A dinner between friends

Elise drops by for a meal.

Chronologically happens after the previous installment (sigh). I know, I know, I don't like it either. I just want to get all the ones I've written long ago up there... so I'm sorry.

Amazing is amazing and is always amazing.

Characters: Vlad, Lulu, Elise.

"Oh hey! You're still babysitting, I see." The Spider Queen laughed, taking her seat on a couch without any invitation.

The blood mage grunted

"Elise," he said, slowly "Take the front door, please."

Elise smirked at him.

"Where's the little devil?"

"In the kitchen, she said she'd be making dinner."

"Oh! Is that safe?"

Vladimir shrugged. He passed her a glass of white wine.

"What's the worst that can happen? Being turned into the dish? You are what you eat, anyway."

Elise was surprised for like, a second.

"Wow, Vlad, I did not expect that you'd take after the yordle."

"She has a name, Elise."

"Fine, Lulu. My point stands."

"It's just taking up different perspectives. You will see that Lulu sees wonders in everything. Nonetheless, if you want to avoid polymorphing food, you should be seeking refuge like, right now. If you don't…"

"Mr. Vlad! Dinner is ready!" Lulu called, walking into the room with two dishes levitating in the air "oh, the Amazing Spider-woman!"

Elise, who was now a Spider, was in the midst of repelling. She sighed, if only she was a second quicker.

She dropped down the couch and morphed back into human form.

"My name is Elise, you can start using it,' said Elise, staring pointedly at the Hemomancer.

Vladimir gave her a drowsy smile.

Lulu set the two dishes on the table.

"Mr. Vlad, you didn't say you invited the Amazing Spider-woman."

"Because I didn't," said Vladimir with a smile "she invited herself. As she always does,"

"It's alright, I've already eaten."

"Hmm…" Lulu hummed, as if debating something. She was staring, with wide green eyes, at the Spider Queen, and gave the latter some goose bumps.

She frowned comically.

"Mr. Vlad, would you please wait a moment? I do have some spare food."

"I said…"

"Ah! You don't lie to me!" said Lulu in a cautionary tone.

Elise stared at the yordle in shock.

Vladimir nodded to her.

"Alright! Then please wait a moment, Spider-woman Elise!"

"How did she do that?"

Vladimir couldn't hide the smug "I-told-you-so" look on his face.

"Elise dear, you've got to be more specific. Lulu does a lot of stuffs, most of which wouldn't make much sense."

"How did she know I didn't have dinner?" Elise asked flatly.

"The real question should be 'Why didyou not have dinner?'"

Elise huffed

"It's the Harrowing."

"Oh. Have you harvested any soul?"

"Vlad, I'm not dead… yet." She deadpanned "anyway, all the supplies have been scarce. None of the suppliers would dare arrive at the island. Heck, they would not even work! How am I supposed to gather fresh ingredients for my culinary masterpieces? Freaking Hecarim…"

"Killed off those who actually dared to cross the border on the day?" he asked nonchalantly.

"You guess." Elise sighed "sometimes I do wonder if I should move back to land."

"You shouldn't," Vlad offered "but I'm surprised that you completely ran out of ingredients."

"Oh yeah, that. Evelynn stole the rest. I do hate her shadow walk sometimes – next time I'll make sure to web my pantry. Now how did the yordle know?"

"She told you, you don't lie to her. As I've said, very few people would be able to lie to Lulu."

"Oh. That. I thought she could see through my stomach or something. She's still dangerous, though."

"Really? It could be. Who knows?"

"Is the food really safe?"

"I have no idea," said the Hemomancer without a care in the world "but she said she always cooked herself. As far as I'm aware yordle metabolism is not much different from human. Though if you have special allergies…"

"I don't. That's reassuring." Elise said with only a touch of sarcasm.

"Even if we do get turned into adorable critters, Lulu would be able to understand us anyway."

"Wait, she can understand us polymorphed?"

"Yes,"

"Well, damn."

"Here it is! The special portion for the amazing Spider-womann!" said Lulu excitedly.

"Lulu, why do you keep calling me "Amazing Spider-woman"?" asked Elise out of annoyance.

"Why, because amazing is amazing, and amazing!" she laughed "I had to come up with a name for you, Miss Elise! Because you kept calling me "yordle". It's rude not to call you with a nickname then."

"So… it's my fault?"

"Why, no! Amazing is still amazing, after all!" said Lulu "now let's eat!"

She hopped on the sofa Vladimir was sitting on and grabbed a dish. The Hemomancer did the same. Elise had no choice but to take the last meal.

When she removed the lid, she was surprised to find a perfectly cooked, seemingly normal beef steak, served with mashed potato, mushroom and garlic. There were a lot of shrooms and garlic.

It did smell good.

The other two were eating up the dish with gusto.

"Vlad? You like garlic?" asked Elise in disbelief.

Vladimir replied immediately

"Of course! Garlic is good! Oh wait…"

Lulu looked up at Vladimir questioningly. Then a second later…

"Ah! I see," the yordle giggled.

Vladimir hit his face with his hand

"Elise, Lulu, please, I am not a vampire." He spoke every word slowly "and garlic is delicious!"

"Really?" asked Lulu "I never knew that."

"Did… you think I was a vampire?"

"Yeah! You were all blood and moody and I thought you must be one. Though Pix said you weren't… but you do draw out blood and drink them, don't you?"

"I don't drink blood, I absorb it. There's a difference! Elise, stop laughing!"

Elise tried to recover from her fit of laughter.

"You… I told you… everyone thinks you're a vampire. Even I was surprised when you weren't one."

"Well, I'm not. Get your fact straight. I'm a Hemomancer!"

The Spider Queen chuckled.

"Well, here I go…"

She began cutting at the steak calmly. Lulu was eating with a smile, looking at her in anticipation. Elise took a small bite with a piece of delicious-looking garlic-mushroom mashed potato and chewed on it carefully.

It was really, really good. Lulu was such a good cook. Elise couldn't have done better.

"It's… delicious. Thank you, Lulu."

Lulu beamed at her.

"But… this portion is quite big."

"Is it?" asked the purple yordle "you consume a lot of magic for transformation. You need a lot of energy."

"I have… other sustenance. I often eat little, only for the enjoyment."

"Well, it doesn't mean you can't eat. See, it's delicious!"

"Well, it is. But still, I'm not used to eating a lot."

Lulu seemed thoughtful.

"You know, I know a guy named Tahm Kench. He said "everything in this world desires to devour. Eating is a habit and a lust every single creature possesses". Therefore, we should eat!"

"I do eat. I just do not eat to live. Who's this Tahm Kench?"

"It's the River King," said Vladimir.

"Tahm is not a really nice guy. He just eats. And he lies to eat. He's a good liar, I say, but that's bad!"

"Oh, the self-claimed River King," said Elise "I've heard his tales before: the creature that could travel between the Rivers of the worlds. Myths never do stay myths in Valoran. Isn't he… a demon of some sorts?"

Vladimir shrugged "Probably."

"Nevertheless, I will finish this dish," Elise smiled a rare smile "after all, you put your heart to make it."

Lulu blinked "That's what he said as well "a good meal is one given with all your heart."

"I hope you're not drawing any parallels."

"Nope, I'm not drawing any parallels, at all! I have no pen!"

"Hmm, maybe you've got yourself a new friend," said the blood mage.

"That includes you, Vlad!"

"It's a possibility." The Hemomancer said after having eaten a large chunk of garlic. How did that much garlic ever end up on one plate? Elise was sure she could make ten times the normal mashed potato of that dish with such amount.

"I told Lulu I was really fond of garlic," Vladimir explained – he could just read her sometimes. This friendship really cost Elise lots of thoughts, but she got used to Vlad guessing things from her face after a while "this is what she gives me."

That was what friends were supposed to do, right?

"Is that not quite overkill?"

"Meh, I like garlic, so it's fine. What you crave, it's never enough." He said, with a vague smile.

Elise looked at him for a while.

"I obviously missed something, didn't I?"

"Probably…"

"Oh! We had Miss Shauna Vayne here the other night," Lulu chimed in "she was injured after some evil fighting, and Mr. Vlad brought her here, where I was speaking to Talon."

After an initial 5 seconds freeze, which produced a chuckle from the blood mage, Elise began.

"Now, where do we start, Vlad?"

"Well, I learned of a magic cult that would probably piss Illaoi off beyond your beliefs. When I went for them they were already dead. And there you have it."

"So you decided to bring the person who wants you dead the most back to your home in the heart of Noxus and expected that to go well?"

"It's not exactly like that. For the record, I did not expect that to go well."

"Oh my God, Vlad, what the hell were you thinking? I just cannot fathom any reason at all you'd like someone who wanted you dead in your house. I mean, really…"

"Thank you for your concern," said Vladimir with an irritating face.

"I am not concerned!"

"I'm alive, Elise. I was not afraid, at all, of death then."

"Do you underestimate the Night Hunter?"

"Not at all, I was aware of my capabilities. After all, I was then well-nourished and she exhausted. The possibility for her to overpower me was scarce."

Elise sighed, hitting her face with her hand

"You just have to choose her, don't you?"

"I have no idea what you are implying," said Vlad solemnly, despite being poked at by a disapproved Lulu.

The Spider Queen rolled her eyes

"For shame, Vlad. Of all the people you could have picked, it's got to be the toughest of them all. Are you a masochistic vampire?"

"Again, I'm not a vampire. Masochist… maybe… I've not ruled out anything yet."

"What is a masochist?" asked Lulu.

Elise mumbled "Uh oh…"

"It's a person who derives sexual and emotional pleasure from being hurt and/or violated." What the fuck Vlad?

"Hmm, does not sound awfully like Mr. Vlad." Lulu said in an assertive tone "though you once told me you don't suffer as much pain as one may believe you do."

"Guess what he feels instead."

"I assure you, it's because I've been used to getting blood drawn out of my body. It was part of the training."

"You can spare us the details of your bloody training." Elise deadpanned "we have a small girl here."

Vladimir physically recoiled in astonishment.

"Oh wow, the burn," he marveled "you see, everyone can burn."

"Fire burns!" Lulu agreed. "Everyone has fire."

"Oh, I am just taking up a different perspective," said Elise with a meaningful smile.

Vladimir put his hands up.

"Alright, I'll do the dishes. Lulu, if you would,"

Lulu swung her wand and the plates were levitated into the air, following Vladimir's back.

"Oh, and do keep my dearest friend in a positive state. Her burns are really draining."

The yordle laughed wholeheartedly while Elise only shook her head.

"Vlad… never mind, we'll talk later."

"As you wish," said Vladimir with a blink. He reached down to ruff the yordle's hair "you are the best cook in the world, little devil. Up there with her."

Lulu giggled with glee. Elise offered a smile.

What a dinner between friends.

"Your blood type is really A plus (A positive), isn't it?" asked Lulu after Vlad had left "Amazing Spider-…"

"Elise would be sufficient, thank you, Lulu. But yes, amazing is still amazing. And yes, my blood type is A, Rh plus. Darn."

"Well, he always knows."

"Yeah, but I thought his blood type understandings were bollocks! Bollocks, I tell you."

"Uhm, of course! Pollocks are delicious fish."

"Not pollocks with a 'P'… never mind. Anyway, he said he's B negative and a 'universal recipient'. That's not true, that's impossible."

"Well," Lulu began slowly "both of the contradicting statements are true. Mr. Vlad can control the hemoglobin in his blood to form any blood type he wishes. Therefore, he is a universal recipient, because he has no constant blood type. That is why he can draw out blood from nearly anything that has blood in it."

"So his blood type is not constant, it changes as he pleases. But it's got to be something, right?"

"Well, he said he defaulted it as AB positive, universal recipient alright, for ease of blood absorption. He can customize it in certain circumstances."

"So the B negative thing is just a pun?"

"He can B negative," said Lulu "the thing is, he thinks that was his blood type before the fusion of the Hemomancer."

The Spider Queen paused a moment to replay the information in her head

"Were we just talking about the technical perks of Hemomancy?"

"Well, yes," said Lulu as if it was too obvious.

"Well, forgive me if I was quite astonished of the fact I just discussed blood magic and its uses with a… never mind again. Vlad never really told me those stuffs."

To think about it, their friendship was never founded on sharing personal information. He knew she was an immortal (sort of) spider hybrid living off Vilemaw's venom, and she knew he enjoyed killing and became the house of the Hemomancer (except that he still seemed very individualistic). Their experience of each other's past ended there, and it was their mutual respect for each other's point of view that made them comfortable in each other's presence. Had that really been friendship?

Elise always considered him valued company and a friend, but to tell the truth they'd not known much about each other. In retrospect, she did not know much about him. She had no idea how much he knew.

And maybe she was just slightly salted how he told a young… Lulu and not her. Just slightly salted.

"Well, you don't seem to share much about yourself, too." Lulu said, and the firmness in her voice was surprising. She sounded too wise for her age (though her age had been, technically, some hundred years) "I think everyone has their secrets, and Mr. Vlad is one to respect that. After all, your past does not fully reflect who you are. Perhaps Mr. Vlad respected and appreciated you as the person presented to him, not the person told to him. He chose to respect your privacy and to be receptive of what you would offer him. And I think if you had asked, he would have told you as readily as he told me."

"…thank you for the advice, Lulu."

"And that didn't change the fact that you two had common ground and understood each other pretty thoroughly. You don't even have troubles making blood puns – see, even I find it so incredible that Mr. Vlad could churn out those puns at such frequency."

Elise sighed, shaking her head.

"For the record, that is not the kind of habit I hoped to take after him."

"You see, Lulu, no one appreciates my grand humor," said Vladimir, leaning on the door with a vague smirk. When did he get there? "there's only you and me."

"Well, I'm certainly not happy if those horrible puns just flow out of me… well shit."

Vladimir and Lulu both laughed.

"Hey! That was an accident!"

"There are no accidents." Lulu pointed out wisely.

"I am certainly irresistible," said Vladimir drily.

"Even to the Night Hunter?"

"Apparently. She has been persistently coming after me, after all."

"Seriously though, are you really a masochist?"

"I said I've not ruled out anything yet."

"Well, you should seriously start taking into account the possibility."

"If something, it had to be the opposite. I've always enjoyed killing people out of nature. Then again, the satisfaction devised from the act isn't sexual at all. It's more emotional, if I'm to speak."

"But you are attracted to someone who wants all but you dead!"

"It does not mean I want her to do those nasty stuffs to me."

"But I bet you like her for that."

"Well, that is partly true. But I still don't want her to puncture several holes in my body. The substance she uses in her bolts – it hinders mana transfusion. My healing capabilities at worst can be dropped down by half."

"Silvertinker," said Lulu "the silver flowers that bloom in the full moon. It is poisonous for its inhibition of mana flow. How she got her hands on them, I don't know."

"I heard of that too. It grows a lot on the Isles. Are you trying to chicken out on me?"

"I'm not! What more do you want to know?"

Elise sighed in exasperation.

"I want to know if you'd be safe. If there's something I don't trust, it is vengeance. While you have never had any of it in real life, Shauna Vayne holds an excessive amount. And Vengeance is a searing flame that shall burn down even the toughest fortifications. Unlike LeBlanc, I don't underestimate Vengeance in its wake. She can hurt you."

"Thank you for your concern," said Vladimir, now in a sincere, almost gentle tone.

"Damn it, Vlad, you are one obstinate son of a…"

"I said 'thank you'," he repeated "I know what the risk is. But, for once, the world seems much more to me. That is not a bad thing, isn't it?"

"Well, if she tries to hurt you, then…"

Vladimir smiled

"Who am I to stop you, your Spidey Highness?"

"Say what?"

Lulu snickered.

"Nothing, your venomous Majesty,"

"Oh no, Vlad," the Spider Queen sighed "not the puns."

"As you wish, your arachnid ladyship. By the way, it's not even a pun."

Elise rolled her eyes.

"Very funny,"

"Thank you."

….

"You're welcome."

END.

I'd like to think of Vlad and Elise as colleagues who are interested in each other, which in turn produced what I deem an interesting friendship. Vladimir considers Elise his equal, which prompted him to act a little more discreet on grounds both felt comfortable with. Nevertheless, that did not really stop them from understanding each other's traits and tendencies, which allows them to subconsciously deduce what the other was thinking and doing.