So first off, congratulations are in order. Well done to Dr Stranger for your suggestion for a title for this collection of One-Shots: "Bolts from the Blue." Thanks to everyone else who offered a serious suggestion.
Second, one review from ezok suggested that in future I should give a small summary for each story at the beginning instead of a list of warnings. It is an excellent point, and I shall take it on board, but will also keep the warning list as required.
So, on with the show!
Life on Hiatus
Summary: So let's face it, there are a lot of stories on this website that have been left in limbo, and for the Harry Potter fandom, there is no exception. But what do those characters talk about to pass the time while they are waiting for their story to be updated? This story examines the experience of four characters as they wait on the precipice of oblivion, wondering if their writer will ever come back and finish of their tale in one way or another.
Warnings: Harry/Hermione pairing and Draco/OC pairing. Jabs are taken at various fandom clichés, including soul bonds, random siblings, friendly Malfoy, wrong BWL, heir to multiple families, male veela/werewolf/vampire hybrid, multiple animagus forms and much, much more. Also contains a very brief mention of a Slash relationship, but it is hardly even noticable: a passing reference barely ten words long. It is all intended to be light-spirited and if you get seriously offended by anything, you're probably taking things too Sirius(ly). – Ha! See what I did there? Yeah, one of the oldest jokes in the fandom. Deal with it!
Draco Lucius Scorpius Abraxas Salazar Edward Jacob Malfoy let out a long suffering sigh and asked the same question that he had been asking for months: "How long has it been?"
To his left, his long-time best friend, one Lord Hadrian James Sirius Remus Severus Potter Evans Black Peverell Merlin Gryffindor Ravenclaw Hufflepuff Slytherin Riddle Flamel Ollivander, turned towards the stone wall next to him and counted up the tally marks that they had engraved there.
After a quick count he replied "Three years, nine months, three weeks, two days and…" he held up his left arm and pulled back the sleeve to examine the overpriced gold watch that he had been made to purchase in the Harrods Department Store in London during a mandatory spending spree before starting his first year at Hogwarts (… ten hours, forty seven minutes and eighteen seconds."
Draco let out another long suffering sigh and repositioned himself so that he was lying across the step that he had previously been sitting on. As he did so, he rested his head on the lap of the girl sitting next to him. This girl was his bonded life mate, though how this ever came to be what with the two of them being only eleven years of age was not something that their author had ever deemed fit to give a satisfactory explanation to. Basically it had something to do with the fact that Draco was a veela-werewolf-vampire crossbreed who had apparently fallen in love with this girl the moment that he had first lain eyes upon her. She didn't appear to have a choice in the matter, as apparently her rejecting him would have caused him to die, and she was too nice to do such a thing.
Who was this girl, you ask? Why, she was Harry's super cool, super smart and just as powerful as him twin sister, Sakura Harriet Rose Lily Mary Sue Isabella Potter Evans Black Peverell Merlin Gryffindor Ravenclaw Hufflepuff Slytherin Riddle Flamel Ollivander, that's who!
She smiled down at him and began running her fingers through his hair, which consisted of silky golden locks, rather than the sleeked-back, white-blond hair usually associated with him. She gazed lovingly into his beautiful eyes which were sapphire coloured rather than the usual cold grey he was known for.
Sakura herself and brilliant emerald green eyes, like those of her mother and twin brother, and her red hair was long and flowing, with two dark streaks of black hair framing her face.
Hadrian had black hair which was cut and styled professionally, with several streaks of red in it. He didn't wear any glasses on his face, despite it being a family trait, for on his mandatory spending spree before starting his first year at Hogwarts he had wandered into a special shop in Diagon Alley where they sold all sorts of Muggle things, including contact lenses. Harry had purchased some of these before going down Knockturn Alley and wandered into a shop where he paid a rather suspect looking man a ridiculous sum of money (because he could!) to put many enchantments (mostly illegal) upon these contact lenses. These enchantments had included the ability to see through walls, invisibility cloaks and disillusionment spells, the ability to see peoples' magical auras, to tell if an animal was an animagus or not, to see magical residue and an in-built automatic shield charm for those situations when someone might have thrown a curse at his face.
Strangely enough, Hadrian had never used any of these features, despite living through more than two dozen outlandish incidents in the time between then and now when utilising said features would have been a massive time saver.
"Are we ever going to actually finish our first year?" the girl sitting next to Hadrian demanded of no one in particular.
Hadrian smiled and wrapped a comforting arm around the girl who had become his soul mate (literally) after he rescued her from the troll on Halloween.
Hermione Jane (sometimes Jean) Ophelia Juliet Rosalind Celia Granger was her name originally, but all that had changed when she was in the Hospital Wing after being hexed by Ron Weasley. Madam Pomfrey had made the rather shocking discovery that there had been some glamour charms on Hermione and had removed them, revealing that she had the same sapphire eyes and golden hair (no longer bushy) as Draco. A quick search had shown her to be Draco's long-lost secret older sister, who had been dumped into a Muggle orphanage by a callous Lucius Malfoy who had wanted a son instead of a daughter.
After this shock discovery had hit the press, Lucius, upon realising that Hermione had some sway over her new soul-mate Hadrian, had attempted to persuade the Wizengamot into forcing her into becoming his legal daughter again.
Hadrian had invoked his rights as Lord Potter Evans Black Peverell Merlin Gryffindor Ravenclaw Hufflepuff Slytherin Riddle Flamel Ollivander and challenged Lucius to a duel, during which he had summoned the Sword of Gryffindor and killed the obnoxious man.
Draco and his mother Narcissa were more than fine with this and, with Lucius out of the way, had turned out to be really nice individuals who had allowed Hermione into their family while becoming great friends with Hermione's adoptive parents, Daniel and Emma Granger.
It was now a little over six months later and Narcissa was already planning her marriage to her next husband, Severus Tobias Snape, who wasn't a colossal berk, but a really nice guy who was completely misunderstood and who treated Hadrian nicely simply because Hadrian had showed an aptitude for potions brewing.
Hadrian sighed and said "I wish we at least had my magically expanded, multi-compartment trunk with us. We could be doing something other than just sitting around waiting for The Author to come back."
"Have you actually used that trunk since you bought it?" asked Sakura.
"Well, I did kit it out," replied Hadrian. "There were two fully functioning apartments, complete with bedrooms, living room, kitchen and bathroom, a gymnasium, a meditation room, a potions laboratory, a spell practice area complete with duelling dummies, a room to practice all my martial arts and a huge library with copies of every book from every shop in Diagon and Knockturn Alleys."
"But have you actually used any of that?" asked Sakura.
"Not as such, no," said Hadrian, meekly. "I fully intended to, but then I randomly found the room of requirement and apparently it's much easier to sneak off there than it is to hop into my trunk, which stands at the foot of my bed, which is situated in mine and Hermione's married quarters."
"Hey," said Hermione, poking his shoulder. "You never told me about this secret library of yours."
Draco sat up and said "Forget the library, sis, I want to hear more about these martial arts that you do."
"Didn't you know?" asked Sakura. "Hadrian here began paying for lessons in martial arts from the age of three and had mastered every single one by the age of ten."
"Really?" asked Draco, intrigued.
"Oh yes," said Sakura, and began listing them off. "Karate, judo, taekwondo, aikido, kendo, kyūdō, iaidō and shurikenjutsu."
"You mastered all of that by the age of ten?" asked Hermione.
"Yep," said Hadrian. "Magic helped, of course."
"Of course," agreed Draco, grinning.
"Seems a little farfetched to me," said Hermione. "Especially as you haven't used any of it since coming to Hogwarts. Imagine how handy that stuff could have been when facing down the troll."
"True enough," said Sakura. "But is it more farfetched than your being a able to use ancient runes, arithmancy, charms, potions and transfiguration to a N.E.W.T level standard?" asked Sakura.
Hermione blushed before replying "Well you and Hadrian could do better in all your subjects if you just put half as much effort into them as you did into becoming animagi."
"Oh yeah," said Draco. "How many forms did you have again?"
"Nine each," replied Hadrian. "I'm able to turn into an African lion, a European badger, a timber rattlesnake, a bald eagle, a griffin, a Hungarian horntail dragon, a basilisk a mako shark and a black panther."
"And I can turn into an African cheetah, a European otter, a green tree boa, an osprey, a hippogriff, a Norwegian ridgeback dragon, a hydra, a bottlenose dolphin and a snow leopard," added Sakura.
"I wish I knew what my animagus forms were," said Hermione, morosely.
"Well if the story ever picks up again I'm sure that at some point we'll brew up the special animagus-revealer potion that will show you what you are and make the whole learning process a hundred times easier," replied Hadrian.
"I've been promised that potion for the last eight chapters," said Hermione.
"At least you have the potential to have an animagus," argued Draco. "As a veela-werewolf-vampire hybrid, I can't have an animagus form."
"You can turn into a blood-sucking bat, a huge, terrifying wolf and a weird human-bird thing that can shoot fireballs from his clawed hands," said Hadrian. "What more do you want?"
"Oh, I don't know," replied Draco in an airy, playful tone. "How about metamorphmagus capabilities?"
Hadrian grinned before morphing his face into an exact replica of their former Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore (who had been arrested at Christmas and pushed through the Veil of Death on New Year's Eve for endangering students by bringing the Philosopher's Stone into Hogwarts).
"Cut that out," said Hermione, slapping Hadrian on the thigh. "You'll give me nightmares."
"That goes for you too," said Draco to Sakura, who had turned her face into that of their current Headmistress, Professor McGonagall (who had escaped arrest, despite being complicit in Dumbledore's plotting).
"Sorry," said Hadrian and Sakura in unison as they morphed their faces back to normal.
"That's better," said Hermione, before grabbing Hadrian by his tie and pulling him in for a quick kiss.
Hadrian smiled at her and then looked down at his tie. It was yellow and black, the colours of Hufflepuff house.
"Why was I sorted into Hufflepuff for this story?" he asked of no one in particular. "I mean, apart from the welcoming feast, I've had absolutely zero interaction with anyone from Hufflepuff, despite the fact that I got on really well with Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott, Ernie Macmillan and Justin Finch-Fletchley when I first met them."
"I could ask the same thing about my sorting into Ravenclaw," said Hermione, examining her own tie. "I was getting on really well with Padma Patil and Lisa Turpin at the welcoming feast, but after that I don't seem to have anything to do with them."
"It's the same in Slytherin," said Sakura. "I had a blast talking to Daphne Greengrass at the welcoming feast, but then we just stopped interacting."
"Well, at least you've got Draco in the same house," observed Hadrian. "You've got someone to interact with in lessons. I've got to put up with being separated from Hermione in any lesson that the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws don't share."
"Could be worse," said Sakura. "You could be in Gryffindor with Neville Longbottom, the Boy-Who-Lived-And-Is-Inexplicably-A-Complete-Arse-About-It."
"That's true," said Hadrian. "I think that if I shared a dormitory with him, one of us might be missing a limb by now."
"If The Author let you, of course," added Hermione.
Everyone chuckled at that before settling into a comfortable silence.
After a few minutes, Sakura spoke.
"Hey, here's something to do. We'll go around in a circle and each say our least favourite thing about the story so far."
"Alright," said Hadrian. "You first."
"Ok. So far I've not been a huge fan of the Americanisation of things. I mean, ok, some things I can let go of, like saying "pants" instead of "trousers" or "sidewalk instead of "pavement" but when we were in Harrods and Harry paid in dollars? I mean it's almost like The Author wasn't even trying."
Hadrian chuckled and agreed. "Yeah. Remember that chapter that got taken down after fifty reviewers complained?"
"Oh yeah," said Draco with a laugh. "The one where The Author had us all celebrating Thanksgiving. The moron."
"The turkey was nice, though," observed Hermione, to which everyone nodded in agreement.
"Ok, your turn," said Sakura to Draco.
Draco thought for a few moments before replying. "You know, I haven't really appreciated all the Monty Python references. I mean, while that whole "I spit in your general direction" thing that Hadrian did to Dumbledore before he was carted off to the Ministry was funny, but did we have to meet the Rabbit of Caerbannog when we were in detention in the Forbidden Forest? And what was the point of The Knights Who Say Ni standing at the front gates when we arrived?"
"Thank Merlin Hermione's adoptive dad liked to share his love of Monty Python with her," said Hadrian. "Where did you get that Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, anyway?"
"If I knew, I'd tell you," replied Hermione.
"Plot hole!" said Sakura in a sing-song voice before asking Hadrian "Do you remember the fuss we had to endure before you could buy Hedwig?"
"Yes," replied Hadrian. "It really was an ex-parrot by the time Crookshanks got hold of him."
"I liked getting Crookshanks early," said Hermione with a fond smile. "But I don't like how we rushed through so much other stuff."
"How do you mean?" asked Draco.
"Well, there are exposing Quirrell-mort at the Halloween feast, finding the Room of Requirement, getting Dumbledore, Filch, Fudge, Umbridge and Skeeter all fired from their respective jobs, exposing Peter Pettigrew, petitioning to have Sirius Black released, finding out about the Horcruxes and alerting Madam Bones to their existence, getting equal rights for House Elves, Goblins and Centaurs, persuaded the Wizengamot to allow Sirus and Remus to pursue their relationship, exposing every Death Eater who escaped justice, discovering the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets so that it could be sealed off forever… it just feels like we've done a hell of a lot in less than a year. It would make sense if we somehow had foreknowledge of all of it due to being from the future or something, but we didn't."
"Yeah, events could have been spread out a little more," agreed Hadrian. "Between all that, plus school work, plus our extra-curricular learning, I've barely had time to sit down and relax for a bit."
"Until this hiatus, you mean," said Draco with a smirk.
"True enough," said Hadrian. "I, for one, have hated the inconsistency with muggle technology. One minute I'm jogging around the Black Lake at five in the morning with an iPod strapped to my arm, the next we're all at Hermione's adoptive parents' house for an afternoon over the Christmas holidays where Hermione's dad had just gotten a brand new, state of the art VHS tape recorder. I mean, if The Author wants to move our story from taking place in the 1990's to the 2000's, that's fine, but at least they should keep it consistent."
"Consistency has not been this story's strong suit," stated Hermione.
They lapsed into silence again, only to suddenly be interrupted by a change in the atmosphere.
What had once been all still and stagnant seemed to move, to breathe.
"This is it guys!" said Hadrian, enthusiastically. "Back to your places; we're getting updated!"
They all got to their feet and resumed their positions of walking down the marble staircase towards the Great Hall. They remained still as statues as they waited for the story to take control of them once again.
After several long moments of nothing happening, Sakura said in a loud whisper "Nothing's happening guys!"
Hadrian looked up and saw an expanse of white above them, black letters standing out against the backdrop.
"It's not an update," he stated. "It's an Author's Note."
The other three looked up and read the words above them.
Dear Readers. My, it has been a long time, hasn't it? The truth is that I did not intend to be away from this story for so long, but my Naruto and Bleach writing took up a lot of my time. After a year I re-read this story and found it to be horrible. Since then I have been revising various parts of the story and now am ready to begin uploading again. Rather than simply replace each chapter I will upload it as a separate story. Look out for Hadrian Potter's Awesome Fun Adventure: The Rewrite, the first chapter of which should be uploaded within the week.
Thanks for your time. The Author.
"A rewrite," stated Hermione. "Fantastic."
"Alright, places everyone!" ordered Hadrian. "Get ready to live our lives again in a much more detailed format in the form of five quick-fire updates, followed by three random updates over the following year, followed by our eventual abandonment long before the story can get back to this point again."
"Great," muttered Sakura. "Hey, does this mean I'm going to have a crush on Gilderoy Lockhart again?"
"I doubt we'll reach that point again, sis," said Harry as the world around them began to fade out and they were drawn into the world of The Rewrite!
So there you go. I hope you enjoyed this little ditty and look out for more, coming soon!