"Well… It didn't go, er… exactly as planned…" Sirius said thoughtfully in reply to Joanna.
"So it wasn't the restful vacation you'd hoped for, then?"
"Restful? It was about as far from restful as you could get!" James exclaimed, "It went… It didn't… It was a- a-"
"Complete disaster?" Remus offered, looking up from his book.
"Exactly!"
"Remus didn't have the best time… but it wasn't actually that bad. I wouldn't call it a complete disaster…" said Sirius.
"That's because none of the disastrous things happened to you!" James countered.
"What went wrong?" Joanna asked.
"Try everything," Remus said, "Every little thing that could possibly go wrong, went wrong."
"Like what?" Sirius asked indignantly.
"Hmmm, well let's start with your brilliant idea…" James said.
"Apparently the government no longer authorizes portkeys going overseas. And it was much too far to apparate."
"Yeah, and so Mr. Intelligent here decided we ought to take muggle transportation instead."
"I admit it wasn't one of my more genius ideas, but still…"
"Actually, the plane ride itself wasn't that bad. It was getting onto the plane that was the problem."
"Speak for yourself," Remus moaned, still clutching his stomach at the memory.
James rolled his eyes, "Well sure, I prefer broomsticks but…"
"Tell her what happened at those security things!" Sirius chortled.
"You wouldn't be laughing if it'd happened to you!"
"Yes I would."
"Well you won't be laughing anymore when I hex you into oblivion!" James threatened.
"Alright, alright! Just tell her!"
"Well, I had a wizgidget in my pocket and this alarm thingy got set off. So then all these guys came running with these muggle versions of secrecy sensors and they started poking me all over and everyone was staring at us."
Sirius laughed heartily, "And they were about to find a picture of Lily that was in James's back pocket when Remus levitated it out. You know, because it moves and all, they would have had to have their memories modified if they'd seen it."
"Then we thought we were late for our plane, so we ran all the way to there only to discover it'd already left," James continued.
"Only to then discover we were at the wrong gate and we had to run all the way back to the other end of the airport," Remus said with a small chuckle, "That part was a bit funny, really."
"But then," James persisted, determined to prove the horror of their trip, "our plane was three hours delayed!"
"And then Peter got lost," Sirius sniggered.
"Yes, he went to the bathroom and he didn't find his way back until we were about to board."
"He did find a nice selection of muggle candy, though."
"But it didn't make up for you guys almost leaving without me!" Peter spoke up.
"For me it did," Sirius said with a shrug. Remus flicked his wand, gluing Sirius's tongue to the roof of his mouth.
"After that," James pressed on, "We had to sit for hours and hours on a plane."
"A very bumpy plane," Remus put in.
James laughed at Sirius who was violently shaking his fist at Remus and attempting a complicated sort of sign language. "And Sirius had to sit next to Remus," James translated, "That was probably the only downside to his entire trip."
"Well next," Remus said, eager to stop talking about the plane ride, "we had to stay in this awful hotel."
"They had bedbugs!" James exclaimed, shivering in repulsion at the memory.
"And we got in big trouble," added Peter.
James grimaced, "It was full moon," he elaborated, "The whole room was pretty much destroyed," James rounded on Sirius, "And, of course, this git here had to call room service before we finished cleaning up!"
Sirius let out a strangled sort of gasp and gestured furiously at Remus. "I think he's saying he was trying to get me some food," Remus said watching Sirius energetically point at his mouth.
"Either that or he wants you to unglue his tongue," James said, "And anyway, he wasn't getting you food! He was ordering himself butterbeer! Which, as it turns out, muggles don't have!"
Joanna couldn't hide her amusement. "Is that everything?"
"No!" Remus and James said unanimously.
"Peter got a terrible sunburn!" James exclaimed.
"It still hurts!" Peter added, "I haven't been able to lie down properly since!"
"And then," Remus said darkly, "James and Sirius tried to play quidditch."
Even with his tongue confined to his mouth, Sirius still managed to express his opinions on the utter hilarity of that situation.
"What happened?" Joanna asked eagerly, obviously enjoying the tale.
"Well, first off, five muggles saw us."
"They got in even bigger trouble than when the room got ruined!" said Peter.
"Then… well, we only brought brooms with us, no equipment, so we were using coconuts as bludgers…" James hesitated.
"It exploded all over him," Remus said.
"Yuck," Joanna laughed, "I was wondering what that smell was!"
"You can still smell it?" James asked dismally, sniffing at his arm.
"We ended up switching plane schedules around so that we could go home early," sighed Remus.
"But we couldn't just have a relaxing plane ride home, oh no! Sirius had to bring back souvenirs!" James said furiously, "And he put them in my carry on!"
"What kind of souvenirs?" Joanna questioned.
"Well, lots of food, for one, and it turns out they won't let you bring any fruits through customs. If you have some, you have to declare them and obviously I didn't know I had any, so I didn't declare anything and when they found Sirius's stuff, they yelled at us for about an hour and they weren't even going to let us through until Remus did something that made them forget about us."
Remus blushed, "Technically, you're not supposed to modify memories unless you're authorized, but it was an emergency and it was only a small modification."
"Yes, and good thing he did or they might never have let us back into the country. Sirius also bought something from the magic market. Really dodgy place, all these old witches with rotting teeth shoving shrunken heads in your face... Well, anyway, whatever it was, it came with maggots," James covered his mouth with his hand and looked as though he might be sick.
"They weren't just any maggots!" Peter added, "They were magic!"
Remus laughed, "I doubt they were magical maggots. Actually, they were probably just skrewtworm larvae."
"Just screwtworm larvae?" Joanna exclaimed, grimacing, "Well, what happened with them?" .
"They ate all of James's stuff. And they were just plain gross."
"They ate all of it!" James cried, "All of it!"
"At least your broom wasn't in there," Remus said comfortingly.
"All I can say is I'm glad we're home!" Peter exclaimed.
"I'm thrilled! That was the worst vacation I've ever been on in my entire life!" James emphasized, determined to conclude the story of utter horror on a final terrible resounding note.
Sirius, who had finally managed to get Remus to unlock his tongue by yanking his book out of his hands and making gestures with his wand that unmistakably said he was going to burn it, clearly felt it was his turn to express his views on the trip.
"Well, I for one enjoyed it! You should see your faces! You must have had a terrible time!"
"Oh, very observant," James scowled.
"Well, I'm sorry if you didn't but..." Once he had finally mastered his gales of laughter, Sirius stood up for the effect and announced to the entire population within a ten mile radius of the headquarters, "I had the best vacation ever!"
A/N: Hope that chapter was ok... I seriously was really busy, but I know that's not a good excuse, lol. The next few chapters I already have written so it should go more quickly.