Disclaimer: See previous chapter
Half
Song - Send me an Angel by Real Life
-()-
Ikari Shinji, former pilot of Evangelion 01, sat in his room on his bed by the window. The dull moonlight shone in on the normally depressed youth as he continued to stare outside. Normally, he would be lying down in bed, with his SDAT in his ears dulling him to sleep with its music. But this night, he found that he was unable to sleep or even relax. And this was quite opposite to the night before; when he had slept the most peaceful sleep he ever has in his life.
With Ayanami Rei on his lap...
That was largely the reason why he was awake right now. He still couldn't believe that was real. When he awoke in the morning, she was gone and he fully believed it was a dream. It wasn't until he had made breakfast when Asuka brought it up, in her usual fashion.
"Well if it isn't the baka hentai. Where's your girlfriend?"
Now Shinji could have taken it for something else (although that was highly unlikely). After all, Asuka was always taunting him about something, even when it wasn't true (being a idiot and a pervert both as examples) but when Misato came in afterward, that pretty much made it clear to him.
"Good morning Casanova. Where's Rei?"
Or course, Shinji was rendered speechless at this point as he began to recall the night's events. Rei's unusual visit, the share of tea they had and it ended with them...touching. Even though it went no further than that, it still caused the boy's face to flush in remembrance. Unfortunately, this was not missed by his two female compatriots who teased (Misato) and ridiculed (Asuka) him all the way to school. Shinji hoped and prayed that it would not continue on when they entered and to his relief, Asuka stopped to talk to Hikari.
As he approached his seat, he soon approached the azure-haired girl, who was sitting in her usual posture by the window. The boy seemed to slow down in his steps, obviously nervous of her presence. What would he do? What would he say? These and other questions drilled in his head as he continued to move toward her until finally he did the only thing he could do.
"Hello, Rei."
It was short and it came out a little garbled, but that was the best he could do. He was surprised that he was able to get that much out. But now another fear overtook him, the moment Rei answered him.
"Ikari."
Shinji was a little stunned by this. 'Ikari...?' She was treating him as though...nothing happened. If he had trouble talking before, he was completely speechless now. Maybe he did dream it after all. Maybe Asuka and Misato were just teasing him and just happen to say something similar to what he experienced. It was far-fetched, true, but for someone like Shinji, it made sense. He imagined the whole thing and now he was right back where he belonged.
Alone...
School went on without incident and soon Shinji was on his way home alone. Touji and Kensuke asked him to join them in the mall arcades, but Shinji passed. He simply wanted to be alone for now, though he didn't explain why. But he knew. He just couldn't shake away the night before, if it happened at all. He wanted to believe that it was true, but at the same time, he didn't want to believe it. It would be simpler if his life went on as normal. Wake up, endure Asuka's rants and Misato's teasing, go to school, endure more torture from his friends, go home, clean, make dinner, endure still more, go to bed.
Simple…
But not enjoyable...
Because a part of him wanted that to have been real. The closeness, the warmth... It was something that he was never able to experience in his lifetime. Not since his mother... Rei had wanted him close, had let him know that he was the most special person in her life. And he had responded in kind. To be with someone who shared the same feelings as he did...
'Same feelings...? Does that mean...?'
But Shinji shook it away. Even if that was the case, it was only to him alone. He couldn't have told her that, could he? He wasn't brave enough to, despite wishing that he was. 'But it never really happened, right?' It was stupid to think otherwise. 'After all, she couldn't possibly feel that way about me.' But that thought just made him hurt all the more. That someone like her could never return such feelings to him. It was enough to depress him.
Again...
Sighing to himself, he continued his lonely sojourn down the street, unaware that the object of his thoughts had come up right ahead of him.
"Shinji."
Freezing in shock, Shinji could only wonder if he was dreaming as he stood face to face with Rei. It just couldn't be possible that the girl he was thinking about would just appear before him. But then again, Rei had a way of doing that to people.
"Are you feeling well?"
Shinji snapped out his daze. "Uh, yeah. Sorry. I just had some things on my mind."
"Ah." Rei stood silently for a moment before asking. "Do you…wish to talk about it?"
Shinji blinked. 'She actually wants to…talk with me? Now I know I am dreaming.'
"Why?"
"Because…you are my light…"
Those words again… It had to be dream for sure. Rei would never say something like that so boldly. But after he thought about it, he realized that she would, though not in front of everyone else… That's when it hit him. Her attitude in school, the way she disappeared this morning, it all made sense now. It wasn't a dream. And that meant…
"It really did happen…" he muttered quietly to himself.
"Shinji?"
Shinji shook his head slowly. "Can we go somewhere…private?"
"I do not object to that, but I do not understand why."
"I just…" At this point, Shinji was having a difficult time forming thought in words. He decided to try and relax, even though that it itself was a challenge. With a heavy sigh, he simply answered. "I would like to talk to you, but not here."
"Very well" she replied with a slight nod.
As they walked side by side, a million thoughts and questions were flooding his mind, none of which seemed to matter, save one.
'Why is her hand twitching?'
It was slight, but Shinji definitely noticed that the right hand was twitching. 'Was she afraid?' He didn't want her to be afraid. It was probably because he suggested they talk alone, something that he had never thought he would suggest and was still uncertain about. He was nervous, he realized, but that didn't stop him from walking to his favorite place. He had finally reached it; the road edge that overlooked the entire city of Tokyo-3, the same place that Misato showed him when he had first arrived. Though he never came often, he had found it to be a place where he was at his most peaceful. He needed that right now, especially if he wanted to talk with Rei.
Wanted to talk…to Rei…?
Those particular words repeated themselves in his mind and he found himself in disbelief over them. That that didn't make them any less true. That was probably why he suggested this in the first place. The two youths soon sat on a bench near the side (put there recently) and beheld the city before them.
"Here we are." Shinji half-announced. His earlier nervousness had not left him and he continued to be hesitant. "What do you think?"
Rei gazed over the city for a long while. "It is…beautiful." She turned her face to him and asked. "Will you explain what you meant by what you said earlier?"
"Earlier?"
"You had said, 'it really did happen'. What did you mean?"
Shinji's face flushed. He hadn't expected her to have actually heard him say that. It was in such an undertone that he doubted that he heard it. "Oh, that." Nervousness increased and Shinji began to lose his ability to speak properly. "Uh… I…meant… I mean…" He began to put together his words and soon it come out like this. "Last night…I…wasn't sure…last night happened."
Her head tilted to the side slightly "Why would you think that?"
Shinji sighed. "I don't know. You were gone when I awoke and I thought that…." He lowered his head and his voice along with it. "And then at school, you acted…as though nothing happened. So I started to think that…it was a dream."
At this, Rei looked away. "I am sorry, Shinji. But I did not want anyone else to know. I…didn't mean to mislead you."
Looking up at her, he was surprised to see a glimmer of sadness on her face. He replied quickly. "No, it's my fault. I thought that it was a dream because I didn't believe that you…" He paused again and looked forward. "That anyone would care about me…like you said."
Now it was Rei's turn to look back at him. "But I do. You are my light, Shinji. That is the truth."
Hearing those words again, Shinji couldn't help but smile. A part of him was still trying to convince him that this was all a dream and that any minute he would awaken, either to the alarm clock or Asuka's ranting. But that was dwarfed by her proclamation and the knowledge that it was genuine.
And the fact that she was smiling…
"You have a beautiful smile, Rei."
These words came out of Shinji's lips after a minute of silence. Even now, Shinji couldn't believe he said that. It was just like that night. He just felt…different around her.
Better…
"T-thank you, Shinji."
'She…blushing.' It was faint, but her cheeks had lightened a bit. Shinji then noticed that her hand was still trembling, but now he knew why. His own hand shaking, he slowly reached forward and placed his hand atop of hers. She turned it over so that their palms were touching and lightly clasped.
So warm…and delicate…
Both teens slowly, but surely gazed up at each other and Shinji felt a new wave of nervousness overtake him, but he never let go of her hand. Unconsciously, Shinji lent toward her, drawn by the crimson eyes that gazed back at him and sub-consciously wondering if her lips felt the same as her hand.
And the resulting kiss gave him his answer…
So it was only natural that reason decided now to intervene and Shinji quickly broke the kiss in part-daze and part-panic. 'What have I done…? What have I done…? What have I done…?' So gone was he that he hadn't noticed the expression of the First Child had changed, appearing almost…dreamy. After a long moment (at least in Shinji's head), the boy finally managed to sputter out.
"I…I…I'm…sorry."
"Why?"
Confused by the question, Shinji found himself answering brokenly. "I shouldn't… What I did… without permission…"
"Then why did you do it?"
"I…just felt…" He stopped for a moment and finally resigned himself to his fate. "I wanted to. I couldn't help it. But-"
"Would you like to kiss me again?"
That single question threw him off almost completely, banishing all of the words and excuses that were about to come out of his mouth. Finally noticing her expression (and slowly losing himself to it), he saw that there was no trace of anger or disgust in her eyes at all, things he would have expected if he had done what he did to Asuka (which would have been swiftly followed by a slap to the face). In fact, for a split second, her eyes spared a longing gaze at his lips. He was pretty sure he was imagining that, but none of this (or all of it) stopped him from answering her question.
"…Yes."
Turning to him fully, she replied "Then you have permission."
To say he was stunned beyond belief was an understatement. She…gave him permission. She wanted to kiss him. He couldn't even deny that fact as it now seemed that she was leaning close to him. Every denial Shinji could have thought of no longer existed. He only saw the beautiful young woman in front him, allowing him to do something that made him feel…
…that he wasn't alone.
The distance closed again and the lips met once more. Again, the softness and warmth was there and there was a part of Shinji that felt like he did when they first held each other the night before, like he wanted to run. But the moment he felt her hand on his cheek, deepening the kiss further, that part of him was shut down and the two teens were loosing themselves in their own embrace. Shinji's opposite hand had fastened onto Rei's side while their hands on the opposite side remained linked together.
But all good things...
A sharp chill of fear suddenly began to grip them and they, almost sharply, broke away. Their hands were still on each other, but now they were no longer kissing. Panting, yes, but not kissing.
"I'm…" Shinji began automatically. But he stopped upon looking into Rei's eyes once again. What would he say? That he was sorry? What would he apologize for? Engaging in a kissing fest with Rei? That would make him as stupid as Asuka says he is. And there was nothing to be sorry for.
He fell silent and simply looked at the girl before him. His gaze then lowered and took in the sight of their still-linked hands, feeling the warmth that pulsed from her. But more than that, what it meant. The beginning of something special, something between him and this divine creature who felt for him what he was beginning to feel for her. Was this love? He wasn't sure. And he doubted Rei would know the answer either. They were both too young to know. But he did know that he would find his answer with her.
And then he would be certain…that he did indeed love her.