A blank ceiling above, a cold hard bed below and dry itchy blankets all around; military life at its best. Garuru replaced his visor over his face and arose from his bunk. Placing his feet on the hard ground with a thump, he plodded off to the cadet barracks to look for slackers. Garuru had been assigned to a local military camp to aid in the training of new recruits, before he would later be moved to his new position he is being given along with his three rank promotion. The higher ups hoped he would be able to whip the rookies into shape as well as keep an eye on any potential defectors. He knew this was due mostly to the actions of his younger brother but he did not wish to dwell on the thoughts.

When he exited his private tent he could hear the sound of the recruits practicing drills, as well as the periodic whistle from the drill sergeant much more clearly. Kicking the dusty ground as he walked, Garuru approached the tent flaps of the rookie barracks. Pausing before going inside he listened for any sounds that were out of place. Slipping quietly inside he walked quietly as he looked for what he knew he would find. Lo and behold, a few bunks down there they were; four rookies playing cards as they blew off their training. Garuru crept up behind them silently, his visor gleamed as sunlight from a tear in the tent glistened off them making him look like a wolf in the shadows. He cleared his throat loudly, making almost a growling sound. The cadets screeched in fear and surprise.

"Why did I know you were gonna be here Derere. I see Pororo, Kepopo and Zululu are with you as well." he looked from one recruit to the next with scrutiny.

"L-lieutenant Colonel Garuru… Wh-what are you doing here?" cadet Derere asked, he tried hiding the playing cards that Garuru had long since seen behind his back.

"Each and every one of you should be ashamed of yourselves. The Keronian army is the pride of our race and here you are goofing off instead of training to be great soldiers in this army that you should be honored to be allowed to be a part of." Garuru scolded them and then looked at Zululu in particular.

"And YOU. I expected more of a future medical officer. The lives of many of our soldiers will be in your hands one day, do you really think goofing off like this will help you save lives on the battlefield?" Garuru tried to keep his voice down, anger rising slightly in his throat as he imagined all the potential lives that could easily be lost due to an incompetent medic.

"I want all of you out there training and practicing your drills on the double! Do I make myself clear?!" Garuru laid into them.

"SIR YES SIR!" they responded loudly, they bolted for the door as fast as they could. Exhaling deeply he slowly followed their fleeing forms out of the barracks tent.

He watched as they ran off towards the training grounds where the rest of their unit was hard at work. Deciding to check a few more tents and locations for recruits playing hookey he wandered all around camp before going to check on the recruits at drill practice.

They must have traded off because one half was resting while the other ran the course. The three he scolded were currently on the course pushing as hard as they could. He glanced around at all the recruits, some were exhausted whilst others looked ready to jump back in. He stood watching them all carefully for quite some time, before he knew it the cadets were relieved for the time being. He watched them disperse, seeing some gripe and complain as they walked away and some began their own training regimen.

From the corner of his eye he caught Zululu and her friends standing off alone chatting away. He walked over towards them and spoke with Zululu.

"I suspect that Pururu is expecting you right now?" Garuru asked the little white frog. She nodded her head and spoke.

"Yes sir, my friends were just about to escort me there."

"Nonsense, if anything they should be practicing more to make up for skipping. I shall escort you there myself. Come along." Garuru turned on his heels without giving her a chance to refuse him and headed off towards the medic tent, Zululu following behind him. They walked in silence most of the way, the only sounds aside from their footsteps was Zululu messing with her hat nervously. Like many of the recruits she feared the Lieutenant Colonel, the horror story of how he killed his younger brother and his lover in cold blood was often told around campfires by the young impressionable rookies.

Garuru noticed her fidgeting but chose not to say anything, he knew the recruits had always been afraid of him but lately they were even more so. He didn't let it bother him but something was gnawing at him from the back of his mind and in the pit of his stomach, perhaps he was ill… He was determined to find a cure.

As they approached the medic tent Garuru let Zululu go ahead of him, she ducked under the partially open tent flap and greeted Pururu whom sat at her desk deep in thought.

"Oh hello Zululu sweetheart, I was wondering when you were gonna get here. Lieutenant Colonel Garuru what a surprise. It's good to see you, how are you feeling today?" Pururu brightened as she noticed the two of them.

"Good day to you too Chief Medic Pururu. I feel in tip top physical condition thank you very much for asking." Garuru spoke very formally as he saluted Pururu, she waved her hand signalling to Zululu.

"Darling will you go and inventory the supplies please? I need to have a word with Garuru here." Zululu acknowledged her and then set off to work in the back room of the tent. Pururu smiled at her as she went, when she left the room her face turned sour as she looked back at Garuru.

"Now tell me how you REALLY feel. I know you didn't come here to escort my assistant for no reason, what's the matter Garuru." she knew he had bluffed to keep himself from appearing vulnerable in front of the recruit, but she still didn't appreciate him lying to her. He hesitated before speaking again.

"My apologies, it's just…." Garuru paused trying to explain his situation. For a while now he had been experiencing strange aches and pains within himself, unsure of what could be causing it he had decided to seek medical advice. Pururu looked at him inquisitively as she awaited his answer.

"I've been feeling off lately. It's like my whole central nervous system is irregular. My chest starts to feel heavy and my head aches as well. I need to know, am I ill?" Garuru asked Pururu.

"Hmmm well when did this all start? Have you been getting enough rest? Is there anything you're doing when it happens? Even if it seems unimportant I need to know." Pururu waved her pencil around as she spoke, when he seemed like he was ready to speak she readied a notebook to write in.

"It's fairly recent, and most often it's when I awaken in the morning. I don't remember dreaming about anything and there's nothing in particular I can think of doing when it happens." Garuru replied, Pururu swiped her pencil across the paper and paused; another lie. She looked at him sharply.

"Really? No idea what so ever? Surely there must be something. And with that clear as crystal brain of yours I'm sure you can remember if you dreamed about something." Pururu lowered her pencil for a moment and closed her eyes, she aimed to compose herself. After a few moments she looked at him again, a sad look on her face.

"Garuru I need you to be honest with me, this isn't like you. I can't help you if you lie to me. If you use logic it would be much easier to get to the bottom of things if you're upfront about things." Garuru pondered what she said for a while, then after thinking logically as she had suggested he decided being honest would be the most effective choice. Thinking long and hard he tried to figure out what caused his strange symptoms as well as when it started.

"I guess it started a month or so ago?" Garuru thought carefully as he spoke, trying to pick as many important details from his thoughts as he can.

"As for sleep I get the same amount as I always have." Pururu thought long and hard at his responses.

"Well I'd say your nervous system is fine. So no worries on that, and you don't seem very ill physically. Give me just a second." Pururu pulled a calendar from underneath a stack of papers on her desk. Flipping back a month she looked intently at the dates. Her eyes widened as she realized something very important.

"Have any of your family members experienced similar symptoms? Your father perhaps? Or maybe….. Your brother?" Pururu watched Garuru closely when she mentioned his brother, as she expected he stiffened slightly when his brother was mentioned.

"N-no. not that I have ever heard, father has only ever been in peak physical condition." Garuru responded, completely leaving his brother out of the conversation and acting as though Pururu hadn't mentioned him. Pururu wrote in her notebook, noting his deliberate avoidance of his brother.

"Could you have picked something up from a foreigner? What kind of races have you been near? Vipers? Or maybe Pekoponians?" yet again he stiffened.

"I've been around no foreigners recently." Garuru answered distinctly. TECHNICALLY he wasn't lying, it's just that his and her ideas of recent were very different.

Pururu sat and watched him quietly for a moment. He fidgeted back and forth ever so slightly, if she didn't know everything she did about him she probably wouldn't have noticed his odd behaviour. But she noticed, oh how she noticed. Spinning her pencil around with her fingers she hummed thoughtfully as she tried to think of how to explain things delicately.

"Garuru… I… You aren't going to like this, which is precisely why this is such a big deal." Pururu sighed deeply and then pointed her pencil at him again, and this time spoke much more sternly.

"Look, you aren't sick and you aren't dying or nothing like that. It's nothing medical, it's psychological. You're starting to develop FEELINGS." Garuru stood there still and silent for a long time, as though she had been talking to a stone.

"Excuse me?" He asked, not completely registering what she had said. Pururu sighed yet again and sat back in her chair, picking up a file she began flipping through it.

"The shock of killing your brother and her Pekoponian lover- and believe me there is a shock you just didn't notice it, has caused you to start feeling emotions. Like regret, guilt, sorrow, anger, etcetera." Pururu placed the file on the desk again and looked at him with soft eyes.

"It's not a bad thing Garuru, but if you don't talk about it with someone it could damage your mental state." Pururu pleaded with him. Garuru scoffed and turned his back on her.

"Ridiculous. Look Chief Medic, if you don't know what's wrong with me then just say so. I don't need any of this wishy washy crap. Now if you'll excuse me I have work to do as do you." Garuru walked out of the tent leaving Pururu yelling his name from inside behind him.

Garuru walked around the camp, purposely avoiding the medic tent each time, barking orders here and there at cadets and officers alike.

"That's enough slacking off! Back to work! The lot of you! Anyone wasting slacking off will find themselves court marshaled with a dishonorable discharge! Do I make myself clear?!" Garuru bellowed as he walked through the camp.

Stopping to get a drink of water from a his canteen, he dumped some over his face. Resting his hand against the wall of the watershed he looked at the ground as he refilled his water supply. Staring at his shadow he could only think of the backs of every Keronian he'd ever met. When his mind rested upon the thoughts of his younger brother, he threw his canteen angrily at the ground. He stood there for a moment irritated. And that was just it, Garuru WAS irritated. He had never been angry or irritated once in his life. Now he kept thinking of all the others he had never bothered to think of before, he stopped to pick his canteen up again and paused in a crouched position, canteen in hand. He punched the dirt firmly with his fist, sending a spray of dark musty earth spattering through the air.

"DAMMIT! What is wrong with me?!" he shouted loudly.

He stood back up in a huff, refilled his canteen and stalked off towards his tent. As he walked he kicked the ground, scuffing up clods of dirt and kicking some of them through the air like soccer balls. When he reached his tent he noticed a few cadets standing next to it, looking at him meekly.

"Lieutenant Colonel Garuru Sir? We umm….. We just wanted to ask if everything was ok? You don't seem quite like yourself today sir. I-if you don't mind us asking." a timid girl cadet spoke first.

"If there's anything we can do sir say the word." a green boy cadet spoke proudly as he puffed out his chest.

Garuru studied them closely, a few were obviously weak and needed a lot more training before they would be of any use to the army whilst one or two of them looked like fine able bodied soldiers already. He pointed at the weak ones one after the other.

"You, you, you, and you, go practice your drills on the double. If you can improve your condition to meet my approval that will be more than enough." he pointed to the two strong ones "You two help them train, they could use a good coach to push them beyond their current limits. That will be all, dismissed." Garuru slipped inside his tent after they saluted him and walked off to do as he commanded. He went and sat on the edge of his bed, and stayed there for quite some time in silence.

He tried to keep the thoughts away, clearing his mind kept them at bay for a short period of time but they eventually kept coming back. Frustrated he began to pace furiously around the tent, muttering to himself. Round and round he went, just like the thoughts in his head. Did he do the right thing? Was duty truly more important than family? Would things have turned out differently if he had let them escape? Garuru froze, What if he had HELPED them escape? What then? He shook his head furiously trying to scramble the thoughts like eggs in a frying pan.

With a roar Garuru threw himself to the ground, instead of wasting his time standing around he would work out his stress. Furiously he began to do push ups. After about 300 of those he moved on to sit ups. Sweat glistened off his visor, as he worked his little frog body as hard as he could, counting as he went.

"199, 200, 201, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210." When he reached 300 sit ups he moved on to planking. Maintaining this regimen he kept pushing till the sun began to go down.

Garuru had no appetite, so he did not go join the others at the mess hall for dinner. Instead he wandered just outside of the camp to a short grassy hill. He stood there silently and watched the sun as it slowly reached the horizon. The wind gently caressed his skin, he inhaled deeply and felt himself relaxing a little as he let his breath go. The light reflected off his visor making it shine and glisten, he stretched as he felt the cool grass beneath his feet.

He stood there in solitude for quite some time, and just when he had thought his strange thoughts had finally left him alone, they were there in the forefront of his mind. He scowled as he ran through the events he had gone through with his brother. He remembered when they were young Garuru was always the favored child. His younger brother wanted to be like him, he looked up to his older brother and aspired to be just like him. Garuru always tried to help his younger brother polish his skills, but without handicapping his younger brother to rely upon him. He had taught him everything he knew about the guns and weapons he had loved so much, he remembered that as well as all the training their father had put them through.

Garuru had often seen his younger brother bullied when they were kids, but instead of stepping in and dealing with it himself, Garuru used a different approach. Often times Giroro would come home, cuts and bruises decorating his arms and legs like badges. No matter how hard he tried Giroro couldn't stop sniffling and rubbing his tears away with his dirty grubby hands.

"Why are you crying?" Garuru asked from behind his book of tactics and aiming techniques.

"I'm not crying." Giroro huffed with his cheeks stubbornly puffed out.

"I'm not blind, Giroro." Garuru dropped his book onto the table and turned to his brother. "If I can shoot a bug from miles away I can see the water on your cheeks. As well as hear your blubbering when you're only a few feet away."

"They said mean things." Giroro kept his eyes away from his inquisitor. "It made me angry, but I couldn't beat them." Eventually deciding to keep his eyes on the ground Giroro hung his head.

"You're right to hang your head. You're weak if you let them get to you like that, both physically and mentally. Father has trained you to protect yourself as a fighter, but only you can make your mind strong." Garuru scolded him and advised him at the same time. Giroro looked up slowly as he pondered his brother's words.

"But they always win." Giroro stated. Garuru rose from where he was sitting and walked over to his brother.

"They always win because you let them. You let them get in your head which messes with your fighting. If you can keep your head clear, I know you are more than strong enough to defeat them in a fight." Garuru nodded his head matter-of-factly as he crossed his arms. Giroro looked at him for a while before wandering off to his room for the night.

For the next few weeks Giroro continued to come home with new bruises and scrapes but after a while he stopped crying. Eventually his bruises lessened till one day a month or so later.

"Garuru! Big Brother Garuru! I did it! I did it Garuru! I beat them!" Little Giroro burst through the doors yelling as he ran straight for his older brother. Garuru did not turn to face him or acknowledge him. He merely spoke.

"Of course. I knew you would eventually. Your pride as a member of this family demanded that you do so." and with that Garuru walked off.

Thinking back on those days Garuru wondered why he hadn't been more proud of his little brother for standing up for himself. Another pang in his stomach made Garuru clench his teeth in discomfort. He turned his head back towards the sun again and tried to clear his thoughts. His back was turned but he still heard the footsteps coming up behind him. He turned to see Pururu approaching him.

"Chief Medic Pururu. What are you doing here?" He asked.

"You weren't at dinner with everyone else so I was worried about you." Pururu explained as she came to a stop next to him looking at the setting sun.

"I'm fine. Just… thinking." Garuru spoke as though he was far away, buried in a land made entirely of his own troubling thoughts.

"Have you gotten anywhere?" Pururu asked, trying to coax a response that would lead him down the correct path.

"I keep thinking about every Keronian I met on the battlefield, friend or foe. The ones I've killed and lost. People I never used think about keep coming back into my mind." Garuru paused as he turned to look at Pururu "I...I keep thinking about my brother."

Pururu waited for him to continue, he turned back towards the sun again. He let out a shaky breath before he began to speak again.

"I can't help but think that maybe, I had let them go, or helped them…" Garuru paused, not knowing how he had intended to end that sentence. "I think-" Garuru began, but Pururu cut him off.

"No. No Garuru you don't think, you FEEL. These strange thoughts and physical pains, they're feelings." Pururu tried her best to explain but Garuru shook his head trying to deny her words.

"There's no way that's possible. I am the perfect soldier, unthinking unfeeling, it's who I am. Why would that change now? Out of everything I've done, why NOW?" Garuru clenched his fists in frustration, another emotion he denied feeling.

"You want to know why now? After all these years?" Pururu asked him looking at him firmly. He nodded silently.

"Because like a dam you've been holding your emotions behind a wall unable to even acknowledge that they're there. But they are, they always have been." Pururu placed her hand on his shoulder.

"But why are they surfacing now?" Garuru questioned again.

"Think about it Garuru, what's the one thing you keep coming back to?" Pururu guided him carefully. He stood for a moment thinking long and hard, there were many thoughts he kept coming back to. His comrades, his enemies, his…..

"Brother…" Garuru finished the thought out loud. Pururu nodded silently as she waited for him to continue. "It all started, when I… Killed my brother and his lover." Garuru lowered his head as he began to realize what Pururu had been telling him all along.

"You're brother's death is the drop of water that caused your dam to overflow." Pururu explained.

"No. it wasn't my brother's death. If he had just been killed it may not have been so.. painful. But the truth of the matter is that… I killed him. No one else pulled that trigger. It was me."

Pururu looked at him with a sad expression. In the distance the cawing of some kind of bird echoed through the evening sky.

"I don't want this. These emotions, these…. FEELINGS. It's so strange." Garuru waved his arm through the air as if brushing his emotions off a table. Pururu grabbed his arm.

"Believe it or not, it's not a bad thing Garuru. Everyone else lives with feelings and emotions and we all do just fine." Pururu stared deeply at Garuru's face. He looked at her for quite some time.

"Let me help you Garuru. You don't have to be afraid of these feelings. You just have to let go. You have to forgive yourself." Pururu placed her hands at her side and looked down at the ground.

"I'd like that." Pururu's head shot up, her eyes met Garuru's. Not the large yellow visor, but his eyes. They were soft, sad. A lot kinder than she had expected, but they still had a touch of an edgy sharpness she had come to know in Garuru's personality. He replaced his visor and turned his attention back to the setting sun, almost completely swallowed up by the distant hillside. They stood there in silence and waited for the sun to finish setting. Garuru's heart was heavy from the loss of the one dearest to him, but it became a little lighter knowing that Pururu was there to help him fight this new battle. As the sun fell behind the hills, and a bird flew beyond the clouds, Pururu slipped her hand into Garuru's. Gently he squeezed it once, like regret squeezed his heart.

THE END