Chapter 4: Middle-Earth Idol
A/N: Well, I was wondering, what random thing could I have them do in this chapter. Then the answer came to me… A Middle-Earth rendition of American Idol. It was so brilliant. I thought, all I needed would be the songs and someone to play Randy, Paula, and Simon, but I got stuck with these three… well read on and find out who…oh and I took a hint from RiseAgainPhoenix, I shall now only update during the week. Too many people do it on the weekends. Oh and I highly recommend her trilogy Alphonso the Ring, Alphonso the Ring II, and Alphonso the Ring III. Oh and I recommend mbus55 Things as They Should Be: By Legolas.
Disclaimer: All of the LOTR cast belongs to JRR Tolkien and whoever else owns the rights… And the songs used in this chapter are not mine either…blah, of course, if LOTR was mine, well, let's just say Extreme Pointless is a walk in the park compared to what I'd do to them Muahahaha! Ahem Anyway, back to our regular programming…
PS: I really need to thank Draco's Daughter for sticking with me…she and CD Anders, but CD, ya don't need to be recognized, you're my bff, you would read my fics, even if I didn't force you!! But seriously, thank you Draco's Daugher!! You gave my first good review!! And to you, Navaer Lalaith, you gave me my first flame!! You may have flamed me, but I shall write on.
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Welcome to another day of Extreme Pointless. Today is a very special day! Today, you our viewers get to decide what you would like to see everyone do!! Bring out the contestants!
Sméagol led the others out.
"Oi! What are we doing today?" called Pippin, sounding rather excited, surprisingly. His tone of voice earned him a glare from everyone else.
Well, I was just getting to that! Let's let our viewers decide! There are three choices! Walking a tightrope, Karoke, or skydiving! You choose! Just call 1-999-EXTREME! Again the number is 1-999-EXTREME! Call within the next ten minutes and let's see what you've chosen!
Ten minutes later:
Okay, we've let you decide what you think they should do, Grflicdhtsk-skiiethnd (pronounced Dexter) Put up the polls!
A chart appears and the bars read: 6 for tightrope walking, 27 for skydiving, and 67 for karaoke.
Looks like we have a winner, folks! Karaoke contest it is! And now we must give the contestants a few minutes to put their songs together. In the meantime, enjoy this commercial break!
Three orcs appear onstage and began a very complicated tap-dancing routine. Well, at least, it would have been complicated except that because they're orcs and couldn't handle anything above an IQ of -6, it wasn't. Actually it started out pretty good, until the first beat, then they started bumping into each other and falling over.
Okay, well that's enough of that, I believe that our viewers have had enough of your… er… dance, if that's what you call it. The orcs limped offstage, glaring at each other and hitting each other. Well, our contestants have chosen the songs of their choice, and here is contestant number one… Gimili with the song… "It Happens Every Time" by Dreamstreet?
Gimili walked onstage with a mike in his hand and when the opening came on, he got a glazed look in his eyes.
"'Can you hear the music playin'? Can you feel the rythym swayin'?'" I believe everyone in the audience was too dumbstruck to boo or anything… "'This is the sound of dreams come true. And I can promise you that you are the one and only, and I'm the lost and lonely. We are the perfect dream come true, and I can promise you that I hear a silly love song in my heart. It happens every time when I see you. It happens every time when I think of you. It happens every time. Oh it's magic when we meet. Baby, down on dream street…'" Slowly everyone regained conciousness and started booing.
Ahem, yes, well, it looks like you're done for now, Gimili. Gimili reached behind for his axe when he realized that it was still in the clutches of whoever was running the show. Judges, what do you think? Three orcs are sitting at a table in front of the audience (where they came from, I don't know… Perhaps I should make it a habit to lock doors…) The orc on the far left gave some indistinguishable grunts, promptly answered by the middle orc, a female. (Here's another thing I don't know: How to distinguish male orcs from female… but somehow, it's a female) And then all three started grunting at once.
Ok, well you heard them. Even though I can't understand Orcese, I don't need to in order to know that that stunk! You lose! Back to the cell for you… uh, I mean room. Anyway, here's our next contestant, Gandalf with his rendition of "Witchy Woman" by The Eagles!
Gandalf strolled onto the stage, past Gimili who was muttering under his breath in Dwarfish. "Ahem, if you please, let us begin."
Music started playing and Gandalf bent his head low. "'Raven hair and ruby lips sparks fly from her finger tips Echoed voices in the night she's a restless spirit on an endless flight wooo hooo witchy woman, see how high she flies…'" Just as he was about to get into it, the female orc started grunting something. The music cut and Gandalf was annoyed.
"Obviously, you wouldn't know talent if it came up to you and hit you in your face then started dancing in your eye." He walked off without another word.
Oookaaay… Well, here's our next hopeful, Sméagol singing "Ay Amor" by…Anna Gabrielle?
Hobbling onstage, Sméagol hissed in his normal raspy voice, "It's pronounced Ah-na Gab-rriel, precioussss."
He took hold of the mike and threw it back. "Sméagol don't need this." As the music started, he, like Gimili, got a strange look in his eye. Then in a clear tenor voice "'Te encuentro de nuevo Me inquieto y no puedo Fingir te da lo mismo Tu paciencia frente a mí Frente a mí Miradas casuales Que aumentan latidos Yel tiempo se hace corto Si te tengo junto a mí…'" (how he can sing in a tenor, another thing I don't know) The audience was dumbstruck by the beauty of Smégol's singing voice. Until the song ended, no one said, or grunted, a word. After he was done, Sméagol took a short bow and crawled offstage. After about 30 seconds, the entire audience and orcs burst into cheering.
Well, that was perhaps the best singing we've heard all day, of all people…er…hobbits…er creature, and in Spanish! I think that we might already have our winner, but we must hear everyone else's. Dumb contract…Here's Merry with "Change the World" from the hit anime, Inuyasha.
Merry walked up muttering to himself. "Why did he have to go and sing a song in another language? Now everyone's gonna think that I copied off of him."
May we please get on with it?
"Whatever," Merry huffed. "'I want to change the world kaze wo kakenukete nanimo osorezu ni
ima yuuki to egao no KAKERA daite Change my mind jounetsu tayasazu ni takanaru mirai e
te wo nobaseba kagayakeru hazu sa It's wonderland…'" It would've been good, if anyone else had been singing it.
The audience cried out, "Bring back the dwarf!" Merry stopped before the music did, burst into tears and ran off.
Umm…okay. Well, here's Legolas with "Dancing Queen" by Abba.
Legolas strolled onstage in an outrageous, purple and green sequined 80's outfit, Complete with bellbottomed pants and a v-cut long sleeve with the cut all the way down to the middle of his chest and purple platform shoes. "Would you please begin? My fans are waiting." Somewhere an orc sarcastically grunted and music started. "'You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen Friday night and the lights are low Looking out for the place to go…'" Legolas isn't a very good singer anyway's, but what didn't even get him through the first verse like the others: his dancing! A cane appeared and pulled him out off the stage. Everyone cheered at this.
That's something I never wanted to see. But moving on! Here's Frodo with…er…are you sure this is right? Oh, well, here's Frodo singing "Oops!...I Did It Again" by Brittany Spears. Get the cane ready…
"Hey, I resent that!" Frodo yelled, walking up. The music started. "'yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I think I did it again I made you believe we're more than just friends Oh baby It might seem like a crush But it doesn't mean that I'm serious 'Cause to lose all my senses That is just so typically me Oh baby, baby…'" Again, the cane came and everybody cheered when it took Frodo away.
Okay well here's our final contestant, folks! Pippin singing "Pippin's Song" from the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Soundtrack? Is it legal to sing your own song? It is, well, okay then. Come on up, Pippin!
"Umm, okay, here I go," Pippin said nervously. "Home is behind The world ahead And there are many paths to tread Through shadow To the edge of night Until the stars are all alight Mist and shadow Cloud and shade All shall fade All shall…fade." Quietly, he bowed his head as a tear slid down.
Suddenly, the crowd stood up in a standing ovation!
Through a gruff voice, the faceless announcer said No contest! Pippin is our winner Sniffling, he or she regained their composure. And we have a going away present for you!
Looking up, Pippin asked what, slightly wary. It's your very own karaoke machine! Now get out of here so I can go cry… I mean, get ready for the next show. Grabbing his new karaoke machine, Pippin ran. Until next time, remember that here, it's always random…he starts sobbing, That was so beautiful…
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A/N: Okay, this chapter is my least favorite, I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong with it… if anyone finds anything wrong, please, in your review, tell me so I can fix it!! Thank you for you time…Until we meet again, "Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I should say goodnight 'til it be morrow." I love Shakespeare, anyway, until my next pointless chappie!! I love you all!! Oh and before I forget…TAYLOR HICKS WON AMERICAN IDOL!! Jumps around hysterically I'm so happy. I think he deserved it!! Hee, I just had to get that out…oh well, bye bye all!
A/N about A/N: Oh, my goodness… It's been a while since I wrote this chapter… I'm really sorry I didn't post it sooner so it would be along with current news… but if it makes you feel better, Taylor Hick's CD is out… I guess it's kinda in sync with the time…not really…no…please review anyway, even if it's to comment on my idiocy on not updating for, like, ever.