April 4th, 2016 - First Week

Morning. Again. Day after day, night after night, the pattern continues. Strangely enough, I used to not care for this pattern. I used to not like it, nor dislike it. I was... indifferent to everything. I was only aware of this cycle of life with no feeling towards it.

But now... now I can sort of understand where people get their worries from. Why they feel like nothing is moving from day to day, or why they worry that time is passing too quickly for them to keep up with. Because... they have... goals. Goals in life.

My father always told me to have goals. Though he was somewhat cold to me, almost like he was afraid of me, he was encouraging at the same time, as if he was afraid for me as well. I assume he hoped for me to grow some sort of interest by telling me how many things I could achieve. Kids at school would tell me I'm spoiled because he always gave me new things in hopes that I would learn to care about them. When I was in middle school, he would sign me up for new after-school activities behind my mother's back like sports, chorus, and art. I remember the day my mother found out, my father was pretty scared if she would hurt him. But instead, she teasingly slapped him and said "You should quit while you're ahead dear. I think we both know which one of us she's more like."

I was very confused by this moment, because I didn't see how I was like my mother at all. She was kind and sweet, and I could tell she cared for both me and my father very much. I didn't care for my parents any more than I cared for anything else... I was still very thankful for all they had done for me, as I should be, but I didn't understand why any of it mattered anyway.

These thoughts slowly passed through my mind as I was getting ready for school. After cleaning myself up, I gathered the things I would need for school today from my bookshelf. I ran my hands over at all the things I owned. Hand-me-downs from my mother, and brand-new things from my father. Stuff I felt like I never really needed.

At least, until recently. Because I had a goal. A dream that I wouldn't dare fail to fulfill. A plan... to have... him. My Senpai.

I smiled and giggled just a bit while putting on the two-layered skirt that my mother gave me. Such a strange contraption it was... at first I didn't understand why anyone would want a skirt with two layers and pockets hidden between them. After all, I didn't want to carry anything extra other than what I had to bring to school. But now, I could think of so many uses for a skirt like this.

Since I woke up early today, I decided to bike to school instead of walking. As I exited my house door, I locked up behind me because my parents were no longer here to lock up for me. I paused for a second to practice my "Happy Mood." When I felt that my facial expression was set, I started on my way to Akaedmi Highschool.

The sun was shining above and the breeze was gently sweeping through my hair. I normally didn't care for the good weather, but I admired the way the wind blew today because it would give my hair some extra fluff that would surely be appealing... appealing to Senpai.

I could think of uses for everything, in fact. Because I was no longer emotionless. I was infatuated.

And...

Angry. SO angry. Enraged.

I could feel my happy expression shift to rage as my true anger took over my demeanor. I peddled faster and more violently while imagining ways to ruin her. To set fire to the ends of her luscious, vibrant pigtails and hear her scream as the fire spread up to her face and burned her alive... or maybe to shred the ends of her hair, millimeter by millimeter, singing about Senpai and I, for hours and hours on end, until her beautiful hair that everyone fawned over was a frizzy mess. No, better yet, I could drip-

My thoughts were interrupted when a young boy gasped and sharply stepped back before crossing the street. I snapped out of my thoughts, realizing that I almost ran into this kid. I immediately put on my "Happy Mood" and apologized cheerfully, waving back to him as I passed. He looked surprised but smiled back in response. Good thing, too.

I don't want anyone knowing who I truly am. Because everything matters now. Every detail. If people in this town knew me as an angry or apathetic freak, Senpai would eventually find out too.

I continued to school, trying to put out all thoughts of that girl and just focused on my goal. I told myself that there's no point in getting caught up because it will only make it harder for me in the end. I wasn't as good as acting happy as I thought. When strangers passed, I smiled, but soon after my face would fade to the apathetic look that I've always had.

After some time, I finally reached school. I parked my bike and secured it properly. I saw the mass of students walking towards the gates, but I managed to make it in before most of them could. I knew he would be coming through those gates soon, with the sunlight shining down on the top of his head, adding a wonderful shine to his jet-black hair. I waited... and waited...

And there he was. There was my Senpai, walking through the gates, unaware of his future girl staring him down from behind the crowd of students. I couldn't help it, I started feeling nervous, almost shy... I just had to approach him. I snuck closer to him and followed behind him, but still kept my distance, otherwise I might just run and grab him.

I wanted to follow him just a bit longer, but he was already entering the locker room area. I knew it was best to turn around and head elsewhere, otherwise Senpai would notice me. He met my gaze just once before, and it felt amazing... but I knew he was a little afraid. I simply turned and left, like I am doing now.

As I left, I brushed shoulders with someone and felt a few strands of hair go in my face. I recognized those strands... those vibrant strands. It was her. She merely looked back at me for a second, without apologizing. I wanted to end her life right then and there. I wanted to show no mercy. But, I knew that it would only lead me to doom. So many people, including Taiso-san, would see it. I decided against the idea and instead showed her a confused face and said "Sorry!" She flicked her hand back at me and simply replied "s'alright" before walking towards him.

Senpai. She was walking towards my senpai. I didn't want to pass through the room they were in, I might go crazy. I decided to run around the back of the school and get to the locker-room by entering through a different way. By the time I actually got there, Osana was already leaving. Damnit. I regretted missing out on their conversation. But then, he called out her name and she turned around. Is he pursuing her?

I heard him stutter as he talked to her, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. I gripped the wall that I was peeking around. Was he nervous around her? I clenched my teeth, and I could feel myself jerk.

She left. I let out a sigh of relief.

Now everyone is headed to class. I might as well get going myself. I didn't want to be late to class otherwise I'd miss my time to learn more information, all for the sake of Senpai. But before I left, I decided to take a look around the hallways, just to see which ones most students tended to take. Just in case... just in case I had an altercation and needed a place to set things straight.

I noted the hallways that were generally neglected by footsteps, then made my way to class. The clock read 8:35...

"Please, try to make it to class on time. Take your seat."

I was a bit saddened that I had arrived late to class because I might have missed some information that I could use to get to Senpai. My teacher took her place at the podium and started lecturing about language, and how certain words could be used to add emphasis to a phrase or to slightly change the meaning. This seemed easy enough. I lightly doodled "Taro Aishi 3" on my paper, knowing I would soon have to erase it in case someone saw it and caught on to my plans.

I was getting a little anxious, waiting for lunch so that I could follow Senpai again. I felt myself shake just a little bit, then a fellow student looked my way. I faked that I was shivering, crossing my arms as if I was cold. They seemed to believe what they saw and stopped looking my way.

What the teacher started talking about next intrigued me. She said that if you observe writing very closely, you can tell what the author is thinking. She began to talk about emotions, like excitement and boredom. I was new to things like this, so I paid close attention. I realized that if someone were to observe an author's emotions, they would be able to learn how that person writes when they feel certain ways.

I started to wonder just how different everyone in the room was. How that guy might write, how that girl might write... It made me think. I remembered that one girl who texted me not long ago, the one who goes by "Info-chan." I told her I didn't need her help, yet now I found myself possibly needing it. If she could provide me with students' schoolwork... somehow... then maybe I could learn about them.

There was so much about this world that I had ignored until I fell for Senpai. Other people have motives, they have emotions, they have things they want to do. They are all unique and respond differently depending on what kind of person they are. As much as I want to get rid of that girl, I can't do it in front of the world, or else I could be arrested.

The bell rang and it was time for lunch. The students in my class slowly got up from their seats and started packing their things. I wanted to push past them all and get to the courtyard as fast as possible, but I knew it would be impolite to do so. I waited for the other students in front of me to exit the row, and then I followed, stretching and pretending to act slightly bored as the rest of them were.

But on the inside, I was excited. I was glad that I found out something new. Something that I could use against my rivals someday. Or against anyone that stands in my way. I felt ready. I wish I could do something now, but as my mother told me... "slow and steady wins the race."

I knew most of the students went to the cafeteria, so I followed the mass of students that were heading there. I needed to make sure I blended in, because only a few students ate elsewhere in the building. After the crowd passed the way to the courtyard, I broke off from them and headed there. That was where senpai would sit and eat his lunch, and then read a book after he was done.

I let out a dreamy sigh. I know him so well.

But to my surprise, he wasn't at his usual spot at the fountain. He was on a bench, across from where another girl tends to sit. This angered me slightly, but I didn't really understand why. Perhaps I was disappointed in myself for not knowing my Senpai as much as I thought I did. Had I failed? Was I not worthy to be his? No, of course not! It wasn't my fault! Someone must have caused him to move, someone must have influenced my poor Senpai. And they'll pay for making me look bad.

Angered, I turned around and decided leave the plaza, planning to wander around the edges of the school lawn to vent out my frustrations. But I stopped when I heard a gasp. It sounded like a boy. Was it Senpai? At the same time, I saw blur of blonde and red turn around the edge of the hall towards the closet.

Worried, I regretted leaving the scene in anger to return to the plaza and see if he was alright. He looked a bit scatter-brained, as if he dropped something. I deeply wished to help him find it, but I didn't know how to approach him without stopping to stare at him and admire his beauty. I knew he would find this weird, so I just stood and watched him.

Just then, my phone vibrated in my backpack. Hoping senpai wouldn't notice me, I darted in the opposite direction as that girl who shut herself in the closet. I found an empty corner and leaned against the wall, tired from my sudden sprint. I unlocked my phone and read my text messages. It was her, again. Info-chan.

"Ayano Aishi. I noticed you were a bit worried that your Senpai was in danger at lunchtime."

"Danger? Did you do something to him?!" I replied back.

"Oh, it was nothing. I was only joking. He didn't get hurt. I just had to... distract him."

"Why are you messing with him? Are you planning to get in the way of Senpai and I?"

"Just the opposite. A little friend of his gave him something, and I just had to obtain it."

I wanted to ignore her because she was just getting me angry. She was toying with my feelings for Senpai. But at the same time, the information she had was worth more than gold. "Who is this friend?"

"You know who. The sunny-haired pigtail girl that likes him."

"Tell me more. What did she give him?"

"Her name is Osana Najimi. She's known Taro since he was young. And she wrote him an ADORABLE letter."

I paused... Adorable? How could anyone call her words to him "adorable?" They are nothing compared to what I could write to Senpai. This angered me. I didn't know what to say... I tried to stay calm and texted: "What did she write? Tell me now."

"This." Underneath Info-chan's simple one-word response, she sent me a picture of the letter Osana wrote to My Senpai. Osana wanted to meet Senpai at the cherry blossom trees this Friday to talk to him about something important. What did she think was important?

"Why are you telling me this? Is there something you want from me?"

"I already told you, but you didn't believe me. Now you regret it, don't you?"

I didn't think she was serious when she texted me last week about taking pictures of girls' underwear. Now, I wasn't so sure... "Just tell me what your motive is."

"I want you to make something happen to Osana-chan. Something BAD. If you can make her suffer, not only will I assist you with any information you might need, I'll also inform you about another girl who stalks him."

"There's more than Osana?"

"No more talking. Unless you can get me those panty shots, I won't tell you anything more."

I didn't bother responding. At least she sent me the picture of Osana's note. That's all I needed.

After lunch, I went back to class on time and studied hard, because I realized that all this seemingly useless information might actually be important. Throughout rest of the day, I continued to wonder about that girl... Osana. Just who does she think she is?

My urge to kill Osana grew, making me want to bolt to her classroom and kill her with my bare hands, but I realized I just wasn't ready yet. Maybe she's strong. Maybe she's smart. Maybe she's social-able and always hangs around her friends. I needed to know more about her. I needed information.

I pulled out my phone and finally responded to the last text.

"Fine. We have a deal."