Bitch Work

Espada Meeting

"Quick Espada. Some idiots are invading Las Noches. What do we do?"

"Have you tried killing them?" Asked Szayel.

"Yeah that seems pretty logical." Halibel responded.

"Gay espada. First they disrupt our sleep..."

"Your sleep."

"Rebel against Aizen, create a cero machine and blow me up with it..."

"Blow us up with it."

"Shut up Aaroniero. You have no role in this fanfic."

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R.I.P. Aaroniero's dreams of being popular in this fanfic

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"I agree with you Nnoitra. Lets send Szayel and Halibel to get rid of them." Said Aizen.

"Yeah. Pay back for the cero launcher."

"Can I kill them Aizen?"

"No Aaroniero. You can stay here and remain unpopular."

"Hey Zommari. Can you watch over Halibel and Szayel for me. I'll give you a signature point."

"Yes. After this only 746 more to go."

"I love my espada. They are so easy to mess with."

Every espada stared menacingly at Aizen.

"What? It's not like you're going to survive unless by any chance my plan works than everyone but a select few espada survives."

The espada began to nod in approval.

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"Okay guys our first invader is named Rukia Kuchiki. Kill her and do me a favour Halibel. Since Szayel Aporro doesn't stand a chance as this authors other story Ulquihime Rebellion stated and since I don't stand a chance as Tite Kubo declared in his anime/manga, can you please deal with her brother?"

"Our you underestimating my abilities?"

"Szayel. This is a strong-mid level captain. He is nothing compared to the strong-mid level lieutenant level but for some reason is unseated invader we are chasing."

"You want us to kill her first?" Asked Halibel.

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"Come on you gays. Get a move on. Hurry up and kill her."

"I don't know. Two espada versus whatever she is is just unfair." Szayel commented.

"Come on. Do it to redeem your honor."

"Zommari. I am pretty sure its only to redeem your honor. Also why can't you do it?" Asked Halibel.

"Come on it's fun."

"I'm gonna leave now."

"Not so fast noble one." Szayel held a doll of Rukia.

"How did you get one of me so quick?"

"It's a secret."

"Now Szayel Aporro, kill her in the most painful and quick way possible."

"Are you in a rush?" Asked Halibel.

"I'm in a sugar rush."

"Do witch doctors go high on sugar? You're not making any sense Zommari."

"Just kill the intruder."

"Sure. But first I hope you're not ticklish."

Szayel began tickling Rukia through the use of the doll causing her to laugh but not out of joy.

"Do you think I'm to harsh? A noble one like her shouldn't endure this torture. I think its cruel."

Szayel's fingers stopped and so did Rukia try to relax her lungs.

"Szayel what are you doing?"

"Hey Zommari. Would you kindly fuck off?"

"Halibel don't talk to me like that. I am your superior."

"Superior? What the hell are you talking about? I am the third espada. You're the seventh. Even Grimmjow outranks you and he's twice my number."

"Yes but you are a woman and how society works is that white men are on top then white women then black men then black women."

"By that logic, I outrank you."

"Yes but you see, you are gay which counts as disabled which ranks about the same as black women if not lower."

"I can't believe I am saying this to a black man but you are racist. And not even in you're favor what the fuck?"

"It's the way society is meant to be."

"Says who."

"Says Aizen in 5 hours from now." Zommari held up his phone for conformation.

"What the? Is that a Future Diary reference?"

"Maybe."

"If I kill that phone I kill you right?"

"What if I just buy a phone cover."

"Hey espada."

"Hey Rukia calm down. Oh by the way Rukia what is your name Rukia? I forgot to ask you Rukia. Please forgive me Rukia."

"Espada. You're working system establishes me as higher ranking than yourself."

"Yes but you see you are a shinigami which counts as disabled."

Zommari's phone made a sound and when he checked it, in 10 minutes it said DEAD END.

"I take that back. Shinigami are not disabled. I just remembered Aizen."

Zommari's dead end sentence was removed but then it said "Look behind you. Halibel is going to severely injure you."

Halibel cut open Zommari's back.

"Wow that guy was annoying."

"Why are you guys here?" Rukia asked.

"Rukia. We sensed you were in trouble." Ichigo called.

The other four invaders met up with Rukia.

"Oh hey look. More idiots."

"Is that a Future Diary reference?" Uryu asked.

"No. This is a cookie monster reference." Szayel pulled out an Uryu doll.

"How did you make one so fast?"

"Everybody. As I destroy you're friends organs, we present to you some music. We will Rock You."

We will rock you plays with each thump representing Szayel grabbing an organ, breaking it and Uryu coughing.

"Stop that!" Ichigo demanded.

"Fine. Here have the doll." Szayel threw the doll at Ichigo causing the organs to drop.

Szayel took a step forward and stepped on some organs.

"Oh no. My fault."

Szayel backed up and destroyed even more organs.

"Uh oh. I am terrible with this."

"That's it. I'm killing you. What is you're name?"

"Oh you're Renji. If you wanna use you're bankai don't bother. I don't want you using it. Ypu won't defeat me in shikai though."

Ichigo got memories of fighting Dordonni.

"Aizen. When can I go back to fighting interesting people?"

"When I am ready."

"How can you be ready stop... I don't even know what to say."

"Perfect that's helping my plan."

"Who are you talking to Aizen?"

"I'm talking to the gay in pink Loly."

"I really didn't need to hear you say that."

"Hearing that was part of my plan."

"Damn it. This is retarded. What the fuck am I even here for in the first place."

"Who are you talking to?" Asked Ichigo.

"My executioner."

"Don't talk about Aizen like that!"

"Shut up Zommari. Szayel is talking." Halibel stomped on Zommari's head.

"I thought there was no way super man was able to rally us espada but I was willing to believe!"

"Well if you believe you're helping my plan."

"Get out of my head Aizen."

"Technically it's my head."

"Since when?"

"Since I turned you into an arrancar. You lost your head. I gave you that one instead."

"Just Gran Rey Cero." Szayel fired a Gran Rey Cero at Ichigo, Chad, Renji, Uryu and Rukia.

"Hey don't use that! That is a Gran Rey Cero. We can't use it in Las Noches." Zommari complained.

"Zommari, name one person that is not Ulquiorra who actually follows the rules of Las Noches. Nobody. Halibel, Barragan and Starrk release all the time and use cero oscuras and every espada uses gran rey cero."

"Are you gonna make sure they are dead?" Halibel asked.

"I am not following the evil overlord guidebook for this one."

"There's a guidebook? Why does nobody ever follow it?"

"It's a good guidebook but they all make mistakes. They could really listen to it. Doesn't itt make sense to keep you're weakness in a secure stash instead of in the mountains of doom across the river of fire?"

"Oh really?"

"How about interrogating someone beyond the borders of my kingdom just outside but in an unknown area. Maybe inside the borders of an enemy kingdom but not neutral they will complain."

"Wow Szayel. You could be a real villain one day."

"Nah. I would rather be remembered as a gay scientist who gets killed over the course of a million years."

"And I wanna be betrayed by Aizen and live only to figure out Aizen was stopped, my revenge was ceased and I won't be known until Ichigo rescues me. Shame I was planning to kill him."

"You're wish is my command." Said Aizen.

"Well fuck."

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Fun Fact

Halibel is basically a gender bend Ichigo. Same ideology kind of. No wander IchiHali is shipped so hard.

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"Hey. Szayel and Halibel. Can you carry me to Aizen?"

"No. Aren't you afraid the black woman will beat you up or the gay man will rape you?" Halibel asked.