Chapter 10

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With love,

s.

Todd ordered that each of the actresses should have a separate fitting with Sandy's team. He wanted the tension and intrigue was evident in the first scenes of the film, when Cate as Carol Aird enters into a department store to buy a gift for her daughter. Suddenly ladies eyes meet. Therese Belivet supports that woman. Younger woman is charmed by Her appearance. By Her dress and tone of husky voice ,which work magnetically on shop assistant.

The director would like to see this enchantment was visible at Rooney's face.

-It will not be difficult, Todd. Believe me. - Rooney whispered, looking into calm eyes of the director.

-I know that this is a piece of cake for you, but I want this fascination to be visible on the screen at once. I really don't want you to play that emotions, but you should feel it. Tonight comes the rest of the actors and immediately we begin the rehearsals. It was still 10 days to prepare everything before the shooting.

-I understand, Todd. It's hard not to be charmed by Cate Blanchett. You should know it well. - actress said with a laugh in her voice, trying to hide the apparent abashment.

-In that case, I leave you with Sandy's care. You'll be perfect Therese. And please do not get upset. I'm the director, I know very well, that together we create a beautifully film. - Todd said and hugged her tightly. -I will be for you around 17:00.

Rooney sighed loudly. Cate was right -they should focus on work now. She knew how hard it would be to not thinking about Her. The only damn one thing I can do is support her. The rest will be show by time. Although she knew that elder woman must feel something similarly to her. Not once she felt on herown back, that piercing blue gaze. Accidental they touch their hands. Quite meaningful glances or words. Rooney felt as if she had a fever. She felt as if she had this woman somewhere deep under her own skin. A woman who moved in her soul some magic strings. Woman, which can not be forgotten. Because how can you forget someone else who several hours earlier was in your arms and begged for more. About someone who by this one emotional evening gave you more, than someone who has been with you for more than four years.

-Rooney, are you alright? - she heard a sonorous British accent of designer and felt her hand on her own shoulder.

-Y... Yes. I felt a little weak. I need only to drink water and we take to work, Sandy. - she said softly and closed her eyes for a moment.

Focus, Patricia. Todd believes in all of us.

After finishing the meeting, Cate almost ran out of the room, casually throwing a coat over her shoulders. With trembling hands she took the phone and impatiently waited for the call. She knew that in Australia is already very late, but she needs to talk with her mother.

The sound of connection has lasted almost an eternity. After a while she heard the warm Australian voice on the other side of the line.

-Hallo?

-Hi Mom, it's Cate. How are you and how with my boys?

-Hi Cate! With me and boys are well. Of course boys missed you a lot of. They are in beds now. How is going with this movie?

-We didn't started yet, but I think that everything will go very well. Sandy is here, so I'll be have a lot of fittings - before we start to shoot. Tonight we begin already with rehearsals. Tell my boys that I miss them and they could call to me as soon as they wake up.

-It is something happened? - her mother asked with a nicely voice.

-Yes! - she answered harder and added. -Why?

-Because you have a really touchy voice. It had to be something, but it is not on the phone, am I right?

-Yes. - blonde woman said, turning her eyes. Her mother knew her - too well. -So, what about Andrew? He saw the boys?

-Unfortunately not. He do not call them or does not speak. That worries me, Cate.

She is also worried. It was not a good sign.

-Mom, the boys say something? Before leaving, I tried to explain them that Dad has some problems now and during this time of my film, it would be better, if they spent time with you.

-They often ask about Andrew, but I try to explain them that he is ill and he can't have a lot of time. I think that explanation is best for them. But I do not tell them that ...

-Mom! Do not say that out loud. If I will be have a less busy schedule I will try to come. I hate to say it, but I ... I do not want and I can not be with him anymore. Not after what I went through. I haven't that strength to fight for us no longer. The one thing I just care about is the good of our children.

-I understand you, my child. Maybe you even try to talk with him? Maybe he could answer a phone from you.

-I will try to call him, later.- she said, noting as Todd runs out of the building and slowly goes toward her. -Mom, I have to go. Call me in the morning, when you get up. - she replied, hearing farewell to the other side of the line.

-What happened, Todd? - Cate asked quietly, unable to look into his eyes. Fear of children passed. She was afraid now of yourself. He could drank, and also be able to ... No, no, that would be unthinkable.

She felt watchful gaze of director. She sighed loudly and raised her head, looking straight into his eyes.

-We gotta talk, Cate.

Todd immediately noticed a worse state of his beloved actress. She tried to hide the sadness emanating from her eyes, but he was faster. Cate founded coat and scarf tucked up tightly. Todd took her waist and said.

-It's not my business, Cate, but I see clearly that something happened. I really need to know what is happening, because that movie... I am talking about this before on our meeting. You know perfectly well, how I see everything. I want authenticity with you and with Rooney. This film will definitely come out beautifully. Besides, we have a new producer, but surely you know that.

Cate stopped looking at the director's with surprise.

-A new producer? I do not know anything. Well, I'm having problems with my husband, Todd and believe me, this is not a good time to talk about it. - she responded quickly, evasively. She was angry at herself, that in time, she could not hide her own emotions from the director.

He looked at her closely, but she could notice from his face, that he did not know how to begin.

A long pause of silence lasted almost forever.

-It's your husband, Cate. - Todd said quietly. He felt how under that woman bend her own legs. He held her tighter and looked into her eyes. Fear. Stabbing fear, which sometimes have simply not be able to hide. He noticed how her hands are shaking. She had shortness of breath. She opened her mouth wider, trying to catch a breath of cold air.

They walked quickly to a nearby stone wall. Cate sat down and tried to calm down. She closed her eyes. It's just a panic attack.

-Should I called for ambulance, Cate? - asked the director, but she just shook her head, and taking his hand.

Fear can't take control over my whole body. I only have children and mother. Children, mother and ... Her heart ached, when she thought about the younger actress. I like her. She is charming and ... I like her and I miss her. I need more time to sort everything out. She remembered the slight brush of her hand. Her soft lips. She felt that girl inside her veins. Inside her own soul. She felt like she is treading on very thin ice, and can not turn back. She could fall and everything will consume into it completely. Cate is taking a deep breath, almost hysterically.

-Todd. Let's talk, please. - she said quietly. She felt like a man pulled her up and took over at the waist. That's what is she liked in him. He looked at women in a completely non-sexual way. He was warm and it was possible to talk with him about everything. He could be able to sense and understand women. It may also thus he was such a wonderful director.

-I'll talk, but certainly not here. I know a pretty good place. All of my people have orders, so surely they can do it and we can go for a little break.

Cate sat down on a chair and slid the soft, long scarf from her neck. It was terribly cold. Todd returned to the table and put a glass of whiskey in front of her.

-I guess that you need something stronger. - he said quietly.

The woman looked around and smiled. She loved the interior of the room. Wooden interior with fireplace. Definitely a good place for serious conversation, than this mess on the plan.

-I do not know what to do, Todd. Everything is leaking through my fingers ... - she paused, took a sip from the glass. The director looked at her calmly. She did not know how to begin. She puffed deeply. -If I told you that from this point I could play Carol Aird almost perfectly with emotional intensity, you would not be happy? - she asked and breathed deeply.

Falter it all before you will not be able to fully speak. - she thought, and drank in one gulp a whole glass of alcohol.

She felt calm gaze of a man. He touched her hand gently. Cate! Spit it out.

-Andrew has a problem with alcohol for a really long time. We went to therapy. Only for the goods of our children - we pretended that nothing happens. But I can not pretend any longer, Todd. Moreover my husband is suffering from Othello syndrome. He controls me, checked me everytime. If I deny of what he said, of course I'm a terrible liar. He believes only in his delusions, which, of course, I'm cheating on him with each of his friends. For example, you are really good to me and help me a lot of today - for him it could be a meaning that there is something between us. No matter what your sexual preference are. And of course he wouldn't believe you. - Cate paused and looked straight into his eyes. -Before leaving - she felt as her voice breaks. -I told him that it is possible that I will go here earlier, but I did not tell him the exact date. He came back very late, completely drunk, as soon as I told him that I'm leaving ... The hell is started. - lower voice of slim women broke down completely.

Cate trembling hands took second glass and took a sip of alcohol.

-I do not want to go into details, Todd. It is very hard for me. My boys happily spend this time with my mother. When you told me that he will be another of the producers - I broke down. I did not want to have a contact with him ... I was afraid the most of my boys, but now ... I do not know how it will be, Todd. - she paused again and squeezed tight his broad hand. -There's something else ... Gosh it's almost like a confession, right? - Cate asked, not expecting an answer. She tried to unload a little the tense of this situation. The director did not ask anything. She could see in his eyes the nascent sympathy.

-I regret that I didn't talk with you before. We should have found someone else... Anyway, I think of something, Cate. We do not need him to come here. Do not panic. - he answered, and added quietly. -You said that there is something else ...

The blonde moved closer to the director and rested her head on his shoulder.

-I'm so ashamed to talk about it. Todd. We're very closely with Patricia ... - she stopped hearing that her voice is trembling. -We talked a lot, drank a lot of wine too, and it's happened. Todd, I madly want this. For the first time in my life I want someone so much. That it's hard for me to put it into words. It's hard to talk about it, and hard for me to describe it .. Of course, various media accuse that I had many relationships with women. Yes I had, but only into emotional way. However, with Rooney ... I could not do otherwise. It was the first time I cheated on my husband, and I'll tell you, I should feel remorse. I didn't feel them. I ... I have to sort things out by myself. I'll have to go for a little bit to Australia, as we will be have off days of shooting. I ... - she paused, feeling how sobs enters inside her throat. She could not speak.

Todd hugged her tightly. He would not ask anything.

Suddenly, his whisper broke the silence.

-My Dearest Cate, I guess that you know that quote:

"What is it you love someone, you love what exactly, and why did it end or not end? Those were the real questions and who could answer them? "

Her heart beat faster. Love? That quickly? It is impossible. She likes Rooney. That younger woman is so special for her, but nothing more ... So why is it so hardto define it? She felt like she is treading on thin ice. She felt like ice beneath her feet cracks and she falls straight into the icy water.

She knew.

There was no turning back.