Chapter 3: Shoe Hunting
Okies weeeelllll I must have another disclaimer so I shall not be sued for the two hay pennies I own and my llama and my beans... Soooooooo... Idon'townLOTRandInevershall...That wasn't so hard... falls down. Oon tooo the storyyyyy...
PS to those of you who know... (which is only one person who really gets this...) SPAM IS KAWAII!
PPS AND SO IS AIR!;P
We are back for another round of Extreme Pointless! Will our contestants please step forth? Captives are shown, and Legolas, Gimli, and Frodo are unconscious and have to be rolled out by the orcs.
Thank you, but will someone please wake our guests? They won't want to miss this challenge!
Orcs get buckets of ice cold water and throw them on the unconscious. The three awake screaming in surprise.
Well, now, we can finally get started you sleepy-heads! I bet you're all dying to find out what our next challenge is, right?
Everyone: "NO!"
Good! Well, if you'll look over to your left, you'll see a hill type tarp and under it, the next challenge awaits you! Sfillioumirnsokm (pronounced Norman), if you'll remove the covering! As the orc removes the tarp... Our third challenge is... Shoe Hunting!
Complete silence descends the group as utter confusion sets in on all... including the orcs who are so stupid, they don't even get that hand sign on how to tell your left hand from your right, let alone get the meaning of this pointless game.
I take it that from the looks on all of your faces that you have no idea what to do, right? Well, don't worry, I'll explain. In this pile are your shoes, or for those of you who don't own any shoes, we assigned you some. All you have to do is find your pair before anyone else finds theirs. The winner gets an extra bonus surprise!
"What is it that the winner gets?" Pippin asked suspiciously, remembering Boromir's winning surprise.
Hey, that's why they call it a surprise. You'll find out if you win... or maybe you'll find out even if you don't win, hey we'll just have to see! Now, you'll each get handed a photo of the shoes you're to find... you have half and hour to find them... and just so you know, there are 1, 275, 037 shoes in the pile, so good luck and START!
"WAIT!" Frodo called out, "We haven't gotten our photos yet!"
Well, you might want to because now you only have 27 minutes left!
The "contestants" ran to the orcs and grabbed a photo. Gandalf tried to analyze the picture while Pippin jumped headfirst into the pile of shoes.
Coming back up, he yelled, "Eww, disgusting, it smells." Then dived back in. Everyone else took a good look and stared tossing shoes everywhere.
A few minutes later, Aragorn held one arm victoriously up in the air. "I've found one!"
Good, now keep going or you won't win!
With the glaring eyes of everyone else on him, including the orcs, who by the way, were picking up random shoes and trying them on, he went back to looking for the other shoe.
Gandalf was picking up the shoes one-by-one and looking them over then putting them down in an orderly fashion, he's only gotten to 12 shoes. Pippin was still somewhere in the pile, probably dying of suffocation. Merry had abandoned the shoe search to look for Pippin. Sméagol was crawling over the pile looking at the shoes but not picking them up. Legolas was daintily picking up one shoe at a time and flinging them out of his way. Gimli was hacking at the pile with his axe. Frodo was looking at three shoes at a time and tossing them away, inadvertently hitting his friends.
This went on for another 20 minutes. Everyone except Merry, Gandalf, and perhaps Pippin, he was still lost, had found one of the shoes they needed. Then at 2 minutes and 23 seconds left, Aragorn called out.
"I found it! I've got both shoes! What do I get, besides outta here?" He held up both shoes and looked at (?) the faceless announcer guy.
Well, it does seem like you won, and it doesn't look like you cheated, so your parting gift is... the lovely Éowyn! The rest of the group looked over at Aragorn, waiting to see what he would do.
"I can't accept this! I'm married to Arwen!"
Oh well, looks like Arwen will just have to make room for Éowyn, because, dude, you're stuck with her. It's in you contract.
"I never signed a contract!"
Of course you did. I myself saw the forging... I mean signing. So now you must take her with you.
Grumbling, Aragorn took an unhappy Éowyn by the wrist and stomped off, muttering under his breath, "Arwen is going to kill me."
The curtain fell, Pippin's feet still sticking out of the pile.
Time for everyone else to go back to their cells... I mean their rooms. Come back next week for another rendition of Extreme Pointless!
A/N: Ok, I know some of you guys are going to try to kill me for Legolas. I heart Legolas, but you've got to admit, he does make a good drama queen. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! ahem Anyway, that's all folks. So long and good night! Til next time. Auf vidersein, farwell, sayonara, au revoir, adios, bye-bye, see ya, and GOTTA BLAST!