Sirius scowled at the window with a morbid satisfaction. It had begun to rain. It was the perfectly depressing addition to a perfectly depressing day. Sirius's morning had included cold coffee and a slice of cold, slightly moldy, pizza. Sirius probably could have done something about the mold. He certainly could have done something about the temperature of his meal. But today there was just no point. His day had sluggishly crawled onward from there; he had gotten in a few good sulks after breakfast and had then taken to laying about his living room, moaning. He had finally chosen to glance at his watch and realized, with a start, that he had missed lunch. He couldn't remember the last time he had done that for any reason other than that he had slept in late. He now considered getting up and making something for himself, but he was having too much mind-numbing fun watching the rain to even consider dragging himself from the window.
Sirius sighed, it was ridiculous, really. What on earth was wrong with him? His days had never dragged by so slowly and mealtimes had never been less important.
"I guess this is what being in hiding will do to a man…" Sirius muttered. With a shock he realized that he had just spoken to himself, another sign that his mind was fast going.
"I really have to get out of here!" Sirius exclaimed. "Bloody hell! I did it again! I really am going mad!"
The rain suddenly began pounding against the windows with renewed torrential force, interrupting Sirius's discussion with himself. He stared dismally out across the grey landscape and wondered how life in hiding had been treating James. He hoped not as badly as it was treating him.
Up until the past week Sirius had left the house freely, wandering down muggle streets and occasionally dropping in at the Order. He had even taken to visiting James, who had, since he'd gone into hiding a week and a half earlier, been forbidden to leave Godric's Hollow. He had lived his days in a blissful semi-solitude, spending hours each day and sometimes staying long into the night with Stell, carefully avoiding all mention of the outside world. Once or twice he had even visited Peter, just to see how the slobbering little rat was doing. In all actuality, hiding seemed to be treating Peter much better than not hiding, although he seemed distracted and distant whenever Sirius spoke to him.
Sirius had truly come to enjoy being 'in hiding' until one terrible Monday just over a week ago. On the aforementioned fateful Monday, Sirius had been having a particularly busy and rewarding day in blissful semi-solitude until a certain aged and rather irritatingly logical wizard had shown up and commanded that he stop immediately. Well, 'stop immediately' hadn't been Dumbledore's exact words, but that was certainly the general meaning behind them and Sirius didn't like it one bit. Apparently being in hiding didn't actually count as being in hiding until Sirius actually started hiding. And hiding meant no outside world. At all.
Truth be told, Sirius had had what might have been a few close calls. One night as he'd taken the long way home from one of his favorite muggle shops, Sirius could have sworn he saw a shadow in the corner of his eye. He'd dropped all his lovely purchases and dissaparated immediately, but the next morning when he returned to the scene, all of his bags were right where he'd left them and there was no sign of any death eater activity what so ever. Another time, someone in a long black trench coat and with a hat pulled down so it covered his face had followed Sirius around for a good two and a half hours. However, Sirius had the sneaking suspicion that the stranger's limping gait was a little too familiar and he just might have been Mad-Eye Moody, sent to make sure Sirius was actually in hiding.
Some days Sirius wondered if he wouldn't rather take the chance of being murdered by Voldemort in order to leave his dismal prison. But then he thought of Stell and James and all the other people he cared about and he decided against it. If he was killed and Voldemort discovered he wasn't actually the Potter's secret keeper, it wouldn't be long before Peter was caught and then Lily and James would be as good as dead.
Thinking of James and Stell was one of the only things that kept Sirius sane these days. Even food had begun to lose its significance and you can only ponder the meaning of life for so long before even that becomes monotonous. Sirius sighed and shifted in his seat.
"What day do you suppose today is?" he wondered aloud. "Not Monday. Monday's passed already. Wednesday maybe? Is it October yet?" he mused.
"No! I'm doing it again! I've got to stop this or I'll really lose it!" Sirius exclaimed, slapping a hand over his mouth.
"Aha! I know!" he proclaimed, leaping to his feet in excitement. "If I sing to myself, I can't talk to myself! Or at least not at the same time!" And with that Sirius was off in a dramatic ballad from some terrible opera, his off key notes filling the empty apartment.
Singing every song he could think of kept Sirius occupied for quite a while. He was just about to belt the chorus of one of his favorite Christmas carols when he heard someone call him from the other room. He immediately froze.
"Sirius? Finally, you've stopped! That was magnificently terrible! I've been calling you for the past ten minutes but you haven't heard a word because of your… er, singing."
"Stell?" Sirius gasped, dashing down the hall and skidding around the corner into the living room. "What in the… How did you-"
"Shh! We haven't got much time!" she exclaimed, "And you've already wasted half of it with your… singing."
Sirius grinned apologetically, "Didn't you enjoy it?"
"Actually, I did. I think that was the first time I laughed this week. That Elvis number kind of reminded me of the time James accidentally stepped on your tail."
Sirius attempted to look insulted, but his weak scowl quickly melted into a laugh. "Oh, Merlin, I've missed you. I didn't even realize how much until just now."
"I've missed you, too."
"How are you? How are things at the Order?"
"I'm fine. The Order is… not so fine. But, how are you?"
"Bored stiff. What happened at the Order?"
Stell's head grimaced in the fire. "Edgar Bones. Him and his family were found dead the day before yesterday."
Sirius sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. After a pause he asked, "Any more good news?"
Stell shook her head. "No, nothing too bad has happened recently, except that. But there's nothing good either. Honestly, how are you? Has it been bad?"
Sirius grinned, "Only if you call my singing bad!"
Stell laughed. "No, really! I can't imagine you staying in any one place by yourself for more than fifteen minutes."
"Ah, hence the singing!"
"I see. Is that how you've coped this whole time? I'm surprised you can still talk."
"No, actually. I'm not sure how I've been coping. I can't remember now. This entire terrible week has disappeared with you here." She gave him one of her beautiful, genuine, smiles and Sirius realized how rare those smiles had become.
"Have you checked on James recently?" she asked, breaking his moment.
"No…" Sirius said distantly, realizing he ought to check on Peter. He had talked to him only once since they had finalized him being the secret keeper. An anxious guilt filled the pit of his stomach. Still, Peter was probably fine. After all, the only souls on the planet who knew Peter was the Potters' secret keeper were him, Peter, James, and Lily.
"Maybe you should. Just to make sure he's alright." Stell said.
"Hmmm, dunno if Dumbledore'd let me," Sirius mused.
"Oh, I see your point. I guess he's probably fine." Sirius studied Stell's face for a moment. She seemed oddly distracted as though she had something on her mind.
There was silence between them for moment. Stell bit her lip nervously. "I love you," she said at last.
"I love you," Sirius replied. He had never wanted to kiss red hot coals more than he did now in his entire life.
"Sirius… There's something I have to tell you…" Stell took a deep breath.
"What? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, nothing. It's… I… Well, I… We've… I'm…" She looked into Sirius eyes, as though begging him to understand. He stared back helplessly. "I can't stand it! I planned out exactly how I meant to tell you, but suddenly I can't think of a single word!"
"Er... Can't you just… tell me and be done with it?"
"I don't know! You'd better sit down," she warned. She took a deep shuddering breath. "You don't have to say anything… Just… listen. Umm, I don't know how…" She paused and bit her lip again, "Look Sirius, I'm-" Suddenly she stopped, "Oh no." Stell's head turned to look into the side of Sirius's fireplace. "Did you hear that?" she asked.
"No. What is it?"
"I have to go." Stell glanced nervously at the bricks to the side of the hearth again.
"What's wrong? I'm coming!" Sirius exclaimed, already taking a handful of floo powder.
"No. It's fine. No! Stay there. Stay there, Sirius! Don't come! Please!" Stell cried desperately, looking more and more agitated with each word.
"Stella!" he cried.
"Sirius. Please don't come here, Sirius! Promise me you won't. Promise me! Please!" Sirius could do nothing but stare, open mouthed. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe. He tried, he couldn't say anything, but she seemed to accept this as a promise.
"Keep yourself alive, Sirius. You promised, Sirius. Sirius, I love you!" With that her head disappeared from his fireplace.