Lulu vs. Tahm Kench

A small attempt at getting into the Fae Sorceress's head.

"There's someone over there!" Lulu said, pointing towards the streams. It was yet another walk in the woods for the Fae Sorceress, who never seemed to get bored of her little explorations. Tristana had asked her to bring back some fungi for her dinner called "hotpot", with the condition that they must be edible in the common sense. Lulu had been used to this criteria, and rarely ever violated it, except for the one time she brought back something that made Teemo giggle uncontrollably for a while, and even though Lulu was very open to any idea, hearing Teemo laugh like that again was not high on her list.

Pix's gaze followed her pointing finger and the fae almost dropped.

"We have to go, Lulu," he said, urgently, but Lulu wasn't even listening.

"Come now, Pix! Let's go say hi!"

"Lulu!"

You thought only yordles and humans had troubles with Lulu? Sometimes even the fae himself was afraid of this girl's guts.

Lulu shuffled towards this "someone", who turned out to be a grey mass of slippery skin. Lulu had never seen someone like that anymore, which only prompted her curiosity.

"Salutations!" she declared.

The grey mass turned around, revealing a creature that'd make many take a step back. Such a thing never bothered Lulu anyway. She had no qualms about talking to a giant humanoid catfish wearing a tuxedo and a fedora, not at all.

"A yordle," said the creature, his voice deep and resounding. There was a hint of mockery and arrogance in his voice, which Lulu didn't fail to notice. "I almost forgot this woods is close to your establishment." The creature rubbed its "hands" together "well, well, child, what do we have here."

"My name is Lulu," she introduced, giving out her hand. The creature seemed surprised at the gesture "I'm a Sorceress."

"You may call me Tahm Kench. It's borrowed, but gets the point across."

"Pleased to meet you, Mister Kench," Lulu smiled cheerily at him.

Tahm Kench did not shake her hand, but he laughed.

"A yordle sorceress, now isn't that a sight for sore eyes? Tell me, child, how did this come to be?"

He offered her to sit next to him, and she complied. She liked talking to people, and this Tahm Kench creature made her curious. He seemed to know a lot more than what he was showing, and there was just something off about his ensemble.

Next to her ears, Pix was pestering her to leave. For some reason he wasn't as curious as she was about Tahm.

"Come now, Pix," said Lulu, telepathically, "That's not polite!"

"If you know who he is, politeness is a stretch."

"Why are you so anxious? He seems fine. At least he couldn't hurt me."

Then she turned to Tahm Kench and began her story.

"Well, I was playing one day near the woods when I encountered my friend!" she said, taking her hat off to introduce Pix, but the fae wisely clung to its inside, refusing to come out. This frustrated Lulu, and she frowned "Come now, Pix, that is no way to act!"

Tahm Kench seemed to have realized his presence.

"You have a fae? Why, so many surprises in one evening! What do you seek that brings you out of the Glade?"

"He wants to explore Valoran," Lulu explained "I'm sorry, Pix is really picky of strangers."

"Is the fae your companion?"

"He's my friend. He taught me really cool magic!"

Tahm Kench scrutinized the yordle

"For a yordle this powerful, aren't you quite young?"

"My parents didn't say anything. They died a long time ago."

She looked up at Tahm Kench to find him quite astonished.

"Why are you surprised?" she asked.

The creature laughed.

"Indeed yordles are impeccable creatures. Child, how did your parents die?"

Lulu frowned.

"I don't know. Why do you ask?"

"Because he's a Demon! He's the River King!" Pix warned "all he wants is to deceive you. Do not trust him."

Lulu disagreed with this statement, but the name clung to her.

"The River King?" she wondered out loud.

"Oh yes, that is what I'm called. Your fae knows his stuff."

"Of course, it's Pix. Pix knows many things," Lulu replied automatically, she was still trying to grasp the meaning behind "Demon" and "River King". "What do you do as the River King? Do you talk to fish?"

Tahm Kench chuckled heartily.

"I can talk to all sorts of creature. But normally I don't talk to creatures, creatures come talk to me. I can travel the River of the world, child. There's no place on this plane I cannot reach, there's not a land I have no sway on."

"The… River of the world?"

"The world is just one big River, Lulu, and I'm its King. I come to those who crave, I give them what they want, and I take what I give."

Lulu tilted her head.

"Then basically you give nothing away, huh?"

"Why, nothing in the world is given away, child. If you let me in, you pay the price."

The "Demon" looked at Lulu again.

"For example, yordle, what is the one thing you desire more than anything in this life? Do you desire to come back to your parents?"

Lulu blinked.

"Uh… no? You are a handful with words," she said "I want to find the white cotton mushroom, though. Tristana wants to make something called hotpot, and she asked me to find some edible mushrooms. Pix said that was one of the finest mushrooms in Valoran."

"You don't need my power to do that," said Tahm Kench, sounding just a little bit peeved "the mushrooms grow aplenty by the river banks."

Lulu raised an eyebrow.

"I never said I needed your power. Traveling by foot is better." She said "you're weird. Thank you, nevertheless."

She stood up, giving him one last nod before heading towards the fungi.

"He was an odd fellow," she told Pix, skipping "what was the fuss earlier? You were acting strange."

Pix blinked.

"You dealt with him surprisingly well. Are yordles just generally good at dealing with him, or do you really…"

"What?"

"Never mind."

"He can travel to places, right? What's so bad with that?"

"Traveling the world is just one of his abilities. The so-called Tahm Kench is a Demon – someone feeding off the products of mankind. He's quite a powerful one, even. His power isn't just restricted to one plane of reality; he can affect many others, even timelines. That's how he sustains himself: he gives men what they desire, and then comes to eat them."

"Eat men? Ew!"

"Yuck, indeed," Pix agreed "fae feels very uncomfortable in his presence. The River King is a gluttonous creature, as much as what he represented. He eats anything and everything he gets his hand on, and yet still not sated. Much like the greed and vices of mankind…" the fae's voice turned morose.

"Hmm, now that you mentioned it, something is off about him. He was not exactly lying to me, but I feel like there's more to what he implies."

"He can give you what you desire, that is true, but he lies about what indulging him would result in. Some of his tales even reached the Glade, how the vulnerable, ambitious one would choose the easy way out, and perish because of it."

"Really?" asked Lulu, picking at the fluffy mushrooms by the riverbank "can you tell me some of those tales?"

"Of course, my lovely friend, why don't we start with the story of his namesake – Tahm Kench. No, it's not the guy. Tahm Kench is only a borrowed name, after all."

Tahm Kench approached the yordle after she'd gathered up all the mushrooms she needed. The girl was setting up a small camp fire with magic and roasting what she'd gathered. Her green eyes were fixated on the flame, and only looked up as she felt his presence approaching. She smiled at him, yet this smile spoke of awareness. She knew.

"Tahm," she addressed the creature "I heard you like to eat. Do you want some mushrooms?"

The River King couldn't help but laugh at the gesture.

"Thank you, child,"

Then he proceeded to toss the whole skewer into his mouth. Lulu also bit off one mushroom from her own.

"Very delicious," he said "a good meal is what's given with your heart. I've hardly been offered a meal willingly."

"Well, if you'd only talk to people rather than deceiving them…"

"People do not give out meals, I know how people do." he paused "You know who I am, Lulu. Why?"

Lulu didn't answer this inquiry. Instead, she turned her look to the blazing fire.

"That's not everything. Mankind is not only vice, greed and selfishness. They are also noble, kind, lovely, heartwarming, and always trying their best to live on, comprehending the universe around them. You can't see that because that is not what you seek."

"That is… an interesting point of view." Tahm admitted, but he did not agree. Mankind was all those things because they craved something. He'd seen countless generations of men come and go, and the pattern never changed. They'd always desire what was beyond their grasp.

"You are also a creature of vice, and you know it," Lulu continued "you cannot stop, and you don't think you should. It's about your survival, after all. But don't lie about it."

"Your fae told you, didn't he?"

Lulu nodded, taking another bite. The River King went on

"Truth is, mankind is born to be tempted. They live fleeting lives, and yet want too much out of it."

"Would you not want to understand the world around you?" Lulu asked "if you only existed so brief an amount of time, only to be returned to dust, would you not wonder, why I was here, where I was from, and where I would go? I'd say mankind's journey towards understanding itself and the universe it lived in has been incredible. Don't you think their efforts and achievements were astounding and respectable, even if they still lack certain clarity that you possess?"

Tahm's eyes narrowed at her statement. Ah, if only he was there to hear this statement. He wondered what that creature would have said in response.

"Child, that is not something any of us can answer so easily. I, for example, still lack quite some clarity on this world… it does not matter though, as you say, that is not my job. The thing is, mankind is greedy…"

"Ambitious,"

"…selfish, self-centered, lacking a broader view in the world. Like all before them, I live off their products. All demons do the same."

"I know. I'm not blaming you. That does not mean I'll indulge you."

"Of course, all yordles are like that. They're in control of their will to live and die. They are not as restricted as humans when it comes to comprehending the world. You are a prime example. As a result, they negate my presence. Nevertheless, they were not without desires. Unlike you, who had none."

Lulu's eyebrows shot up.

"I do have desires!" she said defensively "I want to travel the world. I want to meet new people, and want to learn new things. I want to eat every dessert in Runeterra." She said proudly, looking up to see what the River King would say of her desires.

"Oh child, that is not what people often come to me for."

"They're pretty respectable goals of my life!" Lulu said indignantly "seriously though, do people not want that?"

"No."

"…what do they want, then?"

"Happiness,"

"Everyone wants that!"

"Money, recognition, fame, love," Tahm Kench said "the list goes on, little one."

…

"So… people are not just happy to live and enjoy living, learning more about themselves and the world around them?"

"No, that is not what they often do. Each may define their 'happiness' differently, yet very few believe living itself is a happiness, like you. You're a very special one."

Was living itself not happiness? You could not be happy that you were alive?

The Fae Sorceress finished the rest of her skewer. The mushroom was delicious, but she didn't pay it much attention. So not everyone in this world was happy. Not everyone could see wonders in everything. No wonder they all appeared grumpy and uninteresting to her.

"Don't you want to come back to your world, child?" the Demon asked out of the blue.

"What, the Glade?" Lulu blinked.

"No, your own time," answered the Demon "you can see your parents and old friends again. I can help you."

It would be… understandable if she longed for home. In rare moments she actually did. But she never actually craved coming back.

Home was where she made it. And she made this place, this time her home.

And if she were to disappear for another hundred years, then that to-be world would be her home.

Anytime and anywhere, she'd be able to live and learn. Anytime and anywhere, she'd be able to find friends. Because no matter what time it was, people hardly changed. They would always be kind, resourceful, ambitious, and lovely. That would never change.

"No." she answered simply.

Tahm Kench nodded. For once, he no longer sounded arrogant and mocking. He spoke with a carefully hidden interest and admiration.

"So it is."

"But I do want one thing."

"What is it?"

"I want everyone to be happy."

…

The creature snorted "That is impossible, child. No matter how much power you hold, even if you are able to affect the very fabric of the universe, you can't make everyone happy."

"I know. If I were to have such power, then I would not want to make people happy. That is something you can't do."

"So can't you."

"Is that so?"

Tahm raised an eyebrow (if he did have one)

"Is that your intention, little one?"

"I believe everyone deserves to be happy, and that they can choose to be happy. From now on, I will help them make that choice. I will help them choose happiness," she said earnestly "I will not let them choose you."

The River King burst out laughing, out of amusement rather than mockery. How one could propose such a fruitless idea, and actually sounded like they could actually do it.

He knew the yordle before him would not back down. She was the Fae Sorceress. She'd do anything she wanted.

"Is this a challenge, Fae Sorceress?"

"Indeed," Lulu grinned.

"Well, well, let's see," said Tahm Kench "if we do cross path again, Fae Sorceress, I will remember your words."

"Of course you will. Demons do not forget."

"Indeed we don't," Tahm agreed "Farewell, Lulu, until we meet again."

"Bye! Next time I'll bring you another meal!"

Tahm's laughter was her only reply as the River King plunged down a portal and disappeared.

"Alright, we've got what we want! Let's go home. Trist is gonna be super happy with these mushrooms!"

The girl began skipping home, humming to herself, promptly ignoring her fae companion's groan

"Darn, you just have to do that, don't you?"

END.

Man, if Aurelion Sol and Lulu were ever to talk, that'd be damn interesting.