, dutiful daughter. But, I wasn't – I wasn't there for her. And even after I arrived in the hospital, I was worried – I was genuinely worried for Mom, but I just couldn't feel that daughterly love that I am supposed to feel, you know? And that makes me feel even crappier, because I am supposed to love my mother with all my heart, no matter what. But, my point is, I don't. I do love my mother, but I don't love her the way a good daughter should. I wonder sometimes, if anyone else in my situation would feel the same way. I mean, how can I love my mother after what she did? Her actions were not of a typical mother either, so how can one expect my actions to be that of a typical daughter? How can I love my mother when I have proof that my mother doesn't love me? Or rather, didn't love me, since I doubt that she is in the condition of loving anyone anymore. Mom –
Meredith was in mid-writing when suddenly, a loud noise drowned out the cacophony of the cafeteria and resonated within the walls of the room. The loud ringing noise caused Meredith's head to snap up promptly as she watched the people preparing to rush out of the cafeteria with utmost haste. The characteristic bustle of the room was replaced by an exigent, desperate rush as the serving lady came forward and started to urge people to evacuate the cafeteria quickly.
"Please leave the cafeteria immediately and evacuate to a safer place. There is a fire in the West Wing of the hospital, and I need you to leave sooner than the wind," the lady shouted at the top of her voice as the noise of the fire alarm kept drowning out the sudden exigent hustle in the cafeteria.
Meredith looked around frantically as she shut her diary and picked it up in one hand and picked up her bag with the other. Looking at the throng of people rushing towards the exit, Meredith got up from her chair quickly and hurried towards the exit among the crowd of people.
"Move, people, move!" someone screamed from the back as Meredith tried to navigate her way through the number of people scampering towards the exit.
"Sorry," Meredith murmured as she bumped against a middle-aged woman.
"Look where you are going, girl," the lady remarked angrily as Meredith jostled against another person.
"Shit! I am so sorry..." Meredith whispered as she bumped against another man who had been rushing toward her, and the diary fell out of Meredith's hand. Meredith looked down to see the little black notebook lying on the floor a few feet away from her, but before she could bend down and pick it up, a forty something man came toward her and grabbed her elbow.
"Mam, please get outside now. It's not safe here anymore," the man said urgently as he started dragging Meredith by the elbow.
"Wait! My diar –"Meredith started saying as the man dragged her by the elbow.
"Mam, please. You have to get outside now," the man repeated without listening to any of Meredith's words.
"But my –"
"Hello, madam, please move out the exit and don't crowd the hall," someone hollered, drowning out Meredith's voice.
"Hey, listen, I dropped my diary!" Meredith exclaimed as she looked back to see the notebook lying on the floor and getting trampled by people.
"Forget your diary, save your life first," the man said as he tightened his hold on Meredith's arm and dragged her out of the cafeteria along with the other people, all the rush and cacophony drowning out Meredith's concerns about her diary. And soon enough, flames engulfed half of the cafeteria, giving rise to a wild commotion in the crowd gathered outside.
"Mer!" Lexie cried as she spotted Meredith walking towards her from the other end of the corridor.
"God, Mer! I have been looking for you all over the hospital. I heard the fire alarm and..." Lexie said as she ran over to Meredith and threw her arms around her sister's neck.
"I heard that there was a fire in the West Wing of the hospital, and my first thought was that you're in the cafeteria..." Lexie whispered as she hugged her sister tightly. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, Lexie. I'm – I'm fine..." Meredith whispered as she hugged Lexie back in a daze. She was still in a shock after everything that had transpired around her. It had all happened so fast, it had been an entire whirlwind. The commotion, the mad rush to get out of the cafeteria, the flames swallowing up the cafeteria, people crying for their loved ones in the ER – all of it had been like a blur for Meredith. She could still not completely digest the fact that in a single day, she had had to face the risk of losing her mother and the risk of dying herself. And, Meredith still had no idea where her father was...
"Lexie, where is Dad?" Meredith murmured suddenly as she pulled back from the hug. "You said that he was in the cafeteria...and I couldn't see him, Lexie! And now the cafeteria has been burnt down to ashes! Where is Dad?" Meredith asked in a frantic and desperate voice.
"Mer, Mer, calm down. Dad is absolutely fine; he came up just minutes after you left for the cafeteria. He went to look for you about ten minutes ago, when the fire alarm rang. We have been looking for you like crazy ever since we heard the alarm. I can't tell you how glad I am that you are okay," Lexie said as tears of relief pooled in her eyes and she locked Meredith in a tight embrace once more.
Meredith breathed out a relieved sigh as she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her sister. She was glad that she was okay – and alive too. She had been so close, so damn close to death – the cafeteria had burnt down only a few minutes after her escape. She had seen the flames lick the glass walls of the room from without, and she had only felt grateful that no one had been trapped within.
"I know, I am happy that I am alive too..." Meredith whispered as Lexie pulled back from her and gave her a once-over.
"Are you really okay? You are not hurt anywhere, are you?" Lexie asked solicitously as she checked Meredith's arms for any signs of burns.
"Yes, Lex. I am completely okay. I made it out of the cafeteria just in time," Meredith said as some of the reality set in and she regained her senses.
"Good, that's good," Lexie said as she draped an arm around Meredith's shoulder and the duo started to walk back towards Ellis' room.
"Has the fire been extinguished fully?" Lexie asked Meredith after a minute of silence.
"Yeah, yeah, it was extinguished fairly quick. But, there are still a number of casualties down at the ER, and I think they lost a few patients too," Meredith said, feeling sympathetic towards all the families that had lost their loved ones in the fire.
"That's awful. I – my heart goes out to them, but I am still glad that I didn't lose you today..."
Meredith looked up at her sister and gave her a small smile as they reached the benches outside the patient's room and Meredith slumped down on one of the chairs.
"You stay here. I'll get you some water," Lexie said as she observed Meredith's dazed state.
Meredith only nodded in response and Lexie walked away to get fetch the water. Leaning against the backrest of the chair, Meredith closed her eyes and pictured the scene downstairs for a minute. All the people who had been crying and screaming and mourning over the death of their family members – Meredith's heart ached for them. How unimaginable it must have been for the bereaved? Seeing their loved ones alive one minute, and having to identify their dead bodies the next...
"Meredith!" A loud and familiar voice caused Meredith's eyes to snap open. Looking up, Meredith saw her father rushing towards her.
"Dad," Meredith murmured as she got up from her seat and came forward to give in to her father's affectionate hug.
"Oh, thank God that you're safe," Thatcher Grey whispered as he hugged his daughter in relief.
Meredith remained silent as she kept her face buried in her father's shoulder. After a few good minutes, Thatcher let go of her and asked, "I went looking for you – I and Lexie were so worried, honey! You're alright?"
"Yeah, Dad, I am alright...I met Lexie. She just went to get some water for me..."
"Oh, good, that's good. After Lexie comes back, you and she are going home," Thatcher said in a firm yet gentle voice.
"What? No, Dad – Mom, she is here. She is going to stay here overnight, and someone needs to stay with her in case she –"Meredith protested.
"I will stay here with Ellis. You and Lexie are going home right now and that's final," Thatcher said firmly.
"But, Dad...Susan, she is – "
"I'll talk to Susan. I'm sure that she will understand the need of my presence at the hospital tonight. You and Lexie have been here all day, and after what just happened, I won't let you stay here for another minute."
Meredith sighed and tried to protest weakly, but her protests went unheard by her father. Having no more fight left in her body after the entire day's exhaustion and weariness, Meredith gave up and agreed with her father.
Meredith and Lexie walked out to the lobby of the hospital together, preparing to go home for the night. As they reached the lobby, Meredith suddenly stopped and caught Lexie's arm.
"What?" Lexie asked, taken aback by Meredith's abrupt halt.
"Lex, I – I just remembered that I need to do something before going home. You know what? You go and get in the car and I'll meet you there in a minute," Meredith said quickly and walked away before Lexie had the chance to ask any more questions.
Carrying her legs towards the Lost and Found office of the hospital, Meredith stopped momentarily before entering room 109 and approaching the desk.
"Um – excuse me," Meredith said softly.
"Yes, Mam, how can I help you?" the woman seating behind the desk asked her in a polite tone.
"I – I lost my diary today...In the cafeteria, when I was rushing out during the fire. Can you –"
"Mam," the woman cut in, "Most of the cafeteria was burnt down during the fire. I don't think that your diary was saved..."
"I – I know that," Meredith said and continued, "But, please, can you check once? I know that the odds of someone picking up the diary during the mad rush are zero to none, but still...Please? It was a small black notebook – it didn't have a name on it, but what are the chances of another person losing the same diary on the same day? Can you please..."Meredith trailed off as she gave the woman a pleading look.
The woman sighed loudly and said, "Fine. I'll go and check if I can find your diary in there." With that, the woman got up and walked inside the closet where the 'lost and found' items were kept.
Meredith waited patiently outside as she tapped her foot against the floor. After about five minutes of rummaging, the woman came out of the closet with a smile plastered on her face and a black diary in her hands.
"Here...Looks like your intuition was right after all," the woman said kindly as she handed the diary to Meredith.
"Oh, thank you! Thanks so much for finding it," Meredith said with a grateful smile as she looked at the black cover of the small notebook and hugged it close to her chest.
"Sure, anytime. Have a good day, Mam," the woman said with a smile.
"You too," Meredith said as she shoved the diary into her bag without bothering to check it and walked out of the Lost and Found office. Now, Meredith could finally go home.
What neither Meredith nor the woman at the desk knew was that, in the stack of the 'lost and found' items kept inside the closet, there was another little black notebook stowed away.
A/N: Another little black notebook?! Yep, I gave you a puzzle to solve, so put your thinking hats on and guess away...
I hope you liked this chapter giving more background about Meredith's family.
Please review and let me know what you think and when to update!
A reply to the reviews –
Patsy – Thank you so much for reviewing, Patsy! I'm glad you love this :) I hope you got the answers to some of your questions in this chapter...
bhavyam1998 – Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am so glad that you are liking this story! More is on the way :)
Ellen – Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm so happy that you like this AU of mine...I would have gladly answered your question about whether Mer is in college or med school, but it'll come up in the story soon :) So, stay tuned!
MerDer2015 – Thanks for the review! I'm glad you think so...Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!
Jill – Thanks for the review! I'm really happy to know that you are interested in reading this...More is on the way!
RhizOneill – Thank you! It gives me great pleasure to know that you think so! :)
msnovelist – Thank you for the review! I love books too, and Anna Karenina and Pride and Prejudice are two of my favourites too! I haven't really thought about the virginity topic yet, but it'll come up sooner or later...Stay tuned!
HPGREYSFAN2291 – Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm extremely happy that you think so about my story and my writing! Yes, it was Derek, as you assumed correctly...But, I have a lot more planned for these two in this story, so stay tuned! Thanks!
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Dora – Thanks for the review! I'm so gratified to know that you think so...I did aim to write about something no one has ever written about MerDer before, and I'm extremely happy to know that people are liking it. Hope you liked this update :)
snv3 – Thank you for the review! Hope this update answered some of your questions! I can't wait to get to the core of this story too! :)
Cheryl – Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so glad that you love this story and this MerDer so much! I'm truly grateful to you for leaving the wonderful reviews, and I sincerely hope that you enjoyed this update as well! :)
Guest #2 – Thanks for the review! I am glad that you are loving this story and the bookworm Mer! More is on the way!
Brenda – Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad that you love it. Hope you liked this chapter! :)
Guest #3 – Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm delighted that you love my spin on MerDer. I can assure you, I have a lot planned for this story, and I'll keep writing as long as people are reading, reviewing and enjoying. Thanks!