Not So Fast Food.
Summary: Harry always wanted a normal life – wife, kids, dog, house with the white picket fence, that sort of thing. But what if his life as an adult was normal? This story looks at what that life might be like, on one un-particular Wednesday. Enjoy
Warnings: Grouchy parent. A few bad words. Harry/Ginny pairing. Albus Severus Potter exists. No Magic.
Note: So at the end of this there are four short little alternate endings, which were suggested by Teufel1987. This is the first time that I've ever added what could be considered an omake to a story, but after Teufel sent me a PM with these little snippets, I couldn't resist adding them. If at any point any of you feel like submitting an alternate ending or extra scene of your own for any of the one-shots that appear in this collection, then by all means write it out and send it over. If its good enough, I will certainly add it, with full credit to you.
"Daddy, I'm hungry."
"Well, we'll be home soon, sweetie." Harry Potter answered.
That was, of course, a lie. They were in a car on a road in a built-up area at half past five on a Wednesday afternoon, which meant that they were in a traffic jam that probably would take another hour to get through.
If they were lucky, that is.
Harry fully supported James' involvement with the after-school football club, but having to pick him up during rush-hour traffic made the whole thing one big inconvenience. Harry hated driving in rush-hour traffic, and did his best to avoid it. James' football practice ensured that every Wednesday, Harry spent a good hour and a half stuck in his car, driving at an average two miles per hour (or so it felt).
James, at twelve years old, seemed to have hit his teenage years prematurely. He wore that expression on his face that was characteristic of all teenagers. You know the one; that expression that conveys a constant disappointment and resentment of the world as a whole, and, when directed at you, makes it seem that they think that you are the biggest moron on the planet. He's one of those who is always fiddling with their iPhone™, to the extent that, were it not for the fact that he put it away during football practice, there would seem to be an highly likely possibility that the only way to get it out of his grasp would be via surgery.
Harry didn't see the point in a twelve year old having an iPhone™ anyway, but his wife Ginny had brushed off his arguments against it with that old favourite "Oh, Harry, you have no idea what's cool."
Well maybe not, but what certainly was not "cool", at least in Harry's book, was him being the poor bastard who had to fork out thirty pounds each month to pay for the bloody thing.
James was currently sat beside Harry in the front passenger's seat, staring at the aforementioned iPhone.
Albus, the nine-year old was in the seat immediately behind him. Albus, like his father, usually wore a pair of glasses, but he had broken the left lens on his pair that very morning. As was typical, there was no sign of his spare pair and so Albus had just spent the entire day at school wandering around half-blind. Ginny had promised to go into town during her lunch break and see about getting his glasses either mended or replaced.
She hadn't.
Lily, the six-year old and only girl, was sat behind Harry. It had been she who had whined about being hungry, and she wasn't about to take her dad's placating words on board.
"But I'm hungry now," she moaned.
"Lily, we'll be home soon," said Harry. "We can have dinner then."
"But I'm starving," she continued to whine.
"Are you really?" asked Harry in a bored voice, wondering idly if the white van in front of him was ever going to move.
"Yes," answered Lily, as petulantly as any female of her age could. "And if I don't get food soon, I'm going to die."
"Really?"
"Yes, cuz my tummy will get so empty that it will start to jest itself and I'll die."
Harry knew that by "jest" she meant "digest."
"It doesn't work like that, Lily." he assured her.
"Oh yes it does!" she replied indignantly. "James told me so."
Harry turned to send a reproachful look at his oldest son, but James, staring blankly at his iPhone™, was just about to make his day worse.
He flicked up an app and after a few moments he grinned and said "Dad, I've just used the McDonald's Restaurant Finder app™. There's one right around the corner. We could eat there."
As Lily and Albus broke out into loud cheers in the backseat, Harry gave his oldest son a look that clearly said "You better sleep with one eye open from now until you go to university."
Despite the restaurant being just around the corner, it still took them another fifteen minutes to actually get there, thanks to the traffic.
By now Harry was getting a little bid irate, but gladly turned the wheel to swing the car around to the drive-thru™.
"What the-?" he muttered, slamming a foot on the brake pedal.
Ahead of them were five orange traffic cones, blocking access to the drive-thru.
"Drive-thru must be shut," observed James, rather unnecessarily. Only the fact that his younger two were in the car with them stopped Harry from muttering "No shit, Sherlock!"
Instead, Harry resigned himself to trying to find a parking space in the less-than adequate car park. Another ten minutes passed before he finally managed to squeeze into a space between a white van and a concrete wall. It was a tight fit, but the car was parked and they all got out.
Unfortunately their space was the one furthest away from the doors of the restaurant, so Harry had to take extra care in leading his kids through the car park, especially as both Lily and Albus seemed to have got it into their heads that it would be appropriate to have a race to see who could get to the doors first.
After shepherding his children out of the way of a speeding car driven by a moron in a stupid hat, Harry came to a stop, gazing in agony at the sight before him. The queue for the restaurant was so long that it now extended out of the doors and around to the side of the building itself.
"No way," he said, determinedly. "I'm not doing this! Everyone back to the car, come on."
"But Daaaaaad…" protested Lily.
"Nope!" said Harry, firmly.
Lily sniffed, wrinkled her nose, pouted and began to cry.
"Finally," muttered Harry as they, after twenty long minutes, stepped through the doors to the restaurant.
His phone began ringing in his pocket, and he pulled it out to answer it.
"Hello? Yeah, hiya Ginny. No, we're in McDonalds. Yeah, I know we agreed but- Yes I remember, but – Look, we're here now so do you want anything? Alright, bye."
He put the phone away and nudged James' shoulder. James managed to wrench his eyes away from his text-messaging to give his father a disinterested look.
"Don't let me forget to get your mother a McChicken Sandwich™ before we leave," said Harry.
James rolled his eyes and went back to staring at his I.Q. reducer… sorry, iPhone™
Another ten minutes passed, and they were finally getting close to being able to place an order.
Albus was standing off to one side, gazing at a display case containing examples of this month's selection of free toys, shamelessly both promoting and preying on the popularity of the latest film to be churned out of the Pixar animation studios. James was also standing off to one side, still playing with his iPhone™ like a zombie.
And Lily… Lily was standing in line just in front of Harry, fidgeting from side to side. Harry knew what that meant. She was not fidgeting because she was excited. Nor was she fidgeting because she was hungry. No, she was fidgeting because she needed the toilet.
As if she realised that he had spotted this, Lily turned around and looked up at him to proclaim "Daddy, I need a wee."
"Well go then," said Harry. "The toilets are only over there."
Lily turned to look at the door that led to the toilets before turning back and stating "I'm not old enough to go on my own."
"Aren't you?" asked Harry, wearily.
"No. You have to take me."
"Well…" said Harry, trying to find an argument. "Lily, we're nearly there now. Can't you hold it in until after we've ordered?"
"But I really hafta go!" she protested, jigging up and down on the spot.
Harry rubbed a hand over his eyes wearily before muttering "Fine. James, Albus, hold our place in the queue please. If you get served, I'll have a Big Mac Meal™ and Lily's having a Happy Meal."
He then grabbed Lily by the hand and led her through the door that led to the toilets.
For a brief moment he wondered exactly which toilet he was supposed to take her too, but in the end led her towards the men's room, as he was certain he wouldn't be welcome in the ladies' room.
"Yuck!" exclaimed Lily. "It stinks in here."
"Yep," agreed Harry, leading her towards the nearest stall. "Get in there and do what you got to do."
Lily entered the stall, only to emerge five seconds later, looking rather green. "The last person didn't flush," she explained.
Harry blinked down at her before looking over her head into the stall, only to which that he hadn't. Well, at least they knew where the smell was coming from!
Doing his best to avoid looking into the toilet bowl, Harry attempted to do everyone a massive favour by reaching out to pull the flush, only to discover that it wasn't working.
"For Christ's sake!" he grumbled before grabbing Lily's hand and leading her to the stall at the opposite end of the row. The air still stank, but it wasn't as bad as it there. Lily went in, did what she had to do and came out again. They both washed their hands and got the hell out of there.
"What-?" began Harry once they were back in the restaurant area.
Neither James nor Albus were standing in the queue. James was still standing off to one side, gazing at his iPhone™ and Albus was still gazing at the display stand.
Worse, the couple who had been standing behind them in the queue were currently getting served.
"Oh, for the love of-!" snapped Harry.
No one in the queue was sympathetic to their plight, and they were forced to re-join the back of the line. From then there was another half-hour of waiting before finally they were being served.
Now, Harry was not a prejudiced man by any means. He did not give a rat's are what colour your skin was, what religion you where, where your political allegiances lay, what gender you were or what age you were. So if some woman in her early twenties wanted to leave her home in Romania to travel to England and attempt to earn a decent living by working the evening shift at a McDonalds Restaurant™ for minimum wage, then that was completely fine with Harry.
But was it really too much to ask that she be able to understand him when he asked for for a Big Mac Meal, a Chicken McNugget Happy Meal, a Cheeseburger Happy Meal and a Filet-O-Fish meal?
She had invited him over to her till with the well-rehearsed words of "Can I help you?" only for Harry to now find out that the answer was "No you can't."
After repeating his order three times, the last one spoken so slowly that other customers began to shoot him dirty looks, Harry was ready to give up.
Even pointing up to the large images above them and emphatically stating "That one!" produced no positive results.
Fortunately some spotty-faced supervisor with greasy red hair and braces on his teeth finally noticed their plight and came over to offer assistance. Unfortunately, rather than just serve Harry outright, the supervisor elected to turn the whole thing into a training experience for the woman. Harry just smiled politely and agreed whenever he was asked something. He would have rather just been served, but everyone was a trainee at some point, he supposed.
Their drinks were provided and the supervisor politely asked them to take some seats as, owing to the large amount of customers, there were a few orders waiting to be cooked before they got to theirs.
Harry led his kids through the restaurant and found a free table. It hadn't been cleared yet, but Harry soon sorted that out, dumping everything onto one tray, stacking them and placing them on top of a nearby bin.
Moments after they sat down a diligent cleaner appeared to Harry's left and gave their table a wipe over using that blue liquid they all used.
Harry was glad to finally sit down. Opposite to him Lily was happily slurping on her strawberry milkshake and to her left Albus was using his straw to blow bubbles in his cup of orange Fanta. James meanwhile, was sitting to Harry's right, completely ignoring his cola in order to continue staring transfixed at his iPhone™.
Harry took a careful sip of his coffee and sighed contentedly. As much fuss as getting it had been, the coffee never failed to be superb.
Twenty minutes later, Harry was out of his seat and pushing his way to the front of the queue to find out where their food was. It turned out he previous supervisor had gone home, leaving Harry to deal with his blond haired replacement who was wearing way too much makeup for someone working in McDonalds.
No record of Harry's order was to be found, so the new supervisor diligently put it all through the till again. Then there was a five minute period in which he had to get it through her thick skull that he had already paid for his food.
Finally he returned to the table carrying the tray containing their food.
He passed everything around before sitting himself down and unwrapping his Big Mac.
Before he could take a bite, Albus asked "Hey! Where are my fries?"
Harry sighed, set his burger down and pushed his way to the front of the queue again.
A normal person would have walked out by no, but damn it, he'd paid already! This place made enough profit annually without customers paying but not receiving their food!
Five minutes later he dumped a cardboard packet of French fries in front of Albus and sat back down in his seat.
He picked up his Big Mac and, at long last, he took a bite.
It was bloody cold!
"Bloody hell!" he cursed.
"Bad language!" admonished Lily, wagging a finger at him.
Harry reached across the table and grabbed up the nearest of her Chicken McNuggets and bounced it off her forehead.
"WE'RE HOME!" Lily declared loudly when they finally entered through the front door of their house.
Ginny, who was currently chatting on the phone, made a shushing gesture before waving at them in greeting
As the kids dashed off to do whatever it was they intended to do, Harry walked over to Ginny and placed a kiss on top of her head before making his way into the kitchen.
There he let out a sigh of exasperation. They had a very simple system in their house. In the morning, just before he went to work, Harry would go from bedroom to bedroom gathering up everyone's dirty clothes before heading into the bathroom to collect any towels before carrying the heavy laundry basket downstairs and sitting it in front of the washing machine before heading out the door.
Ginny would then put a load of the clothes into the washing machine and turn it on before heading off to work herself.
Well, in theory that was they system they had in place. On entering the kitchen Harry saw that today, like most days, Ginny had not upheld her end of the bargain. Seriously, putting the stuff in the machine, adding the cleanser and switching the machine on was all she had to do, and it took a fraction of the time it took Harry to collect it all into the basket upstairs.
Harry walked over to the washing machine, pulled the door open and began shoving clothes in.
"You're back then," Ginny stated, entering the kitchen just as Harry turned the machine on.
"Yes, at long last," replied Harry, walking over to give her a hug. "Remind me to never allow our kids to work in a fast-food restaurant."
"That bad huh?" asked Ginny.
"Worse," said Harry.
She nodded before looking around the kitchen. "So, where's my McChicken Sandwich?"
Harry blinked in annoyance.
"Oh, fu-!"
A/N: Well, he always wanted a normal life. That's the kind of shit you have to put up with in a normal life. I must admit that I'm interested in expanding upon this "Normal Harry" universe. A protect for the future, maybe.
Yes, this did contain Harry/Ginny. I don't ship it, but it works for this story.
Omakes! By Teufel1987
#1
(After James finds the closest McDonald's using his app)
"Hey, James," said Harry as he slowly used his right hand to press the driver's power window down. "Can I see that phone?"
Not waiting for a response, he deftly plucks the instrument from his son's slack grip with his left hand and in one fluid motion launches it out of the open window
"There…" Harry said with a satisfied sigh as the power window slowly made its way up. "All better!"
#2
(After James tells him of the McDonald's)
"I am giving you one minute to say that you were mistaken" Harry said in a low threatening voice that only his oldest could hear.
"Because if you don't, you will find that your iPhone won't be able to do much because I won't be paying the bills!"
#3
(At the McDonald's after Harry and Lily come back from the loo)
"James? I told you and your brother to stay in the queue while I take Lily to the loo. Why didn't you do that? Since you didn't do that, I guess we can assume that you DON'T want to eat at McDonald's after all … oh well, come on kids, we are going home! Don't look at me like that, Lily, it's your brother's decision. He is the reason why we are here in the first place and now he's the reason why we are leaving. All his fault. If he had only stayed in line…"
So after that he bundles his irate kids home.
#4
(Also at the McDonald's after Harry and Lily come back from the loo)
"James? I told you and your brother to stay in the queue while I take Lily to the loo. Why didn't you do that? Tell you what, you get to the back of the queue and order, I'm taking Lily and Al to sit down at a table."
"Oh, come on Dad!" complained James.
"And I'll be taking that too," added Harry as he stole James' iPhone. "You can have it back after we've all eatern."
James gave him a sullen look before stomping over to the back of the queue.
At the table, Harry held up the iPhone and began playing about with it.
"Are you reading his messages?" asked Al.
"Nope," replied Harry. "Just playing a little Angry Birds to kill some time."
'As well as drain the remaining battery charge,' he added in his head...